She’s Not Looking For A Relationship, Are You A Lover Or A Provider?

When a guy says to a woman that he's not looking for a relationship, a woman, with good reason, assumes he's just trying to sleep with her and using it as an excuse to get out of a commitment first.

Yet, we don't get that from women, do we?

When a woman tells a guy SHE is not looking for a relationship it can take on a whole new meaning.

Sure, sometimes it's the absolute truth. I don't discount anything from happening.

However in most circumstances it's not a direct lie but it does mean something else which is important for any guy to understand who is coming to DiaLteG™.

It often means she is not looking or a relationship... WITH HIM.

My knowledge and experience has shown me that while interacting with a woman (early on and consistently), If a man using certain techniques in deep attraction, has a specific skillset, and both are done right, a woman will forgo her prior (vocal or not) logical decision and will enter a relationship with a guy.

So, if a woman is telling you she's not looking or a relationship and is backing away from you, deciding to not date you anymore, and/or is removing herself entirely from your life...

It means she's not looking for one with YOU.

You didn't put certain things in place. You didn't create the right amount or type of attraction.

You were trying to prove to her you were, or would make a great PROVIDER and not showing her what a LOVER you are or could be, IF SHE plays her cards right for you...

Putting her in charge or on the offense.

She became, or was made to be the leader of the interactions when she was looking and wanting a guy who would take the lead for her.

The quote below explains what happens because of it:

"Lovers are pursued.

Providers do the pursuing.

If she sees you as a provider, a woman will withhold sex, play hard to get, and test you to see how good of a provider you'll be.

If she sees you as a lover and gets physically involved with you very quickly, then YOU will be in control, and you can choose where the relationship is going."

Taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 38. Affiliated link and not the actual workbook.

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As you take on the provider role you're now "obliged" to chase her and if you're not passing her tests, getting around her playing hard to get tactics, and proving to her you'd make a great provider...

You'll eventually hear and she willingly and skillfully omits the "with you" part from the sentence:

"I'm sorry. I'm just not looking for a relationship."

Now, if you were to take on the lover role from the beginning she'd be more likely to chase you and depending on how good you are with that skillset, the chase could become quite unrelenting...

It would feel to her that a relationship is not something you're currently considering with her, (although it's not ruled out entirely and she must be aware of that fact indirectly) leaving her to follow your lead.

Which means there's no need for her to decide if she's looking for a relationship or not with you and she definitely won't come out and say it because by doing so, by the way most women knows this fact, closes the option off entirely to her.

Which one do you think women see in you first? Are you coming off as a LOVER or a PROVIDER?

If women are telling you they're not looking for a relationship plus you're not getting any sex at all AND she appears to be withholding intimacy while making you work way too hard to get anything from her...

Then the answer certainly is the provider because...

"...You have too many bad habits and/or undesirable relationship traits which makes you not a boyfriend/husband type of guy."

Why You're Not Relationship or Boyfriend Material & How To Be That Guy


And this is a biggie here:

You're not creating any (or enough) attraction from the very beginning.

She's using the "relationship" excuse to get you away from her as quickly and efficiently as possible without hurting your feelings, and/or making her feel bad about rejecting a nice guy who was just looking for a relationship.

Have you ever thought about asking a woman why she rejected you?

After She Rejected You, Have You Ever Thought About Asking Her Why?


I'm going to assume you're here because you will accept nothing less than a relationship with a woman and even though sex would be great, a relationship is your goal.

Therefore every date or attractive interaction you have with a woman - getting a girlfriend, a commitment, or more is always on your mind.

Which means you're putting out the "provider" signals BIG time.

Unfortunately, this is leaving you no choice to go the other way and to be seen as a lover first.

One of the many difficulties created through your "relationship first mindset" is how hard it is to FIND a girlfriend when you're actually looking for one.

You can not force something that has to come naturally and often will, if you're willing to LET it happen all by itself.

Women want men to lead... period.

They want your leadership to move from lover to provider in a natural way which shows the strength and control you have in running your life which  also secures your role as leader in the upcoming relationship too.

I hear your objection - you don't want your next possible girlfriend to think you're only into her body and only care about screwing her.


Being a lover first doesn't mean you're just another scumbag only out to screw women and leave them as a one night stand.

That couldn't be further from the truth. Sure it would allow that to happen easier for you and anyone who wishes to try, but it's not really the definition of a lover in this context.

It simply requires you to focus more on having fun first.

Going on more non-traditional dates.

Flirting more and teasing in a fun way.

Practicing some cocky-comedy and enhancing your conversational skills.

Setting yourself as a real challenge she'll want to overcome.

Putting yourself as a true selector of women who doesn't settle for just any woman so easily.

Encouraging women to qualify themselves to you for a better relationship and holding their standards which are at least equal to her.


You'll be in a very STRONG position to SHOW OFF your natural PROVIDER traits because by doing all those above, they will naturally shine.

From an earlier point on you only need to make sure you're communicating in a way which naturally leads to being seen as a relationship type of guy who has the right skills to not only get in one and be in one, but to grow in on too in a healthy way.

Some I cover in this post for you, but only lightly:

Why You're Not Relationship or Boyfriend Material & How To Be That Guy

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The conclusion...

It's time to make your choice...

Are you going to show women you're a LOVER or a PROVIDER?

Do you want to be pursued or be the one doing all the chasing?

Do you want to be in charge and the leader in your relationship life, or sit back and let her decide what's right for you, and hope, it's actually the right thing for you?

My choice long ago to give her all the power and let me tell you, it did not work out in my favor. It was a brutal ride on the never-ending friends-zone express.

Once I realized I had a choice and could change my "destiny" with women, I immediately did all the things I listed above and never looked back ever again!

My hope is that you'll do the same...

IF you're hearing,

"I'm sorry... I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

Then you're coming off as a provider and not creating the right amount of attraction from the beginning.

When those words are said to you, make sure you add when she's leaving out...

"...with YOU!"

Because that is what she is really telling you.

"I'm sorry... I'm not looking for a relationship right now... with YOU!"

Time to choose to become a LOVER:

  • Focus more on having fun first and not trying to prove you'd make a great daddy someday.
  • Go on more non-traditional dates.
  • Flirt more and tease them in a fun way.
  • Practice some cocky-comedy and enhance your conversational skills.
  • Set yourself as a real challenge she'll want to overcome.
  • Become the selector of women who don't settle for just any woman so easily.
  • Encourage women to qualify themselves to you and hold them to standards which are at least equal to yours.

Communicate in a way which naturally leads to being seen as a relationship type of guy who has the right skills to not only get into one and be in one, but also to grow one in a healthy way.

As shown above:

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About the Expert: Peter White – Dating and Attraction Expert. Creator of DiaLteG™. (dial – teg) Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you a little something about women.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Attraction – The Emotional Instinctual Trigger – A Skill You Can Learn, Getting A Girlfriend – Build a Great Relationship With A Woman You Love

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