I grew up “feeling” ugly but that doesn’t mean I was…
My looks were more of an internal struggle.
Of course I didn’t help it much with my 80’s glasses and a weak gummy smile due to a very large gap between my two front teeth. 😀
When you don’t feel very good-looking you might assume like I did, that looks have everything to do with getting women.
We look around and see so many better looking guys with the more attractive women and I believe we’re more likely to notice what we think can’t have or want to possess.
But that’s how we’re brought up.
During our teenage years where we find people struggling to find themselves, superficiality and shallowness are to be expected.
It’s only when we age are we really allowed to discover more of what lies beneath a look or a fad or even a cool looking car.
But some of us carry those beliefs with us forever. Even into our 30’s and 40’s when we’re expected to be settled down.
And rightfully so because…
Looks DO matter. They just don’t matter in the same sense we’re accustomed to.
On a blog post titled “Looks Don’t Matter but Appearances Do” Allan makes a few great points about appearances and I want to commend him on them.
However he started out accusing the world of being shallow and superficial.
I ask, is it so wrong to consider looks as a prerequisite for dating?
Attractive people have the appearance of looking healthy. And isn’t it pre-programmed into our genes to produce healthy offspring giving them the best opportunity to survive?
Attractive people also have certain advantages in business.
They found people are more likely to invest money in someone whose face is generally perceived as trustworthy, even when they are given negative information about this person’s reputation.
Looks Matter More Than Reputation When It Comes to Trusting People With Our Money
It’s not guaranteed but it’s practical to believe a woman just might want her potential family;s future is well provided for.
How can any woman be considered superficial when she putting her family’s future first. ( Not including the gold-diggers of course. )
Attractive people are also seen as having higher status.
Scientists are finding that stereotypes are not simply stored and retrieved by the brain, but “are associated with general regions in the brain involved in memory and goal-planning,” Professor Amodio said, suggesting that “people recruit stereotypes to kind of help them plan a world that’s consistent with the goal they might have.”
This higher status often stereotypes them giving them a slight advantage over the not-so-fortunate.
If these stereotypes of attractive people are associated with memory and goal-planning it’s actually a part of our past and future to want to be more attractive.
Attractive people might also be less likely to be thrown in the friends zone.
Here’s one guys thought process.
When I meet an amazing girl personality-wise that is not physically attractive to me, she just becomes a really good friend, and once they are a friend it never changes.
With their perceived better genes, more success, and higher status attractive people are more likely to benefit from what is known as the halo effect.
In society, attractive people tend to be more intelligent, better adjusted, and more popular. This is described as the halo effect – due to the perfection associated with angels. Research shows attractive people also have more occupational success and more dating experience than their unattractive counterparts. One theory behind this halo effect is that it is accurate — attractive people are indeed more successful.
Looks do matter and clear documentation does prove it.
Yet that does not mean if you’re unattractive or if you believe you’re ugly you can not succeed attracting women.
Only if you believe it fully and live by your beliefs will it turn out to be true.
Looks (or symmetry) does matter in pictures be we’re not still life.
Looks do matter because they can represent better health but…
I’ve known plenty of unattractive men and women who were in better shape than I could ever hope to be in.
Looks do matter because they may be granted more trust but that same trust can be used against you in the evilest way.
So in reality it’s all just our best guess until we get to know someone better and even then relationships are risky business.
I understand when you’ve been turned down how it feels like it was all about how attractive you are and I’m positive there are plenty of women who will rule you out almost the instant she sees you.
But I feel you’re missing something very important on how we work.
You’re missing the bigger picture on the male female connection…and that is – we’re human.
We’re not a picture. We’re not a representation. We’re not even brought up to trust strangers.
I believed I was ugly for so long how could I expect any woman to find me attractive.
Yet my beliefs were changeable because I’m human.
I’m a thinking animal with the ability to alter my perceptions of the world I live in.
And so can you.
But you can not do it by ignoring the facts about attractive people.
That won’t help at all. They’re there and looks do matter. If you believe anything else you’re only fooling yourself.
Using it as an excuse will only allow your attractiveness to build a brick wall around you.
The ability to change your perception of the world you meet is how you, attractive or not, can experience the same halo effect supposedly only given to the “attractive” people” of the world.
He made me feel shy and sexy at the same time. Something I never felt before. And when he directed his attention towards me it was fully and honestly. He had a confidence about him that I never saw in any other man. His confidence came from knowing what he wanted without being afraid of it.
Nowhere in the quote above does she say – “He was so good-looking I…”
Notice she also says “he made me feel shy and sexy.”
She doesn’t say he’s sexy and it turns me on.
Something about him made HER feel sexy. Which has nothing to do with how you look.
When you see how your confidence can be gained from many areas of your life – you’re changing how you see the world.
Suddenly (sure looks matter) but that’s not going to keep you from enjoying success.
The confidence women are attracted to rarely ever comes from being overly cocky about how good you are with women or how many women you have had sex with.
If you can gain the confidence women seek without every having success with women than you can to change all your perceptions on what it takes to create your own “halo” effect.
So your looks DO matter – Now what are you going to do about it?
Allow yourself to believe that looks are the only means of attraction…
Allow yourself to believe that “what women want” are only determined from facts, figures, and experiments based on average results.
Or are you going to change how you view the results and striving for something not just better than average….
Something positively different.
In the end, how you make her feel is more about how about how you feel about yourself…