Remember this question from a few posts ago…?
How do I build myself into a secure man who acts from the universally attractive indifferent attitude better said as, “I can take her or leave her.” without turning into a cold-hearted prick?
I mentioned how some too many guys are afraid of becoming that guy. Something I once was.
This post is not about becoming him but it’s about getting over your fear of becoming that guy and there is a remarkable difference.
Letting out your inner jerk is not my way of telling you to be an ass and to starting manipulating and treating women like shit so a few definitions are needed here.
What is a secure man?
I define it as a man who acts with in many areas of his life but that’s not all.
He also presents to the world a man, who feels strong enough in who he is to keep a woman in his life.
He’s not jealous.
He’s not constantly wondering where she is or what she is doing.
He’s not afraid of being proved wrong.
In fact he thrives on the constant testing of his own beliefs.
He shows strength to defend his opinions modestly along with the understanding each and every one of us has their opinion.
I understand this post is not entirely about security therefore the best definition I’ve come across is here. Signs Of Security. When this topic inspires me to write from my own experiences you’ll be the first to know.
Your inner jerk is a little too secure so let him out.
What is indifference?
Indifference is a side effect.
It’s something you can not claim to have.
I believe it’s an energy we feel from people who live in the present primarily and show a fearless attitude.
But you don’t have to be a cliff diver or a mountain climber to live a fearless life.
Often it’s the little things that make the biggest ‘difference’ here.
Your inner jerk is indifferent to his indifference so let him out.
What type of guy has a “Take it or leave it” attitude?
He is a person with choices.
He is often laid back and relaxed with an optimistic view of his world.
He understands something will come along or when his luck is bad there’s some good luck around the corner.
He is by far a man, a secure man if you will, who does NOT take things personal.
Your inner jerk often regards a personal attack as their problem so let him out.
My definition of a cold-hearted prick or your inner jerk in this case is a little more complicated.
This in so many ways depends on who you are and your definition of what is bad and what is good. Disregarding the illegal and purely focusing on our personal social rules we believe in…
Your inner jerk is the man inside you who is not afraid to burn any interaction out of a fear.
This is the guy who has little trouble saying ‘no’ to others when asked a favor.
This is the man who will upset those who take your views personal.
This is the guy who will tell it like it is despite what an attraction feels about it.
This is the guy who can sit back and let another fail because he knows what’s best for them…
I could go on but I’m sure you’re getting the point.
If you have a fear of becoming that jerk I hear you.
Who really wants to piss people off. Who really wants the important people in our lives give us that look of disappointment.
Who wants to risk losing someone in our lives because we acted like a jerk. Who really wants to watch or even revel in another person’s failure.
But personally I was so incredibly scared of becoming that jerk I always acted out of fear.
My actions were not unlike a scared boy clutched on his mother’s dress and clinging for safety. Although the situations will vary in our adult life, the image of a poor lonely scared boy is still there.
Take this real situation.
I’m out with a woman and playing pool. She is absolutely terrible. I pull back my skills to keep it a game which is perfectly fine but then I feel bad because I keep winnings so I Try to give her pointers and I get frustrated when she can not get it right.
It’s not that I think she’s bad at it, she just has never really played before.
I feel worse and worse each time she screws it up.
My old self. You know that guy who scared of his inner jerk, well He begins to coddle her. Make her feel better. Make excuses for her. Anything and I mean anything to what…?
Release the tension.
The inner jerk creates tension and most of us can not stand to be around tension. Which is great right? Who wants feel the tension of staring down an angry crowd.
But there is there’s no angry crowd looking to chase us down.
This tension can and should be handled as a mature adult and someone who is not afraid to see someone fail because,
A. He knows it is better for them and…
B. Most importantly, it’s not an angry crowd.
Sure the feelings are similar but the situation is not.
The gut reaction for me was to be afraid of his inner jerk and is clinging to his mother for safety. I felt more safe with the coddling and the releasing of the tension.
To me that is what my inner jerk represents to me… A scared little short guy.
Here’s a post about attracting girls even if your short. I’ve included it because I like this quote although I don’t necessarily agree with everything in the post itself.
I’ve noticed that a lot of short guys develop a VERY strong presence by having cultivated that inner badass.
Now, I’m not saying you should become a jerk… but just try to balance out that inner nice guy.
Next thing to do long term is to GIVE UP any approval-seeking.
Who cares what women think of you? Go through life doing what you want and being who you are. (That is so key by the way… those guys I list above were players exactly because they went through life doing what they wanted and being true to who they were.)
You see, short guys who are badasses really have a bit of an advantage. Because of their stature, they automatically are able to have more rapport with chicks (who tend to be short themselves) than the guys who are beanpoles. And when you add to that a bit of a “badboy” element, it makes chicks dripping wet with attraction.
The bottom line is this: only if YOU feel uncomfortable with your height will it affect you with the girls. If you feel completely comfortable with your height, then they will too.
In the world of attraction things are little different.
I was not afraid of the tension caused by my failures with women. I failed so many times it felt more natural to fail than it did to succeed.
Failure was literally my friend. Always there for me, reliable, and predictable.
Failure was MY hugging and coddling close to my mother’s leg.
What I was really afraid of was success. Success meant tension and an uncertain outcome. ( What do I do? What do I say? What if this? Will she like me more if I release the tension by making her feel good? )
Success felt uneasy as I’m sure it feels the same way for everyone who fails often…
Especially when it comes to attracting women.
Strangely enough success also meant to me ( because at the time I thought only jerks got the women they wanted ) that success also meant there’s was a possibility I was letting my inner jerk out of the box I had confined him to.
I let out my inner jerk long ago and sure it has increased the tension around women. But by letting him out I noticed a huge dynamic shift in the way women reacted to me.
No fear meant more success.
More success meant success began to feel just as natural or even more than my past failures.
I am again, in no way telling you to start acting like some jerk. I’m asking you let that guy out you think is a jerk because he’s the one who is the most secure, right or wrong?
He’s the one who couldn’t care less about the outcome.
He’s the one who can take or leave any one person when they want nothing to do but affect your world negatively.
And he’s the one who isn’t afraid of tension.
Finding that balance as John mentions requires you to let him out.
Did you know you can turn any of the jerk qualities that attract women and use them for yourself, without becoming a jerk yourself? I show you how right here –> How to use the bad boy ways to nicely attract women.
You can also check out the famous Secret Method of the Bad Boy by Carlos Xuma. Definitely recommended for any nice guy who wants to let out his inner jerk without being an ass.