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Confidence – Nice Guys Finish First With Women

Confidence – Nice Guys Finish First With Women post image

Your journey to a more attractive personality without confidence by your side, will be tough. Men who can achieve success in the dating world without much of this, are the bad boys or jerks that display false bravado.

Often women that are attracted to this type, or fall for them,  have severe issues of confidence themselves. They are often initially fooled by his false securities and find out, hopefully sooner than later, that his jealousy or rage stems from his true insecurities.

Deep down this man with little confidence can not believe he can actually hold an exceptional woman and shows his rage through his child like antics.

Achieving success with higher quality women with high self-esteem and true self-confidence will require you, as a nice guy, to possess those same traits.

I am by no means a psychologist, or a psychiatrist but I did learn my knowledge from many of them.1 Through those wonderfully insightful and intelligent people I was able to not only see my insecurities and lack of confidence issues, I was able to increase my self-esteem;  boosting my confident barrier around me. I also realized one important concept when it comes to attraction…

Woman perceive confidence as one of the most attractive traits a man can have.

I recall when I was first taught how to play golf  I would often hear “you just need confidence”.  I thought it was a load of bullshit because I felt I needed to work on the skill before I could gain this illusive confident attitude others spoke of. And I know many of you think the same way.

How could I possibly be confident when my game consists of failure after failure?

How can I be confident when I have no successes in my dating life?

Read the quote below because it is exactly how I, and many other men who have consistently failed with women think:

If you don’t prepare, if you perform hesitantly and if you give up easily, you can’t expect to succeed  But that’s the way people who lack confidence operate. Such people probably believe, mistakenly, that confidence can only come from a history of successes. They say they’re only being realistic if they lack confidence. Unwittingly they use ‘realism’ as a justification for thinking negatively and limiting themselves.

Life is Not a Game of Perfect: Finding Your Real Talent and Making It Work for You

Your confidence affects all area of your life. Therefore your increased or lack of confidence even in a game of skill affects how attractive you appear to others.

Learning any new skill will cause some failure, reworking of ideas, experimenting, and proper practicing techniques…

But you can not practice confidence.

It comes from a part of you that does not allow outside events or the actions of others to control you, or steal from you, your self-esteem.

The key element to self-confidence is, therefore, an acceptance of the myriad consequences of a particular situation, be they good or bad. When one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure or (more accurately) the disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable. If there is any ‘self-belief’ component it is simply a belief in one’s ability to tolerate whatever outcome may arise; a certainty that one will cope irrespective of what happens. Belief in one’s abilities to perform an activity comes through successful experience and may add to, or consolidate, a general sense of self-confidence.

Wikipedia’s definition of self-confidence

That last definition really puts it together with regards to dating and attraction.

People who exhibit strong confidence in themselves, or self-confidence, are not so worried about particular outcomes.

They are considered to be far more attractive than someone who is constantly worried about how he appears to a woman. He is not constantly looking for approval.  He does not predict. This allows himself the freedom to live in the moment.

On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who spoke clearly, who held his or her head high, who answered questions assuredly, and who readily admitted when he/she did not know something.

Building Self-Confidence, Develop the Self-Confidence You Deserve!

While persuading may not be a suitable term for this site, appearing attractive is actually persuading a woman to have feelings for you through your self-confident personality.

Now you can’t practice self-confidence so you have to learn the root of your insecurities and work on those issues directly. This is where your self-esteem comes in. This is where you need to understand how your your self-esteem gives you the strength to handle your problems more effectively. This is where you will realize that it is often how we deal with our failures which creates a confident barrier around us.

And having this strong barrier of confidence to protect our self-esteem is universally attractive.


Resources, Articles, Credits, and Products related to Confidence


(Below I’ve listed the most influential people I have learned from. Not counting my close family and friends who do not have websites. Than you all!)

I can not cover them all here but they are all mentioned at DiaLteG™

Building Confidence:

No more frustration about being told “women love confidence” only to be given vague, general advice regarding how to get there.

Finally…real, practical ways to build genuine confidence in your life.

Scot McKay offers step-by-step instruction on exactly how to achieve a healthy level of genuine, authentic confidence–not simply the appearance thereof.

More Reading:

Nice Guy Bonus Reading

Keep your nice guy qualities and add to it self-confidence and women will find it hard to resist that combination.

Don’t be a pushover or a wussy and your nice guy ways can be used to actually attract some great women.

Read these from my 20 Nice Guy Tips  for more great information and inspiration:

Join DiaLteG TM – Free Email Subscription

Sexy Woman Man

No games & natural attraction can work for ANY guy. It’s something I feel so strongly about – this is a NO BULLSHIT website. One of my many ebooks is here: 26 Proven Traits Women Find Irresistible Sexy – How ANY Guy Can Increase His Sexiness Regardless Of His Physical Appearance.”. Enjoy!

Honestly I’ve grown tired of all the email lists and pop ups begging for your info which only take away from what should be a wonderful experience.

Do NOT sign up for the so-called free “stuff” – do it because EVERYTHING sent to you will teach you HOW to attract women naturally. Trust I have the knowledge, the experience, a realistic fun attitude & ALL the resources to be passed on to you.

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6 comments… add one
  • JT

    I have never put much stock in the whole self confidence thing. That said, your article has given me food for thought. Maybe I subconciously showed some sort of confidence this would explain the different women (whether taken or single) from college through several years of my professional career who gravitated to me. They all reached out to me (Never the other way around) and each woman almost immediately became a good friend of mine. Each woman had decided almost instantly to tell me quite a bit about herself. I found this interesting, endearing, and insightful. I, of course, listened intently to every word.
    One woman friend would go about her life and sure enough another would appear to fill the void. I have never been able to understand what they saw in me or what made them feel so comfortable with me that they felt they could speak to me so.
    For that matter I also never understood why again and again a woman would fill the void of the previous with me.
    The last woman friend I had I actually fell in love with and I know she had those same feelings for me. I tried to tell her how I felt, screwed up, felt like an idiot and let the subject lie. What a terrible move this was for I watched as she found a boyfriend and eventually walked out of my life forever.
    Was confidence the answer all along, did I have it and not know it,
    and becuase I lost it at an important moment in time the reason why I lost her?
    Your article has definately made me think.
    P.S. I think I must of changed for the worse after her leaving 7 years ago because women do not react kindly to me anymore. They seem to be very put off by me. I know I am 41 now but I am not deserving of this behavior nor do I understand it any more than those positive ones I listed above.

  • Thanks for the input JT.

    I’m not sure if these women were actually drawn to your confidence. (In sharing with you so easily.) It seems like you made them feel comfortable more than anything else. Sure your exterior confidence may have initially caught their eye, women are intuitively drawn to this trait, but they can quickly figure out how real it is.

    Often when women open up quickly about themselves to men, they are showing you they value your trait of being a good listener. So they seek out your friendship. Unfortunately, and I know this from experiencing exactly what you have, it in no way implies they want more than that. And the only way in determining this exactly, (short of her making a definitive move sexually) is to step through the courting process and making it happen.

    You see JT, women give us men clear, at least to me, signals of sexual attraction and most of the time it involves her talking about us, not herself. If she really likes you she may be so afraid you will disapprove of her she will avoid talking about herself entirely. She will want to know about you. What you do. What you want out of life. What you like. What you dislike. When she opens up too quickly to a man she is showing no signs of worrying about being disqualified. (You’ll have to ask if you want more info on that subject.)

    I want to write a little about your confusion between what you imply as the ‘younger you’ and the person you are today, and what you did or did not do, to lose that one woman long ago.

    If you have noticed a distinct difference between how women act around you before that woman, and after that woman, it was your self-esteem that suffered a great loss. Which tells me your confidence was not as high as you thought. Truly confident people have barriers in place to protect their esteem from another taking it, or inadvertently damaging it. (As in this case.) When you felt this deep feeling of love towards her and failed to act on it, you gave up a piece of yourself and chalked it up as a failure, or a loss.

    But the real failure or loss was not learning a valuable lesson from your experience. And that is how you build your confidence. Your self-esteem handles the “loss” through self-acceptance, self-responsibility, and then living consciously. Doing that successfully creates a confident barrier around you. And when that barrier is strong enough, you will know it.

    It looks like we have shared the same experiences, except I would always tell her how I felt. And you know what, it did not make a difference at all. But it did eventually prove to myself my own insecurities caused me to fall deeply for my woman friends who shared so much with me.

    It’s easy to fall for those who give up their deep personal feelings. It’s easy to believe she could be the one, and it often feels that way too because of the intimacy involved in sharing.

    Screw the age JT. You’re only a year older than me. I think it’s time you get what you feel you deserve, (within legal guidelines) . If you want to know more, please feel free to look around here or ask and I will gladly point you in the right direction for achieving success.

  • JT

    Thanks for the response now I have a lot more to think about.
    Wow if I had only known then how off base I was.
    However, I did learn a lesson and I learned it immediately after she left.
    whatever you feel needs to be said, say it. For the only stupid statement is the one you never make.
    I am trying to jumpstart my life again after simply shutting it down for seven years by concentrating solely on my work.
    I will look around and possibly ask questions.

  • Great to hear you’re jump starting your life.

    And you were not that far off base. What you were doing is a big part of intimacy, and trust me, most guys I have met struggle with that part.

    It’s just one less skill to have to worry about focusing on so much. You already know how to talk to women. You’ve done it before…lots. Getting women to open up to you orally will be a big part of your future relationships. She also wants you to open up a little to her. If you do it at the right time, and coming from the right place, it can get change the dynamics of everything.

    And always remember people have insecurity issues. Some go deeper than others. Some are small and don’t affect much. Your self-esteem around these issues are not much different than lots of other men. I was so insecure about the gap between my front teeth I would refuse to smile naturally around women for so long. That was a major insecurity of mine. When women sensed I was hesitant about naturally smiling they either thought I was hiding something, I was a wuss and too nervous, (in other words clueless about having a cool woman around me) or it showed I was not comfortable in who I was. Which is a major turn off for them.

    But I got over it. I realized some will reject me based on my looks, but also I reject women based on their looks. (When I’m not attracted to them physically). I now let them know, casually, (too much implies I really do care about how she sees me) that I’m okay with it through light humor. The ones that turn me down solely because of that one thing, Hahahah! think about it…..

    “She turned me down flat and made me feel like shit because of this one thing physically about me.”

    I realized quickly how absurd this kind of thinking really was. And the one perhaps who might, oh well, next! what good person would reject another fun, awesome person, because of one thing.

  • Matthew Lane

    Hi Peter,

    I wanted to find out if you do any courses or One 2 One lessons.



    • peter white

      Hi Matt,

      Thanks for asking and unfortunately, not yet. I help some local guys in person and occasionally I offer email support to those who ask, you can send me a private email or something on Facebook or Twitter if you have a personal question you don’t want shared.

      My “courses” never come about because I end up giving away my knowledge for free. Haha! Still very slowly working on the niceguyapproach.com as a paid members site but don’t expect that will be up too soon.

      Again, thanks for asking. It sounds like you want to me do something. May I ask why you would come to me?


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