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20. Invest in Yourself

Becoming more selfish can give you the opportunity to become more selfless – invest in yourself.

20. Invest in Yourself!

The phrase “become more selfish so you be selfless” is something some nice guys must learn to live by and it’s just one of the reasons why this is tip 20.

This tip – invest in yourself, came about when I realized you can almost take “girls” out of the equation of attraction and still attract some pretty amazing real and genuine women.

Sure you’re going to have to interact or engage the female side but I can tell you “they” have such little to do with how attractive you appear to them.

I think that’s where the nice guy fails himself all too often.

He believes if “I do this for her” or asks “What does it mean when she…” or wonders “How can I get the girl I’ve been in love with for so long?” he loses a piece of himself that’s so important.

He misses the one thing he has control over – HIS ACTIONS!

Investing in yourself (and I chose that word very carefully) is similar to investing long-term.

“Are you the passive Bob or the understanding Dave? Both are nice guys but only one demonstrates the kind of men women want and date regularly.

Who Would You Rather Be, Bob or Dave? Single, Intelligent, Nice Guys.

You won’t suddenly be “rich” tomorrow.

You can’t just think of a phrase or three words that women will be suddenly be begging for you.

It just does NOT happen that way.

If you do meet a woman who will sleep with you that quickly it had little to do with anything that came out of a spur of the moment feeling she felt in her pants She probably had the idea in her head before she left the house that she was going to “get laid” tonight and you were in the right place, at the right time.

So do that.

Put yourself in the right place at the right time.

Assure yourself when that moment does arrive, you’re ready for it because those “lucky” moments will not predictable.

They will only become more probable.

What about your long-term relationships with women?

Do you want to be the best man for the one woman you feel is your soul-mate?

Well the more you have of yourself the more you’ll have to give…

The more you understand the better you’ll be equipped to function on a level of masculinity she’ll not only respect fully but she’ll never question that you are, without a doubt, the right man for her.

Women are NOT looking for perfection.

By sitting back and doing nothing for yourself you’re (in a way) telling her you are perfect and never have to better yourself.

I understand you might not want to change. I understand how tough it is. I understand you want women to just “like you” for who you are.

And that’s okay.

But you don’t have to start disrespecting those around you to gain her attraction.

You DO have to enable the traits that produce attraction and work on the skills to build the emotions inside her which make you irresistible.

And that requires you to invest some time in yourself.

That requires you to enjoy your alone time.

That requires you to consider what you’re doing may not be working.

That requires you to learn and put in practice the essential tools you can so easily gather.

Live your life everyday and evolve yourself with each opportunity and you will experience amazing results.

Keep investing in yourself “long-term” and learn to live in the those new moments you create along the way.

Your path is your own to take and unlike some cheesy movies might make you believe – there is not one path you should be taking.

No one can take it for you.

No one can force you to do it.

No one can climb inside your mind and experience your world.

So make it your own.

Make it a very unique place.

Then learn to share yourself with the women you meet because sometimes that’s all they really need to feel something more for you than just a friendship.

A that anybody can reasonably ask from you is that you try to be the best possible version of yourself at any given time.

Problems arise when you start thinking you don’t deserve it, women, or to live a happier life.

Problems arise when you start thinking just because you fucked something small up – it’s going to change your entire world.

Problems pile up and become bigger and harder to deal with because of negativity and a lack of self-worth. They mix with desperation and a feeling of helplessness which causes so many of us to just want to give up.

A lot of that happens because we try to change the things around us which we have no control over and get frustrated when nothing does change.

This is why – investing in yourself is so important.

You DO have control over YOUR choices, YOUR actions, YOUR self-worth, YOUR value to the world and the women in it, and by focusing YOUR energy in that direction some amazing things can and will happen.

I won’t lie. It’s not perfect. There is some “luck” factor and probability or chance can be a spiteful thing but…

“Changing our luck with women without becoming “Mister Manipulation” might mean changing our views about it all. It might mean coming to conclusions which are a little different than we have in the past.

Twenty Steps to Change Your Success and Luck with Women Starting Today.

By learning these tools, investing in ourselves, preparing properly for those moments puts us in that better position to be the best person we can be AT that given time.

That’s how you start succeeding where you might have failed in the past.

Not by wallowing in the past.

Not by regretting what happened before.

Not by reliving a failed relationship hoping she’ll come back.

Not by repeating a mistake over and over again hoping this time something different will happen.

Not by giving yourself and the whole of who you are to every woman you’re attracted to – hoping she’ll like you back.

Not by the need to spend every available moment with her because you’re afraid she’ll meet another guy who’s better then you.

Not by kissing her ass and trying to give her what you think she wants when she only needs to feel something a “present or gift” can never do.

None of that actually creates attraction or will have women knocking at your door at three in the morning for a quickie.

You already know that, don’t you?


You may have to give up some things to become that better man. I’ve done it and I wouldn’t ask any guy to do something I have not done myself.

You can start by learning to say no where you may have been in the habit of saying yes – especially to women.

You might have to give up some people in your life that are affecting you negatively. But if it’s for the best of you – then do it.

As you go through your “man transformation” process and become an attractive man woman respect and seek out, there will be some downsides.

There will be dead ends and some really tough times when you just want to give up.

We all go through it in any new way of living life.

I want to assure you they WILL pass and as long as you stick to a plan that’s working – you’ll get through them.

Everyday just keep yourself on a track that produces results. Everyday just give a little to yourself and your cause.

REMEMBER – You do NOT have to change the world.

You only have to continue to move forward.

Learn to increase your attractiveness to women by giving more to yourself and you’ll have more to give every woman you meet… for as long as you live.

That’s kind of what this “nice guy tip” is really about.

Invest in yourself – change what you have control over – build yourself into the best possible version you can be at any given time – don’t let other steal your worth by handing it over to them or making you feel you’re not worth it…

And in turn, you WILL have more to give to her, a relationship, a family, a friend, and the list goes on.

Thanks for going through all my nice guy tips… I do sincerely hoped you’ve learned something which can help you attract women and still see yourself as one of the good guys,

Pete White

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6 comments… add one
  • amadou

    Hello my name is amadou i been seeing this girl for 8 monts lately we had sex and after that she kept getting pissed pretty easily and she kept poking my butt all the time recently she did not want to talk to me so i have not text nor talk to her for 2 days. She told me she liked me as a friend first time we met so i am asking how to get back to where i was before the sex thanks

    • Sounds like you might try asking her and not me. I wouldn’t push it or prod it but I don’t know too many women who don’t like to talk about how they are feeling. First I would definitely give her a little space and time away from you. Then just ask her something like, “Something is upsetting you. Do you know what it is?”

      Just as a guess of mine, don’t take this as 100% but sometimes after sex, some men get a little too needy. It’s fine to cuddle and all after but sex does not equal a relationship unless it’s mutually agreed. I would say if she got upset after your encounter you might have assumed too much without taking the proper steps. That doesn’t guarantee a relationship but at least you’ll know where the connection is.

  • Jay

    I really find your article interesting and very helpful. It’s has given me confidence keeping my head up. I have read and listen to many articles but I find yours more practical. This is something worth holding on to!
    Thank you!

    • You’re welcome Jay. Great to hear and thanks for the good word. Hope all of DiaLteG TM also helps you out.


  • Zayn

    Hi Pete,

    great write up – i have to say, it’s good reading this and I feel I can not let things bother me, however,

    Recently i find myself without the confidence I once had. I used to do everything you recommended to do which worked well which lead me to seeing this chick, but and now i find myself in a situation where I’m anxious with this girl, as in I’m thinking about her all the time which is sorta impacting my day. I guess I’m quiet strung up on her. We’ve talked and we both share the same feelings for each other (kissed, held hands, cuddled), have fun and laughed and it’s great, but she also wants to have a bit of space to think about her (and time to do her) and assess her feelings. This is playing on my mind, and I’m slowly turning into a “nice guy” doing some of the things you say I shouldn’t be doing. I’ve been trying to give her space. I just want to know, how often should I text message her…should I wait for her to message? or is it fine that I message once every week or so (see how her day/week is going, general chit chat)?? she did say to ring intermittently.
    I just want to know, what is space? Am i giving it to her currently (i’m only texting once a week sort of thing)? I’m not in her face like some of the other guys that I know like her, I’m in a different city which helps, but then i’m thinking “sh*t, these guys are there with her, I could be slowly slipping away from her thoughts”


    • Thanks Zayn. I appreciate it.

      Now normally when I hear a woman needs to “assess” her feelings it means she’s not feeling that much needed deeper feeling of attraction. And it could be because she senses your urgency. It could be that it feels like to her SHE is the chooser or selector and not you. Which deflates or stops those deeper feelings from developing to a point which become “beyond her control”. Which I found is necessary.

      She already knows what is happening. You’ve already courted her and proved you’re a “provider” to her and not a lover first. I must say it’s hard to go back from here so I won’t guarantee anything.

      The way to turn things around starts with allowing her to feel like you are right now. Immediately go back to what you were doing BEFORE which was working. Stay on the lover side for as long as needed until she becomes overwhelmed over you.

      Avoid general chit chat at all costs. Text her half as much as before if not more. Immediately look for another woman or women who are similar to her and use your skills and knowledge of attraction with them. Have fun! Lots of fun.

      Yes, there is a risk she’ll meet a guy closer to her who acts like the lover first and so there’s a risk this is never going to happen. BUT you can not let that dictate your actions because you already know what happens if that occurs. You act out of fear and urgency and push her away BEFORE its time.

      I’ve been in a few long-distance relationships and one thing I can tell you is that most men have zero game with women. Stop worrying about them and only concern yourself with what YOU have control of… YOU. Women always find their way back to the guy who affects them emotionally the most especially if you’re willing to let her explore her “other” options and go back to the beginning with her.

      Remember it’s not a big deal. You don’t let things like this affect you. You ARE in control. You are allowed to become “smitten” over a woman but it doesn’t control you.

      Think back to a time where you felt she was a little head over heels over you and let it happen again.

      Space is FREEDOM. Space is GOOD. Space can also be tension. A time to begin to over-think about what YOU are doing without her and with other women. It’s actually not a bad thing to let go.

      Gently remind her of the person she first met and leave it there. You want to BE a lover then BE a lover. She wants to be a in position where she feels like YOU are choosing her and leading and not at a point where she feels like it’s up to her.

      Get back to there and you’ll be in a great position.

      Hope that helps you and of course, I’m pulling for you Zayn. I also promise I will not hit on her or try to steal her from you. You have my word. 🙂


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