The now cancelled series “Raising Hope” brought up some interesting ideas about taking women off the pedestal, escaping the friends zone, and so much more with regards to our “bro-gurt” manhood.
The examples below are from season 3, episode 8. Titled “Bro-Gurt”.
In case you didn’t know it the show its theme centers around a single guy raising his daughter Hope along with a not-so-normal comedic family to help out. It’s a very mild spin off from one of my favorite but cut short series titled, “My Name Is Earl“. The bastards cut it short on a cliffhanger.
Jimmy Chance, the lead character, is in love with his best friend who of course has a boyfriend. He’s basically living in her friends zone, hoping they’ll get together one day.
There were four clips I used to illustrate my point but there are no longer available. We’ll have to make due the best we can through my words.
This is a “nice guy” lesson in attraction because way too many of us act a certain way around women we’re attracted to keeping us forever in her friends zone.
Please do NOT consider this an escape plan. It’s a lesson in attraction – friends or not – it’s always best to start from the beginning with women and not wait to show our manhood.
Clip 1 – I’m Better Than Her Boyfriend!
Jimmy does something and Sabrina ( his friend ) becomes interested in contributing to it.
His eyes light up because he feels he can use this to attract her and wants to make her happy.
He also believes he can become “better” than her boyfriend by using this new plan to his advantage. Just by “chance” he’ll also have the opportunity to see her more and quite possibly attract her too – by trying to make her happy.
Based on his “off the side” reaction he finds he doesn’t like her ideas. They’re kind of dumb and although he wants to tell her the truth, he stops himself because he believes if he doesn’t agree with her totally he’ll never have a shot with her.
Clip 2 – Approval Seeking and a Friends Zone Mistake.
Jimmy is forever looking for Sabrina’s approval.
He’s a nice guy who is lying to his “love” because he’s afraid she won’t like him anymore.
This is something we do which goes against our goodness. Lying to a girl just so we’ll like her more. It usually backfires AND from my experience is much more manipulative than we care to believe.
Next, a classic friend zone mistake…
He reacts to every complaint she makes about her boyfriend. He schemes to make him look better by doing the complete opposite of her boyfriends errors.
He tries to show her by NOT being honest that he is the “better” man for her.
Her boyfriend is mostly upfront with her and states his personal opinions honestly but since Jimmy believes he’s the nicer guy and her boyfriend’s a jerk, he believes he’s above him.
The problem with this is classically quoted to him when a friend utters these words… a simple explanation on why his logic is failing him,
“The Opposite of the Guy She Has Sex with. Brilliant Strategy…”
This is hardcore. Imagine the implications. How by using our logic in relationships with women tend to fail because women are not logical.
As nice guys we need to be on our guard, especially in the beginning to stop us from using logic to solve a woman problem. It just doesn’t work.
Clip 3 – Anger, The Truth and Facing His Fears.
Jimmy’s daughter comes first in his life. He will sacrifice more for her than he will for his friends zone lady.
When he faces a choice between earning money and making Hope’s life better or trying to “get in Sabrina’s pants” he realizes he must face his fears and tell the truth. (In a way, the nice guy inside him (the attractive one) is the reason he puts Hope first.)
The value of himself and his family comes first. He is willing to defend his beliefs at the risk of losing Sabrina.
He “allows” himself to be more like the guy she has sex with AND uses his wit and intelligence to argue with her.
She calls him out on his earlier manipulation tactic and accuses him of “patronizing her”. Then in words a nice guy can understand, how he’s “Acting like a jerk!”
This clip can teach us guys a lot about attraction which goes well beyond the obvious.
We believe we’re being nice when we’re really being more deceptive than a blatant jerk and we’re doing it just to get something we want. We can not go further from attraction than that.
Clip 4 – Taking Her Off The Pedestal.
Sabrina and her friend are seen talking about what happened. She mentions how she’s not mad at Jimmy anymore.
In this short clip it’s clear both women are starting to see Jimmy in a more attractive light… and suddenly an aura of “hotness” is wrapped around him.
The next scene rolls in and Jimmy explains how he’s glad he’s taken her off the pedestal he had her on. How he still likes her but that it actually feels better to knock her down a little.
He claims it “humanizes” her.
In these cases we find ourselves in daily it becomes clear (even through the written media) that if we put the women we want on a pedestal, are afraid to speak our truths or matter of fact opinions because we’re worried it might upset her than we’ll only ever be her friend.
Women don’t find themselves attracted to men who kiss their ass and treat them like frail statues meant to be gazed at treated differently.
Sabrina highlights the word “Patronize” and she has a point.
That is what we’re doing when we do things to get what we want from women. We’re attempting to manipulate her feelings towards us and it can only feel patronizing to her. Which is far from attraction.
There’s more to this episode which I want to explore… FEAR!
He’s afraid of losing a potential girlfriend.
He’s afraid of making Sabrina angry. Granted she is less than five feet tall with a hell of punch that hits low.
He’s afraid of what would happen to Hope if he doesn’t provide a nurturing and supportive environment.
When he overcomes the second fear ( Hope ) it trumps his fear of losing someone he’s attracted to.
In a way he’s also afraid that lowering Sabrina’s status, or knocking her off the pedestal he put her on, will make her less attractive. That’s a fear which resides deep in our unconscious and often comes out in ways which are less obvious.
The presumed “jerk” boyfriend while at the same time displaying his upfront honesty coupled with a “Better than you” attitude proves undoubtedly he has certain attractive traits the guy full of fears is missing.
If we remove his Egocentric surface the traits become more obvious:
- High Value.
- Indifference to Fear.
Jimmy did not have to overcome his fear of making a woman upset by merely voicing his opinion and not hurting her in a way which goes against his morals…
The Attractive Nice Guy Trait of being a great Father gave him the courage to create a value in the world and then he became indifferent to the fear of upsetting a woman he is attracted to.
We don’t always tackle the problem of attracting women by following a logical progression which seems right on the surface. In fact when we do that we are creating a false image of us and taken to the extreme will attract less women than doing nothing. As with the nice guy’s deceptive habits shown above.
We don’t always overcome fears we have with women directly. Words are just words.
We overcome fears with women by finding where these irrational actions are rooted and learning how to get past them.
By removing the fears and getting past all this surface bullshit we put ourselves through, we can accomplish what the jerk does – without becoming just another ass.
When the whole of us perform courageous acts selflessly she believes in our courage and find it attractive. When we try to make ourselves appear fearless it doesn’t normally work. She’ll see right through it.
If we (despite what the world thinks) hold ourselves as having at least equal value to everyone – not better – not worse – just different and skilled as best we can – then we’ll never be able to raise her up on a pedestal.
The strange part is, because it depends on the esteem on the woman – SHE’S more likely to see that person as having and holding higher status. Something which naturally creates attraction.
A big part of all this “Nice Guy Approach To Attraction” thing involves taking women OUT of the equation. Attraction works best that way.
Just by working on our completeness internally we become more attractive. We’re not interested in removing certain nice guy traits because they too are attractive. It’s how we USE them through failed logic which makes them unattractive.
“….And in the world of attracting and dating attractive women… YOU ONLY NEED TO OUTRUN THE NEXT GUY. Not EVERY guy!
The Bear and The Sneakers Carlos Xuma
This also stops us from trying to compete with other guys which often backfires. We don’t have to judge them or see them on a different level. We only have to focus on ourselves.
My idea is, “Other guys are not our competition in the world of attracting women. We only ever have to compete with ourselves.”
This lesson in attraction, with the help of “Raising Hope” is in only part about taking women off the pedestal we’re guilty on putting them one, it’s about overcoming the fears we have around women, and it’s also about not trying to eliminate the competition but seeing them as equal and not letting it affect our actions… which in turn together make us a more complete attractive guy along with the many nice guy traits we hold close.