We can talk to her all we want but if our body is NOT communicating confidence, attraction, experience, strength, and sexuality, nice guys like us will definitely struggle attracting many if not most “attractive” women.
An extremely “hot” friend of mine taught me some things about my body which were not clear…
We were looking for apartments and saw a place which was practically perfect for us. We talked to the landlord about it and then he walked away to give us some time alone.
She told me she liked the place but was worried he wouldn’t pick us and it was MY fault.
Apparently I had a nervous tick. Fidgety. Uneasy looking and my legs were about to lose a great place because I could not keep them still.
It never occurred to me this was a problem dealing with others and I certainly never thought it was a problem – with women. I thought,
“Hey.. I’m a musician! I tap on things. I moved around. I smacked on desks, counter tops, or basically anything which made some pretty cool noises. “
She later consoled to me in a fight where it ALL came out,
“You mumble. You come off as high-strung. The landlord probably thought you were a nut case!”
There was probably more but I guess she was being nice. 🙂
Years later, with the help of some smart people, the connection finally hit me. I consider myself intelligent but for some reason my unattractive body language alluded me.
Put simply – Look at a guy who is good with woman.
How he moves. His eyes. His demeanor. The space he takes up. How he holds himself. His facial expressions combined with the way he uses words otherwise known as inflections.
Ignore his physical attributes and his overall attractiveness.
There’s a definite pattern and the distinct movements are blatantly noticeable when we compare them to a guy who is not “good” with me. Namely myself that fateful apartment hunting day.
My first REAL lesson in body language was taking the time to watch guys who were exceptional at attracting women.
This was surface work but after kind of mimicking what they were doing I was able to make an IMMEDIATE difference in how women saw me.
Reading a simple book on “average day-to-day” body language also helped me notice what was going on, why it was working, and what it displayed to others.
I put together a very basic course on body language in this post –> 4 Negative, 3 Positive, and 1 Video on Body Language to Increase Attraction. You might find it useful to get you started.
The truth of it all is paying attention, getting in better positions to watch, becoming friends with guys who are good with women, and letting it all work its way in works extremely well at this stage.
Here are two “guest” pages here at DiaLteG TM which will point you in the right direction. They are basic “beginners stuff” but we don’t need much more than that just yet.
- The Number One Secret Behind the Alpha Male’s Body Language
- What Is Body Language? 4 Tips On Communicating With Your Body
The second lesson took longer. Acting cool and relaxed is one thing but weeding out nervous ticks, strengthening my vocals, freeing up my body to move naturally and some others thing took a little while longer.
We must retrain our body to move seamlessly and at first it does require thinking and yes, practicing, but it’s worth it. (
This is something women have a “third sense” for. Their intuition or impression on what our bodies are doing (nice or not) are usually the first thing she notices which either attracts her or disqualifies us to the friends zone.
And this happens within a short time of meeting or seeing us.
When we learn to control our bodies and convey confidence, experience, strength, value, passion, space, purpose, and so on…
A woman’s intuition will tell her THAT is who we are and we don’t even have to say one word for that to happen. It’s presumed over 90% of what we say is actually said through our body language alone.
If you have ever had a conversation with someone who was at a distance and you could only use gestures, you’ve experienced a fraction of how it works.
The other side to this lesson is how our body language is reflected or mirrored by hers.
This means as we progress and create a sexual presence instantly for women to see, they will naturally follow our lead by showing and feeling more attracted to us.
My third lesson in body language was about discovering the connection between mind and body. How the body displays what the mind is thinking, how it feels, and the experiences which lead up to any moment.
““ She wants a man who can take charge and confidently LEAD her to the place she wants to go. This means that if you’re too hung up on reading body language and watching for signals, you’ll miss the real opportunity – which is to LEAD her with your own body language.”- Carlos Xuma
It’s all woven into the whole of who we are and is sometimes difficult to connect because we’re complicated “creatures” where every experience we have, whether it’s body to mind or mind to body gets stitched into our overall appearance.
Women will take note on our appearance, use our body language to either become more physically attracted to us or less, and from there she’ll take it to the next level. ( If we let her. Which becomes tests, verbal communication, social skills etc…)
Here’s the summary of the third lesson.
Imagine a guy who apparently gets his fair share of sex with attractive women. We assume he’s walking confidently because he DOES get some which is probably a little true.
The man who is walking around with an amazing sex life, or is in a wonderful relationship with a girl, is obviously more likely to be trotting around like he literally owns the world. He displays strong sexual body language.
Now imagine a guy who struggles in this area. Maybe he gets lucky once in a while but it’s not enough.
If he can not find a girlfriend or has not had too many sexual experiences, he is more likely to be walking around looking unsure of his masculinity because of it.
That is exactly how I walked around. In the beginning I had to focus a lot or else what I was feeling inside would undoubtedly come out and ruin my chances.
I could fake it a little but my body continually communicated my lack of experience and my lack of confidence with women. My mind or mood affected my body I could “talk” or “coerce” my body into moving attractively but in the end, the subconscious signals my body displayed affected women negatively.
This is why it is extremely important while we work on a body language that attracts women and success in ALL areas of our life, we also work on the mental aspect of our inner game.
The more we work internally the less we have to pay attention to what our body is doing. Hard work for some but if you’re willing to do the work women notice and respond regardless, of our “handsomeness”, “job title”, or “niceness”.
If we consider the opposite case the connection becomes clear and supportive:
The longer we go without sex, the more we want it! The MORE we want it the more we feel like we NEED it. The more we need it, the body reacts by displaying this sexual need… Impatience, desperation, anger, frustration. Which unfortunately happens unconsciously an slowly becomes a part of who we are.
The worse we feel the more hung over we become. We look tired, unresponsive, and less than full of life. The “down and out” days give us a negative view of the world. The more negatives we associate with us and the world around us, the more negative looking our body becomes.
When we learn to rid ourselves of as many negative beliefs and connections our mind tends to cling to, the more naturally and free our body begins to move. Again, it’s all connection.
So yes, and I’ve learned this from first hand experience…
Positively minded people display more attractive body language. Negatively minded people display negative body language or their intended “point” becomes less clear to others. ( In other words we blend it or become hazy, fuzzy, un-trusted, unattractive.)
The fourth lesson I came to meant learning what her body language is telling me and how women use very subtle clues to hint they’re feeling attracted to us
A word of warning. Don’t get trapped into reading ALL her signals. There’s too much going on to even bother with and most of it depends on who she is and not what she wants from you. She’ll even attempt to hide or mask certain items because she doesn’t want to come on too strong.
Dabble in this “art” lightly, take notice to certain cues as when to kiss her, grab her hand, or completely avoid women which might wind up just being a pain in the ass and leave it there.
As above, it’s better to focus on ourselves and let her follow our lead. It’s stronger, more effective, and separates us to a defined role commonly stated as… “We MEN! She WOMEN!”
Marni Kynris is a very attractive woman that has studied her feminine ways along with countless other women and I feel she can give it to us straight and simple. Savings us a lot of time and effort and mistakes.
Better still, she’s studies the women we’re more attracted to us.
She’s allowed me to post this up from her own words –> Understanding A Woman’s Body Language And Interest Signals
“Women on the other hand speak with their bodies. Women are testers, analyzers and observers, which can be misunderstood, by men, as manipulating or just plain crazy. This type of communication can be very confusing for men. I am going to break it down for you so that the next time you encounter “female communication” you can understand every word her body is saying.”
Four lessons is the least I came up with to back up the entire “Body Language is Communication” concepts and ideas:
- Studying guys who are good with women and mimicking him the best we can.
- Making a conscious act to control our body language and making sure it demonstrates several key attraction items.
- Discovering and observing the connection between our minds and bodies and how they create an attractive “package”. Eliminating the bad parts and strengthening the positive.
- Understanding HER body language and what it is communicating to us helping us to make better moves and realizing it’s more important for us to lead her with our body language.
My goal was to offer some sort of assistance without all the bullshit and false promises you often get in this area.
BODY LANGUAGE IS BIG if we’re to just attract MORE women than we have before.
It’s also a science of never-ending perfection and study and transfers itself to every aspect our careers and social lives.
I mentioned how I read a book on body language, you don’t have to go out and buy one, this is by far the best I’ve found to cover more than just the basics –> How to read body language signs and gestures – non-verbal communications – male and female, for work, social, dating, and mating relationships. (Yes, the title is that long but it’s an incredible scientific reference guide. )
We must not lose sight of the bigger picture here…
Nice guys who display less than attractive body language consistently will generally attract less women.
Nice guys who display strong sexual body language will consistently and naturally attract more women.
Where we go from there is our choice BUT in order to remain attractive for her ( and us ) we must maintain and continually work on our bodies. Whether it’s through diet, exercise, or longer or more frequent sexual experiences.