There are two types of quiet guys but only one is attractively mysterious…
MAN TYPE ONE sits in the corner and is a little creepy. He’s a “wall flower.”
He stares at woman and does not approach them. He doesn’t mean harm but whatever his reasons are, his mostly shy demeanor is not very attractive.
Since I was that guy for way too long I can honestly say “quiet and mysterious” wasn’t something I aimed for. The truth is I set my goals high. I wanted the best of the best of the most attractive girls.
But since I did not know how to “be with them” the wall seemed like a good place to hang out.
You could say my whole identity and almost every move I made was all about “getting laid.” Maybe it was a youthful thing, maybe it was sexual frustration, or maybe it was just me. Sure my hormones were intense and controlled me more than a little but I’m convinced they were a test of my ability to control what I could – myself. A sort of ritual passage into maturity.
Philosophy aside I’ll make my point clear.
My quietness was not attractive because my main goal was to get a girlfriend. The women who wanted nothing to do with me sexually believed and blatantly saw right through me. I was pretty far from being a mystery to them.
Strange as it seems I’m willing to bet that the women who were interested or attracted to me (in the background) saw me as an unattainable mystery.
MAN TYPE TWO – The other type of quiet guy – the real “mysteriously attractive” guys ( and I don’t mean physically ) who do attract lots of women, he can be kind of tough to understand. We might not get him so easily.
We wonder what he has that we don’t.
What makes women like him so much.
How come his mysterious ways are so attractive that women find themselves actually fawning over him constantly…?
There are 7 perfectly valid reasons below why women DO like quiet AND mysterious men and along with them, how to become that irresistibly attractive man.
First of all – “mystery man” can be considered Alpha depending on his other traits.
We can still be an Alpha Male and “Mister Q&M” but if we take away enough of the alpha male traits and we’ll soon find our self in the “creepy wall flower corner.” In other words without some of those attractive social traits the mystery will not create attraction but actually destroy it.
Keep that in mind as we go through the list…
The number 1 reason… Women are rarely attracted to men whose life revolves around every hot female he sees or comes in contact with.
The “get a life” strategy combined with an indifferent attitude towards not revealing every piece of information about ourselves creates an abundance of mystery.
My goals above were clear – get a girlfriend. This equates to this something I began to understand…
Treat women like a prize, a goal, a trophy, or an end to our means emotionally or physically – and our life WILL revolve around them. There doesn’t seem to be a way around that.
There’s more specific help to this “problem” which can help us create mystery (again combined with an indifference attitude or a need to give it all away or it won’t work the best) are listed below.
(all are located here at DiaLteG TM for our convenience.)
- Living Your Own Life – Nice guy tip 16 explains how to make other things a priority.
- The Real Cure For Neediness, Clinginess And Manipulation – Breaking the cycle of need which destroys attractive mystery. Compliments of Scot McKay.
- Being Single is Just as Good! Do You Need a Girlfriend To Be Happy? – Written by Carlos Xuma here at DiaLteG TM. The title says it all.
- Is Social Awkwardness Holding You Back? Connection and Friendship – Written by Carlos again and designed to help us shy guys get off the wall.
- Why Dating Shouldn’t Feel Like Work – Make Meeting Women Fun
Number 2 – Mystery men do NOT brag, boast or show off.
Women don’t want us to tell them how “special” we are.
They want to figure it out for themselves in their own way, by their own means or communication skills. It FEELS better that way.
They need to see the “real truth” behind us and in order to believe that, they must come to their own conclusions. Even if we may not agree with them. ( Indifference again.)
Now I wasn’t a show off in the classic sense but since everything I did was to prove my “talents” or “worthiness” to women technically, I was showing off in a way which was actually worse than the blow-hard.
I was bragging without knowing it and each of us must learn to recognize that important connection.
Just because we’re not blatantly over-confident and shoving our successes in every bodies face, does NOT mean we’re not doing this mystery destroying “thing”.
Modest confidence mixed with an indifferent attitude is highly attractive stuff to women and naturally creates the mystery we want her to see AND she’s begging to find.
For a little more on this please read this short but powerful guest post by David DeAngelo –> The 4 Sure Signs Of Confidence That Women Look For In A Man
Number 3 – Men who display almost absolute control over who they, their emotional mood, and the need to vocalize their point always naturally find themselves being quiet and mysterious men.
Women almost always want or are at least find themselves attracted men who have the ability of control.
It’s an unbeatable means of determining who can handle “her” emotional states.
It’s a way of knowing without a doubt when things go wrong – he’s not going to freak out and make it worse.
Stable women look for stable men with a belief that her emotional highs and lows will not bend or break him. He can HANDLE himself enough so she’s less afraid to let it out in front of him.
If we can control our emotions to a certain point it creates more mystery because this is NOT a trait which is handed to us at birth. We learn it. We deal with it. We strive for it.
Sometimes, depending on how we live or earn a living… train for it.
The attractive mystery becomes HOW we do it. WHAT we’ve been through in our lives to make it happen. WHAT it’s going to mean in bed. HOW it transfers to a future relationship.
And fortunately or not… she’ll question her ability to take us out of that moment and show the deepest passion for her.
More questions… more mystery. More mystery… deeper attraction.
This sometimes “stoic” attitude is often depicted in movies and romance novels and women become highly addicted to those lead characters who portray them.
We CAN fake it but it works best by developing our inner strength, a lack of neediness, and of course letting go of the fact we do NOT control the future or the emotions of others.
You can find some deep inner game work from many sources. The best two , of course, are always bought because they’re the ones whose sole purpose is to get the job done because you’re paying for a very selective service. Developing rock solid confidence and control. –> Ultimate Self-Confidence, Control, and Deep Inner Game by Carlos Xuma AND Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo – One I’ve used myself with great success.
Number 4 – He IS the ultimate challenge. Physically. Mentally. and Emotionally.
Think of this way – women are generally considered “nurturers.” When you don’t ask to be nurtured or present an overly need to be “taken care of” you kind of “trigger” her need to find a way to take care of you without damaging your modestly confident Ego.
The challenge to her becomes more than just a want – it becomes a desire to figure us out which quite often leads to frustration and then, as we’re looking for… sexually and emotional tension!
These triggers, when lined up, stirs her attraction in such a way, many women can not resist but to get “trapped” in the emotional high it creates.
The mystery then evolves and transforms itself again and again, deeper and deeper.
The three combined create the attractive mystery and although it may not be the easiest thing to achieve it IS possible.
Physical –> Stop giving in blindly to our desires just because our dick wants us to. Leave a little room for tension and tease her.
Mental –> Stop answering ALL her questions so directly. Make it fun for her to get the real answers our of us. Spark her mind once in a while to really think about something important and relevant to the world around us too.
Emotional –> Combine them all for a varied emotional response listed here and at this popular page I wrote: Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women to be Attracted to You
Sometimes the challenge becomes about getting women to qualify herself to us and not the other way around –> 5 Steps to Qualifying Her – Attracting Better Women
Carlos has more on the mystery of a woman’s sexual frustration in this guest post –> How Women Experience Sexual Frustration And How To Use It To Attract
For the mystery to really work for hers and our advantage the combination is very important.
Too much physical is annoying to her.
Too much Mental is “friends zone” material.
Too much emotional kind of makes us look weak or “girlie.”
You’ll know the right mix when we hit it the first time. That’s for sure.
Number 5 – Un-predictable predictive actions.
What does that freaking mean?
Well he’s (Mister Mystery) predictive because it’s a challenge to get something more from him but if a woman can get a little, she’ll do more to get more from him.
It’s predictable to her that she’s going to work a little for him or his private information.
How and when he responds is not.
We must give in a little too because without a reward it just becomes annoying or a ploy or a game.
The balance is very important and it can mean the difference from “type one man” above and “type two”.
Too much only screams “crazy.”
Too little gets you labeled a needy nice guy.
The two posts below might help us iron out some of the details to achieve the right balance.
- What Women HATE Most About Single Guys – Written by David DeAngelo and posted here. It should help us understand the “annoying” end the spectrum.
- 9 Questions to Ask Yourself if You Creep Women Out? – Written by me, taken too far can make us look creepy. Maybe this will help us avoid that situation.
Number 6 – His “existence” in her world or his, is the answer to a riddle or puzzle or an exciting mystery novel.
This one is quite clear.
You don’t go straight to the end of a great book. You read every page letting the end develop as you go along. You let the story take you away.
This is how we must appear to women except in “real life” there never has to be an ending. It can perpetually move along.
For women to feel attraction the key is to let her get swept away in our story. No matter how small or big the events which transpire are.
If we become a quiz – she’ll look for the answer too quickly. If our book is not exciting she’ll put it down to watch something more exciting like The Kardashians or get hooked on some other guy.
Immediately set the tone. Whether it’s on the first date or the first meeting, her first impression must leave her wanting more and excited.
We’ve ALL experienced some pretty bad first dates so let’s turn to the “master” once again to help us –> How To Act With A Woman On The First Date – What and How to Say It – Guest post by David DeAngelo located here. This post will help us develop the attractive mystery she needs to create our exciting book in her mind.
I would also turn to the approach and his article –> Don’t Pay For Her Attention! Fun Date Ideas & Better Dating Techniques because it will help to create some pretty cool dates she’ll want to do again and again.
You can also ( with a sign up only ) pick up something Carlos wrote for me called Killer First Dates – How to Make A Powerful and Confident First Impression. Remember this does have a rated value ($39.97) so your sign up to Carlo’s attracting women based newsletter is required.
Combine that first date impression from Carlos with my page on first appearances –> Great First Impressions – Details On How You Look and Your Appearance and any of us can leave her wanting more of our attractive mystery.
Achieving all this is possible naturally so let’s not overlook this kind of power.
It also separates us from other guys almost immediately which brings us to the seventh reason on how to be mysteriously attractive…
Number 7 – He always “appears” to do the right thing at the right time regardless of what she believes or is accustomed to experiencing.
You wouldn’t believe women are attracted to “righteousness” but there’s something more going on which can stimulate her.
It’s probably not “The right thing” completely, although I’m sure it plays a part, it’s that sometimes the right thing will put you in a position to lose, give up on something you love, miss something you desire the most, and so on.
This is the kind of thing so many romance novels do all too well and she can not help but feel attracted to a man who gives up something because it helps someone else.
He can not be with the woman he loves because doing the right thing, sometimes good or bad, means they have to be apart possibly forever! It separates them and drives space between them which builds a longing desire.
Also, think how attracted women are to emergency workers, the police, fireman… they’re risking their lives for others and are NOT overly paid for their service.
That’s the (in part) concept of the righteousness.
Whether it’s a selfless act or sometimes even a selfish desire, to her it doesn’t seem to matter. Like giving up on easy life full of friends to explore a passion or the world or to help others in need.
Think of how many women found themselves incredibly attracted to those who entered what was called the “Peace Corps” and you’ll see my intention or reasoning behind it all.
Being quiet and mysterious does NOT have to mean hiding ourselves or sitting in the corner refusing to socialize.
There’s so many more important aspects if we’re to create an attractive mystery around ourselves.
I do hope my seven reasons or ways listed today has helped us all see how the “not knowing” feeling women get works and also how we can achieve it too.
Whether it’s by superficially not giving away ALL our secrets or focusing on our deep inner game or becoming more of a giver to the world – women are without a doubt attracted to quiet and mysterious men.