People (men AND women), respond to a real challenge in two ways: They either give up (while sometimes trying and failing or by not trying at all ) OR they get EXCITED by it and rise up to the challenge.
Challenging a woman says to her indirectly that YOU are a selector and might “choose” her IF she steps up to that challenge. Sometimes it’s known as qualification.
Presenting the “right” types of challenges also talks indirectly to women while bypassing their persona. Specific challenges brings out the real woman behind their social mask.
What I learned from David in a statement which I will never forget, brought out my “challenger” instincts and it started with a shift in attitude:
“How would you act if you knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt she was TOTALLY into you and wanted to be with you, but you weren’t that interested and decided to RELUCTANTLY give her a chance to hang out with you.” –> — Taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 36.
We act differently when we believe a certain woman already wants us and I think it’s okay to assume it as long as we’re not overly arrogant about and can inject humor and fun into our interactions with her.
It also stops us from doing a major “attraction killer” which is also on page 36:
“Most guys think they need to impress an attractive woman. They try to be on their best behavior and not make any mistakes or say something that will upset or offend her. This leads to nervousness, self-consciousness, and stilted behavior. It creates a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere, and destroys attraction.”
You do NOT ever have to impress a woman to attract her and you can start challenging any woman by expecting HER to impress YOU.
Women do NOT want to be GIVEN their next lover, boyfriend, or casual date without any real challenge.
We put a higher value on what we work hard for and this includes personal relationships.
There’s a deeper level of attraction we can reach with women if we challenge them just enough to “step up her game.”
We must be a natural “man commodity” which also engages the specific emotional attachments women tend to put along side attraction.
This works best by not pretending we’re it and playing some stupid mind games but by actually “teasing” her into our lives because of who we are, what we do, and how we approach life, is naturally challenging her attraction towards us.
The Top Ten list I’m suggesting comes with a few questions because I understand how hard it can be to accomplish all of this when we’re starting with nothing or are feeling conflicted about all the advice we’ve been given.
These are important and “challenging” questions:
- How can we challenge her without being manipulative, fake, or playing a game?
- How can we offer a challenge from other women when we don’t have any other women in our life?
- How do we get past wanting to tell her how we feel early on because it feels like if we don’t, she’ll lose interest?
- When is it okay to tell her how we feel so it does not ruin the challenge and scare her away?
Keep them in mind as you go through the list and please follow through each one plus the links I provide because there’s no doubt in my mind, (based on my many experiences and teachings) that if we can offer more value and a higher lever of interaction with these challenges every one of us can find a way enhance her attraction to us.
First the list… below they are explained in detail.
Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women To Feel Attraction
- Have interest in ourselves enough by enjoying our life and then challenging her to join us.
- Give her just enough space to wonder what we’re doing.
- Social proof without the scam. Tell funny stories about our friends who just happen to be women.
- Do not answer every question she asks about us too directly.
- Show the right amount of interest so she has a reason to miss us even more but for the right reasons.
- Mystery challenges her mind to want to know more and will do more, and have more fun trying to get it.
- Adult teasing in every way, sexually or not challenges her wit and mind while at the same time makes her body feel… alive!
- Trivial and sometime shallow competition bond us while at the same time is a natural challenge.
- Being creative and Becoming Murhpy’s Law so we challenge ourselves too.
- Rejecting women the right way with the right touch boosts our value and confidence even if another woman doesn’t actually witness it.
1. Have interest in ourselves enough by enjoying our life and then challenging her to join us.
The greatest challenge we can offer is to put a high value on our life and to make sure we’re enjoying it as much as we can.
Honestly, if we’re not having fun we might have to take a cold hard look at where we are in life and do SOMETHING to change it.
A clever way to get a woman interested in us is actually to be interested enough in ourselves. It leads them in. It draws and prompts their attention.
The key to making this a real challenge is in the words themselves –> challenging her to join us. ( Within reason of course. )
2. Give her just enough space to wonder what we’re doing.
Let’s reword that… Create the “right” amount of space. Something you can read more about in this post I wrote –> The Difference Between Giving Her Space and Creating The Space Necessary
If we follow number one on the list, this is much easier because when we’re busy, it’s hard to be needy.
Another way is from her end or how she’ll it.
- Allow her to live her own life. (More on this is my nice guy tips –> Give The Women You Are Attracted to…Space
- Allow her to make her own mistakes and more importantly, allow her to learn from those mistakes.
- Allow her to miss you.
Sometimes space is just a matter of not meddling in her right to live her her own life the way she wants.
When we can do that we’re challenging to her be all she can be and of course we can hint the better she is at doing that, the more likely we’re going to want more of her.
Again this can be a naturally attracting challenge without games if we follow one simple rule I learned the hard way myself …( from Carlos Xuma)
Our Lives Must NOT revolve around woman in general.
And that is where the challenge comes into play.
3. Social proof without the scam. Tell funny stories about our friends who just happen to be women.
This may seem like a cheap trick but there’s so much more to it.
First, social proofing is highly important to challenge her. Think of the opposite… a guy with no social life, has barely any real friends, struggles gaining an edge socially, and lacks any skills in conversation and it’s easy to see how important it is.
Secondly, it’s really about learning a new technique to story telling which involves us and our friends and works better if they just happen to be women. (Of course it does help to have a few close friends who are women too.)
Be careful though. The technique is to refrain from giving unnecessary information which may lead her to believe we’re trying to show off and mention other women to make her jealous. That CAN work but it’s NOT my nice guy approach.
NOT A GOOD CHALLENGE: “My good friend Lisa and I were shopping and we…”
SOCIAL PROOF CHALLENGE: “This woman I know, Lisa. fun girl, we went shopping…”
The difference is to omit things which are not important to the story and are irrelevant. Does it matter that Lisa is your friend? Nope. Does she need to know any more than that? Nope.
What IS important is that we know this fun girl and had a humorous experience with her and we wanted to share it at a relevant time.
Which actually is better story telling anyways.
The proof is, we have fun friends. We do fun things. We have stories to share. We KNOW women who may or not be sexually attracted to us and that is all left for her to think about later.
The point to all this is “challenging” becomes clear when we start to put it all together:
- Enjoying our life.
- Having fun outside of women.
- We’re not needy or overly judgmental.
- We’ve create an attractive space around us.
- We’re proofed by other women.
- We have learned to convey it all through positive communication without trying to appear over-confident.
Naturally challenging her attraction and communicating charm, wit, and an ability to talk. Something all women put high value on.
Since we might find ourselves talking about about other women AND she has a little “challenging” interest she’s very likely going to wonder who they are and start to ask a lot of questions…
Which leads us to number four the list.
4. Do not answer every question she asks about us too directly.
When women are “feeling” it for us they ask lots of questions. Some more than others. Some hide it better or cleverly disguise them. (As I DO teach women to do. )
This gives us the opportunity to really turn up our charm, flirt, and challenge her to want to know even more.
A word of warning though, this can be easily overdone and we go from attracting her to boring her or her not even caring about the answers any more.
This is spice. Sprinkle it on top.
What works best is the classic “cocky/funny” responses I learned directly from my very first “teacher,” David DeAngelo.
He told me the unbeatable formula is simple but sometimes hard to get:
Take a cocky statement and spin a little humor into it. And MAKE SURE SHE’S LAUGHING WITH YOU.
It takes a little practice but you’ll be more than pleasantly surprised how well it changes your entire interactions with women, from something with little challenge to an attractive guy who is funny AND a real challenge.
You’ll definitely want to try it immediately. I was literally blown away from how quickly and easily it worked.
Yes, it’s a little tough to get the hang of AND it’s definitely easy to screw it up too so BE CAREFUL.
Keep in mind every situation has a different balance that works great.
The more high up she “claims” to be ( borderline stuck up if you know what I mean ) you’ll want to be more cocky and definitely extremely sarcastic.
If she’s down to earth then blend a little more lighthearted humor into it.
The more confident you are, the more skilled you are at flirting, the less cocky you need to throw in to your humor. Use it rarely but USE IT!
Remember, just being funny isn’t enough of a real challenge to women.
There needs to be that cockiness to attract her.
Common questions include what we do for a living, how old we are, if we’ve ever been married, do we have kids, what do we do for fun, and lots of yes or no questions.
Avoid boring answers. Make her wonder if you’re telling the truth or not. Play with your answers. Make them fun.
This also works great to begin linking a “fake” life with her in a flirtatious way.
We all must keep in mind women are very social and often highly conversational. With that in mind how we talk to her and what we talk about is the easiest way to challenge her in the beginning.
5. Show the right amount of interest so she has a reason to miss us even more but for the right reasons.
In many of my experiences and conversations with women they’ve told me how they get dejected or feel rejected after meeting a guy they might have liked more…
Because he didn’t seem too interested or she wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know more about her or not.
This can work and yes it does peak her curiosity a little but it may never be enough, the feelings are little different, and what we end up with a woman who’s more interested in finding out why she felt reject thus having a lowered self-esteem.
If we want to challenge her we MUST show some level of interest. Easy to do when we’re really “into” her so be careful not to lay it on too thick.
Here’s a great quote to help us out:
I balanced just enough mystery about what I was doing when Alicia wasn’t there, with just enough BEING THERE for her to get that girl to like me more than any other guy she knew.
The standard Pickup logic may not support this, but I’m here to tell you that if a person is exposed to your presence regularly enough (but not to extremes), they will start to miss you when you’re not around, and they will feel a burning attraction begin to build for you.
Again, this has to be done with the right method and in the right intensity, otherwise it will fizzle out into “friendship” territory.
How to Get a Girl to Like You – The 3 Laws of Attracting Women – by Carlos Xuma. Post located here at DiaLteG TM
This naturally leads to challenge number 6:
6. A Mystery challenges her mind to want to know more and will do more, and have more fun trying to get it.
The best women I’ve known and had the most fun with were sharp. They were quick witted and tough to “up one them”.
Challenging a woman to feel indisputable attraction towards us which engages “Want to know more” trigger means using our minds more so we can fully connect with her. On all levels.
A more recent post also suggests how deep and effective a mystery challenges her:
He IS the ultimate challenge. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
…Women are generally considered “nurturers.” and when you don’t ask to be nurtured or present an overly need to be “taken care of” you “trigger” her need to find a way to take care of you without damaging your modest “ego”.
This challenge to her becomes more than just a want – it becomes a desire to figure you out which often leads to her frustration and then leads her to a sexual emotion. These triggers, when lined up, stirs her attraction in such a way, many women can not resist but to get “trapped” in the emotional high created.
Leave just enough room in the conversations to allow her to fill in her own blanks. Good or bad, who cares. We must not seek her approval over something she doesn’t like about us.
Challenge her to figure us out.
Mysteries tend to be bound to our thinking part of the brain. We also get emotional trying to solve them IF we’re interested in the answer.
Challenge five above (showing just enough of the right interest) is that much more important to creating mystery which like the rest, when everything used together, the challenge becomes that much more effective.
7. Tease her!
Whether it’s silly fun or creating sexual tension, teasing her gives most women an emotional challenge they love because most guys just don’t know how or when to do it effectively.
Timing is important and the level of the relationship is very relevant.
Teasing can be a game and as long as it’s fun and sometimes sexy creates natural anticipation of what is coming next.
It also in a way makes any woman of any age feel youthful and full of energy.
If you’ve ever done it right, even by just just our words we’ll notice her voice change, goosebumps, nervous chatter, and it’s something amazing and fun to be a part of. Espeically if we’re the ones causing it.
Rather than get too deep in this very large subject I’ll once again pass it on to a post which is more defined and helpful. –> Tease Her to Please Her 2 I stored the post at DiaLteG TM.
8. Trivial and sometime shallow competition bond us while at the same time is a natural challenge.
Any game which is lively and fun work extremely well because I’ve found lots of women love competition.
We challenge them to any game which is a little physical. Even Pool or Darts because at least we’re moving around.
Get her heart rate up a little and use the rest of the list above. Paired together makes us a challenge she may have never had the pleasure of meeting.
Quiet board games get boring and dumb little trivial questions must be spared. It’s not a battle to see who can remember something.
It’s a physical and fun challenge over a fairly meaningless competition.
We also must make sure we’re not sure bad losers or regretful betters. We can raise the stakes when we lose and not limit our winnings to just bragging rights. We can add sexual edge in the right circumstances.
Just a few competitive experiences like a snow ball fight will set up as a fun challenge.
If we can link this to a date seamlessly we’re going do good. I’ve got a ton of date suggestions which are cheap and lots of challenging fun too here –> 32 Great Date Places – Where To Go and Meet Up With Her
9. Being creative and Becoming Murhpy’s Law so we challenge ourselves too.
This means to challenge her in a way lots of men can’t.
Scot McKay put it best in this quote:
When it comes to getting what you want when others want it also, the fact is that someone is going to get what he or she wants. Someone is going to – if even by default – act as the “enforcer” of Murphy’s Law while the others suffer under its iron fist. That someone may as well be you.
Here’s your challenge. From now on, be Murphy’s Law.
When you see that great woman online, envision all the other guys out there puzzling over what to write her. You may even visualize all the other “Mr. Nice Guy” or “Mr. Creepy Guy” emails flooding her inbox.
Then, without hesitation, read that woman’s profile, find what catches your eye about it, challenge her with a creative first e-mail…and expect results. Be the guy who enthralls her enough to make her want to hide her profile for now–even as other guys are yet in mid-sentence typing to her.
How to Succeed With Women – BE Murphy’s Law – Scot McKay
If we take life as a fun challenge, and always strive for more, whether it’s new experiences or adventures, we become a natural challenge to others.
Our mood rubs off on others so why can’t we use this positive and energetic drive to stimulate the women we’re with.
Becoming a greater challenge is facing things with positive and a resourceful attitude.
When we find ourselves in a situation where it can naturally come out we’re going to trigger attraction.
10. Rejecting women the right way with the right touch boosts our value and confidence even if another woman doesn’t actually witness it.
We must not waste her time. We should not sit around with one woman hoping something better will come along.
The more women we fear rejecting nicely makes us less of a real challenge because it not only makes us weak and act out of fear but also lowers our standards.
High high standards of the women we date is very important to women.
When she sees our value and (somehow learns) we’re not afraid to nicely reject those we don’t want, we can be more valuable and thus propose a greater challenge her.
Men with more choices attract more women – and men who hold themselves up high enough not to bend to every woman’s advancement displays:
- Solid decision making skills.
- Clear goals and a desire to reach them.
- Strength of character and of high moral value.
- Empathy with regards to peoples feelings.
To a woman, when she meets a guy like that and feels even the smallest attraction ( because we’re doing everything on this list) combined with those four traits makes us a very rare sought-out and highly challenging man.
Some unfortunately spend decades looking for a guy like that.
Don’t let number 10, rejecting those we don’t want above and beyond the physical part, pass us by because it’s on this list for a very good reason.
Lots of items on this lists tend to revolve around actually having more women in our lives.
It may mean meeting more women so I’ve included this post too –> Get More Women in Your Life!
Bonus – 11. Adding an attractive “edge” to us nice guys.
Not becoming a dick but definitely a more highly effective and challenging personality.
Bad boys are notorious for challenging women in every way listed here and more…
This is more about triggering attraction but I’ve found these types of guys challenge women all the time.
It’s also about engaging women eye to eye because it’s a fact that when we put a woman on a pedestal she’ll feel quite literally no challenge at all. We can avoid that losing battle right the beginning and make sure everything here works flawlessly.