We’re nice guys, right? We have attractive traits. I bet all of us do…
But women STILL put us in the friends zone!
So what can we do about it?
How we can take those attractive traits and use them to put us on the “right” track with women to keep us out of the friends zone? At least more often than not.
Okay. Obviously this may not be a quick fix for everyone but I feel it’s still a different way to look at this very common problem and fix some of the things which cause women to just befriend us, in kind of a simple “4 step” format.
First we must admit that great men just as great women, are rare.
If we can approach this from the perspective that we ARE a commodity and not just “background noise”, we can get quicker results.
Which leads us to…
4 Steps To Stay Out Of The Friends Zone As A Nice Guy
I realize for some, the steps below might require an education in pure attraction. It may be cost you a little but I feel it’s worth it. Just use the same book I used –> Attraction Isn’t A Choice by David DeAngelo. Just the title alone assumes the number one reason we get put in the friends and that is Not understanding how attraction works and How to create it. This book will teach us.
Acknowledge we are rare (that commodity I mentioned above) just by being here. It’s takes a special kind of guy to seek out this kind of advice and that’s us. Credit is deserved.
Step one is understanding… by learning the skills, living life passionately, and completing our attractive self we are one step ahead of any man who refuses to learn. It’s as simple as that.
In a woman’s eyes we are more than just another dude out to get in her pants and this can be achieved without being manipulative.
Step one is easy but yes it may feel a little strange. It may even be a little arrogant but it’s only that way IF this attitude becomes too external and we’re throwing it other people’s faces.
As an internal acknowledgement it’s healthy AND it’s attractive and it’s step one for staying out of the friends zone because we’re recognizing the reality of it all and we’re accepting help. We’re also willing to DO something about it.
Women seem to always get it when we’re a nice guy but it never “gets us” women, does it?
It’s easy to assume (or make the connection) we’re getting thrown in the friends zone because we’re “good” but it does not have to be that way. It’s not our nice qualities doing it so there must be something else going on which is deeper. ( When it comes to real attraction.)
It can’t be that not one “nice guy” walking this planet has ever formed attraction. That would be absurd.
Let’s look deeper… or from another angle… or accept when CAN attract women and figure out what pieces or parts of us ARE in fact attractive.
Step two is writing down which parts of our personality would be considered attractive or sexually appealing, and which parts of us are more likely to make friends only.
This is the exact list I wrote for myself years ago. You have your own which may be bigger or smaller. Write them ALL down.
Write down the parts about you which women absolutely love or the ones you feel make you exceptional:
- Classy and Cultured
- Attention to details
- Enthusiastic or passionate
- Expert skills in music
Time to be honest with ourselves. What are we missing? What “traits” do we believe would make us more attractive?
Step three is about being honest with our self and writing down those attraction areas where we are failing in.
Here again, is the exact list I wrote in my journal years ago.
These are the traits which I felt ALL very attractive men have but I sucked at. These were the ones I noticed they we doing but for some reason I either avoiding doing or learning them.
- Indifference or not taking things so personal
- Challenging or not throwing myself at every available hot chic
- Body language
- Expert in sexual communication
- Self control in ALL circumstances
This step kind of sucks but it’s essential to staying out of the friends zone. I also can’t do your for you BUT through my examples I do hope you can see how it all works to make it easier on you.
Three words… Three parts…
Connect. Assimilate. Enhance.
Connect the traits we’re missing to the ones we do have and how they may or may not be putting us in the friends zone:
( These examples was what I came up with and I fel from my perspective you can get a better idea of how to do it yourself. If not comment below for more help.)
I know I’m lacking indifference because I’m a nice guy and I care about others… especially women! I’m thoughtful and intelligence and that makes it hard for me to be indifferent.
Next we must…
This part’s cool because all those attractive traits we have can help to overcome or “assimilate” the ones we are missing.
Again I’m hoping my example clears up any confusion and yes I DO understand this is NOT easy stuff and another reason I suggest a real knowledge of how attraction works.
Yet… My leaderships skills, the courage I have, and my intelligence can be the formation of my indifference. I can lead myself with courage to intelligently handle doing without any particular woman I come in contact with. I have the courage to stand alone despite the situation. To hold back or delay gratification. I can lead myself each and every day because I have led others.
Here’s a more direct list:
- Funny and creative can lead to Charming and Romantic.
- Attention to details can lead to better body language and sexual communication.
- Enthusiastic or passionate can lead to better knowledge and a desire to learn.
- Expert skills in music can lead to self control and discipline in ALL circumstance and becoming a better more attractive challenge.
Now, we must….
Use our strong attractive traits we noted to enhance the areas we are lacking in kind of like in assimilate but more of a tool to deduce and realize what’s going on, why we’re in the friends zone a lot, and then enhance our good parts.
I put my feelings right out there. I offered no challenge to a woman sexually. I was an easy lay to any woman I found highly attractive. I can use step one to overcome this and blend my skills of leadership, creativity, and humor into a commodity or that rare individual and unique man.
Another example of enhancement.
I noticed my body language was not consistent with who I was. I was a strong passionate leader who knew how to make people laugh, but my body language said, I’m a shy guy that needs to find a woman or get laid. This caused me to act out of the fear I would lose a woman I just met or didn’t even know yet setting me up for failure and friends zone before I even got started. MY courage and attention to detail can be used to enhance myself enough to over this problem. I just need to use it more forwardly with women as I did in other parts of my life.
I took a little time out of every day to explore, practice, learn, and evaluate where I was to help work out even more of the details. This where we can actually see how it all fits together and how all of our attractive traits can be used to enhance ourselves “out” of the friends zone forever because we’re focusing on attracting others.
- Learn to enhance humor with a cocky attitude. Attractive.
- Learn how to talk to women confidently with the sexual communication derived from a passionate personality. Creating attraction.
- Learn to apply the ability to notice details about our self to become more consistently and congruently attractive in as many ways as possible.
- Learn how to control our mannerisms, speech, and body language to present a full physical and mental challenge to any woman’s advances.
This can all be done with a little intelligence and of course a willingness and the desire to improve upon our perfect self, piece by piece, day by day, to create a more attractive future void of the dreaded friends zone.
We can show or tell ourselves (and hope to believe it) that it’s better to fear we’re not going to learn something from our failures than it is to fail itself.
As nice guys we DO have attractive traits.
Even when I was a complete loser with women I had attractive traits. I just didn’t know how to use them to stay out of the friends zone. They were always there but in the manner in which they were displayed to women or hidden from them was making me that loser.
Getting constantly tossed in the friends zone had nothing to do with how nice I was!
Writing down lists like these enable us to piece together exactly what we’re missing from the puzzle of attraction.
It enables us to see which traits we can enhance which were already there and just used the wrong way.
Obviously these four steps are fluid and can be tailored to each individuals goals and aspirations.
These are meant to help us avoid the friends zone by putting focus where focus is needed – on ourselves. It helps to not externalize our failures and give the cause to something which is absurdly wrong – such as being a nice guy.
The severity of this friends zone “problem” is different for all of us and is one big reason I wrote this –> Eliminate The Friends Zone. Hard to follow? Maybe? But I do feel it contains the necessary steps to help any guy (nice or not) eliminate the friends zone entirely.
I feel having specific goals and using concrete yet fluid steps to achieve them guarantees success in every aspect of your life. It is not restricted to your dating life and finding a girlfriend.
Use my four steps and you will be well on your way to staying out of the friend’s zone, and yet still be a nice guy.