One big thing I see about nice guys is a fear of offending a woman. They’re always worried about saying the wrong thing. They’re always worried about making a mistake or doing something which will turn her off or push her away.
Sometimes they censor so many thoughts their conversations are about as exciting as watching paint dry… at least to women who are not subdued on drugs or might actually BE painters.
Why do they do that?
Because they’re trying to be someone they THINK she’s going to like and more importantly for today… their actions are future slash fear based. They’re trying to control what will happen tomorrow.
They’re hoping she’ll give them a chance “tomorrow” if they’re “different from some other guy when in reality, they come off just like every other guy who is supposedly “not trying” to get in her pants… most women see right through it.
“You know that guy who is scared of his inner jerk, well He begins to coddle her. Make her feel better. Make excuses for her. Anything and I mean anything to what…? Release the tension.” Letting Out Your Inner Jerk to Become More Successful With Women
Living in the present means (within reason because there is a balance which must be achieved which can and must be tweaked daily) DOING things which will actually create attraction and in the case of how you talk to women it means yes…
You’re going to offend a few women.
You’re going to say some thing a woman might not like.
You’re going to ask some stupid questions and maybe even give some bad answers she might judge you for.
Two weeks later. Tomorrow. Next month. Next year. When she starts thinking about you she’s going to FEEL something. Whether it’s bad or creepy or attracted or offended or anything that actually stirs her emotions, is MUCH BETTER than censoring every word or thought around her which gives her exactly no reason at all to even think about you. Right?
This is how I see it.
If you offend ONE woman, she just might be a little too serious for you. After all you were only being honest, upfront, and possibly joking with her. How many days or dates can you put up with that attitude?
If you offend ALL women, then just maybe you might want to pull back a little because now you’re saying things just to create something which is what a TRY-HARD does.
“Disapproval is not the same thing as being disliked. Disapproval is not the same thing as, not being unattractive. And being upset does not equate to, not liking you.” Pete White Asks Carlos Xuma Part 2 – Bad Boys, Jerks, and Nice Approval
If you say something ONE woman doesn’t like and you back off, your value to her diminishes. She’ll probably only see you as first, some guy who is only doing something to get in her pants, but also two, because you are worried she isn’t going to like you.
If you say something ALL women don’t like, then again, you’ve gone to the extreme and come off as a try hard who is only interested in hurting other people in the hopes some messed up woman will put up with it. Again, you might want to dial it back a little and stick to topics where you don’t come off as some hypocritical prick.
If you ask some stupid questions or give some answer ONE woman will judge you for, it’s a time saver. If ANY woman is going to judge you that easily then I’m going to say, she’s going to judge everything you do and it’s best just to let her go anyways.
Then again, if you’re doing it to ALL women, then yes, STOP asking those boring questions which only require her to nod her head or look at her phone hoping she’ll get distracted from you.
My point, all be it long and never-ending as I think about it all, is…
Putting way too much emphasis on the outcome or the future or all the “what if’s” which are related to “fears” makes it seem like (to her at least) that you’re trying WAY too hard.
Like you’re doing everything to attract her instead of just creating or allowing a natural attraction to happen.
Preparation is good. Knowing what to do in certain situations is great. Having a plan can keep you on track. Knowing what responses to give to create better conversations or what questions to ask which stirs her emotions is also good.
However, working on those things for tomorrow rarely ever works because TODAY is what matters.
NEVER TRY TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN. Just DO things which give better results.
“We must change our approach to dating and reconsider, actually reinvent what a date is supposed to be…” Throw Out The Dating Rules Book – Focus On Excitement and Fun
You don’t try to make her like you.
You DO things which attract most normal somewhat mentally healthy women.
This difference would be… dating. You think a woman “needs” a date so you set up dinner, maybe a movie, maybe even find something fun to do together so she’ll see how cool you are.
What you’re actually doing is TRYING to get her to like you by giving her what you think she wants in order to be courted.
However, when you DO something today to get better results dating becomes something else not defined by rules.
Strange as it sounds, I think we need to live more short-term when it comes to attracting women.
Stop worrying she won’t like you.
Start doing things which allow attraction to happen.
Don’t be at all surprised how many women can handle it. Don’t be at all surprised how strong women really are.
Don’t be at all surprised if a woman responds more positively to a heated 45 minute discussion where you’re bumping heads over a three-hour dinner and a movie where you’re hoping she’ll let you kiss HER at the end of the night.
Fear kills attraction. Fear destroys relationships. Fear keeps some people alone for way too long.
Don’t be afraid if she doesn’t think you’re a nice person. If you’re a good decent person and she doesn’t want to see that, then who cares.
Knowing the difference between trying and doing is a hard concept to grasp. If you’re worried, acting out of fear, or doing things hoping she will like you… you’re trying.