I recently started using your advice about the friend zone. I also purchased an ebook from Dave DeAngelo about how attraction isn’t a choice. I was just wondering if someone isn’t attracted to you and she has placed you in the friends zone- do you still try to use attraction to win her over. I mean if I distract myself like you say to I shouldn’t be worrying about it. But the attraction book says if someone isn’t attracted to you at first she probably never will be. So should I not even try getting out of the friends zone?
Thanks for asking…
I firmly believe my approach to the friends zone is meant to “eliminate” the friends zone giving yourself a greater opportunity of escaping it with a specific woman.
I also put my trust and belief in David’s material and fully understand how attraction works for women which is why I don’t put much confidence in the creating part (after you’ve been put in her friends zone) UNLESS you follow my steps EXACTLY. (If you jump around it’s highly unlikely to work.)
However, the truth is women CAN begin to see you differently and you CAN trigger attraction (after the fact) but there must be some natural separation and space between the two of you.
She must begin to see you “differently” and unless you want to go into playing games with her (which I don’t suggest) it must happen as naturally as possible.
I would never suggest any guy to actually “try” to get out of the friends zone with one specific woman because it implies you’re going to use romance or nice guy tactics which will push you further in her friends zone, possibly scare her away, and will eventually ruin the friendship.
Yes, don’t worry about it or her specifically. Focus on the necessary stuff and it will come together all by itself although a 100% guarantee is not something I would ever give to anyone. There are way too many variables in place.
The first step is distraction. You distract yourself from her and the “friends only relationship” while at the same time going to work fully on yourself and work on a new and exciting way to interact with ALL women.
“Do you still try to use attraction to win her over?”
You don’t ever “use” attraction.
Creating it is merely a very cool side effect to who you are and your interactions with women. Her emotional response is instinctual and can not be helped.
“Learning how to talk to women in a new and excited way is just one way a nice guy can create attraction.” 10 Tips, Talking To Women, Create Attraction
What can be helped is how she acts on her feelings but I’ve found the deeper she’s feeling it, the more likely she will act or react to you, sometimes disregarding her own logical process or reservations about getting involved with you.
Women are NOT idiots. Lots of them are going to see through any attempt to “use” something on them.
This is why “distraction” works so well in setting you up differently in her eyes. You’re creating an attractive man and ridding yourself of unattractive habits, beliefs, and more – while at the same time building your confidence and self-esteem.
When you then “present” yourself to her AND interact with her in a way which indirectly shows that to her, allowing her to come to her own conclusions typically based on her tests, and then start to interact with her differently than you have in the past…
There’s a more likely chance she’s going to find herself starting to feel attracted to you.
Yes, it IS possible but you should always focus on the process and not the result so it happens naturally. Otherwise if she figures out what you’re doing she’s going to feel tricked or played.
Don’t focus on her directly during these stages to avoid playing her.
Your purpose is to cultivate or find the attractive man inside you and present THAT person to her in a way which is different than you have in the past.
You also wrote,
“The attraction book says if someone isn’t attracted to you at first she probably never will be”.
That statement is open to interpretation and I’m sure lots of people might get something different from it.
It’s there for a reason. A purpose.
You see most guys who buy the book are typically what David would deem as a “wussy”. They don’t tend to handle or admit rejection very well. They get stuck “trying” to make one woman feel something and they normally fail; yet they just keep trying the same thing over and over again.
Now don’t get me wrong, perseverance or being persistent can be a good trait but when it’s used incorrectly becomes a total waste of time and effort.
I believe what David is saying, or what it said to me when I first read it is something which is almost exactly written in his book:
“If something is NOT working, stop doing it immediately.”
He’s saying… don’t waste your time.
Focus on correcting the mistakes you made and try something different on the next available woman.
Attraction can not be forced it can only be created and it just so happens it works best as a side effect and less in a direct way.
The hard advice I got from David, based on my vast experience of being in the friends zone with countless women, was something I truly needed to do and (we) give it is because it’s the more practical way to change ourselves thus changing our relationships with women… forever.
It’s best to work on NOT getting stuck in the friends and not trying to wiggle your way out just because you feel that one woman is special.
Remember, and I’m not putting her down, when your beliefs change, when you change yourself, when you learn about attraction, how it works and HOW to make it happen – you’re going to find yourself meeting all sorts of new women. Your ideas or concepts of a quality woman WILL change.
Okay, maybe she’s the one. Maybe she’s not.
However, unless you give yourself the opportunity and the skills to explore other women, you might not ever really know if she’s the one.
The friends zone is a place I would never wish on my worst enemy because I know how it feels but it’s also a place you might never have to visit again and I want to sincerely wish you only the best in discovering a better place in the future that you’re creating today.