Your first tip in becoming a more attractive man is accepting all truths about attraction. This mindset (or new belief) will have you understanding one important fact – being nice has little or practically nothing to do with attraction. This explains why and dispels the myth that nice guys finish last with women.
You see a woman from across the room that literally gets you hard just looking at her. She has ALL the physical qualities you look for in a woman.
If you’re a boob guy, you start to stare at her tits. If you’re an ass man you stare eagerly hoping to get a glimpse of her amazing butt. If you’re leg man you start with her ankles and slowly guide your eyes up, memorizing every beautiful inch along the way.
Suddenly you’re imagining her naked and quite possibly playing out some raw sexual fantasy in your head of what you “would” do to her IF you had the chance.
But wait a minute…
You don’t even know this woman!
She could be the best woman you’ve ever met OR she could be a total bitch or anywhere in between overly nice and sweet to the world meanest woman.
My point is – her NICENESS had nothing to do with how attracted you were to her. You just felt it. You didn’t make yourself feel it. You didn’t talk yourself into feeling it.
Your attraction was triggered by her physical attributes, the way she moved, the way she caught your eye, and just maybe if you were close enough to hear her speak – her voice.
The same thing happens to women. Yes, she experiences the same thing (in order) although her process differs from yours. They tend to work a little differently after you leave the “just sight” phase and start interacting with each other.
The fact that “Attraction Isn’t A Choice” is neither here nor there for this post and since I’m not in the habit of giving away privileged (bought) information – if you want a REAL education on attraction – go to the source where I studied and just buy the book already —> Attraction Isn’t A Choice. (Sorry I’m not allowed to lend you my copy.)
Here’s what I’m getting at and it’s something that changed my perspective on women and dating.
How NICE you think you are won’t change a thing. Women do not feel attracted to niceness. Sure they want a nice guy, or in better terms – they want a GOOD guy.
BUT just being good does not create any form of attraction.
You can not nice your way into her heart. You can not nice your ways into her pants. You can not NICE your way into making her feel something which is beyond her control. Just the same as you can not talk her into feeling the same thing you’re feeling and vice versa.
(Imagine a woman you’re not attracted to at all trying to convince you you are and you’ll see my point. It just doesn’t happen.)
Try not to misread me here. Being a good guy is a great thing and hopefully, since you’re here, you ARE one of the good guys.
I do firmly believe in respecting women and treating them with kindness. I’m not advising you to become a jerk and I’m certainly not saying that you’ll attract more women by treating them like shit. So good luck on that if that’s what you want.
Nice guys get a bad rap because they’re nice and they’re made to believe (or just assume it themselves) that because they’re nice, that’s why women don’t like them AND that’s entirely wrong!
How nice you are has nothing to do with why you’re failing with women and dating. Sure being overly nice in a manipulative sense can HURT or destroy attraction and sometimes this niceness isn’t actually as nice as it seems:
“Being a “Nice Guy” with women doesn’t work, not because you get too caught up in what a girl wants and get stuck as a friend, but because Nice Guys are typically very, very… SELFISH!
That’s right. When you’re a “Nice Guy,” you’re not really being nice, you’re being
This bad stigma of being nice and finishing last with women is a false sense of reality and if you want things to change in your life and start attracting women – REMOVE this limited belief from your life and replace it with the knowledge of how things actually do work in attraction.
Ultimately, why the “nice guy” loses has NOTHING to do with being “nice”.
Today tip in becoming a more attractive man is NUMBER 1 for a very good reason…
In order to BECOME a more attractive man this myth that the nice guy finishes last must be immediately and completely eradicated from your belief system.
Being nice has little or nothing to with attraction is a perfect start to a new mindset.
You don’t have to stop being nice but you do need to look closely at this whole nice thing and the reasons why you’re nice; when and if it’s causing you to seek approval, appear needy, and using your niceness as an excuse of why you’re failing with women.
You can be the greatest guys in the world who people enjoy being around and still, despite of all these great qualities which make others laugh and feel good, fail to attract the women, or the woman you so desperately want.
You can be an over-the-top jerk. An asshole no one really cares about. You can treat others like shit and make them feel worse, just because you felt like bullying someone that day. You can be the rudest prick day in and day out, and still fail to attract any woman alive.
You can be dressed down, unshaven, a t-shirt wearing, humble guy with a great attitude and some pretty cool traits and manage to sleep alone every night.
You can be the classic nerd in the corner dreaming and wondering why “she” would never have you and go to sleep every night wondering why women just don’t feel attracted to you…
Nice or not. Nerdy or cool. Asshole or jerk… no matter how you look at it, no matter who you are… the facts (generalized or not) always point to one conclusion:
Being nice has little to do with attraction.
Attraction is a gut-level response to HOW you make women FEEL.
This is why you can never convince someone, including you, to feel attracted to someone you’re not. The nice guy who believes his niceness has everything to do with it, does many things to convince a woman to feel it for him.
He’ll try to buy her approval. He’ll try to prove to her he”s a great guy. He’ll take her on unlimited dates, kiss her ass, and do everything he can to make her happy… and guess what?
ALL those things are just another way to try and convince a woman to feel attracted to you.
“I’d say that, on average, if you’re REALLY REALLY NICE, and you buy her lots of extra-nice stuff, and take a woman on at least 20 dates over a 3-month time period, that you’ll have about a 10% chance of her “falling for you”.
… You need to realize that “nice” and ATTRACTION are two different things.”
And they’re NOT related.
Don’t try and change their minds… change their EMOTIONS.
When a girl tells you about a specific thing she finds attractive, you must understand that’s not a LOGICAL attraction trigger she’s sharing with you.
When she tells you something like “I like to date tall guys,” she’s not telling you she’s attracted to guys who are tall. She’s telling you she’s attracted to the way tall guys make her FEEL.
Normally, if you ask a girl why she likes tall guys, she will share with you that maybe she “feels safer” with tall men. So in that case, she’s looking to feel secure with the guy she’s dating.
But guess what? You don’t have to be tall to make a woman FEEL secure! You just need to know how to trigger that emotion inside her.
So let’s say you want to get a woman attracted to you – no matter what you look like…
The key is making her feel FUN when she’s around you. If you can make a woman feel fun, chances are she’ll feel attracted.
Because attraction is all about feeling good! And if you can create some good old-fashioned sexual tension in there – guess what?
She’s going to be SEXUALLY attracted to you!
This first tip is a small one but when taken seriously and respectfully, it can and will change your habits and interactions with women. Say it to yourself. Live by it. Do whatever you need to fully understand it.
Again – no one is asking you to become a jerk. No one is saying that a good guy can not attract a woman.
Women are actually LOOKING for a good guy BUT you MUST create attraction first and that’s a lot easier when you understand how it works, why it works, and the skills and traits you can develop and learn to make it happen.
Thanks for stopping by and that about covers it for today. Hopefully you’re ready for this new mindset so you can start heading in a direction which will work for you.
If you have any questions, comment, tips to help a fellow nice guy, experiences you’ve encountered related to today tip – be sure and leave them below. Oh yeah… make sure you sign up too so I can send more great tips like this one.
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Download all the tips in a handy .pdf file. 70 mostly newly written pages designed for the nice guy to help you become a more attractive man OR browse the older ones below:
2. Women Flirt – What It Means and Why
3. First Move – Make Sure You Make It
4. Disqualify – Don’t Reject Yourself Before She Does
5. Pity Date – Never Ask For It and Display It
6. Buy Attraction – You can not Buy Her Affecation
7. Rejected – Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself
8. Agree Beliefs – Have Your Own Beliefs
9. Learn Funny – Humor Done the Attractive Way
10. Tease – Never Stop Doing It
11. Learn Flirt – Flirting Is an Essential Skill
12. Like Me – Never Ask A Woman This
13. Women Want – What She Says – What She Wants
14. Friend Zone – You Just Might Be In It
15. Body Language – Important Sexual Tool
16. Live Life – Living Your Own Life
17. Blame – STOP Blaming Women and Others
18. Space – Give Her What She Needs
19. Confidence – The Most Attractive Trait
20. Invest – Keep Moving Forward