Let me introduce a good friend of mine… DeAnna.
I’ve chosen her to help us understand women because she, and lots of women like her, have had a consistent problem when it comes to meeting men…
She’s an intelligent career woman. Tall and very attractive with an amazing body. A great sense of humor and a wit that challenges practically any man she comes in contact with.
Here’s the problem – She INTIMIDATES men.
This is the type of women most men will talk about approaching, or even fantasize about sleeping with, but rarely will they ever follow through with it. The few that dare fail because they try too hard, act out of need or frustration, or just befriend her because they believe she would never date a guy like them.
Okay so partly they’re right. She’s one “picky” pain in the ass 🙂 but with good reason – the few guys who do find the balls are more into her looks and getting into her pants than they are interested in “something more”.
Revealed below is just one interview with one woman. There are lots of deeper questions and answers in this popular program actually started by a successful smart woman. You can watch the presentation here –> What’s Inside A Woman’s Mind. Marni is definitely one cool “chic” to learn from.
First question – “DeAnna…”
Do you want a nice guy?
Simply, yes. I would love to have a nice guy. But I think it’s a little more complicated then just picking out someone that is nice to me.
Nice is very subjective in my book…. haha.
There are many qualities of “nice” that I would like to find in my perfect man. I want him to be there for me when I’m down, console me when I’m hurt, and laugh with me when I feel joy.
I want someone to share my life with and not someone who’s just “in” my life.
And what about the bad boy. Have you ever found yourself falling for the jerk disguised as a nice guy?
Of course. What girl doesn’t want the bad guy.
But there are “bad guy” qualities within the good guy
Like…. a nice guy can ride a motorcycle… it doesn’t always have to be the “bad boy” type.
So True… or he can ride a bike real fast 😛
Describe to me your perfect man.
Physically: tall (sorry, Pete! You might be an exception though *wink*), light colored eyes, strong arms, nice teeth/smile.
Emotionally: honest, faithful, understanding, caring, sweet, thoughtful, sarcastic, funny, exciting to be around, similar interests as me, intelligent, gets along with other people, is pleasant company to have around, not embarrassing, not jealous, not clingy…
These are not in order of importance of course 😉
Come on DeAnna…I asked you describe your perfect guy. I could have written an autobiography if I wanted to. 🙂
Has that image of your perfect man changed at all in your life?
Honestly, it has changed more times than I can count.
I used to think that the person that I was attracted to had to be attractive to other people as well. Then I thought about how shallow that sounded and I changed my view point on things.
I found that if I could find myself happy with someone for being who they are and what they look like, then it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
All that matters is what I think and what I feel.
One thing that has stayed consistent throughout my life though is a sense of humor.
If you can make me laugh, you are gold in my book. No laughs, no love.
Why do you feel a sense of humor is important?
I enjoy laughing and feeling happy. It’s easy to feel happy when you have someone to laugh with.
But a nice guy, one who you are not attracted to, can also make you feel happy? There must be something else going on for that same nice guy to “turn you on”?
He makes my heart jump when I think about him, and I find attractiveness in humor.
I dont know how to explain it.
You feel attracted to a man because of how he makes you feel, so let’s take two nice guys: One guy makes you laugh but doesn’t make you feel that special something you mentioned. The other guy also makes you laugh but makes your heart jump… So there is something else going on which you can not explain.
Well I would obviously go for the one who makes my heart jump.
I would listen to your theories.
Haha!! Thank you. Okay, so humor alone is not enough?
Well it’s all subjective.
What I find funny and what you find funny are probably really different things.
True. But I can make you laugh by telling jokes and doing stupid things, or I can make you laugh by teasing you or playing games with you, accusing you of stupid shit.
And I don’t just mean me, I’m speaking a typical nice guy. There’s two different types of humor. One is attractive and funny and makes your heart jump, so to speak, the other, just makes you laugh.
I suppose.. haha!
The first man makes you feel good, playful, and the second one makes you laugh, then feel good. The first guy flirts and makes you laugh, which also makes you feel wanted, from the flirting.
Or he shows direct interest to your personality, not your body.
Basically I want a guy who wants to get to know me for who I am and not whats under my clothes.
Do you feel that you scare guys away because you are tall, attractive, and have a successful career you love doing?
I feel that I am an intimidating person, but not because of those reasons. I feel that I carry myself in a way that shows the confidence that I have in myself.
I recently spoke with a co-worker of mine and he said that men LOOK for women who have money. I have a job that makes a decent salary, and I love the work that I do. I feel that when men look at the things that I have that I buy MYSELF…they see someone who doesn’t depend on other people, and therefore I don’t need a man.
But that’s what I do need…a MAN.
Not a boy, not a guy. A man… and unfortunately they are hard to come by now-a-days.
Is there anything that you try to hide from a man you are attracted to, when you first meet him?
I try to hold back the crazy a little bit (haha). Every girl has it. 😀 But in reality, if I’m really interested in someone, I actually hold back a lot of things unless that person asks me directly for the information, or it comes up in some other sort of topic.
The way that I look at things is that if I’m interested in someone, I will ask loads of questions to find out what I would like to know about them.
If that person asks me questions in return, then I assume that they have at least a little bit of interest in me. If I have peaked their curiosity enough, the questions will come up to find out more about me.
If there aren’t any questions, then there aren’t any answers, right?
Again, there’s that showing interest in you, right?
The same way I described earlier. How one humor does just that, and one doesn’t. OKAY… Do you assume a guy wants you just because he is flirting with you?
Definitely not. My past experiences have taught me otherwise. Some people are just naturally flirtatious and I won’t hold that against anyone.
I also don’t go around thinking that I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread, and therefore I won’t let myself think that every guy is interested in me.
I consider myself a flirtatious person, and I’ll admit that sometimes it gets me into trouble. But just because I’m flirting, doesn’t mean I’m interested. And because of that, I assume that it is the same way with guys.
I think flirting is more of a test anyways.
Playful fun can turn into something more dramatic and intriguing than expected if you ask the right questions and play the “game” just right.
So it’s a subtle way of saying, “Let’s play! I want to have fun and I want it to be in a way, sexual.”
Just to find out if you have that kind of attraction to that person.
If it isn’t there, why move forward?
Exactly. But so many men don’t understand the rules, or how to play.
Silly boys. :p
I could just be having a casual conversation with someone and not think anything of it…that conversation turns into good friends, and then the next step after that could be attraction.
Human attraction is a weird and messed up thing.
But I, generally, suggest to men, to flirt first and create the attraction, then move quickly to making her comfortable with rapport. Which is the opposite of what you said.
I like making friendships.
But that’s just me.
I feel that when put into a “relationship” type situation…there is no “getting to know” you time frame, and the pressure of a relationship begins to build.
Do you think you understand men?
Never will either.
Just like men won’t ever understand women.
Hell, I don’t even understand women and I am one!
Men are complicated.
They have a lot more emotions then they want to let on, and it would be nice if they would just let go of that “I’m a man and I don’t ever cry” mentality and just let loose sometime.
Maybe if men showed that they cared more often they would be easier to understand. :p
Interesting answer Miss K.
Why do you say that? lol
I’m curious about why you answered that question by leading in that direction.
What was my answer again? lol
Ok.. I didn’t mean that they should break down and cry like little babies.
But you really want a guy to just let loose and cry?
If he needs to, yes!
Haha. Nice….So it’s not that you don’t understand men, but you don’t seem to understand what they are feeling.
I meant that they should show that they care, embrace their emotions and feel passionate about something.
I definitely do not understand what they are feeling. lol
So they should, 1) show interest, 2) Be a real Man and live up to their emotions, and 3) Have passion?
Yeah, that sounds good. Haha!
Would you understand that man?
Do you really want to understand them or just share wonderful experiences with them?
Share wonderful experiences.
I think if people understood their opposite sex, the world would be boring.
You also believe that I don’t understand women, don’t you? I believe you mentioned that before. But you know what? Before I understood women, the world was boring to me!
If there was only one question you could ask a man like me to help you understand “us” better, what would it be?
Why have men forgotten what chivalry is?
I don’t believe men have forgotten about chivalry. I think that most men are just scared to be a real man.
With women being seen as more equals everyday the man’s role in society is being diluted.
I say..neh (no) … lol
I think that’s a buncha b.s.
Or man’s excuse to be lazy.
There we go.
You know us guys do run into many women that refuse our chivalry though.
Well. I wouldn’t!
Although I don’t like being paid for. haha!
I always offer to pay.
But usually give in and let the guy pay if he wants to.
What are some thoughts that race through your head when you first meet a man you are interested in?
Damn. I don’t know.
Does he like me?
What does he do?
Why is he single?
Whats wrong with him?
What are his faults?
Basically I think about why he likes me….and then whats wrong with him.
So when you are a attracted to a man, he presents a challenge, a mystery…
And you’re unsure?
About the mystery?
Yes. The mystery and the feeling of uncertainty.
I dunno.. depends on if the initial meeting goes on after that.
I like to talk, so I ask questions to get rid of the mystery that person holds.
You DO like to talk, don’t you?
Yep, got denied a job offer because of it.
I remember when we first met. You were dead set on finding out every bit of information about me…
But i do ask a lot of questions if a person has peaked my curiosity,
I get really quiet,
Unsure of myself.
I don’t want to say something stupid.
But you’re a smart girl, and would not say something stupid. It’s all in your head.
Oh, you have no idea how far I’ve shoved my foot in my mouth before. lol
Haha. Well we can wait for part two of this interview for that…
Thanks Deanna. I appreciate you giving us your time today and sharing all your wonderful thoughts.
Through my many and “not well documented” experiences I’ve had the privilege of digging deep into the varied often misunderstood emotions behind women just like this – Successful. Smart. Fun. Attractive. There’s always a “more” to what they’re saying so be warned…
There’s a direct link between finding out what a woman wants – trying to give her it – and then finding only friendships or failing to spark the right chemistry and attraction. This link often leaves us guys frustrated and even more confused.
The key word is “trying” to give her what she wants. Something about that doesn’t always work naturally and it definitely backfires on lots of us more often than we would care to admit.
Believe me I know that sounds crazy.
With this interview in mind and everything kept in context, all we have to remember is, attracting women is more about setting our lives up to naturally create all the emotions DeAnna brings up which gets her to start feeling ATTRACTION.
Hopefully it all makes more sense now and I do hope you’re closer to understanding women now.
It’s like what we both wrote above which I still believe to do this day – SHE feels if we all understood the opposite sex better, the world would be boring. ME, in my life, the world WAS boring before I understood women.
Now that the world of women has been opened up to me I feel more capable of setting things up to really enjoy it all and thus naturally leads to even more women and more options and more fun, and yes even a deeper understanding.
It’s reasonable, and sometimes recommended, to get a look inside a woman’s mind to (sort of) fast track your success. It does make it all easier.
The problem is – How do you do that without learning how attraction works and getting women in your life in which you’re willing to possibly destroy the attraction by posing the right questions… And remember not ALL women are in touch with themselves enough to give you the right information making it all even that much more complex.
Getting past all it quickly without getting bad or useless information which can easily backfire and have you only making friends with women who are now sharing way too much with you (in other words becoming their close friends and not sexual partners) then please watch this presentation from Marni Kinrys, a favorite Wing Girl of mine –> What’s Inside A Woman’s Mind and decide if it’s something which might help you to stay on track with all this information.