Igniting Femininity: 14 Ways Women Define Masculinity – The Preview

Written by Scot McKay - creator of Behind Closed Doors and Invincible and Get Together - Stay Together.

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This bonus is a transcript from an audio file from The Man's Approach.

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Meet & Attract Women Like A Boss With No Fear Of Rejection and No Fear Of Bothering Her!

This is Scot McKay from X & Y Communications and welcome to this audio program on cultivating masculinity as women define it.

What we're going to talk about in this program are:

14 Distinct Ways That Women's Femininity Is Ignited When They Are In The Presence Of A Man:

  1. Compassion versus Destruction.
  2. Enabling Safety versus fomenting Peril.
  3. Calculated versus Combative.
  4. Leadership versus Indecision.
  5. Planning versus Disarray.
  6. Knowledge versus Ignorance.
  7. Influential versus Domineering.
  8. Ambition versus Indifference.
  9. Purpose versus Confusion.
  10. Victory versus Failure.
  11. Choosing versus Chasing.
  12. Strength versus Weakness.
  13. Character versus Inconsistency.
  14. The BIG FOUR.

That is 14 different ways women would define you as a man, as being the kind of person who provides sexual polarity when he is in front of her.

This is very important, of course, because two neuter creatures cannot attract each other.

And therefore, if you want to attract women, gentlemen, you've got to come off as masculine.

Interestingly enough, the more feminine a woman she is, the more she's going to respond powerfully to masculinity.

Now, on one level that occurs to me as odd that we need to even have this conversation in context.

But then again, given the incredible assault on masculinity in this culture over the past few decades, I can see why men really are wondering what it means to even be masculine anymore.

And then, of course, there's this whole idea of machismo versus masculinity.

And often times, we as guys get confused with that and what that's about.

It’s men thinking that what we do as men to impress each other is going to be also that which turns women on.

You know, our ability to drink or do wheelies on motorcycles or have a low golf score.

All the ways we kind of flex our muscles and strut around for each other as guys.

That's something we do to entertain each other and it kind of builds our social camaraderie as men.

And, of course, that's something that's deeply ingrained into our masculinity.

But the way that we reflect that to each other is very different than what it's going to take to turn a woman on.

Now, at our very core, some of the things driving us both as men interacting to each other and men interacting with women, frankly, are very much the same.

But for the purposes of this particular audio program, given that the purpose is to attract higher quality women and, of course, more feminine women in the process, we hope, I think we're going to dive right in to exactly what it is that women find, well, masculine about a man.

What is it that creates that sexual polarity?

So, the first one on my list may be a bit surprising to some of you guys which is why we're going to go ahead and start with it.

And that's...

#1: Compassion versus Destruction.

No thanks to the Women's Movement, in many ways, I think we've been taught that men are the ones who are responsible for wars, for all the bad things that happen.

But one of the baseline concepts that I think that is exceptionally important to get, especially at the front end of this program, is that there are vices and there are virtues, you know, and this is not gender specific.

There are black-hearted men and women.

And there are kind hearted, golden-hearted men and women.

And just because there's a trait, it doesn't mean it's necessarily masculine or feminine, being that it’s good or bad.

Let me give you an example.

We're talking about this idea of men being the bad ones, the men being the ones who bring destruction even as women supposedly are the ones who provide nurturing and life-giving properties.

Well, you see it's not so much that men are the destructors.

It's that there's a perversion or a vice, if you will, of all that is good in the world. If you think about it, evil cannot stand on its own. It has to be a twisted version of something that is good and that creates order in the world.

That opposite — that polar opposite, if you will — of this destructive man would be a compassionate man.

Think of it this way, for every tyrant, for everybody out there who is creating bad in the world, it generally takes a man to stand up to that person.

I mean, even when a natural disaster happens there are guys who are busy trying to keep the peace, restore order, and make life better for the victims.

And then there are people who are looting all the stores, right?

Well, this compassionate man is the “knight in shining armor.”

He is the hero to a woman.

And you don't necessarily have to be the hero to a particular woman per se in a situation like when she's run out of gas or has a flat tire or something, although that's great.

You can be the hero to another population of people.

And it will literally turn women on.

This is why when you have guys who are working for nonprofit organizations out there trying to save the world, they often have just incredibly sharp, beautiful and indeed kindhearted women at their sides.

Even more so, often, than the guys who are the, you know, rich, studly guys that we, as "macho guys" often associate with getting high quality women.

Women want the compassionate man.


Because the compassionate man is masculine.

And it doesn't take much logic to deduce that guys who are looting stores after a hurricane or guys who are going around trying to commit genocide aren't exactly turning women on sexually.

So, what's the second one on my list?

Well, it kind of goes along with first one, following it very logically.

And that's...

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#2: Enabling safety versus fomenting Peril.

Now, there's a bit of a difference between the second one and the first one.

And I want to go ahead and clarify that.

Whereas, we're talking about in the first one, compassion versus destruction, actually helping people and having a heart for other people — and being able to understand what they're going through, and wanting to make good happen in the world versus tearing down other people and hurting other people — this is all about the zone that you're creating for women.

Now, famously, one of the “Big Four” that I always talk about is helping a woman feel safe and secure in your presence:

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Okay, well, this is actually very, very much in tune with the whole idea of igniting a woman's femininity with masculinity.

You've got to be able to build a cocoon around the woman and have her not only feel like everything's going to be okay, but everything's going to be okay precisely because you're the one who is in charge.

You're the one who is present.

You see that?

Now, this is different than being a guy who creates a sense of uneasiness in her whenever she's around him.

In other words, the kind of tension that can be cut with a knife.

You never know what he's going to do next.

Alcoholic guys are infamous for being this kind of person.

That's not going to be attractive to a woman.

That's not going to make her sexually turned on for you.

But when you take away all the danger – and guys make no mistake, some of that danger may be how you're presenting yourself.

I said it before, I'll say it again.

The guy that a woman needs to be "protected" the most from when she's with him is often the guy she's with.

So, you've got to be this guy who is creating this calmness, this safety, the safe haven for her.

And that will turn women on because women want to be freed up to be feminine.

They don't want to have to worry about their own safety. That is why they've got a guy around.

And you know that in and itself brings up a pretty good point.

What is it about masculinity that ignites femininity?

Well, it's what's necessary to a woman to complete her feminine persona.

Everything we're talking about here is going to be exactly that — what she needs to bring out the feminine in her.

And I think what we've just talked about is no exception.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#3: The third one on the list is Calculated versus Combative.

Think about the guy who loses his cool.

Every time something bad happens, he just wants to go after who did it. He kind of goes off the handle. He's kind of a loose cannon. He just wants to have fights with people.

Meanwhile, the person who's calculated goes about fixing things in a very orderly manner. He keeps his head when all about him are losing theirs.

And if you've ever read the very famous 19th century poem by Rudyard Kipling called "If", then, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

(Rudyard Kipling on Amazon.)

That entire poem is about what it takes to be a man.

And that's the first line of it.

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,"

And the last line of the poem is

"...then you will be a man my son."

And see, here's the thing.

Women don't want you to go start fights and beat people up and start arguments with people when you're out together.

That's humiliating to women.

Why is that humiliating to women?

Because it's basically a public demonstration that the supposed man she's with is really a little boy. There's no maturity.

There's no refinement.

A man, yes... he fixes things.

Women like guys who fix things.

Now, they don't necessarily like guys who are always trying to fix them, but they do like guys who are fixing things around the environment, keeping order.

And if you can do that with your head screwed on straight, you're going to make women horny.

I mean it sounds funny to say, but it's true.

Any time you hear a woman say, "you're amazing”, often times it’s because you just did something that generally ameliorated the situation, made it better because you did something that was calculated.

And think of it guys.

When was the last time you really fixed something -- made something better -- by being combative?

It generally doesn't happen, does it?

The first guy who loses his cool in any situation is generally the guy who loses whatever interaction or whatever conflict, if you will, is going on.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#4: The fourth one on my list is Leadership versus Indecision.

We talk time and time again about being The Leading Man. Our entire program on relationship management is called that.

Because why?

Women respond to men who lead.

They're hardwired to do it.

In an incredibly striking example, I had a guy here for a Ten-Plus Live Program and he went and approached a very strong-willed woman, a woman with a very tough personality.

And when I talked to her after the whole interaction, basically she said,

"How come guys just don't tell us what to do? I mean we can't stand when guys are wishy-washy. When they don't know what's going to happen next, when they can't make a decision."

Guys, even the most strong-willed women want you to lead. Even women with leadership skill want a leader of leaders as a male partner.

Former CEO of General Electric, Jack Welch, famously said one time, "A bad decision is better than no decision."

And you know, I think most women would agree with that.

I mean women will forgive you for making a decision on something that, you know, maybe doesn't turn out as well as it could have.

I mean, maybe not something that puts you into a position of being dangerous, not a bone-headed decision.

But you know, if the restaurant isn't as good as other people said it was and you went on their recommendation, women are still glad you made that decision.

But she contrasts that with a guy who can't make a decision.

Now, the classic is putting her in the passenger's seat of your car and saying,

"Okay, now that we're on the date, where you want to go? I'll take you anywhere."

Well, in the case of that strong-willed woman who had interacted with a guy who came here for the Ten-Plus Live Program, she said,

"The next time that very thing happens, I'm going to tell him to take me to the drugstore and I need tampons. That's what we’re going to do."

And I kind of laughed out loud, but that just shows the frustration women feel when you, as a guy, don't pick-up that masculine mantle of leadership.

As a potentially stunning example of what I'm talking about here, the next time you're out at a restaurant, try this.

As soon as you see something that looks good to you on the menu, shut the menu.

Put the menu on the table and continue the conversation with the woman you're with.

Watch her take notice of that.

You made a decision, because it really isn't a life changing decision.

It's not something you really have to spend a lot of time on anyway.

You find something good to eat, you go with it.

You're efficient and this makes women just hot for you.

It really, really does.

As a matter of fact, it makes you come off more masculine in that character driven, true depth sense of what a man really is all about, even to people you're in business with.

If you're one of these guys who takes customers to lunch, or, you know, pretty much spends anytime at lunch with your co-workers actually, try that same strategy—just buying something in the menu and going with it.

And watch everybody at the table kind of respect you just a little bit more.

Because men make decisions and they do it quickly.

It's a matter of being a solid leader.

If you don't know how to make a decision, you can't lead anybody else.

In every family, there's this one guy that whenever the family is in crisis — and I'm talking about an extended family here — there’s this one guy who knows how to make the decisions and everybody looks to that guy in every family and says,

"What are we going to do?"

You want to be the guy everybody looks to and says, "What are we going to do?"

And I'll tell you something.

If you are that guy, your woman is going to be incredibly proud to be associated with you.

She's going to be incredibly proud to be your partner, because again, that's something that frees a woman up to be feminine. She doesn't want to have to make all these decisions.

She wants you to do it.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#5: The next one on the list is, Planning versus Disarray.

Now see, where leadership and indecision talked about this whole idea of what are we going to do right now, it's this planning versus disarray that talks more about the future, right?

It's this whole idea of, "Do I know how this is going to go? Do I have a vision of how this is going to work? Or am I just winging it? Is everything I'm doing in a state of disarray?"

Guys whose lives are a mess cause women to nag.

And why do women nag?

Well, women nag generally because they feel like they are having to pick up something that they feel like a guy's masculinity should be taking care of.

If you are being nagged by the woman in your life, something is deficient in the masculinity or the brand of masculinity, as it were, that turns women on.

You're not igniting femininity.

You're frustrating femininity.

Igniting would be to accentuate and heighten, whereas to frustrate would be to keep down and to limit.

When was the last time you were frustrated?

Why were you frustrated?

Because you were kept down and limited.

You see how that works?

You see how much sense that makes?

Guys, you've got to have a plan.

You've got to have a plan for a date.

You've got have a plan for the day.

You've got to have a plan for anything you have going on in your life.

You should even have a plan for when you're going to get your car washed or your lawn mowed.

You should have a plan for how your place is laid out.

Anything in your life that is in a state of disarray is something that's a potential turn off to a woman…anything.

Meanwhile, if you've got things handled, that's something women like. I'm sure you've heard that before.

And if you can say, "Hey, I got it. It's all under control, it's taken care of."

That's a man with a plan and that's a man who just made a woman a little bit more turned on towards him.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#6: Next is Knowledge versus Ignorance.

Now, first of all, this is not to be confused with any discussion about intelligence per se.

Obviously, both men and women can be intelligent human beings.

That's not gender specific. What we're talking about here is knowing very specific bits of information that help out whenever the need arises for that information, okay?

In other words, if you're ignorant, if you've made no effort to even try to know something, then that's not going to come off as that kind of masculine inquisitive nature that women really like to see.

Now, I'll give you an example of this.

When my wife Emily and I went to Italy I didn't know much Italian, but I am fluent in Spanish.

So, after just a very little bit of time in Italy, I was able to see similarities between the two languages and started forming sentences in Italian to help us, basically, make our way around Italy that much easier.

And see, Emily can speak fluent Spanish too, but she appreciated the fact that I was the one who went and sought that particular knowledge to help guide us through Italy.

Now, similarly, when we've gone on other trips, I've gone and figured it out ahead of time before we’ve even left how to get from the airport to the city center and things like that.

And Emily has always appreciated that I went and sought out that knowledge to help make things flow better.

See, a part of that is the planning process, but also the simple fact that you can bring effect to it out of nowhere in any situation, even if it's an unplanned situation.

That's going to make a woman stand up and say, "Now, that's what a guy is all about," versus saying, "Oh, I don't know."

Man, you want a mood killer when it comes to women? start saying "I don't know” more often.

Just say it.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#7: The next one on my list is Influential versus Domineering.

Now, I want to spend some time on this one because there's this faction within men's dating advice that's trying to teach men how to be more "dominant."

In other words, you're kind of lording it over other people.

That's what I hear in the word, "dominant."

We talk about being an alphamale; we talk about kind of being the head of the pack; we talk about being the dominant guy; the AMOG, you know, alpha-male of the group or whatever you want to call him.

I'm not so sure that he is dominant in the purest most baseline sense of the word. I think he's more influential.

I'd say without hesitation that it's the guy who can get people to follow him because they want to, because they feel drawn to him, who's going to be more sexually appealing every single time to a woman than a guy who basically bullies people, a guy who forces people to be in compliance with them lest he beat them up or strong-arm on them some way.

Now I'm going to take this one step deeper for you. I want you to think about this.

Babies, little children, have to be dealt with in a domineering manner when they're young, because they don't have formal operations logic before age of seven to be able to reason with them in terms of leading them towards doing what we want.

In other words, "Mom, can I have a soda? "No, you can't have a soda." "Why?" "Because I said so."

Now, noticed I said “mom”.

These are matronly actions, mothers raising young children.

Could it be that being domineering is actually a feminine trait?

Think of it this way.

If a woman is in charge of you, she's going to start thinking of you more like a child than a lover. She's going to start acting more like she’s your mother than someone who is sexually attracted to you.


Because domineering is feminine. And it's motherly. It's matronly.

Now, if you're a man of influence, you're a man who's going to go far in life.

Women aren't attracted to the school bully guys.

They're attracted to the guy who is winsome enough to have that kind of charisma we're talking about where others are naturally drawn to him.

Women do indeed buy on the approval of others, and how do men get approval? They get approval by leadership. They get approval by changing the world and affecting the minds and hearts of other people towards helping them achieve their plan.

Sure, all of these are starting to fit together, aren’t they?

But if I just say to you, "well, just lead and have a plan and make people like you" you guys are going to come back and say, "Well, there's not enough flesh on those bones, McKay. I need to know more about what it is that women really want in a masculine man."

And that's why we're having this conversation.

We're picking this apart.

Guys don't be domineering.

Don't be a bully and expect women to be sexually attracted to you.

Be that charismatic man of influence.

Help people understand that they're better off if they consider your idea. Help people think maybe that your idea was their idea.

If people agree with one of your ideas and they're adding something positive to it, praise them for that.

Be the person who's all about making other people look better.

Be the person other guys want to be like.

That is influence.

That's not bullying people.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

#8: Next one, Ambition versus Indifference.

Now, we talked about leadership versus indecision.

We talked about planning versus disarray.

Ambition is the far flung a goal.

How do you picture your whole life?

It's not a decision in the moment.

It's not having a plan for what's going on right now.

It's vision.

It's seeing the future and having the power as a man to be able to bring it to fruition.

Pretty much, that's it.

Now, what's the opposite of that?

The opposite of that is staying at home with your mommy until your aged 50 and playing Xbox all day, not caring what you do with your life and basically not having any ambition at all.

Women do not want a guy who has no vision of their future, because that way they're not going to have anything to hitch their future too.

They want a man who is a leader.

They want a man who's got a plan and they want a man who's got a big plan for a long time ahead if they're going to get in any kind of long term relationship with him.

Hey guys, listen up.

I know high quality women who have guys in their life that the like and that they're attracted to, at least in terms of his looks and other things about him, but when the chips fall on the table, that guy gets broken up with because he does not have the big plan for the future.

This is a huge reason why older men end up with younger women, because guys who are younger don't have that sense of ambition yet.

Meanwhile, if you listen to this and you're in your early 20's, or even your late teens and you do have some ambition, you can expect to go a long way with women.

Indifference is a killer.

Now, let me qualify that, because I know there are some guys out there who talk about being indifferent as kind of a way to attract women.

That's being indifferent towards the outcome with that woman.

That's not general indifference about your entire life, so I want to make that perfectly clear.

(go back to the list of masculine ways)

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This bonus was just one of the many you get while a member of DiaLteG™ and was written by Scot McKay.

You also get:

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  • Mental Foreplay All Day Long
  • Social Circle and Workplace - Session Six
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