“Going in for the kiss is a good thing but if it’s not working for you… something’s wrong.”
Two types of guys – Which one are you FIRST, a LOVER or a PROVIDER?
When we are looking to get into a relationship with a specific woman we often act a certain way which is not always the best way make it happen.
We pursue her more and eliminate our other options because we want to show her she is the only woman we want.
My personal “older” experiences with women had me searching for a girlfriend and acting like the provider. I would pursue her, court her, and downplay my “lover” side because I wanted to show her I was different from the typical guys who only wanted to screw her.
I was wrong!
If your experiences with women or one woman is leading THEM to make the decision to be your girlfriend or not, the personality you are showing her is that of the PROVIDER.
Here is what made me see what was really going on:
“Lovers are pursued. Providers do the pursuing. If she sees you as a provider, a woman will withhold sex, play hard to get, and test you to see how good of a provider you’ll be. If she sees you as a lover and gets physically involved with you very quickly, then YOU will be in control, and you can choose where the relationship is going.” —> taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 38.
The link above is promotional yet accurate. After spending years learning David’s material on dating I became an affiliate of Double Your Dating and will always shamelessly promote ALL of his programs.
Women want men to lead in (dating and attraction) and move from lover to provider in a natural way which shows control and strong inner beliefs.
“Confidence is the key ingredient of what we commonly think of as “chemistry”… the immediate, unspoken promise that a man is likely to be:” – The First Thing Women Look For In “Mr. Right”
BE a lover first and BE in control of where things can go from there.
Yes, women who are looking for a relationship with a guy will often ask questions (or test you) to see how good of a provider you might be. She will want to know your past relationships, whether you’re looking for one too, your family life, and even if you feel she’d make a good girlfriend.
Women ask those questions when they are interested in a guy and sometimes when they’re just curious.
Some women will also AVOID asking those questions because they don’t want to appear too forward or needy. They either are trying not to scare you away or are not sure themselves if that’s what they want.
Making it ALL too easy to become CONFUSED.
It’s even easier to screw things up when you’re overly chasing her, constantly trying to prove yourself as a provider, and trying to answer her questions in a way which doesn’t make you look like a dumb ass.
This is where YOU (as a guy) comes in.
This is where your leadership means everything.
“While most men waste time trying to impress women by acting “tough” or “dominant,”… the signs of confidence great women look for are much more subtle… and MUCH more easily achieved.” – The 4 Sure Signs Of Confidence That Women Look For In A Man
Again, as stated above, this is where YOU need to be in control.
Being a lover first doesn’t mean you’re some scumbag only out to screw women and leave them in a one night stand. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure it would allow that to happen easier but it’s not really the definition of a lover.
The way I got a handle on the difference and integrated it into my life (like written above) was to first STOP ACTING like the PROVIDER and then:
- Overcame a fear of talking about sex with attractive women.
- Focused on having fun first by doing more non-traditional dates and flirting a lot more.
- Became a little more of a tease to women in many different ways.
- Threw in some cocky-comedy with better conversation skills.
- Focused on strengthening my weak non-confident body language.
- Focused on always being relaxed, calm, cool, and in CONTROL of myself (especially around hotter women).
- Changed how I talked to women and learned to answer them in a more attractive way.
- Became a real challenge without playing games.
- Acted like I was or am the selector.
- Encouraged women to qualify themselves to ME.
Yes, it’s a long list but it’s easier to do than it appears and as David wrote, while demonstrating all that and she felt instant attraction, women would ALWAYS see me as the lover…
Giving me the control to decide what comes next.