Nice guy (friends zone) law #2 came about because way too many of us have concluded women only fall for jerks. It’s only reasonable to see it a few times and make the connection and then assume is has something to do with attraction.
We can be nice “dudes” with lots of great friends… some of them men, some of them women.
We can be the greatest guys in the world who people enjoy being around and still, despite of all these great qualities which make others laugh and feel good, fail to attract the women, or the woman we so desperately want.
We can be an over-the-top jerk. An asshole no one really cares about. We can treat others like shit and make them feel worse, just because we felt like bullying someone that day. We can be the rudest prick day in and day out, and still fail to attract any woman alive.
We can be dressed down, unshaven, a t-shirt wearing, humble guy with a great attitude and some pretty cool traits and manage to sleep alone every night.
We can be the classic nerd in the corner dreaming and wondering why “she” would never have us and go to sleep every night wondering why women just don’t feel attracted to us…
Nice or not. Nerdy or cool. Asshole or jerk… no matter how you look at it, no matter who you are… the facts (generalized or not) always point to one conclusion:
Being nice has little to do with attraction.
Joseph Matthews is not well known for teaching attraction, his forte has been mainly on the approach BUT you’re not going to find a much better explanation than the quote I pulled below,
Don’t try and change their minds… change their EMOTIONS.
When a girl tells you about a specific thing she finds attractive, you must understand that’s not a LOGICAL attraction trigger she’s sharing with you.
When she tells you something like “I like to date tall guys,” she’s not telling you she’s attracted to guys who are tall. She’s telling you she’s attracted to the way tall guys make her FEEL.
Normally, if you ask a girl why she likes tall guys, she will share with you that maybe she “feels safer” with tall men. So in that case, she’s looking to feel secure with the guy she’s dating.
But guess what? You don’t have to be tall to make a woman FEEL secure! You just need to know how to trigger that emotion inside her.
So let’s say you want to get a woman attracted to you – no matter what you look like…
The key is making her feel FUN when she’s around you. If you can make a woman feel fun, chances are she’ll feel attracted.
Because attraction is all about feeling good! And if you can create some good old-fashioned sexual tension in there – guess what?
She’s going to be SEXUALLY attracted to you!
Joseph Matthews – The Art Of Approaching Women
Attraction is a gut-level response to how we make women feel.
If we imagine seeing a beautiful woman from across a room we might FEEL attracted to her. From our view she could be the biggest bitch in the world or the sweetest girl we’ve ever met.
But we still feel it, don’t we?
Sure women feel these same kind of urges based on sight but her real attraction mostly comes into play later on after sight. They are usually much deeper and stronger and whether we like it or not, has little to with how nice we are.
Now if we read that again it might appear we can be pricks to create attraction but it doesn’t work that way. Since being “nice” has little to do with it, treating her like shit has little or less to do with it too.
Another reason we’ve ALL made this connection –> “Being Nice = No Attraction” is because it’s been driven in our minds while we’re being rejected.
“I like you. You’re a nice guy BUT…”
It’s easy to believe “how good we are” has put us in so many friends zone but the reality of it is that the majority of woman are just being nice themselves. They’re trying to lessen the rejection because you and I both know it’s not easy to tell someone no.
Most of the time the ones rejecting us have found a way into our hearts and rather than to destroy a friend women put a “spin” on it to spare our feelings.
The truth is lots of women don’t even know why they’re not feeling attracted to us. As Joseph stated above those kind of emotions just happen when women are feeling something beyond which they have control over.
She will tell us she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship which means, “I’m not feeling it enough to risk losing the friendship.”
She will tell us she doesn’t see us THAT way which means, “I’m not feeling attracted to you.”
She will say she likes us but what she really means is we’re nice to have around, we treat her with respect, but we just don’t make her fantasize about us.
Nice guy law #2 is a big one and until I learned to believe it, see it, and objectify what was really going on it’s kind of hard to see anything else BUT when you really consider all the women in the world and all the guys who they called their boyfriend, husbands, or lovers, you can NOT possibly believe every last one of them were jerks or soooo overly nice, they created attraction.
This is a “friends zone law” also because us nice guys who have spent way too much time in it often try to create attraction when it’s much too late.
We got more and more hooked on one woman and for some reason we think by becoming even nicer to her – or giving exactly what she wants and bending over backwards for her (when we want her to bend over backwards towards us) will make her feel more attracted to us.
When we know from experience that NEVER works…
Because “being nice” or “nicer” or so freaking pleasant we turn ourselves into her pushover go to guy has little or absolutely nothing to do with attraction.
Please take the time to read through all my nice guys tips to eliminate many of the connections and problems with trying to attract women by being nice –> Being Nice– (notice this one has become law number one, it’s just that important)