I thought hard about releasing this highly critical information on attraction.
For one I felt like I might be getting a little too deep for the average reader.
But then again you’re not average, are you?
Two, because it involves such an emotional connection to ourselves.
Asking anyone to scrutinize themselves and everything they do is never an easy thing to do.
If I could honestly say I was 100% clean of what you’re about to read I’d be a liar and a thief of your personal trust in me.
Third because a part of me feels I could take what others have spent so much time exploring and developing and charge a certain price.
But how could I hold true to my own thoughts and responsibility as a teacher, a coach, and a writer – when so much groundwork has already been made. And done so by people much smarter and trained in this field than me.
Again – As I lead you to a definite major breakthrough in general attraction which centers around…
How and when we suffer from a greater “victim mentality” and block the natural triggers which causes others to feel attraction to us…
First please consider and remember – I have only made this incredible connection.
As I mentioned in my last post this step is highly important because it can help you achieve so much with even a small amount of work on yourself and the habits of codependency you display or act on.
Doing even a little work each day will:
- Allow you to grow quicker.
- Eliminate many of the reasons why you get rejected.
- Clear the path to become a more naturally attractive person.
- Strengthen and grow your self-worth.
- Create a confident barrier so you can recover from hardships quicker.
- Help you to recognize your real fears and how they block your attractive energy.
- Help you to recognize your insecurities.
- Create a more defined line between your needs and your wants.
- Help you to break the patterns of dependency.
- Allow you to develop into a more complete person.
So let’s dig in with more than a few words from a trusted resource…
Wikipedia defines the victim mentality, and rightly so in the codependency area:
Victim mentality. According to this perspective, developing a permanent stance of being a victim (having a “victim mentality”) would also not constitute true recovery from codependency and could be another example of going from one extreme to another. A victim mentality could also be seen as a part of one’s original state of codependency (lack of empowerment causing one to feel like the “subject” of events rather than being an empowered actor). Someone truly recovered from codependency would feel empowered and like an author of their life and actions rather than being at the mercy of outside forces. A victim mentality may also occur in combination with passive–aggressive control issues. From the perspective of moving beyond victim-hood, the capacity to forgive and let go (with exception of cases of very severe abuse) could also be signs of real recovery from codependency, but the willingness to endure further abuse would not.
Emotions are addictive and therefore you DO and CAN easily get addicted to becoming “a victim.”
You act out from this dependence causing you to be less attractive to others or limiting yourself to a partner who shares your same level of dependence.
Sometimes even limiting yourself to a partner where one is fully nurturing the other.
This is a huge reason why it makes it extremely difficult to overcome being a victim AND it is also why you are not allowing yourself to give the world your true attractive self.
With regards to becoming a more attractive person there are patterns or characteristics where you display based on the level of your codependency.
When you learn to eliminate them by stepping out of your current mindset attraction will ultimately take care of itself. (To a certain degree.)
The five major areas or patterns are listed as:
To identify whether your suffering and how deep you are in it, consider how many actions you find yourself doing on a daily basis.
There is no easy way to determine by a passing score due to in attraction some have a higher “weight” than others but any unhealthy combination of many of the patterns deserves your immediate attention in order for you to break this cycle.
At the heart of who you are exists a constant struggle between a need to be loved and the need to love.
Too much need and you become dependent on how other makes you feel.
Too much of your need to love and you become dependent on how you make others feel.
When you express too much of any need you are in a way expressing codependency to an outside force.
In attraction it’s expressed more deeply towards the ones we are connecting the most.
If you can eliminate these type of expressions you can and will become naturally indifferent.
You then lose “approval seeking” as an extension in validating yourself or others negative traits in their own codependency.
To further demonstrate I have taken many of the five patterns above and wrote a simple easy connection to how attractive others will see you.
I will remind you I DID NOT write them or come up with them on my own.
When you find yourself in many of the denial patterns you block your ability to communicate effectively to others your true and natural attractive self.
In denial you will struggle connecting with people on a deeper level.
In it’s purest sense when you have and act based on many of the patterns of denial you will DENY others from feeling attracted to you.
- I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
When you are not in touch with your own feelings you will struggle communicating them effectively.
Highly attractive people have superior communication skills.
Highly attractive people do NOT display false fronts.
- I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
Even in the case of doing “nice” things for those around us exists a form of arrogance or superiority over others.
- I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
It’s hard for others to care about you or feel comfortable around you if they sense you couldn’t care less about the normal welfare of others.
- I label others with my negative traits.
When you deny your own negative traits and then place them on others assume your confidence and esteem will always be questioned.
- I can take care of myself without any help from others.
Seeking help from a qualified person, even if it’s as small as helping you to move into a new home, is NOT considered a weakness.
It’s considered a strength.
Refusing to seek qualified help will deny another person the pleasure of inspiring you.
- I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
When you mask your emotions with a common “crutch” others will have trouble perceiving you as who you really are.
They may assume you have something important about yourself to hide.
- I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
- I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am attracted.
Low self-esteem patterns:
Low self-esteem patterns are usually the most recognized in attraction but if you’re like I was, you’re not trained to recognize all the signs.
Especially the ones that make the biggest difference in attracting other people.
- I have difficulty making decisions.
Often your inability to make assertive decisions is seen as being weak and having a fear that you’re worried you’ll do something wrong.
- I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
How are others supposed to judge you positively when you do not believe in yourself enough?
You’re going to make mistakes.
We all know that.
The most attractive person recognizes it’s all a part of life and it happens.
Think about it this way, the most established people in the world have lofty goals which go well beyond everyday accomplishments and most of them will never fully realize those goals.
Put that way you would assume they’re never going to be good enough. Yet they manage to succeed because they understand getting through the little stuff is more than half the battle in life.
- I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
Modesty is okay but embarrassment is not.
When someone feels so great about something you’ve done you must understand their desire to reward you is something they want to do.
When you shy away from letting it happen it only comes across as being slightly socially dysfunctional.
Which is not attractive.
- I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
This is another form of failing to communicate effectively.
This is not the same as placing high demand on how someone else “performs” for you.
This is about putting your needs or desires on the same level of everyone else.
- I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
Unless someone has the ability to live YOUR life for you and to experience what you feel you must admit valuing yourself has to if not come first, stand on equal grounds with anyone else.
- I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
Others with any self-esteem will only love you as much as you can love yourself.
- I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
A definite form of approval seeking.
Of course we all want some kind of recognition or a pat on the back once in a while but when you add “deserving” to it you make it more than a healthy props for a job well done.
- I am jealous of the relationships between others I would like to have as my own.
Jealousy, as a perceived emotion may be a natural and unavoidable emotion in life but when it’s directed towards others who always seem to have what you feel you can not have can make developing your self-esteem much more difficult.
- I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
I can say this is one pattern I have not found myself displaying.
This is because in my passion to learn and grow as a person I realized small mistakes often lead to major breakthroughs which allow the development of who we are. When you’re not afraid of making mistakes, when you learn from them easily, when you fully admit you might have been wrong, you will open your options in attraction like never before.
- I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
- I perceive myself as superior to others.
Arrogance or a bloated sense of confidence is world-wide known as a very unattractive trait.
- I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
- I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
- I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
Put bluntly… if you treat your body like crap you’re really only showing other you expect to have a short life and probably because you value your life so little you’re not enjoying it at all.
I do hope by now you’re realizing how everything I’ve covered is connected to creating or triggering a genuine attraction.
I understand and so should you, you’re not going to suffer daily on each of these.
How some creep up on you and others come about based on your experiences and how you can not possibly work on everything all at once or you’ll drive yourself crazy.
I urge you to NOT attempt to overcome everything all at once.
First – Recognize which patterns you display the most.
Second – Objectify why you’re doing them or what the underlying cause is. In other words find your own personal connections in your life.
Third – Eliminate the patterns by taking even the smallest steps daily by acting a little different and more productively. TIP: Learn what being cool is to help you.
I do plan on covering the next three in detail and based on your reaction today I may even get a little deeper.
I’m not guaranteeing you anything because honestly I just don’t know.
The one thing I DO know as you watch each one fall by your side you will soon recognize and experience for yourself why this is such critical information on attraction.
I wish you the best of luck and please leave your opinions or comments below…
Make sure you look at parts 1 and 3 of this series:
- Having A Victim Mentality Is Blocking Your Ability To Attract Her – Does it feel like you have no control over your dating life? Like any woman you are attracted never wants you back? Do you feel like a victim to her?
- Being Naturally Attractive and Getting Those Moments Right – Avoidance, compliance, and control and how they block your natural ability to be an attractive person. Stop being a victim and get those moments right.