19. What is Confidence Really All About?
Women LOVE confidence.
I can not emphasize that enough and Confidence Is A Universally Attractive Trait Any Nice Guy Can Achieve…
Man or woman, we are universally attracted to people with real confidence.
Not that fake bravado shit.
The real thing.
It is the one trait that if you don’t have your success with women will only be measured in tiny increments. Or worse yet you will be only attracting women that have problems and lots of them. As sad as that sounds, it’s true.
Think of it this way.
You can be an asshole and still get a girlfriend, if you have confidence.
You can be a total jerk and still find girls who want you, if you have confidence.
You can be a criminal and disregard others and their possessions, and as long as you’re confident, you will still get laid.
Alright I’m not suggesting you try any of those above so don’t go out and criminalize the jerks and assholes of the world just yet…
My point is without confidence…
An asshole just another lonely ass.
A jerk is just another disrespectful “single dick” in the world.
If you find yourself asking this question,
“How can I be confident when I don’t have any successes to build on? Doesn’t being confident come from being successful?”
You know I used to believe that myself and I’m very proud to admit I was wrong!
What I learned about confidence is much more exciting and what I learned makes it so much easier to build your confidence quickly …
Confidence is NOT about your success but how you handle you failures and likewise how you handle your success.
“You have to learn how to communicate your confidence THROUGH that liability, and at the same time not seem defensive, or like you’re carrying around issues.
So unless you just can’t stop succeeding with women you’re in luck.
Think about the last great success you experienced and how you felt after. I bet it felt great. It was fulfilling.
But how long did that feeling really last?
Now think about your last failure where you were able to learn how to handle it with maturity.
I mean one where you really learned something profound from it.
How long did that feeling last and how confident do you feel attempting that very same thing again? Or something similar.
See the shift in thinking I was talking about that excited me so much.
I failed with a woman once. Haha! Well maybe more than once!
Seriously though I came on to her in a weak timid way, got her phone number, I didn’t call her few weeks after and she never bothered answering the phone twice. She never got back to me and she’s now engaged to some other dude.
That failure has taught me to be confident knowing if I do the same thing again, I will fail… again.
I now have the confidence through that failure of exactly what to avoid…
And that is true confidence.
How I handle my failures to succeed in the present!
“So many people make these kind of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves “out there” in the dating world, OR to avoid having to face that they need to work on their confidence or conversation skills.
Any guy who doesn’t know where to get confidence often asks…
What is the easiest simplest way I can boost my confidence with women when I don’t have much experience with women?
Well you can start reading every available resource on self-esteem ( and confidence ) but that will only get you knowledge.
It may in fact confuse the issue or worse yet – muddy the line between esteem and confidence.
Let’s get real about this subject.
Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective. Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself.
I know…blah blah blabbedy blah!!!
What about this more important aspect of confidence and attraction…
(…)one may be inept at a particular sport or activity, but remain ‘confident’ in one’s demeanor, simply because one does not place a great deal of emphasis on the outcome of the activity. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure or the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. Belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence
Now from the “master” himself how does that relate to confidence and attracting women…
I’ve said it a bazillion times… great women don’t see a man as potential “relationship material” based on his looks, money, or cheesy pick-up lines.
When it comes to figuring out if a particular guy might be “Mr. Right,” the first thing most women look for are sure signs of CONFIDENCE.
More specifically, the 4 unmistakable, magnetic signals that confident men send a woman the moment they meet her.
- An “Easy-Going” Attitude
- He’s “Put Together”
- He’s Humble
- He Has A Sense of Humor
If you didn’t know it a musician has to perform an audition to be “let” into a certain college.
Since I was entering as a percussion major I was required to play three pieces. One on the snare drum, one on the tympani, and one on a choice instrument which I so stupidly decided to be the Marimba.
Well I came from a very poor school. Our Tympani was un-tuneable, we didn’t own a Marimba and we were stuck with a suitcase size Bells far from the Marimba which required four mallets to be held and played.
So how did I gain the confidence I needed to pass my audition when I couldn’t practice on workable instruments?
How could I have possibly gain the skills required to build the obvious self-confidence I was going to need to stand in front of three Major players in a dark room with no one to hold my hand or encourage me?
The truth was – I couldn’t!
I took some lessons at another college where I had forty minutes to use the real stuff and a very smart man to teach me.
But that was it.
I was working nights in a supermarket, going to school during the day, and practiced when I could and faked what I could on my bed and a pad with my sticks in my hand.
Here is what I did. I gathered my “band” mates and what instruments I had and performed my audition in front of my closest peers. I was hoping to give my confidence a boost before the real deal. But it just wasn’t the same.
So at the audition you can only imagine the fear I felt when the lights went down. I had to perform with my hands shaking and my mind racing as I stared at a real Marimba and a tune-able Tympani. The opening silence was eerie.
I realized something that day. Sure my self-confidence and my knowledge of the pieces were solid. Completely memorized and ready but that really didn’t help me feel better about it. I was not certain what would happen. I could not predict based on any real evidence I wouldn’t crash and burn.
All I could do was face what was the greatest fear of my life in a positive way and stay with each and every note like it was going to be the last one I ever played for anyone.
It humbled me. I joked with the three major players first. I felt put together because I could see every note in my head.
I relaxed and with an easy going attitude let my body do what it was trained to do – and I became so wrapped up in the moment I left no room for negativity.
I’m sure I inspired them that day because I passed. I screwed up a little but I didn’t let it stop me.
And I’m also positive I inspired the confidence in themselves as they watched and thought about their first big audition.
Now – when it comes to women and gaining the self-confidence it’s going to sometimes feel like an audition.
You’re going to sweat.
You’re going to shake.
You’re going to feel fear which feels like nothing you’ve ever experienced.
But the key here is to face it head on.
Face it with the ease and comfort that the only thing that matters is that one real moment.
Inspire her confidence by being aware, humble, at ease the best you can, and lighten the mood with a rock solid sense of humor that says you DO NOT take these little things so seriously.
I understand this lesson in confidence may not solve all your problems or instantly transform you into “Mister Confidence” but you have to realize all you can do, is the best you can at any given moment and let your natural ability or learned skills do what they’re trained to do.
And I can practically guarantee this whole confidence thing will take care of itself.
Attracting women with confidence will come to do how strong your state of mind is.
How you handle those truly stressful moments.
And how you and your attitude inspires her confidence in herself and not you.
The really cool part about this all – practice your skills – work on yourself – find and eliminate those flaws you feel you have – gain the inner strength and learn the more predictable laws of attraction – because your self-confidence has absolutely nothing to do with being nice.
You can be Mister Nice and Mister Cool and still demonstrate unshakable confidence without having to sacrifice this whole nice thing you’re living with.
Confidence is a barrier. It helps to protect your inner self. It’s about facing your fears despite the outcome.
It’s about handling your successes with modesty and helping others through it.
It’s about handling your failures so you can learn something from them.
It’s also about inspiring others, especially women, to feel more confident just being around you.