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How & Why You Must Give The Women You Are Attracted To… Space

One rule of attraction implicitly states, when we chase those we are attracted to, they will run quicker than Forest Gump on steroids.

We are designed as humans to do one of two things when we are being chased: Fight or Flee. One of those two things will happen because when someone or something is coming after us… it can be a real and very frightening situation.

Not giving a woman space – smothering her – being needy and constantly seeking approval – unfortunately to a woman FEELS like she’s being chased.

Her reaction then will either be to FLEE or FIGHT. In the dating world fleeing is obvious, you’ll push her away and/or you’ll break up. Fight is something different but I’ve found when there’s little or no attraction – fighting usually means a nasty rejection because she can not take it anymore.

That explanation alone may not give you enough of a push to give a woman space so let’s continue.

My guess is one of several things are happening to you which caused you to search for an answer to your “space” problem. Maybe it’s one of these reasons listed below:

  • You’re in a relationship and she’s tells you she needs her space. Now you’re wondering how to get her back.
  • You’ve entered a few relationships and you got too close too quick which has caused the last breakup or possibly the few before it. You’re wondering how to stop this pattern from happening again.
  • You don’t understand how giving a woman space can increase her feelings for you. It doesn’t make logical space to step away from her and it will work out for the better.
  • You’re a nice guy who tends to get a little needy with women and you’re looking to erase that trait because it’s ruining or stopping your dating life entirely.
  • You suffer from what is commonly called a “sense of urgency” when you first meet or interact with a girl. It feels like if you’re not constantly pushing it or doing something to be with her – she’ll wind up with another guy OR if you’re already involved with her, she’ll cheat on you.

I’ll start with the first one…

You’re in a relationship and she told you she needs some space.

Woman Asking Space

Sorry to hear that and there are many reasons why this happens to a couple.

#1. You can get physical too quickly.

Sleeping together after a meeting or two and the sex was so great, BOTH of you couldn’t get enough of it.

But as always the case, one of you eventually backs away out of fear or realizing you’re letting your responsibilities take a back seat and it’s hurting your personal life.

In this case SPACE is a good (often advisable) thing because unfortunately too much chemistry and going non-stop like this is NOT a good start if you’re looking for a relationship.

If you’re not looking for one – then space is even better because at some point it will turn into a relationship before either one of you are ready.

#2. It can become a case of instant boyfriend and girlfriend.

This happens when you meet, spend lots of time together, and suddenly you’re a couple without either one of you actually saying they were committed to it. Making for an awkward situation.

This differs from the first one because normally there’s little or no sex.

In this case SPACE again is a very good thing and must happen because without any clear indication or declaration that a commitment is agreed upon, you’ll soon start questioning what is happening taking away from the real fun part of being together.

If you’re the type of guy who finds himself in this situation even one time, it’s too often. If the right amount of space is not given early on OR there’s no clear indication or definition of what it happening – the relationship will tend to crumble and become something else.

Next example – very common for the nice guy and for women too…

#3.  ONE of you becomes too needy and clingy after the initial spark which makes the other begin to feel smothered.

Sometime soon one of you just snaps and screams at the other – “You need to give me my freaking space.”

Number 3 is a clear indication that SPACE must happen and it’s also a clear sign that you or her might be having security issues. You might become jealous easily. You might feel you’re always on the edge of losing your partner.

Take the time necessary to work on your personal issues of self-esteem and you will naturally create the right amount of space.

Did you notice there’s a few commonalities in all of them?

In reality they are ALL very similar and you can see one of two things are happening on your end.

#1: You showed her quickly you’re needy and/or clingy.

You smothered her.

You didn’t give enough space or time between the interactions. You acted from a place a scarcity.

You felt like you had to have her now.

You imagined another guy would come along and snatch her up if you didn’t act quickly.

OR…

#2. Too much chemistry too quickly.

The fire burned hot and bright and the life you had before you met took a back seat.

Whether it was all sex or just lots of dating and intimacy doesn’t matter.

Your time together progressed so quickly you didn’t have any time to think about the consequences.

Almost like you didn’t have any time to think about it making it feel like you lost control AND now you’re worried where it’s going and whether you made the right or wrong decision.

No matter which one happened to you there are clear solutions to this “space” problem and they are not all easy but let’s continue to the next one – because just like the last they are ALL connected.

Your last relationship or past experience with women ended badly because of this space issue – and you want to stop the pattern from happening again.

Woman Yelling Guy Bad Relationship

Good for you! The past is the past and now you’re ready to make some changes. Giving a woman the right amount of space is a good thing for you, and even better for the attraction.

Of course there’s a balance which is needed. Disappear for too long and she could move on. Especially if there wasn’t much attraction going on. Give her too little space and you’re back to the same old problem.

I’m going to tell you right away so you understand. I encounter lots of women seeking advice about men and one of the most common theme is always…

“Why did he disappear? Why does he seem hot and cold? Why does he ignore me? Why does it seem like he’s into me one minute and gone the next?”

You can see that IF there’s a considerable amount of attraction and interest and time invested it’s highly unlikely she’ll move on from that quickly. Sure some will out of spite but you can not do anything about that case, it’s HER decision.

The key component here is to:

Give her a real reason to miss you (attraction and a little attention) and allow the space to happen naturally and the feelings will grow. 

Here are some quick tips you can use:

  • If this is a serious problem, STOP casually dating one woman at a time. Spread out the dates. When you meet a woman you like, find another quickly like her and spread it out.
  • In your desperate times, when you feel like you have to contact her, go do something else to occupy your time. Make it a plan to stop it before it happens.
  • If you know certain times or days are your weak point, be pro-active and turn off your phone or get away from it until those feelings disappear.
  • Be busy, stay busy. Always fill your time up doing things you love without her and enjoy it.
  • Restrict how often you or call this one to at least half or more than you have in the past.
  • Weird but worked for me – START A JOURNAL. When you feel like talking to her or seeing her write it down. Keep writing until you get it all out of your system. This one worked amazingly well for me.
  • When it’s “crunch” time and you just can not resists – IMMEDIATELY imagine every needy clingy woman you want nothing to do with and how they made you feel. Let those feelings seep in and you should snap out of it very easily.
  • Keep telling yourself this: Sexual tension and attraction NEED space to happen. Anticipation is a good thing. It’s hard to miss something when it’s available 24/7.

Those tips work in a lot of situations. (If you came up with something on your own, help a fellow guy out and comment them below.)

Stopping the pattern from happening again can also be simply a matter of :

  • Distraction.  Doing other things you love which keep you busy which is physical and demanding and tires you out.
  • Education. Keeping your mind occupied by learning something new. Find something which engages and preoccupies your mind leaving less room for thinking about anything else.
  • Not investing so much time and effort into one woman. Spread it out. Don’t go all out on one woman. Find many to casually date.

Next up… for those of you who don’t believe giving a woman space is the smart or right thing to do… OR…

You don’t fully believe how giving a woman space can increase her feelings for you.

Woman Feeling Attracted Stare Learn

Imagine for a minute the most enjoyable thing you have in your life. It could be anything from food to gaming to binge watching to sadly so in some of my years – getting drunk with your family and friends.

Got something in your head? Cool.

Now imagine that’s ALL you have and you continually do it indefinitely. Hey I understand some of you might enjoy it. It would be fun for a while. BUT  sooner or later the thrill is gone. Like a drug you’ll build up a tolerance for it and the enjoyment will disappear.

So what can you do to bring it back? Yep, you guessed it… TAKE A BREAK from it. Give it a rest. Allow some space and time between you and IT before you absolutely HATE doing it. (Because nothing sucks worse than turning something you love doing into something you hate doing.)

You know what ATTRACTION is, right? It’s a deep emotional trigger which happens all by itself. You can convince yourself or talk yourself into FEELING something (in reality). It’s an emotion which can be very addicting.

Which also means getting too much of it sort of ruins it because you become accustomed to it.

Now I’m not saying getting married or being in a relationship long-term the attraction will eventually disappear, it can happen, but you MUST ADMIT leering at a girl without ever touching her can make the attraction last a lot longer than being able to sleep with her whenever you want OR knowing you’ll be with her the rest of your life.

The same goes for women and you.

Giving her too much too quick can easily lessen the effect.

With no room to grow it becomes stagnant. If she knows she can have it any time she wants, what’s the incentive to truly DESIRE it?

Attraction needs to build. It must gather momentum. It ebbs and flows according to where and when and how the stimulus or trigger is created.

If you want to create a real desire – start with attraction – give it some space and time – offer snippets or pieces as incentives – let the woman think about it a little – give her time to process the information…

AND that’s just ONE of the many reasons why giving a woman the right amount of space (while other things are firmly in place) is how you grow desire and attraction into something more.

The other reasons will be covered below… so onward…

You’re a nice guy who has been needy with women and you’re looking to erase that trait.

Needy Guy Space Issues

Being overly needy comes from a lot of places so we’ll only cover them lightly and I’ll do my best to keep  it relative to giving a woman space.

NEEDY is a general WANT or NEED of attention, affection, approval, assurance, and love. 

Since it shows up in many parts of our lives – if you’re needy with women you will be needy in other parts too like your job, your parents, your friends, (yes even) your pets; or any time or place where you feel like you’re missing something or could lose something.

The reasons why you’re needy are intertwined with many things and can be explained in many ways – but for today’s purpose alone, here are a few ways to show you WHERE it comes from:

Insecurity.

You feel like you’re not good enough so you do things to try and prove it which has the opposite effect on women.

Some of the signs you are insecure are becoming easily jealous, the feeling you must be heard, over-confidence, bullying others, acting out loudly, demanding too much from yourself and others, and/or a general feeling that you can not or will not ever be good enough at anything. Which of course includes attracting women and being in a healthy relationship.

Fear.

You’re afraid you’re going to lose something or someone so you do everything within your power to keep it up to and including power over someone or something.

Fear is a major motivator and destroyer of people whose lives are run by it. Don’t let it fool you, you’re not alone. EVERYONE is governed by fear unless they have a severe brain injury, the only difference is some are more controlled than others. Some channel or deal with their fears more productively than other.

Some of the signs are: You avoid any and all confrontations. You place it safe even if there’s no need to. You feel way too comfortable being complacent. You have a list of excuses which stops you from doing things.

Low self-esteem.

Being needy is often a direct result or effect of having low self-esteem. Based on Nathaniel Branden’s work (prominent leader in the field) these are his six pillars:

  • Living consciously: Paying attention to information and feedback about needs and goals… facing facts that might be uncomfortable or threatening… refusing to wander through life in a self-induced mental fog.
  • Self-acceptance: Being willing to experience whatever we truly think, feel or do, even if we don’t always like it… facing our mistakes and learning from them.
  • Self-responsibility: Establishing a sense of control over our lives by realizing we are responsible for our choices and actions at every level, the achievement of our goals, our happiness, and our values.
  • Self-assertiveness: The willingness to express appropriately our thoughts, values and feelings… to stand up for ourselves… to speak and act from our deepest convictions.
  • Living purposefully: Setting goals and working to achieve them, rather than living at the mercy of chance and outside forces… developing self-discipline.
  • Integrity: The integration of our behavior with our ideals, convictions, standards and beliefs… acting in congruence with what we believe is right.

From – The Six Pillars of Self Esteem

If you find yourself not living by those pillars to a certain extent (no one is perfect so be realistic about it) then you probably have low self-esteem.

The obvious solution (direction) you should be going to get past this “space” problem is to:

  • Get past your insecurities.
  • Remove any unnecessary fears.
  • Build or develop your self-esteem.

These will directly affect your relationships with women BUT they don’t have to be worked on with regards to women. Either way, one will take care of the other AND all three will boost the other two at the same time. They’re connected in a way which can not be fully separated.

If you noticed confidence was not there. Good call. Although confidence is by far a major attractive trait to women, (something every guy needs), it might not be directly related to giving her space as a goal.

Plus confidence protects those items above. It’s a barrier.

It’s how you handle your success and failures. It just does not fit here for the most part.

Next one please… and it’s a big one.

You suffer from what is commonly called a “sense of urgency” when you first meet or interact with a girl.

Man urgent Screaming at woman

The last one (being needy) is most certainly connected to this one. (Again these things tend to overlap. One causes another while the other affects the first one and so on.) 

However for “learning” purposes or a better understanding of these “space” issues you’re having with women this is separated for a few reasons but in this article, it’s because this is HUGE mistake guys make unknowingly and so it must be singled out.

Also because this is an area I’m an expert in because it was something I had to personally work so hard in my life to get past.

This is how it feels and tell me if you’re there, been there, or find yourself doing the same.

A sense of urgency is the feeling that if you don’t do something immediately with  a woman, you’re going to lose her OR lose her to another guy.

It’s a major insecurity issue mixed with fear and combined with a low self-esteem making it a tough one to get past. Topped on that it’s so hard to see it’s happening becomes a big reason why you might find it difficult to give a woman enough space at the right time, in the right way.

The strange part or (pain in the ass part of this one) is that you feel compelled to do something (anything) to keep a girl, even before you have her, and yet it does nothing to help you actually meet women. Told you it sucks.

So it happens – your sense of urgency – like you’re going to lose her – like she’s going to end up with another guy if you are not constantly with her – doesn’t just magically appear for most. It’s creation generally happens based on one or more past experiences where you “thought” a chic was into you, then the next time you see her – she’s with another dude.

Another experience is when you feel like you’re doing all the work to get a girl and it seems to be going well, then you don’t see her for a short time, and she hooked up with some asshole or guy she “said” she didn’t want… making this a friends zone issue too.

I’m going to tell you upfront THIS reason alone could be why you’re pushing women away and your incessant need to stop it from happening makes it very difficult to stop doing and the pattern repeats.

So the harder you try the worse it gets.

Listen, you’re going to lose some women, she’s going to get with some other dude, you could create some space and she never comes back – things happen for better or worse – but when you’re so focused on the outcome (trying so hard to keep her or get her) you can NOT do the necessary things to assure it’s less likely to happen. That is why it’s so difficult.

This is an area where you must understand what you have control of and do your best to only control that part.

You can NOT and will NEVER fully control another persons actions or thoughts…

BUT you do have control over what YOU do and SAY which will make her going away less likely to happen.

Actually do it masterfully and (again depending on who she is) you’ll either end up with a clingy needy woman who does it to you OR you’ll end up with a high quality woman who would NEVER cheat or leave you for another guy.

Make sure you read my Online Book – Chapter One The Real Secret to Attracting Women & Getting Laid No One Knows But Me because I go into great depth on how all that happens PLUS the control you do have in her attraction process.

Now…

Out of everything you feel or whatever emotions are driving you NEVER forget this:

Women are not inanimate objects you can keep for yourself.

They have feelings and experience emotions at every level in their lives. They need space and the room to live their independent existence. They also need the space to determine if you are right choice for her.

Allow her to live her own life on her own terms.

Allow her to make her own mistakes.

Allow her to learn from those mistakes and if she doesn’t learn from them, allow her to try again.

You’re not here or there to FIX women. You’re not here or there to control her life in any way, shape, or form.

Giving a woman independence in every sense of that word assures you stand out above many guys who either blatantly or through passive-aggressive actions try to control her.

This all too common mistake lots of men make with women which comes from a lack of understanding of how men and women DO communicate differently.

It’s a subject too many guys avoid but by getting at least a quick course in it, can solve so many relationship issues including this “space” one.

PLUS while working UP to a relationship, knowing the differences and how to communicate to women based on these differences makes a relationship more likely to happen. It paves the way while doing nothing more than learning how to listen and how to respond.

Here’s something I wrote for women which will give you the bare basics.

How Men and Women Communicate Differently

Men talk with a purpose like solving a problem or exchanging information.

Women talk to share feelings, increase intimacy, sharing and to solidify her connection with her partner or those around her.

Men (typically) have a clear idea or solution before they share which is why men go silent for periods of time as they think through the process and figure it all out on their own.

Women will prefer to talk it out and gather the information through the conversation rather than doing it inside their own heads. Sometimes if their partner won’t or can not listen, she may go to a friend or family member first.

He prioritizes and prefers efficiency.

She prefers to explore.

Guys will tend to think or believe that when you want to talk to him that you’re seeking advice and therefore will tend to push to a conclusion in the way he communicates. Which is always head-on, tackle the problem as quickly as possible.

By learning HOW to communicate to women you can make her at least FEEL like you’re giving her all the space she’ll ever need. Which is all that needs to happen, right? Space is relative and how much is needed changes from woman to woman and from situation to circumstance therefore it’s easier to just focus on making her FEEL like she’s getting all the space she needs,

Communicating things the right way assures she feels empowered to make her own decisions thus the feelings of space.

Read this part again:

“Women will prefer to talk it out and gather the information through the conversation rather than doing it inside their own heads. Sometimes if their partner won’t or can not listen, she may go to a friend or family member first.

He prioritizes and prefers efficiency.

She prefers to explore.”

Communicating to a woman which will make her feel like she has all the independence and freedom she’ll ever need (a sense of space) means you must:

  • LISTEN to every word she says while not backing into your mind trying to look for a solution for her.
  • AFFIRM what she’s saying with things like, “That sucks.”, “Sorry it happened.” and/or “I hear you.”
  • REPEAT BACK what you hear and NOTHING more unless asked directly to do so.

Sure it’s a quick course. It’s not all of the skills you need to create a long-lasting relationship based on the right kind of communication skills but I guarantee doing those three things alone EVERY time – will assure that you  give her every sense of space a woman might only needs to never want to leave you or be with some other dude.

Here’s my chapter on forming natural relationships: The Final Step Of Getting A Girlfriend – Forming Natural Relationships.

This is a skill and therefore it IS something you can learn.

Read the quote below and keep in mind this is coming from a MASTER of  this dating/attraction/relationship stuff who at one point also suffered from this “space” problem and had to overcome his “sense of urgency” in his life just like you and I.

“Suddenly, I felt like I couldn’t get enough of being around this woman. She knew how to support and understand me… including all of my hopes and dreams… like no one else could.

All I wanted to do was be with her, share with her, and learn from her. Most of all, I only felt HAPPY when I was with her.

(…) It takes something totally different to make “the one” fall for you and want a relationship… a whole NEW set of concepts, mindsets, tools, and techniques than it takes to just meet women and get dates.

From Love The Final Chapter – By David DeAngelo.

What David is saying is that attracting women and getting dates requires a DIFFERENT set of skills and ones you wouldn’t use to find a relationship.

Here are two articles he wrote which will describe what he’s saying more clearly:

Okay back to our regularly scheduled program… give the woman you are attracted to… SPACE!

In conclusion…

A ton of information has been covered today. I do hope I’ve covered some of your personal experiences and over-delivered what you expected AND you’ve found some useful tips to give you more than every reason to give a woman the right space needed so good or better things can happen for both of you.

Here are the major points once again:

Not giving her space will make it feel like she’s being chased and she will run. Chasing a woman must be done right and with care. Think of it this way – It’s good to pursue … BAD to chase.

Relationships need time and space to grow. Anticipation is a good thing. Having someone miss you can also be a good thing. Don’t ever be afraid of creating it naturally. Don’t ever act out of fear or a sense of urgency.

Practice and repeat ALL the tips above to separate you from her and to stop you from contacting her when it’s not necessary or it could hurt things which will stop you from being together. They were DISTRACT, EDUCATE, and avoid OVER-INVESTING.

Space can be a good healthy thing when done the right way at the right time. Understand why it’s good and WHEN it’s good. Avoid dumb game playing or bullshit moves.

Understand where your space issues might be coming from: Fear, insecurity, low self-esteem AND that these problems can be fixed.

They are internal struggles so they are in YOUR CONTROL to fix or mend them. They are connected to so working on one helps the other.

David DeAngelo is my “go-to” guy when it comes lots of attraction techniques but he also excels at fixing your inner game and more often than not – this is an INNER GAME problem.

If this is a serious problem for you – you can FIX it and never have to worry about this space problem ever happening to you again.

The facts are:

  • Space will ALWAYS be needed to create deep attraction in a woman and is required to form a longer-lasting relationship naturally.
  • The root of your space issues are generally (but very typically) coming from a weak inner game but one that IS fixable.
  • You will never know exactly how much space to give to any specific  woman since each woman’s needs are a little different based on HER inner game, how this issue started, and where you’re at mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Solving this problem then becomes quite clear – FIX your inner game and it takes care of itself.

This means learning SELF-CONTROL.

“Master the inner demons like fear, anxiety, insecurity, and unpredictable emotions, you’ll see that your “outside” success with women and dating will improve BY ITSELF.

Deep Inner Game Will Reprogram You for Massive Success In Life And Love – No Matter How BAD You Feel Right Now, Or How Badly You’ve Been HURT In The Past.”

If  your space issue is an isolated incident then you won’t need a major inner game overhaul – this page will do it for you today…

BUT if you’re noticing this is a pattern in your life and it’s driving women away, stopping you from enjoying dating AND killing every relationship before they even get started – THEN it’s time to eliminate the source of the problem by reading and listening to the intro:

Deep Inner Game – Smash Through The Internal B.S. That’s Holding You Back From Success With Women – Fast And For Good.

Moving on – I wanted to re-quote what I stated above because I don’t want you to forget it and it can get you thinking the next time this space issues pops up:

“Women are not inanimate objects you can keep for yourself.

They have feelings and experience emotions at every level in their lives.

They need space and the room to live their independent existence.

They also need the space to determine if you are right choice for her.

Allow her to live her own life on her own terms.

Allow her to make her own mistakes.

Allow her to learn from those mistakes and if she doesn’t learn from them, allow her to try again.

You’re not here or there to FIX women.

You’re not here or there to control her life in any way, shape, or form.”

Understand or comes to terms with your sense of urgency issues.

Do what you can to control those urges. Life will not always work out in your favor. Sometimes bad things happen. However trying to control things beyond your control will make it more likely to happen while the opposite is true.

Communication is a skill and communicating to women a certain way can GIVE her the sense of space and freedom and sometimes, it’s all she needs to continue forward and to never step back and say, “Leave me alone. I think we just take a break. I just need some space!”

Remember – giving her space is one thing but communicating to her in a certain way CAN make her feel like she’s getting all the space she needs to never back away from you.

IF you’re dating lots of women but it never goes further AND you DO want a real relationship BUT you keep screwing it up once she realizes you have space issues – then you MUST learn the different skill set that is required to make that happen.

As above – if it’s an isolated incident – it’s all good.

I wouldn’t bother pouring all your money into something you don’t feel you need because (although it will help in any future relationship) you’ll quickly experience “buyers remorse” because your HEART won’t be into doing what is asked of you.

However – if this IS a problem and you don’t have any clue on how to get into a REAL relationship with a woman so you just make it up as you go along which you must know has only lead to disastrous result…

The learn the different skill you need and invest in something that will pay off in the beginning and for the rest of your life.

Check it out right HERE – Love The Final Chapter. “Real Love Is Within YOUR Reach… Here’s Every Life-Changing Technique, Concept, And “Magic Secret” You Need To Find (And Keep) The Relationship Of Your Dreams With A “Total-10” Woman in Love The Final Chapter.”

Thanks so much for stopping by – sign up below – leave some comments and stories – offer some personal experience advice – do whatever it takes to get the all too inherent nice guy problem of giving a woman space handled and under control.

Credits:

About the author: Peter White – I can help you find, meet, and attract your ideal woman for a real relationship. Live your life the way you want to with purpose and fun. Build a mindset that is free and positive. Learn the truths about attraction. When you can do that – the woman of YOUR CHOICE will gladly join you.

 

Dave here I like the way you communicate, it makes me think. I am what I call a thinker, meaning I am always consciously thinking about something, usually a project or a future project how to proceed about things. But for some reason I never put it use in my social life probably because I was raised to believe only “sluts” want sex and who wants a slut, right? Right now she is looking pretty good. LOL anyway You make me think in ways I haven’t before and it is making me feel better about many things I just wanted to say I am glad I accidentally ran across your site and to say Thank You and keep up the good work. If you want to feel free to use this letter.
 
Thank You again your awesome and your teachings are also, Dave Allen
117 comments… add one
  • Tony Berry

    I met a girl a week ago and already met her mom and she claims to tell all her friends and sister about me. They supposedly all approve of her being with me. I am a 27 year old Marine and in college and she is 18 year old college student, we both stay in the same town.

    So far things have been great, she has:
    – shown a crap ton of interest in me
    – listed what she likes about me
    – doesn’t let our text convos end
    – introduced me to her mom
    – tells her friends and family about me
    – been on 1 official date and 1 coffee date with another already planned

    She has told me about other guys approaching her, maybe to gauge my reaction, but i responded in a playful manner, not being phased. All has been well, I guess my main concern is keeping her interested. She wants to take things slow though she likes me a lot and has already expressed futuristic thoughts of cooking for me, putting on my tie, and waking up next to me. I haven’t texted her today because we texted for a good few hours the night prior and even got to the point of sexting a bit until we both fell asleep. I want her to miss me and I don’t want to burn our relationship out, which she has mentioned she feel is forming. She just doesn’t want to rush.

    What do you think? My thoughts are of these other guys the are supposedly approaching she could be texting them while not talking to me. But that could be my insecurity though she has told me that no other guy has gotten her number because they haven’t come close to me.

    • Hey Tony, I wouldn’t worry about keeping her interest. Just keep her attraction up. The interest will generally take care of itself unless you’re the most boring guy in the world. Which I’m sure you’re not. You’re probably pretty cool because 1. You came here. 2. You were not afraid to ask for advice meaning you’re a real guy. 3. Because instead of freaking out, you thought about it and searched for what to do. Knowledge is power especially when used correctly.

      Listen, she’s 18. Of course she’s going to talk to others guys. She’s in college, of course guys will approach her. You handled it fine. BUT you must never forget being of that age, a commitment from her might be short or come with a price. Women at that age tend to change… a lot. You could easily be out of the picture when that happens. I wouldn’t worry about it though because if you start acting like you’re going to lose her, you will more likely make that happen.

      Another thing, women (lots) will always SAY they want to take things slow but it really means she wants you to decide the pace. Take your time and enjoy it as much has you can because I have bad news and good news. You want the good news first:

      She’s into you. She likes the idea of a mature guy. It’s grounding her a little at a time where life is hectic and confusing. College life man, it’s a ball, lots of fun, but very stressful.

      That’s the good news.

      The bad news is she might be too much into you. She’s progressing so fast, she will burn the relationship out which will cause her to want to separate to gather her emotions and decide where she wants to go. It’s not YOU. It’s her. You will hear that. But it’s true. Remember she’s 18, moving too quickly and this is how women of that age tend to act.

      Don’t take it personal. Don’t change what you’re doing because it’s working.

      I do hope I’m wrong but you should be prepared and enjoy it. Sounds wonderful. You don’t want to know what I was doing at the age of 27 and dating an 18 year old college student was not one of them. In other words you’re doing just fine.

      Best of luck, keep me informed.

      Thanks for writing, I appreciate it and hope this has helped,
      Pete

  • Rex Tyler

    Here’s a tidbit to know in regards to the girl you really are interested into with space. With this woman, if you think she is meant to be with you, then there should be no fear, because she will at the end of the day. You just need infinite patience and too remember that no one girl will be more important than you, and that by worrying about literally nothing, you can be having so much more fun. Remember my dudes, life keeps happening even if you don’t want it to. Just have to float and vibe with it 🙂

  • Sed j

    Hello Peter just wanted some quick advice. I have experienced some of the things above like past relationships being ended cause I was too clingy, mostly due to women cheating on me and I am just so cautious. I have rekindled with my high school crush we have been doing fine since July 2018 til now. She has a guy friend who is pretty close with her and have become jealous due to there hanging out. Mind you im in another state until I relocate. We have got into bickering matches over this. And Im sometimes afraid of losing her. I have calmed down quite a bit and things seem back to normal. Just want this jealousy and insecurity thing to go away. Also I bring up her past a lot with past guys she has been with comparing myself to them or vice versa. I know that’s a big no-no. Well sorry for the vent session. Just thought I would chime in

    • Peter White

      Hello Sed J,

      I hear you. Tough position to be in when she’s in another state AND has a close friend who is a guy.

      Obviously I don’t know “their” relationship – if they’ve hooked up before or what his “deal” is but if you’re secure in yourself and the relationship you’re in – there’s always a positive way to think about them:

      You could imagine every guy who has ever been in a friends zone of a woman, (yeah I know, assuming he likes her in that way might not seem smart but…) if you imagine or assume that’s the case – that could help you see that NOTHING is ever going to happen between them and the more he pushes the more he’ll drive her closer to you, right?

      So look at him that way if it helps.

      Other than that…

      This will come down to control but not control in the sense you might be thinking.

      That means – you have control over what you do or say and the building of a relationship with her – you have NO CONTROL over what she does, says, or decides to do with him or any other guy you might be worried about because of you past.

      The more you TRY to control what happens or to stop something from happening, the more likely you’ll push her further away and destroy the relationship in the process. This is something I’m sure you’re already well aware of.

      So what you need is a little peace of mind AND a little HARD way of looking at things.

      Listen – you’ve been through the cheating thing before. You’ve been at a stage where you were so concerned about losing someone that you tried to do anything and everything to keep them close – as in becoming clingy and probably a little “controlling”.

      Your world did not end. You got through it and eventually moved on… sort of. Which means no matter what happens you WILL get over it and you know that’s true.

      Also – it sounds like you’re blaming yourself a little too much. Sure you could push or drive a woman away from the relationship but it’s entirely HER FAULT, HER CHOICE, HER DECISION to cheat on you. It’s ALL on the cheater man, not you. No one forces another to get with someone else so never forget that.

      Take care of things on your end and if a woman strays – so be it. Let her cheat on THAT guy too and…

      IMMEDIATELY start looking at your selection of women because that needs to change AND the next woman you date – do NOT commit to her for a long time. Make sure you know WHO she is, what she’s willing to do based on her character and qualify her a little longer than you have in the past. Casually date while you figure things out.

      A big cause of infidelity is, believe it or not, because two people commit too early and are not ready for a REAL relationship. They’re not connected to each other in the right way and stray. It’s NOT because one was insecure or cautious or worried about past experiences coming back. Sure – those reasons can destroy a relationship BUT cheating or infidelity because one partner is willing to cheat and does it.

      See now – you have a PLAN that’s entirely under your control and if things go bad – you have a path to take to practically assure it never happens again. Reassurance on that end goes a long way to gaining some security in yourself and in the future.

      For now – fear sucks. It makes us do crazy things. SO ask yourself WHAT are you really afraid of… is it LOSING HER or is it the fear of thinking you’re not good enough to find or be with a woman who is not a cheater. Think hard about your answer because it means a lot and will open up a new positive discussion in your head.

      The jealousy won’t just go away. Everyone is jealous once in a while. Don’t fight it inside. See it for what it really is… FEAR and a limited belief in yourself to have and keep a good woman AND a limited belief in your PARTNER. Objectivity is your friend in these matters. Go there – step outside yourself and you’ll see it. Dig deep into and you’ll seclude yourself from seeing what is really happening.

      UNDERSTAND you can not KEEP a woman. That’s beyond your control and illegal in most states. 🙂

      BUT you can always build better communication – strong emotional connections – deep attraction – ALL of which will help your relationship grow and be stable even under the worst of times.

      Beyond that – STOP blaming yourself.

      Learn and develop strong communication skills and discuss the right stuff with her at the appropriate times and all will be well – even IF it doesn’t work out.

      Hope that helps and sorry it took so long to get back to you. Been kind of busy over here.

      – Pete

  • JR

    I’ve been talking to this girl for 6 months and it’s mainly a texting relationship. I don’t get to see her often because she has children. She mainly worries about her oldest getting attached and something happens. We both came out of relationships where we were both lied to and cheated on. I slipped the L word at the 5 month mark 😬. She didn’t respond except for a gitty smile and a kiss.

    She wants to take things slow even though our first month and a half was basically texting all day everyday. I understand she can be exhausted, full time worker and single mom to two boys. The last couple days, her texting has diminished and I haven’t gotten to see her in two weeks. She still calls me babe every morning and every evening but her responses are 1-4 word replies. I typically will send her a quote or two while she is at work because she told me she loves them, but I know better than to try to have a conversation with her during work unless she initiates it. She still makes comments about building and growing with her and her boys and wants me to “bear” with her because she has a lot on her plate.

    The instant distance that I noticed is what brought me to see if I should just give her space without her asking for it. I feel that if I continue what I’ve been doing, I’d end up pushing her to run but at the same time, I want her to see me as a reliable figure for her and her kids.

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