Here’s the situation. You’re talking to a woman when all of a sudden she mentions she has a boyfriend.
You didn’t ask her if she was seeing someone.
You didn’t ask her out on a date.
You didn’t even ask for her phone number.
In fact, as far as you know, you didn’t even show any interest in dating her at all.
But some reason she decided to throw out,
“Me and my boyfriend…”
“When my boyfriend does that…”
“My boyfriend loves that song…”
“My boyfriend has that same problem..”
So how do you handle the situation?
It would certainly depend on how you felt about her. If you wanted to date her you might assume she was giving you a preempted rejection.
But what if you didn’t care one way or another and she did basically nothing for you – how would you take her whole mentioning a boyfriend thing?
Let’s think about this for a minute and all the reasons why some women feel the need to mention their boyfriend more than just casually.
1. She hasn’t been in many relationships.
She was single for so long that when she finally hooks up, her life revolves around the relationship. She has nothing else to talk about or can’t think of anything but him.
2. She’s testing you to see how interested you really are in her.
She likes her boyfriend but since they just got together she hasn’t invested too much in him. She feels you’re interested in her but she’s just not sure. She may not throw him aside for you but is certainly considering what life would be like with you, and not him.
3. She is letting you know, while trying to be nice about it, that there is NO chance you two are ever getting together.
She may or may not have a boyfriend but she hates turning down guys. She understands most men who hear this will back down almost immediately and give up.
But she also knows a guy who is worth the extra effort if you know what I mean, won’t give in so easily. He’ll either step up to her challenge or ignore it completely.
4. She is playing a bad game.
She’s wondering if you would be willing to allow her to cheat on her boyfriend. Yes. Allow her. Some women never like to take the “cheating” blame.
She’ll expect you to take the blame and then will let her current boyfriend know, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I didn’t mean to do it.”
Here are two types of women who will play number 4.
The first one might want out of her relationship.
She probably met you before she hooked up with him but she had her eye on you. For some reason it never happened. She is faithful but is now questioning herself and her choice in him.
She is confused and will more than likely, no matter what you do, stay with her man. But you will always pop in her mind and if you stay close, as flirty friends, there is a chance you’ll hook up later on.
If and only if her relationship fails AND you don’t discuss that relationship with her.
The second one definitely wants out of her current relationship.
She doesn’t care how it happens just as long she does not feel responsible for it. You’re the excuse if you’re willing to take charge and are willing to make it happen.
Would I suggest this type of girl for you?
But you know what?
Just because a woman is playing a bad game doesn’t make her a bad woman. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time it does mean she won’t be much of a girlfriend but I always try to keep in mind that women are just like every other human running around this planet…
Sometimes we do things, especially bad things, because it’s all we know how to do that will get quick, sometimes easy results. Mind you I didn’t say drama-free results.
For some women this may be the only way she knows how to get out of a relationship. Maybe she hates being alone so trudges from one relationship to another.
Let’s say you do like a girl who mentions her boyfriend. You are interested in her and you’re looking for advice around it.
Personally I would start with,
“Oh you have boyfriend. Wow. What kind of man would put up with such a pain in the ass like you? Haha!”
Just to get her “juices” flowing in my direction because that is what kind of “ass” I am. 🙂
Another choice is to completely ignore her words. Assume she is telling the truth and take it from there. But remember if you play into her test and she begins to talk freely about her relationship you will be entering the friends zone very quickly.
But since this is about what YOU want… If you don’t want to settle for a friendship you must not allow that to happen. And if it does end it there and walk away and/or say,
“Listen. I know you like to talk about your man a lot. But I’m just not interested in going there with you. I’m fun to hang out with. We have a great time but I’m just not willing to be your counselor at this time. I’m sure you have plenty of friends you can confide in and if you want to continue what we have, go to them with it, not me.”
Just be honest and upfront and be willing to walk away before a deeper friendship happens.
You have to keep the “in the future attitude” with her and leave it there because you never know what’s going to happen later on.
Relationships end all the time.
Date around and keep her in your “que” so in case something goes wrong and you’re still single, you’ll have the option to date her.
If you let it go and become close friends with her – there’s little chance she will ever see you as more than a friend in the future.