She Thinks You’re A Sad Lonely Nice Guy & Couldn’t Get Laid To Save His Life

She said, "Oh sure, you don't have to worry about it... you're married!"

To which I responded with a good laugh in my typical evil tone of course,

"Haha!! Why would you think I'm married? I never told you that and obviously I don't wear a ring."

She came back with,

"I don't know."

As she nervously laughed out the rest,

"...Because you're nice. I figured you were married. You don't act like those other guys so I just assumed you were..."

My interruption cut her off,

"No I get it."

I gave her a coy smile and,

"Good looking guy like myself. I know what you're saying... someone must've of snatched me up by now."

Now I've been called many things in my life and nice was ALWAYS the worst. We all know it's normally a death sentence of rejection from a woman who wants nothing to do with you sexually.

Except in this case...

It never crossed my mind much that a woman could tell me I'm "nice" in a positive way while at the same time starting to feel attracted to me.

She, for whatever her reasons were - disqualified herself to me before I even knew it.

Lots of women do it.

They assume some not-so random guy would never want them anyways and come up with lots of reasons why it wouldn't work out. As if they're predicting a guy is already out of their league.

Sound familiar?

It should because if you're a nice guy and struggle in the woman department or never feel like you can have what you really want, you do it too.

You see a hot woman and you think,

"She wouldn't want me anyways because..."

Go ahead and fill in the blank to match how you feel today. Mine USED to be: too short, too ugly, too poor, too old - and that's in order of significant importance.

Notice how "too nice" isn't there because I did.

It never occurred to me that a guy could be "too nice" until I learned what that really meant and why it was stopping me from getting laid or finding a decent "attractive" girlfriend.


So here's this slightly messed up young cutey (who is perhaps a little too empathetic) disqualifying me so causally in what appeared to be an innocent statement about me being married.

And what did I do...? I turned it back on her as if it was HER secret excuse which I'm sure is, in a way, because I'm more than positive that is her thing and her issues.

BUT in reality the bigger issue or something you can take away today is:

HOW a woman perceives you and the image she puts in her head the few seconds or moments she thinks about you; whether it's from a fleeting thought about attraction or even a disgusted way of, "I'd never!" - forever banishing you to the friends zone before you even speak...


"...Too nice you must be married" might also mean I looked rather settled in my ways.

Older, less determined to just get laid, somewhat happy in my own world.

Cooler, calmer, in control like I'm getting some anyways and don't need to be trolling for numbers from every young hottie I meet.

ALL true of course.

Just never occurred to me how many unsuspected single women might see me that way too and what it meant to my past dating life.

You see, to REALLY turns things around (with attracting women) I believe you must take that image, the very first moment a woman thinks and feels a little something good inside about you and (sort of) run with it.

You're only wasting your time and turning off her attraction by insistently trying to change that image to better yourself in her eyes. It's a classic and huge mistakes nice guys always make.

Here's what I mean:

If she says you're too nice - you try to disprove it to her.

If she's says you're too old - you try to show her you have a young heart.

If she rejects you because you waited 15 months to do anything with her and instead you not-so-secretly revealed your feelings for her - then you try even harder thinking your romantic side will win her over.

And none of that really works to "change" her mind or hasn't for you, has it?

She might think you're older (maybe even too old) but you know what - old can easily become MATURE - RESPONSIBLE - EXPERIENCED - DONE WITH PLAYING GAMES.

She might think you're "too nice" but not only does being nice in these circumstances grant you rights those "other" guys don't get because she doesn't trust their intentions - it also means even if you do just one slightly bad crazy thing (easy there do go too far with it) it will have a much bigger impact on her. Kind of like when the bad boy does something nice for her it means that much more.


Why mess with a good thing? Why waste your time trying to prove you're something you think you're not to her?

She might instantly see you or assume you're taken or married and to me that screams "pre-selection". Some OTHER woman might've snatched you up which implies you're a catch and you're off-limits too.

That's the making of some serious attraction...

OTHER women want you AND she can not have you!

Let her believe for it a while and as long you're being funny about it all, it's okay.

Think about it:

Who wants something which is given to them all too easily anyways?

She might (at first glance or conversation) believe you're cool, calm, in control and "getting some" which is the reason you're not wrapped up in trolling for numbers and pussy.

Why would you want to change her mind about any of those things...  What women doesn't want a cool guy who is in relative control over themselves and their lives.

So here's what I do...

Go with it. You can't change a first impression anyways BUT you certainly can take what she sees, find the attractive positive angle, and simply build it up even more.

As long as it's done in a confident, humble, slightly humorous, slightly dead pan way - it WILL work. Trust me on that because I've done it many times.

The opposite is far worse.

When you think her first impression about you sucks and it's not going to get you anywhere with her, TRYING to change her mind is only giving her every excuse or reason to reject you. You'll disqualify yourself before she even has the time to do it.

How many times you, as a nice guy, have caught yourself doing exactly this?

It felt like she was pre-rejecting you so your next move was to try and change her mind. Whether it was a few days, weeks, or months later before you realized you were wasting your time and how she's never going to be with you anyways - changing her mind was not ever going to happen and the harder you try - the further you push her away.

It's not that she saw a "sad lonely guy who couldn't get laid" which does you in - it's the trying to prove to her you're better than that or MORE than what she sees which inevitably squeezes you out.

Even if she sees you as a "sad lonely guy who couldn't get laid to save his life" the LAST thing you want to do is disprove that to her because at that point you're already done.

Now I'm not saying if that's the case for you to run with it too much. After all, it's more effective to better yourself first and get your interactions with yourself and women and some better control.

BUT if that is the case - going with it a little - even from than angle - IS possible.

Sad can mean the broken bad boy.

Lonely can mean unloved because all the rest left you because you  "always" find a way to fuck it all up.

Couldn't get laid to save your life CAN equal something more IF you're smart about being persistent... attractively.

Most REAL women couldn't care less that you can not get laid to save your life.

AND most REAL women would absolutely fall for a guy who doesn't let that failure ruin or dictate their life by becoming a miserable prick who only blames others for their shortcomings or past rejections.

Here's the deal:

Some women DO disqualify themselves to men very early the exact same way a nice guy does.

Sometimes it's a test, sometimes it is not.

Nice or not - you're certainly not the only one doing it.

Her early disqualification or "pre-rejection" can be handled two ways - positively or negatively.

Trying to change her mind or prove yourself to her AND taking it personal has a negative affect on her attraction. In other words - test FAILED.


Assume when a woman disqualifies herself to you early on it's either a test, a small "shell" game, OR a sign of ATTRACTION or BOTH.

She wouldn't reject HERSELF to a guy she wasn't interested in - she would flat-out reject you which means she's feeling something. Her little emotional nudge in your direction gives you plenty to work with to make it grow as big as you want.

Her reasons or excuses or the way you believe she sees or perceives you (judgement or observation) CAN be used positively.

Go with it, avoid denying it, don't try to prove her wrong, and LET her believe whatever she wants to think about you.

Go with it and have some playful innocent fun with it. ENJOY IT!

Here's how the conversation I had with the woman above moved on:

She wasn't sure and she was getting supposedly annoyed because I wouldn't give her a straight answer,

"Well... Hahaha! Are you married or not?!!!"

I answered with a classic smirk on my face and raised one eye brow,

"I don' think I am." 

She laughed and smacked me on the arm.

"Actually. Yes I am married. I don't wear my ring because..." 

To which she rudely she interrupted,

"Do you have any kids?"

I answered with,

"Not that I know of..."

The rest is not as important and very private information you can not have BUT I will now say this:

It may be obvious to another woman what was happening and why she said those things to me (as in assuming I was married)  but a REAL "typical" nice guy wouldn't get it.

You go right for the "she thinks I'm nice and married" therefore she's pre-rejecting me.

When in reality it was a TEST. She was actually HITTING on me.

She needed to know quickly if I was single or not so I went with it in a direction she doesn't normally get from guys.

She was also trying to figure out what type of guy I was... Would I become offended by her strange accusation of calling me nice? Would I prove to her I wasn't worth her time by acting all nice thinking THAT was the way to get in her pants? (As she made it clear she was into guys being nice.)

OR would I attempt to prove to her I wasn't the guy she assumed I was therefore failing this early test?

None of which was done therefore test passed - attraction triggered - fun night ahead with a conversation that she wasn't used to having with lots of guys who just don't get it.

You might have read stuff like this before as it's become well-known as cocky/comedy.

I'm just hoping you've never heard it like this and how as a nice guy - using it and why is so important.

You see - even if she sees (or claims) you're a nice guy who couldn't get laid to save his life - doesn't really mean much to her and it shouldn't to you either.

Now that you know WHAT to do in situations like this - use it!


AND do it RIGHT.

OR it will never work for you.

I'm not getting into the whole HOW to do the cocky/comedy thing today.

You can find out about it by reading this:

Cocky Comedy – The Difference  Being Confident & Acting Like a Jerk

However - the rest - NEVER forget it.

Whatever you think she sees in you - whatever she says about it, don't fight it. Don't try to disprove her. Don't try to prove yourself because you think she'll like you more for it. She'll actually like you less for it.

You do have some sort of control over her first impression of you and it's okay to make a good one on the side.

Just don't get caught up in the game because you'll only lose way more often than not.

Turn it around.

You're not a "sad lonely nice guy who couldn't get laid to save his life" ...

You're a misunderstood all too passionate dude who doesn't try to screw every woman he sees and you're just not into playing some silly stupid games.

You're life doesn't need saving. It doesn't revolve around getting your dick wet.

IF she wants a guy like that - there are plenty to go around and she KNOWS IT!

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About the Expert: Peter White – Dating and Attraction Expert. Creator of DiaLteG™. (dial – teg) Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you a little something about women.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Interactions – Communication to Build Comfort, Connection & Attraction, Nice Guy Not Defined – You’re Not Defined By How Others Label You

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1 comment… add one
  • Gerry

    Forget the “sad, lonely nice” bit. I am a guy who couldn’t get laid to save his life though. Women never ‘see anything in me’ because I never show them anything. I do not go out of my way to approach women or talk to them socially because there is no point. Life has shown me that I’m not going to be successful with women. I’d like to be – and although I don’t let it bother me, there are times when I see couples enjoying each other and ask myself why I can’t have that. I’m not ugly and I have a lot of good things going for me. But I know that what I have no woman wants – partly because there are so many other guys out there that women would choose over me. As such, there is no point making an effort to showcase myself when rejection and failure will always be inevitable.