A blog written by Nico Simon Princely was a response to a “nice guy” asking why women are not attracted to him…
His no bullshit upfront advice is refreshing and I can relate to so much of it .
“…you are a typical nice guy. How do I know? Because I used to be one and was never more miserable in my life.”
It never ceases to amaze me how the best advice often given to guys like us are written by men who actually have been there but found a way out. Not out of being a nice guy but getting out of the “friends zone” with women because of an attitude which is often blamed on being nice. There’s a difference.
Every one of them was able to dig within themselves and learn how to be an attractive man. Not by giving up on being nice but by doing exactly what I did…
A proverbial smack in the face and a deeper understanding on how attraction really works or as Nico puts it, “what women respond to…”
For example Nico then states,
“The fact that you have no understanding of what women respond to. You are listening to what they say they want or advice from other women like your mother or sister or female friends. NEVER listen to advice from women about what women want in a man. Why? Because what women are sexually attracted to is unconscious to them so they will tell you what they consciously want and not what they are unconsciously attracted to. Which is NOT what they respond to.”
Exactly. I Could not have put it any better and my facts remain:
Raised by a single mother, who was incredible BUT the advice of “just be yourself”, “put yourself out there”, and “you’ll meet that special person soon” really doesn’t cut it when it come to what women respond to.
When I dig further into the facts of my life my Father had three families. One of my step moms was just a few years older than me. And I’ll be honest, in his day he was quite good-looking but not, or as he went from women to women, we’ve always busted his ass as being a short funny looking guy. Not unlike me. 🙂
The thing is he never understood or even cared that what he was doing was working. For that reason and because he wasn’t really IN my life he could never pass on the information I needed. Same went for my brother and the same rang true about how I even got my first girlfriend. Who knows how that happened… Haha!
Actually I do know how I got my first girlfriend and it might have a little to do with today’s post. You see I was “failing” at getting with her best friend and didn’t think twice about her.
So while I was trying to figure out why she wasn’t attracted to me, her friend, my future girlfriend, was eyeing me in the background. SHE was responding because I didn’t waste my time trying to get her attracted to me.
Since I never learned the why or how, when we broke up eight months later I was no better off with women which at the time, I believed was about to change.
Things only began to change when I gained a new perspective on women and attraction. The limited beliefs I held about it all which were holding me back were taken care of. I got the help I needed from the guys who have been there.
I literally re-framed myself, put blame where it should be, and turning myself into a man who just knows how to attract women.
Nico then says this very profound statement,
“Change your beliefs about women, yourself and your ability to attract women and get sexual with them and then act accordingly.”
Not quite the strong assertive advice he gives at the beginning but simple and to the point and I know from experience… WORKS!
It’s unfortunate that he didn’t use that same strong assertive voice he used earlier because we often miss the point otherwise.
Take a second to read through a bit of advice I gave to a guy who wanted an older women but didn’t know what to do about it,
My advice for Todd would be to use it (the age difference) to your advantage. First… Develop yourself into a complete man and let women in. It’s exciting for most women to meet a younger man that has his life together. ( Re-frame your negative belief positively. )
One reason why it’s easy to date younger women is because younger guys, compared to women, can be very immature and unsure about what they want out of life.
With that said, when an older woman meets a younger guy who has has shit together she’s bound to feel attracted to him and depending on how he acts about it, if he’s mature and masculine, and continues to develop himself, she’s more than likely going to look past the age difference because at that point, it doesn’t matter as much to her.
Turn the tables around towards her like me and my girlfriend do (she’s much younger than me). She tells me SHE is robbing the cradle and I tell her, “When I get older you’re going to love me even more… haha! When I grow up….”
We role play it. Make light of it. Use it as a fun difference between us. Something you can also use to make light of the age difference if you feel it’s a big deal and you’re worried about what she’s thinks about it.
BUT… re-framed once again: It’s my belief the “age difference” conversation is typically boring and overdone so why bother even bring it up.
Create the attraction, keep it going, build some rapport, find exciting things to talk about and by the time the age difference even comes into play – it’s too late. She’ll already be “feeling it” and again, it won’t matter much to her at all.
Now without the strong assertive advice like Nico gave it’s unfortunate because I believe he missed more than half the point and yes, I will take the blame for it.
He wrote back,
Peter I think you are right when you say that age difference is boring and overdone… when I meet an older women today and she didn’t know my age but I could tell she was interested in me however I couldn’t bring my self to ask her out on a date because I kept thinking what will she think if she finds out my age… you are right peter because they just forgot about my age and didn’t care how old I was but that they had a good time with me.
But how do I bring my self to ask a women out who is older than me.
Should I just ask her on a date and when the time comes to talk about my self tell her my age?
See how Todd acknowledges the age difference won’t matter if he focuses on attraction and how he’s even noticed it worked for him before.
BUT right away it’s easy to see how the age thing is still a big deal to him. He re-framed it a little with my help but failed to change his “belief structure” to match the new re-frame.
He seemed more concerned with his outer-game and how to ask an “older woman” out as if that makes a difference. Now you wouldn’t ask an older woman to perhaps do the same things a younger woman might like, but since his focus was NOT on just keep attracting he never bothered to change his belief structure first.
Because if he did that – suddenly the next step – getting her to do something with her – just wouldn’t even come into play. In fact, it’s my bet an older woman would’ve made the next step so easy for him to take… well you can see where I’m going there.
This is clear “proof” that developing yourself first into a complete man, focus on attraction and learning what women respond to, that the focus needs to start from within. There’s something special about a guy who is less concerned what other think about him and women DO respond attractively to men like that.
Please Todd (and all guys who want to change their belief structure) read how to do that here –> Creating Attractive Boundaries and Eliminating Your Limited Beliefs. You’ll find a template there to help you out.
Change your beliefs about women, yourself and your ability to attract women and get sexual with them and then act accordingly… Nico Simon Princely
A Nice Guy Asks “Why aren’t women attracted to me?”
Nice guys like you and me definitely need strong assertive advice. Not because it’s sometimes taken as mean or rude – but because the points being made need to be clear and concise.
“Just be yourself” is vague and doesn’t tell the whole story. It’s “Mom” advice.
“You’ll meet a woman someday who thinks you’re special… just give it time.” does nothing to reveal how attraction works and what women respond to. It’s warm and fuzzy and may give hope…
But does little to even hint that sometimes, as nice guys, it’s our limited beliefs and how we act on them is keeping that “special” woman from feeling attracted to us. How we must change them first, re-frame ourselves just a little, and find our ability to get women to respond to us attractively we’ve buried for way too long.
So yes… we are in need of that proverbial slap in the face occasionally, as long as it comes from those who have been there it only stings for a second and the results will show the proof that it worked.