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18. Give Her Space.

18. Give Her Space. post image

18. Give The Women You Are Attracted to… Space.

One rule of attraction implicitly states, when we chase those we are attracted to, they will run quicker than Forest Gump on steroids.

If you want one way that will always separate you from any pack of needy and horny nice guys better known as the “hot girl’s entourage,” it is to step back and give her space.

Allow her to live her own life. Allow her to make her own mistakes and more importantly, allow her to learn from those mistakes. Allow her to miss you.

And most importantly – She must understand you’re not needy, clingy, and desperately starved for her attention.

“An independent, secure man does not NEED a woman for his approval. He can stand alone and separate of her opinion… Another way to show this is to allow for long pauses between contacts with a woman. Don’t email her right back. Don’t call her right back. How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension

When you smother any woman with too much affection and attention you have little hope in creating sexual tension.

You’ll be that nice guy friend or worse, you’ll be her “go to guy” when she’s experiencing problems with the guy who either keeps blowing her off or has too little time for her.

Let’s not get too deep into the reasons for this approval seeking or “urgent” act of a man who is scared he’s going to miss something. Let’s leave it at –

I’ve been “that” guy and this is a big reason why I wrote Nice Guy Tip 18 – I thought if I left her alone, she would leave me. She would find someone else. I acted out of fear and had every excuse to explain my actions.

The truth is…

Women are not inanimate objects you can keep for yourself.

They have feelings and experience emotions at every level in their lives. They need space and the room to live their independent existence. They also need the space to determine you are right choice for her.

If you’re struggling as a nice guy and despite anything you do, you just can not give her the space she needs I have a few tips for you:

  • Date many women.
  • When you meet a woman you really like, quickly go out and find others like her.
  • Don’t be afraid to leave your phone at home once in a while.
  • Don’t be afraid to turn the phone off during your most desperate times.
  • Restrict how much you see her or contact her to at least half, maybe more depending where you’re at.
  • If you want to call her and you know you’re appearing desperate, STOP and get yourself busy doing something else. I used to journal my reasoning in vivid details. The longer it took me to write, the better chance my sense of urgency would take over.
  • In your weakest moments think of every clingy women who wouldn’t leave you alone and give yourself a hard smack.
  • If a woman has ever told you to ‘get a life’ (yes it’s happened to me) she may not be too far off. Find some goals besides getting a girlfriend.
  • This goes without saying – develop strong self-confidence and build your self-esteem.
  • Always remember to allow any sexual moments to build naturally and never force the issue. If you don’t know how, learn the true art of seduction.
  • If you’re struggling after a recent break up, read this: How to Get Over an Ex Girlfriend – Recovering From a Break-up

As a nice guy, fear is typically the ultimate cause of not giving a woman enough space.

If you’re seeing her now and you’re worried she is going to cheat on you, your fears will actually push her closer to that next guy.

Another cause of not giving her space is pure neediness for affection.

We all desire affection. It feels good. But I guarantee it’s going to feel better if you can hold back a little more each time.

The third cause of a nice guy’s inability to give a woman space is a need to be affirmed.

You don’t feel loved unless she is always reaffirming her love for you. As the old saying goes, you can only be loved as much as you love yourself. If you don’t even like yourself then women are not your problem and will never solve it for you, despite how many times she tells you how worthy you are.

ONE LAST TIP: When your emotions are beginning to overwhelm you and you must see her despite your intuition, come here and start reading until you pass out.

I’m always happy to put you to sleep if it keeps you from crowding that girl. 🙂

Click here for the next tip – Confidence

108 comments… add one
  • Daniel Martin

    Hey there,

    Great read on the article. I really enjoyed it and have learned quite a lot from reading a few times now.

    I have a dilemma just like many comments before and was hoping you could help me.

    Ok so i met this girl online and shes absolutely stunning and perfect in everyway.
    We met up a few weekends ago on Saturday and sunday and I asked her to be my gf to which she said yes (I now realise this was way to early). We spent 2 weeks together and then I got a text saying that she’s just not ready for a relationship with anyone and she’s very sorry.
    We still speak with each other and I did try to convince her to atleast meet up with me to discuss things over maybe I could change her mind as she said she’s still got feelings for me but shes not mentally prepared for it.
    So moving on I came across your article and this had made me realise where I’ve gone wrong but just wanted your advice and help to how I could try and atleast get her backcas I believe there is still a chance. I’ve not made contact with her since 2 days now as Im giving her her “space”
    What else would you suggest for me?

    Once again thank you for writing this article. Really has helped me understand so much more.

  • Cooper

    Hey man, that was really helpful. Me and this girl, have been super off & on, and its confusing, because one day it feels like we really like each other and the next she tells me that she misses me and all but she doesn’t want to be with me, and I think I do smother her cause I text her everyday and that can be the only explanation. I am only 17 years old, but I love this girl man, ever sense the moment we met. And a lot of people are telling me to give up and move on cause of how confusing it is, and i bet you if I texted her today I might have great day, and she might be cute with me, but i’m not because I need this cycle to end. I know these feelings are right, you have to take my word on that one. All her friends are telling me she’s confused and I know, and me texting her all the time probably isn’t helping. I see other girls in the meantime too, so it’s not to unhealthy, but any words to motivate me on giving her space man? I just know shes right and I cant explain that, I guess some people just know when they meet that person, and I know if I do give her space it will go great and I will have a great chance. Any words of support or comfort?

    • Cooper

      And maybe I should give you background. Last year, we had a thing but I cut it off because I was too overwhelmed. I regretted it because I knew I loved her and managed to get her back. plus I was only 15 when I met her, I couldnt handle the feelings. So I decided to to take her for granted and I treated her like a princess, and I loved her with all my heart and she did too for a while. Then, she did what I did last year… she left me due to confusion and things she must not be ready for. The irony is she is the same age as me when I did it (almost 16) and we are both a lot a like. I just want her back man, I love her so much and I just know she is right for me, she is my best friend and being with her never gets old.

      • Hey Cooper,

        Yeah, I know it feels confusing but it’s really not. You’re both at an age where things are a little messed up inside. That’s all. As you both begin to come “into your own” these things are bound to happen. Your situation is not confusing, it’s the emotional side-steps you’re both experiencing inside that makes it feel over-bearing or too much or beyond your control.

        With that in mind – stepping back to see the bigger picture can really help you out.

        Look at where you’re at in life. Where she is. Understand as things come together (life, happiness, direction, balance, etc…) so will the both of you IF you keep in touch AND not let this emotional pull towards her cause you to do some stupid stuff.

        Understand for both of you this is an internal struggle. That means by focusing on yourself, where you’re going, where you are, finding your passions away from her, enjoying life as it comes to you, finding your balance, and all that lovely stuff – that’s where you’ll find your answer. That’s when it will all come together.

        Uncertainty is also part of the problem. You’re not a 50 year old couple who know what’s coming.

        All I’m trying to say is when you both begin to feel less confused about YOURSELVES and more certain of what you want for YOURSELF (which does not include another person) everything else will take care of itself.

        Your separation does not mean you’re going to just suddenly stop loving each other (you know as well as I do that’s not going to happen). Sure you could grow apart over time. It’s a possibility.

        But if it’s not the connection, the space thing, or love that’s broke – there’s nothing to fix or trying to get back with her or fixing something that’s not broke tends to break it or make it worse – realize what needs to be taken care of, are the things I mentioned today.

        Allow her to find herself. Do the same for yourself. Keep in casual contact – feel free to share with her a little and be open to her too.

        Never forget this: each time you both get pulled into each other – where it feels confusing, this only delays the process of actually getting back together because when we put so much effort into someone else, we have nothing left for ourselves. And less focus on YOU delays growth and thus delays hers growth which in parts delays ever getting back together. Right? 🙂

        Don’t think of it as giving her space or time, think of it as giving her the opportunity to find herself or where she is or wants to be, while using the extra time to focus on the same things yourself and just maybe, you’ll find a good enough reason to remain focused and stay the course.

        AND without playing games or using some secret technique to win her back will GREATLY increase the chance of you two being a couple again – later.

        All the best to you Cooper,


        orbecause at such an early age, love tends to make it feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves without it when it’s the opposite (when you give up too much of yourself to another before you feel whole yourself, you’re left with less.)

  • Kevin

    Great write up and I left a comment because I could really sleep.. My fiancé and I were almost planning on getting marriage and then some arguments came along and she told me she needed time and don’t feel like getting into marriage now and she is still considering and giving us a chance when we would stay together soon enough (we were in long distance earlier). But at the same time she told me to give her time and make no contact for a week and let her think and have her own time to miss me as the recent arguments we had made my text and calls annoying to her. Just sharing but would like to see what you think about it

    • I think she’s right.

      I can not comment on what exactly happened because what led up to arguments is beyond my scope.

      BUT I can say when a woman says she needs time and or space – it’s usually best to make it happen.

      Hope it all works out for you,


  • Jackson

    Hey, this article was a great read and learned quite a bit from it.

    She rejected me before and told me she did have a interest in me, but lost it after knowing me too well. She feels too comfortable around me and thinks I am too nice. I have been behaving differently than I usually do around her since I didn’t have contact with other people for a long time.

    I told her I am going to be busy with school so I won’t be contacting her for a while. Did I make a mistake? Should I have just not told her anything and cut off contact with her? To make her miss me.

    Thanks in advance.

    • The thing is Jackson – she’s not going to miss you “that way” unless she’s already feeling something for you. Telling her wasn’t a mistake, the real mistake was made which led up to her saying she thinks you’re too nice and how she’s too comfortable around. What she probably meant to say was, “I’m not feeling attracted to you.”

      For a woman to miss you which will enhance or amplify the attraction – she must be feeling it enough for it to happen. If you’re close friends with you she might miss the friendship BUT that will not trigger the attraction. You’ve unfortunately already been put in the friends zone. To escape you must try my three steps and fully commit to them.


      All the best,


  • Alex

    Hi ….
    I’m in kind of an odd position …… After being divorced/single for 7 yrs I’d always said NO to relationships it was all just sex ….. Until recently when i got back in touch with an old school friend …..back in the day we were very close but I had no self confidence so nothing ever happened.

    She commented on some of the videos I’d posted on social media and we got chatting again….where I discovered she had been separated for 6 months…. I’m a big believer in fate ……..lots of things started happening and eventually I thought this is all for a reason …..so I asked her out (for lunch) and we went out and started to get to know each other again after 22 years apart……

    We began to text alot and I asked her on a proper date …..we went out and she missed the last train home by 7 hrs !!!! We had a great time and she ended the night by kissing ME …… I think it was to see how it felt……if she could do it …….or it could have been to shut me up !

    We begun texting even more BUT she told me she had thought (by my social media exploits) that I was a bit of a knob and although she knew she’d have a great night out I’d probably annoy her at some point ……… she also said how surprised she was that I’m NOT a knob and how much she enjoyed my company……that I had completely changed her opinion of me .

    We kept on texting and she’d had a tough time with her ex and kids so I left her some flowers a little bottle of wine and a cup cake on her windscreen …….she was really appreciative…….we agreed to go out again ……this time on her wedding anniversary ! ……I knew it could go either way …….but I charmed the pants off her (not literally) and we had another great night ……this time I kissed her and I could tell she wanted the kiss and ment it ……I have been the perfect gentleman……. she’s new to being single …….. I’m 7 yrs down the line …….we carried on texting and she gave me her entire schedule for dating …..she has mentioned that she isn’t girlfriend material at the moment and I’ve always said slow down ! Let’s just enjoy each others company……but I’m actually rareing to go ……..I would gladly fall head over heels in love with her …..that is the first time I’ve used that word in 7 yrs

    So I ask again for a date …….no reply but still lots of texting ……. I’m not going to push it again ……it’s her birthday coming up so I make a cake ……I know it sounds weird but it was for a reason…… Her son can’t eat gluten so I sourced all safe ingredients got her a nice bottle of Gin and gave it all to her sister to give her …..on Saturday I sent a text asking if she’d like to go out next weekend as a treat for her birthday ……. nothing all day ………I didn’t send one on the Sunday neither did she ……. I sent a message Monday saying Happy birthday ……..I got one back saying the cake and present were fantastic and a lot of thought had gone into them …… Nothing else ……..

    I’m absolutely gutted I think my taking it slow has still been too fast for her …… I’ve been in her position so I’m annoyed at myself …….I have apologised if I’ve pushed her and left it at that ……. I have other options to go for dates …… I’ve been accepted to go on TV dating show but it’s her I want …….I know I should hold my nerve but I’ve waited 27 yrs for my chance with her and If I’ve messed up I’ll be destroyed …….help me O B wan you’re my only hope !

  • Derek

    Hey I went out with a girl date went well we held hands and kissed then the next couple days I havnt heard from her and I made the mistake of texting her multiple times asking how she is and she is ok, she finally replied and said dude I was at work don’t blow my phone up I don’t like that and I told her those were not my intentions I’m sorry and don’t mean to bother you at work. And she said why wouldn’t I be ok, she told me her car was breaking down a lot, and I told her that and was just making sure she was okay, she said she was fine and I told her I apologise again and hope she has a good day that I will talk to her later. What should I do now?

    • Hey Derek,

      I understand how tough it is to make these decisions early on – You want to show her you’re the type of guy who can be there for her, how you can care, how you’re not some jerk, etc… AND I understand how difficult it is (early on) to show her you’re a good guy without doing the things you BELIEVE will show her BUT…

      Never forget – You should NEVER have to prove to any woman or person that you’re a good guy. It often feels like “proving” something to women overrides our actions and causes us to act needy and at times, desperate. Which as you found out, can push a woman away very quickly and leave her pissed off.

      Read this article I wrote for more on just being a good and how women will get that without having to overstep those early boundaries. I’m hoping it will also keep you from making the same mistake with her from now on.


      Now… What I’d like you to do is to:

      1. Forget about it. It’s no big deal. It happened. Now you know.
      2. Women are VERY forgiving. They might not have a short memory but they’re almost always willing to overlook some early mistakes with a guy they’re deeply attracted to which lead us to…
      3. Remain focused on amplifying attraction. Don’t allow yourself or believe you have to make it up to her because doing that or apologizing more than once or feeling like you must do more because of it will only lessen how she feels.
      4. Do as this page suggests… give her space. You can’t change the past so don’t try to. It’s as simple as that as long as #3 is being taken care of the right way. The attraction is already there (based on what you told me).


  • Abhishek Wakaley

    Hello all,
    I am a 23 year old guy, I had posted a question here a year before from now. Now I am in a worst problem that that, i got replies nd I didn’t follow them, i did what I felt was right. but i was very wrong.

    There is a girl whom I love, she was my best friend. 2 years back we met, everything went very nice. we used to talk daily, we had a very good chemistry.
    but then slowly i started liking her, which turned into love, which i haven’t told her untill now, but she has a hint. as we progressed things started getting bad because of me. I was overreacting, was being possessive, she said she doesn’t have that level of feelings for me, yet i continued to be an asshole. my intention was just to keep things as they were. i feared that she would treat me not as a close person. but after every chance that i got to make it right after every thinkg that i fuc*ed up, we dont talk. nd now she won’t reply.
    nd my life has come to a point that should i live or not. who can be as stupid as me. i lost a very precious person. ppl who help me say that i am not normal, they say I ruined it. but i was just trying to make it right. in a wrong way. 🙁 now again my life has kind of came to a fullstop. I have my studies it is affecting my health. I want to kno should I wait for her nd talk normally, (after how many months or years will it take i dnt kno) but I am ready to wait. many of you will tell me to move on get some another girl. but i don’t want to move on.. nd after feeling so guilty i also don’t want to go to any other girl. I have lost it all.

  • Jay

    Hello, Peter
    Normally I’ve never had any problems when figuring girls out…I met this one girl in January this year and we started talking. After about a week if talking she invited me to come with her to a party. I went we had a great time and continued talking throughout the week. The next week we hung out again and had a great time. After hanging out with her a couple of times I ask her if she wanted to play Top Golf and she said she would love to. So I checked in and said are you still good for top golf tonight and she replied back with: I am still stuck at work and have to do an online test. I said okay don’t worry about. She said I am really sorry. I said its okay. Then she invited me over to help her take her test and we went out for ice cream after. The following week I asked her what her schedule was like to see if we could hangout. She replied back with I am busy. I said okay maybe next week. So the weekend came and I wasn’t going to just sit around and do nothing that weekend so I decided to go back to my old college for homecoming and hangout with a bunch of my friends. That Saturday night she starts snap chatting me and saying pay attention to me with her captions. I said I will try to when I am out. Then she saw on my snap story that a girl had been hanging around me, even though it was my friend’s girlfriend and sends me a snap telling her to back off. I was like she’s drunk you have nothing to worry about. She started sending me upset looking pictures and then stopped responding to me. I text her you’re mad at me aren’t you? She said nope. I said you sure? She said yep, Goodnight Be safe. I text her the next morning and she was short with her text and seemed like she wanted nothing to do with me. I ended up calling her that night and asked her out on a date and she happily agreed to. I hung up the phone and five minutes later she text me saying you’re sweet. I said I try to be most of the time. Her response was I didn’t think that was going to happen after last night, I didn’t even think you liked me at all. I said no I totally like you. That following week she had been texting first all morning and everything seemed to be going great. Two days before our date she text me that night right before she got off work saying, “You’re going to hate me.” I said what’s up? Her response: I had to pick up an extra shift at work and can’t go on our date. I said cool don’t worry about it. Her response: I am so sorry I really wanted to go, but I need the money because I am really broke right now. (FYI, She is also a dual colligate athlete in season right now and has two jobs.) So I said no worries we will go some other time. She said she would like that. Plus it all worked out because I would have had to cancel because an issue at work came up and I wouldn’t have been able to go. So I thought maybe she is just blowing me off and I got advice from others and they said she might just actually be really busy. So the next week came and I had to cover an event where she lives and I said after I get off work lets go get some ice cream she said as long as its after nine when I get off and I said that’s perfect because I won’t be off til nine too. She responded with perfect. As nine approached she text me saying she was really hungry and I was running late at work so I said how about you go get the ice cream and I’ll pick us up some food. She said that would be great. So that night we had dinner and ice cream. We cuddled and I spent the night over at her place. Woke up the next morning she gave me a hug and we both went to work. She text once I got to saying I am sorry I made you late. I said its okay. Her next response was you’re sweet though. Just thought you should know. Later that day I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie that weekend and she said she was going to be out of town until Sunday. I said what about Sunday night when you come back and she said idk if I am coming back Sunday or Monday, but If I come back Sunday yeah we could do that. So I said cool cool. Her next reponse was You know what I really like… I said what? She said That you have spent the night a few times… you’ve never tried to make a move or anything. I said I have a lot of respect for you. Her response I really appreciate that. So I am over thinking well that must be a great thing and our relationship is getting better. So that week I had work out of town and we text and I told her oh this hotel placed chocolate kisses on my bed. Her response wtf? Tell them to back off. This isn’t the first time she has said things like this pretending to claim me when we are not even boyfriend and girlfriend. Its confusing to me and I don’t know if I am being played or not. We have been talking/hanging out for almost two months and I don’t really know what to do now. Does she really like me or am I being the side guy? Today is Sunday and I asked her last night if she was going to come back to see if we could go to the movies and she responded with nope and I said okay. I haven’t contacted her at all with any type of text or social media. Should I just give her some space the next couple of days and wait to see if she contacts me or what? I really like this girl and don’t want to lose her. Please give me some direction on what to do…

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