Making the first move is a tough thing to do for any guy - but the nice guy tends to struggle with it the most.
Whether it's a fear of failure, being rejected or a fear of success - going in for the first kiss can be one of the most difficult steps to get past and so...
It's a big reason why too many of you get thrown in the friends zone or miss out on some really good opportunities with a girl.
Which is why this is nice guy tip number 3.
When this tip was first published it was a let down because the advice given in the title was,
"Don't be afraid to make the first move when the moment arrives."
Easy to say - easy to post - hard to do or help anyone when all you're saying is - don't be afraid. Right?
So - all bad advice and tips and aside, let's take care of this problem once and for all.
There are many ways to look at this to help you.
You need courage. That will eliminate MANY of your fears or help you get past them.
You need a plan. That will eliminate some of the nervousness around her.
Your plan includes making sure you're creating attraction and the right amount of sexual tension and chemistry.
You need confidence. That should help you get past the pull away or being rejected and in many areas of your life with women.
You need knowledge. Knowing things will generally give you a sense of security so you feel safe enough to make the first move.
You need skills and/or experience. Obviously the better you are at kissing, the more likely you'll be okay with making the first move AND the more experience you get from it - the easier it become.
AND...
You need to start looking at all this from HER point of view.
BUT FIRST...
You also need to understand one important fact about making the first move.
(especially regarding the nice guy thing)...
When you don't make the first move - it's obvious nothing is likely to happen between you and her BUT do you know what a FIRST MOVE really is?
Guess what... it's not always a kiss.
The first move only needs to be an assured movement which tells you a woman you're NOT interested in just being he friend.
That's it.
Which means ANY form of intimacy which shows her you're interested in her beyond friendship (as long as it's clear and she's actually aware of it happening AND it's face to face personal) IS MAKING the FIRST MOVE.
Makes things a lot easier on you, doesn't it?
You could just lean in for a kiss while casually missing her lips and then whisper something amusing yet sexual in her ear.
That alone will send a very clear message what you are all about and that you're a nice guy who happens to be a real man too with a sexual side of course.
So the "first move" doesn't have to be a kiss - sometimes it's a real hug, hand-holding, breaking the touch barrier in a non-friendly way, brushing back her hair lightly, teasing her, and the list goes on...
ANYTHING which shows her or lets her know... it's coming and just because it didn't happen now, doesn't mean you don't want it to happen.
Let's move on...
COURAGE & Eliminating Your Fears
Rejection sucks. It really does. You know it. I know it. Women know it. Even a dog gets hurt (or acts like it) when he's rejected.
The thing is - you've probably done lots of things in your life where you had to courageous and whether it worked out or not... you got through it.
EVERYONE at some point in their life has stood up to at least one fear of theirs and made it through it.
Can you think when it happened to you?
USE IT.
Listen, we're talking about something trivial here and there's no "sugar-coating" it for you.
You're not putting your life on the line. You're not facing something a billion plus - yes BILLIONS have done in their life.
See it for what it is and you'll be more than just fine.
What helped me (and let me tell you this fear for me was crippling for years) was not quotes (although they were cool and all) or even encouragement... I took the easy way out.
My strategy was to just get the girl to make the first move on me. Believe me that's not as difficult as it sounds but it only got me so far. It didn't make me any more courageous.
What actually proved to help the most was to face OTHER fears in my life and then put it all in perspective. Really - just making a move on a woman became so unimportant I just went for it... and everything worked out fine.
The simplest strategy to gain courage is to put yourself in situations where you will naturally have to face your fear.
And it works.
Another helpful tip which works is to STOP putting so much emphasis on the outcome.
Think of the worst thing that could happen IF, and yes IF you get rejected and put it all in perspective.
The world won't end. It's not even the end of you and her. You could STILL get the girl. Yes, you can.
It's just a first move man - that's it.
If you have ANY problems at all with overcoming this fear and you still can not find the courage after reading this page - COMMENT ME BELOW your story or problem and I will do whatever I can to help you out.
Next up...
Have a PLAN & Know What Comes Next!
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Yeah, that just happened, sorry man.
But you can always...
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What Else You Get Is In This Lesson
This lesson is from Chapter Three: The Nice Guy's Guide To Attracting Women.
You'll finally be able to see things from HER perspective and the real reasons why it's so difficult for you to make the first move, plus what it does to your interactions with all women. It's not good.
I'm going to show you what the first move really is which blow your mind and help you overcome any difficulties you having when you're arguing with yourself over the how and when it should happen.
Learn what's holding you back and eliminate it forever!
Don't rule yourself out before you get your chance and opportunity to physically escalate naturally:
“It’s a PURE belief in yourself as a MAN that you were born to attract a WOMAN. You’d certainly feel confident if you knew with little doubt that every woman you met wanted you – wouldn’t you?” Yes, undoubtedly I would – if our were practically true. But beliefs are notoriously fickle and [reality check here] I know with no doubt that no woman could or will ever desire me sexually. Telling me that – as a man – I was born to attract women doesn’t help (sorry Pete), because I can’t even try to do so. Embarrassing as it is go admit, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have a woman desire me as an sexual man – even though I very desire many women sexually. You telling you me that I was born to attract women doesn’t move my confidence even a millimetre because it’s completely theoretical to me (think Mr. Spock). I can and do engage the most gorgeous women in long conversations at parties in which they are 100% focussed on me for hours while other guys hover. Sometimes I vehemently disagree with them about things to the point I’ve had drinks thrown on me – but still they stay to talk. Here’s the thing: all the while they are fixated on me during our discussion, I know rationally there is *no way* any woman could ever see me in a sexual light, and so I never try to ‘flirt’ or ‘make a move’ because, irrespective of what I was “born” to do, it would be pointless. I go out, socialize and have a great time: I talk to the hottest women in the room, they love talking to me, and other guys hate me because I monopolize the hottest babes in the room. But those ladies *always* end up giving me a disappointed look at the end of the night and leaving with someone else. And I always go home alone simply because I cannot attract them sexually.
whatever comestime to make the move I freeze up and I don’t because of my past failures and I’m going to only ever laughed at me I’ve never really had success in this area and it hurts so much and it’s like I look back and I hate myself for being such a pussy and not making the move and it’s harder and harder to live with myself and to forgive myself and it’s like I don’t know how to get these thoughts out of my head that don’t know how to fucking convince myself to make the move I need to fucking women seem to revel in making me suffering teasing me and manipulating me in never forget to meet with me at all it’s very painful to live a life without any connection at all no romance no sex no love I hate my life I hate myself
I hear you man. It’s tough. BUT it’s certainly not hopeless by any stretch of the imagination.
First of all – STOP being so hard on yourself. Hating yourself is not the answer and I think you know that.
Secondly – USE the advice I gave you above. Seriously, it does work and I do believe I’ve done what I can to take some of the pressure off of you and every guy who reads it.
Third – I’ve been there many times before. I would just let her make the first move and it worked, BUT it didn’t really get me the women I wanted. BUT it did prove to me I was certainly capable of attracting a woman. And just so you know, my first “girlfriend” (although I was young) broke up with me because I wouldn’t KISS her. It stung for years and created a lot of bullshit in my head. It wasn’t until years later (too many) until I was able to put up and just do it.
I learned to create moments where it happened naturally at first. It was almost like falling into her lips and it worked perfectly.
Fourth – where did it come to you that women would laugh at you or tease you for trying AND if they have then the answer or solution is actually quite simple to solve. You’re probably just doing things that creep them out and you don’t even realize it’s happening.
This article will help you determine that AND fix it for you too:
9 Questions Reveals Why You’re A Nice Guy & Women Feel Like You’re A Cree
If it’s not because you’re doing something terrible wrong – then trust, those women are NOT worth getting upset over and immediately start meeting BETTER women who don’t act like childish mean fools. There are PLENTY of good women out there who wouldn’t DARE do something like that – it’s kind of in the nature man.
Fifth:
I’m positive you have a lot of good things about you – admit it. You don’t hate yourself, you’re just frustrated and trying to blame yourself when, trust me, it’s NOT all your fault. There are lots of dynamics going on which are beyond you and have been around since the dawn of man and woman.
You can read more about that here:
Sixth and last point:
I honestly believe you’ve come to the right place – go through and start reading everything I’ve written here because and LET it INSPIRE you. Seriously, just take it all in and make a pact with yourself right now to START changing your MINDSET and the rest – will take care of itself.
It will happen – just figure out a way to change your beliefs, get the right skills, start putting yourself in more positions where it all happens naturally, and soon… THIS SHIT will be all in your past just like it for me now.
Later and you don’t need luck – just a good plan to execute,
Pete