Your journey to a more attractive personality without confidence by your side, will be tough. Men who can achieve success in the dating world without much of this, are the bad boys or jerks that display false bravado.
Often women that are attracted to this type, or fall for them, have severe issues of confidence themselves. They are often initially fooled by his false securities and find out, hopefully sooner than later, that his jealousy or rage stems from his true insecurities.
Deep down this man with little confidence can not believe he can actually hold an exceptional woman and shows his rage through his child like antics.
Achieving success with higher quality women with high self-esteem and true self-confidence will require you, as a nice guy, to possess those same traits.
I am by no means a psychologist, or a psychiatrist but I did learn my knowledge from many of them.1 Through those wonderfully insightful and intelligent people I was able to not only see my insecurities and lack of confidence issues, I was able to increase my self-esteem; boosting my confident barrier around me. I also realized one important concept when it comes to attraction…
Woman perceive confidence as one of the most attractive traits a man can have.
I recall when I was first taught how to play golf I would often hear “you just need confidence”. I thought it was a load of bullshit because I felt I needed to work on the skill before I could gain this illusive confident attitude others spoke of. And I know many of you think the same way.
How could I possibly be confident when my game consists of failure after failure?
How can I be confident when I have no successes in my dating life?
Read the quote below because it is exactly how I, and many other men who have consistently failed with women think:
If you don’t prepare, if you perform hesitantly and if you give up easily, you can’t expect to succeed But that’s the way people who lack confidence operate. Such people probably believe, mistakenly, that confidence can only come from a history of successes. They say they’re only being realistic if they lack confidence. Unwittingly they use ‘realism’ as a justification for thinking negatively and limiting themselves.
Your confidence affects all area of your life. Therefore your increased or lack of confidence even in a game of skill affects how attractive you appear to others.
Learning any new skill will cause some failure, reworking of ideas, experimenting, and proper practicing techniques…
But you can not practice confidence.
It comes from a part of you that does not allow outside events or the actions of others to control you, or steal from you, your self-esteem.
The key element to self-confidence is, therefore, an acceptance of the myriad consequences of a particular situation, be they good or bad. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure or (more accurately) the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. If there is any ‘self-belief’ component it is simply a belief in one’s ability to tolerate whatever outcome may arise; a certainty that one will cope irrespective of what happens. Belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.
That last definition really puts it together with regards to dating and attraction.
People who exhibit strong confidence in themselves, or self-confidence, are not so worried about particular outcomes.
They are considered to be far more attractive than someone who is constantly worried about how he appears to a woman. He is not constantly looking for approval. He does not predict. This allows himself the freedom to live in the moment.
On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who spoke clearly, who held his or her head high, who answered questions assuredly, and who readily admitted when he/she did not know something.
While persuading may not be a suitable term for this site, appearing attractive is actually persuading a woman to have feelings for you through your self-confident personality.
Now you can’t practice self-confidence so you have to learn the root of your insecurities and work on those issues directly. This is where your self-esteem comes in. This is where you need to understand how your your self-esteem gives you the strength to handle your problems more effectively. This is where you will realize that it is often how we deal with our failures which creates a confident barrier around us.
And having this strong barrier of confidence to protect our self-esteem is universally attractive.
Resources, Articles, Credits, and Products related to Confidence
(Below I’ve listed the most influential people I have learned from. Not counting my close family and friends who do not have websites. Than you all!)
- Scot McKay – X & Y Communications Main Page.
- Nathaniel Branden – Purchase the most popular book on self-esteem ever written by going through amazon. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem By Nathaniel Branden Man or woman this should be required reading for anyone wanting to increase their confidence through their self esteem.)
- Sean Stephenson – Get off your Butt!!
- David DeAngelo –You can skip my intro and sign up for David’s newsletter here, Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo© You will have to sign up for his newsletter to purchase any products he sells.
I can not cover them all here but they are all mentioned at DiaLteG™
- Real Confidence – Practical Steps To Bulletproof Self-Assurance
No more frustration about being told “women love confidence” only to be given vague, general advice regarding how to get there.
Finally…real, practical ways to build genuine confidence in your life.
Scot McKay offers step-by-step instruction on exactly how to achieve a healthy level of genuine, authentic confidence–not simply the appearance thereof.
- Building Self-Confidence, Develop the Self-Confidence You Deserve!
- Wing Girl Confidence Booster– by Marni Kinrys
- Wikipedia’s definition of self-confidence
- Communicating Confidence Despite Your Liabilities Is Key To Attraction
- Too Ugly? Too Short? Here’s How To Turn Your Flaws Into Strengths
Nice Guy Bonus Reading
Keep your nice guy qualities and add to it self-confidence and women will find it hard to resist that combination.
Don’t be a pushover or a wussy and your nice guy ways can be used to actually attract some great women.
Read these from my 20 Nice Guy Tips for more great information and inspiration: