I recently started using your advice about the friend zone. I also purchased an ebook from Dave DeAngelo about how attraction isn’t a choice. I was just wondering if someone isn’t attracted to you and she has placed you in the friends zone – do you still try to use attraction to win her over? I mean if I distract myself like you say to I shouldn’t be worrying about it. But the attraction book says if someone isn’t attracted to you at first she probably never will be. So should I not even try getting out of the friends zone?
Your quick answer:
Yes. In all probable circumstances you should not even try getting out of the friends zone with one woman. It’s a complex process, time consuming AND there’s no guarantee.
However – my steps: Distraction, Attraction, Re-introduce can and has worked many times for lots of guys. As long there’s a full understanding that’s is about the process and NOT the goal.
The longer answer will explain more for you.
I firmly believe my approach to the friends zone is meant to “eliminate” the friends zone while at the same time giving you the best opportunity of escaping it with a specific woman.
I also put my trust and belief in David DeAngelo’s material and fully understand how attraction works for women which is why I don’t put much confidence in the creating part (after you’ve been put in her friends zone) UNLESS you follow the steps EXACTLY. (If you jump around it’s highly unlikely to work.)
However, the truth is women CAN begin to see you differently and you CAN trigger attraction but there must be some natural separation and space between the two of you. Hence the distraction step.
She must begin to see you “differently” and unless you want to go into playing games with her (which I don’t suggest) it must happen as naturally as possible.
I would never suggest any guy to actually “try” to get out of the friends zone with one specific woman because it implies you’re going to use romance or nice guy tactics which will push you further in her friends zone, possibly scare her away, and will eventually ruin the friendship.
Yes, I’m actually saying NOT to worry or concern yourself about her specifically.
Focus on the necessary stuff and it will come together all by itself; although a 100% guarantee is not something I would ever give to anyone. There are way too many variables in place.
The first step is distraction. You distract yourself from her and the “friends only relationship” while at the same time going to work fully on yourself and a new and exciting way to interact with ALL women.
Do you still try to use attraction to win her over?
You don’t ever “use” attraction.
Creating it is merely a very cool side effect to who you are and your interactions with women. Her emotional response is instinctual and can not be helped.
Women are NOT idiots. Lots of them are going to see through any attempt to “use” something on them.
What can be “motivated or changed” is how she acts on her feelings and the deeper she’s feeling it, the more likely she will act or react to you; sometimes even disregarding her own logical process or reservations about getting involved with you.
This is why “distraction” works so well in setting you up differently in her eyes. You’re creating an attractive man and ridding yourself of the old unattractive habits or beliefs – while at the same time building your confidence and self-esteem.
When you present your “newer” self to her AND interact with her in a way which indirectly shows this to her while at the same time allowing her to come to her own conclusions…
There’s a more likely chance she’s going to find herself starting to feel attracted to you.
All this IS possible but you should always focus on the process and not the result so it happens naturally. Otherwise if she figures out what you’re doing she’s going to feel tricked or played… which is a practically guaranteed to ruin the friendship.
Do NOT focus on her directly during these stages to avoid playing her.
Your purpose is to cultivate or find the attractive man inside you and present THAT person to her in a way which is different than you have in the past.
You also wrote,
“The attraction book says if someone isn’t attracted to you at first she probably never will be.”
That statement is open to interpretation and I’m sure lots of people might get something different from it.
It’s there for a reason. A purpose.
You see most guys who buy the book are typically what David would deem as a “wussy”.
They don’t tend to handle or admit rejection very well. They get stuck “trying” to make one woman feel something and they normally fail; yet they just keep trying the same thing over and over again.
Now don’t get me wrong, perseverance or being persistent can be a good trait but when it’s used incorrectly becomes a total waste of time and effort.
What David is saying is meant to go along with another quote from his material:
“If something is NOT working, stop doing it immediately.”
He’s saying… don’t waste your time.
Focus on correcting the mistakes you made BEFORE and try something different on the next available woman.
Attraction can not be forced. It can only be created, triggered, or amplified AND this works best as a natural side effect.
The advice you got from David, “If someone isn’t attracted to you at first she probably never will be.” is there for a reason. It’s meant for you to use to better yourself, change your tactics, and focus on the necessary components of attraction.
The last thing you want to do is get stuck on woman because the material is not meant to escape the friends zone which implies that is your intention.
Remember, and I’m not putting her down, when your beliefs change, when you change yourself, when you learn about attraction, how it works and HOW to make it happen – you’re going to find yourself meeting all sorts of new women.
Your ideas or concepts of a quality woman WILL change.
Maybe she’s the one. Maybe she’s not.
However, unless you give yourself the opportunity and the skills to explore other women, you might not ever really know if she’s the one.
It’s easy to be confused on advice given to you about the friends zone and attraction.
The truth of it all however is very simple.
You CAN create attraction after you’ve been put in the friends zone. It’s just not recommended (especially while you’re learning) to focus the material on one woman. It kind of defeats the purpose.
The advice – if she’s not feeling it from the beginning she probably never will is reality and most men will never create attraction – after the fact. However it’s given to push you away from HER and get you to move on and start fresh.
The friends zone tends create a giant cloud of false ideas mired with attraction failures and limited beliefs. The purpose of this advice is to get you out of those clouds so you can start seeing things more clearly. (Among other things.)
The purpose is not to remove hope but to replace it with a new plan which CAN work on fresh new women. Giving it’s guarantee a more probable event and assuring the advice in the book or books works for a vast majority of guys.
The book mentioned in this article is available below and if you haven’t read it yet – what are you waiting for?
Never before – in the history of dating and attraction between man & women has one book put it all together and had such a positive affect on so many men who used it wisely.
“Attraction Isn’t A Choice eBook: How To Use Secret Communication And Sexual Body Language To Attract Women”.
As a Man, the Most Important Skill You Will Ever Discover Is How To Trigger SEXUAL ATTRACTION Inside Of A Woman – And Here’s Exactly How To Do It.”