Nice guy law number 3 is – Never be afraid to make the first move when the timing is right.
Too many guys, including me, have missed out on so many opportunities with women because we didn’t know how to read sexual communication or know when the time was right, and then we failed to make the first move.
The failures happen when we’re either not sure what to do or we’re afraid of rejection.
This is in part due to low sexual confidence and you can read more about that here:
My very first girlfriend wasn’t a major disaster but I do remember it clearly. She broke up with me quickly because I didn’t make a move.
This was way back in my early teenage years so then, we would actually “pretend” to be seeing each other and then after we would kiss or fool around.
I saw it as rejection and since I was so unsure on exactly how to kiss her that experience ruined my confidence for years after. Well because I let it.
It took me a while to reason it all our and whether I’m right or not, it helped me get past some of my early insecurities so maybe it can help you too.
Her rejection was just being passed on to me. My not trying to kiss her probably made her feel ugly. Like I didn’t want her or want to kiss her. Since I was afraid to make the first move SHE felt more rejected than me.
That is where Nice Guy Law 3 came from and that is why knowing how to read sexual communication and then actually knowing how and when to make the first move is so important.
Whether you or I accept it or not – you have to admit not stepping through to seduction after we meet a woman, (the time frame aside) we’ve ruined any interaction and none of that had anything to do with her real attraction for us.
It also causes us to sit back and hope she kisses us first and let’s face it, not many women will do that no matter how strongly she’s feeling it. Some women are actually taught it’s solely our responsibility to go for the first kiss and she can only accept or reject it but not start it.
I also reasoned something else to help me ease the fear of rejection. I asked myself:
What’s going to feel worse? Being stuck in her friends zone for years because I failed to make the first move or having her pull back from a kiss for a moment of rejection.
Well to me, obviously being in a friends zone for years does a lot more damage than a moment of rejection.
Especially because if we learn how to attract women we can assume she pulled back for reasons beyond our control:
Maybe she was not ready at THAT particular time.
If she’s not ready we can find other girls to date and just see her casually. We don’t have to put a time frame on her. Being patient and smart by dating others will only help her feel more attracted to us anyways.
Maybe we didn’t build enough sexual anticipation.
We can learn about how to turn a woman on more and how to make those moments easier for her to accept our kiss. There a lots a great ways to easily create sexual tension. Here’s a simple answer for that –> How to Create (or Kill) Sexual Tension.
Maybe we picked the wrong moment and missed her signals.
It’s very easy to look for her signals but when you try too hard we often miss them moment when it appears. There has to be a balance and we have to make sure she’s following our confident lead. To me that’s the easiest way to avoid getting stuck reading her sexual signals.
So it’s all good. Right? 🙂
Rejection doesn’t ever have to be personal.
I’m not suggesting you push a woman into doing something she won’t do. I merely saying just because she rejects our first move doesn’t mean it’s the end, or that it not’s impossible, but sometimes just moving on quickly and learning to better the outcome next time, tells us we’re not taking it personal and can get on with our lives.
Besides, women love a guy who can do that. 😉
Here are some things to look for to help us read her sexual communication so we know when it’s the right time to make our first move:
- She looks at our mouth and then back to our eyes once or twice or even more. A prelude to a kiss. Here’s a good post to read more about that –> The Kiss Technique – Get A Girl to Kiss You Without Fear of Rejection
- She has an uncontrollable desire to be exceptionally close. Sometimes it’s just that clear.
- Her eyes widen when our faces are close. A little smile, big eyes which seem to blink slowly,,, she’s looking for the first move.
- She’s held our hand several times. Hand holding is her way of saying, “Don’t be a dick but later or when the time is right – you BETTER try to kiss me!”
- She touches our face. Better yet she finds strange unknown reasons to wipe something of our shoulders, cheek, ear, or hair.
- She comments on our lips. She’s thinking about them. She’s thinking about hers. She’s wondering what they feel like. She’s creating her own anticipation.
- Any close touching is a great sign, not a guarantee but a good signs she’s waiting…. and probably wanting it too. This one may be obvious but if you’ve experienced it and did nothing, it belongs on this list.
Here is a small list of things women do when they are at least interested enough to perhaps do more. They are quite typical.
- She makes eye contact more than once and looks away when we hold our gaze.
- She will casually show parts of her body that are sensual. Exposing her wrists. Pushing her hair to the side to show off her neck. Tilting her hips accentuates her body. Glancing at us sideways also exposes her neck. Twisting her legs and pointing them at us.
- She finds a way to touch us lightly. It could be a gentle smack on the arm while laughing at a joke or leaning in to whisper something when it doesn’t need to be said softly.
- Fondling an object in a sensual way. It could be a lighter, a glass, an earring, her wrist, her fingers, or better yet, your fingers. It could even be her hair.
- She laughs at our terrible jokes and then tells us they suck. But still laughs. Haha! A classic move.
- She follows the flirting by always trying to “one-up” us but almost always lets us win eventually.
- She teases us about the little things we do. Always wants to bust our ass an sometimes does it nervously. Like she’s being shy or playing coy. She also might tell us how cute some of those things are. Another classic move.
Her sexual communication always seems to be signaled by one or more of all the items listed about. They’re not always clear but once we get used to seeing them, they almost become quite obvious and sexy too.
From there the process of seduction has a pace to it which is not random but doesn’t necessarily have a definite pattern in each situation.
Some things like breaking the touch barrier long before the kiss is important and some things like waiting until the end of the night is not so important and probably not recommenced anyways.
Here’s one more way to help us read her sexual communication so we know what we’re doing is working, it’s from Carlos Xuma:
Have you ever watched a woman when she gets flustered and teased? Have you seen how she behaves?
I’ll be honest, it’s almost embarrassingly primitive and childish.
First, the women gets excited. It even looks amazingly like anger, but it’s not. It’s a delicious cocktail of thrilling and emotional energy.
Then, the woman gets TURNED ON. She doesn’t even realize it, but it’s there.
You see, women have an entirely different reaction and outlet for their frustration, and it’s not like our male aggressive behavior.
It’s a form of FEMALE aggression, called sexual excitement. She can’t get rid of the energy any other way.
You might also find these useful from Carlos here at DiaLteG TM –> How to Tell If a Woman is Interested in You and In The Game Of Sexual Power, Are You The Winner – Yes, No or Maybe?
Obviously he’s wrote more about this whole thing than I have. Haha!
Seriously though, this nice guy law 3 is a major thing because we must admit…
Being afraid, or not making some kind of move even if it just starts with holding hands or lightly putting your arms around her for a second, or just relaying some kind of sexual energy is not something which goes away all by itself by it’s easily handled.
Learn to read her sexual communication.
Learn to convey our own.
Understand how to step through the seduction process.
Take the lead.
Failure or not. Waiting around for any woman to just throw herself at us can not possibly get more results. Sure it’s fun when it happens and YES knowing how to do that has its advantages but in the end…
Women are sexually attracted to confidence.
Men who are confident around women don’t wait or hope something happens. They put themselves in more (or better) situations where something is likely to happen, and failure or rejection or not, take the lead.