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Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women to be Attracted to You

in Attraction, Attractive Communication, Challenging Her
Do NOT leave challenging women to just getting lucky.

People (men AND women), respond to a real challenge in two ways: They either give up (while sometimes trying and failing or by not trying at all ) OR they get EXCITED by it and rise up to the challenge.

Challenging a woman says to her indirectly that YOU are a selector and might “choose” her IF she steps up to that challenge. Sometimes it’s known as qualification.

Presenting the “right” types of challenges also talks indirectly to women while bypassing their persona. Specific challenges brings out the real woman behind their social mask.

What I learned from David in a statement which I will never forget, brought out my “challenger” instincts and it started with a shift in attitude:

“How would you act if you knew that beyond the shadow of a doubt she was TOTALLY into you and wanted to be with you, but you weren’t that interested and decided to RELUCTANTLY give her a chance to hang out with you.” –> — Taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 36.

We act differently when we believe a certain woman already wants us and I think it’s okay to assume it as long as we’re not overly arrogant about and can inject humor and fun into our interactions with her.

It also stops us from doing a major “attraction killer” which is also on page 36:

“Most guys think they need to impress an attractive woman. They try to be on their best behavior and not make any mistakes or say something that will upset or offend her. This leads to nervousness, self-consciousness, and stilted behavior. It creates a tense, uncomfortable atmosphere, and destroys attraction.”

You do NOT ever have to impress a woman to attract her and you can start challenging any woman by expecting HER to impress YOU.

Women do NOT want to be GIVEN their next lover, boyfriend, or casual date without any real challenge.

We put a higher value on what we work hard for and this includes personal relationships.

There’s a deeper level of attraction we can reach with women if we challenge them just enough to “step up her game.”

We must be a natural “man commodity” which also engages the specific emotional attachments women tend to put along side attraction.

This works best by not pretending we’re it and playing some stupid mind games but by actually “teasing” her into our lives because of who we are, what we do, and how we approach life, is naturally challenging her attraction towards us.

The Top Ten list I’m suggesting comes with a few questions because I understand how hard it can be to accomplish all of this when we’re starting with nothing or are feeling conflicted about all the advice we’ve been given.

These are important and “challenging” questions:

  • How can we challenge her without being manipulative, fake, or playing a game?
  • How can we offer a challenge from other women when we don’t have any other women in our life?
  • How do we get past wanting to tell her how we feel early on because it feels like if we don’t, she’ll lose interest?
  • When is it okay to tell her how we feel so it does not ruin the challenge and scare her away?

Keep them in mind as you go through the list and please follow through each one plus the links I provide because there’s no doubt in my mind, (based on my many experiences and teachings) that if we can offer more value and a higher lever of interaction with these challenges every one of us can find a way enhance her attraction to us.

First the list… below they are explained in detail.

Top Ten Ways to Challenge Women To Feel Attraction

  1. Have interest in ourselves enough by enjoying our life and then challenging her to join us.
  2. Give her just enough space to wonder what we’re doing.
  3. Social proof without the scam. Tell funny stories about our friends who just happen to be women.
  4. Do not answer every question she asks about us too directly.
  5. Show the right amount of interest so she has a reason to miss us even more but for the right reasons.
  6. Mystery challenges her mind to want to know more and will do more, and have more fun trying to get it.
  7. Adult teasing in every way, sexually or not challenges her wit and mind while at the same time makes her body feel… alive!
  8. Trivial and sometime shallow competition bond us while at the same time is a natural challenge.
  9. Being creative and Becoming Murhpy’s Law so we challenge ourselves too.
  10. Rejecting women the right way with the right touch boosts our value and confidence even if another woman doesn’t actually witness it.

1. Have interest in ourselves enough by enjoying our life and then challenging her to join us.

The greatest challenge we can offer is to put a high value on our life and to make sure we’re enjoying it as much as we can.

Honestly, if we’re not having fun we might have to take a cold hard look at where we are in life and do SOMETHING to change it.

A clever way to get a woman interested in us is actually to be interested enough in ourselves. It leads them in. It draws and prompts their attention.

The key to making this a real challenge is in the words themselves –> challenging her to join us. ( Within reason of course. )

2. Give her just enough space to wonder what we’re doing.

Let’s reword that… Create the “right” amount of space. Something you can read more about in this post I wrote –> The Difference Between Giving Her Space and Creating The Space Necessary

If we follow number one on the list, this is much easier because when we’re busy, it’s hard to be needy.

Another way is from her end or how she’ll it.

  • Allow her to live her own life. (More on this is my nice guy tips –> Give The Women You Are Attracted to…Space
  • Allow her to make her own mistakes and more importantly, allow her to learn from those mistakes.
  • Allow her to miss you.

Sometimes space is just a matter of not meddling in her right to live her her own life the way she wants.

When we can do that we’re challenging to her be all she can be and of course we can hint the better she is at doing that, the more likely we’re going to want more of her.

Again this can be a naturally attracting challenge without games if we follow one simple rule I learned the hard way myself …( from Carlos Xuma)

Our Lives Must NOT revolve around woman in general.

And that is where the challenge comes into play.

3. Social proof without the scam. Tell funny stories about our friends who just happen to be women.

This may seem like a cheap trick but there’s so much more to it.

First, social proofing is highly important to challenge her. Think of the opposite… a guy with no social life, has barely any real friends, struggles gaining an edge socially, and lacks any skills in conversation and it’s easy to see how important it is.

Secondly, it’s really about learning a new technique to story telling which involves us and our friends and works better if they just happen to be women. (Of course it does help to have a few close friends who are women too.)

Be careful though. The technique is to refrain from giving unnecessary information which may lead her to believe we’re trying to show off and mention other women to make her jealous. That CAN work but it’s NOT my nice guy approach.

For example:

NOT A GOOD CHALLENGE:  “My good friend Lisa and I were shopping and we…”

SOCIAL PROOF CHALLENGE:   “This woman I know, Lisa. fun girl, we went shopping…”

The difference is to omit things which are not important to the story and are irrelevant. Does it matter that Lisa is your friend? Nope. Does she need to know any more than that? Nope.

What IS important is that we know this fun girl and had a humorous experience with her and we wanted to share it at a relevant time.

Which actually is better story telling anyways.

The proof is, we have fun friends. We do fun things. We have stories to share. We KNOW women who may or not be sexually attracted to us and that is all left for her to think about later.

The point to all this is “challenging” becomes clear when we start to put it all together:

  • Enjoying our life.
  • Having fun outside of women.
  • We’re not needy or overly judgmental.
  • We’ve create an attractive space around us.
  • We’re proofed by other women.
  • We have learned to convey it all through positive communication without trying to appear over-confident.

Naturally challenging her attraction and communicating charm, wit, and an ability to talk. Something all women put high value on.

Since we might find ourselves talking about about other women AND she has a little “challenging” interest she’s very likely going to wonder who they are and start to ask a lot of questions…

Which leads us to number four the list.

4. Do not answer every question she asks about us too directly.

When women are “feeling” it for us they ask lots of questions. Some more than others. Some hide it better or cleverly disguise them. (As I DO teach women to do. )

This gives us the opportunity to really turn up our charm, flirt, and challenge her to want to know even more.

A word of warning though, this can be easily overdone and we go from attracting her to boring her or her not even caring about the answers any more.

This is spice. Sprinkle it on top.

What works best is the classic “cocky/funny” responses I learned directly from my very first “teacher,” David DeAngelo.

He told me the unbeatable formula is simple but sometimes hard to get:

Take a cocky statement and spin a little humor into it. And MAKE SURE SHE’S LAUGHING WITH YOU.

It takes a little practice but you’ll be more than pleasantly surprised how well it changes your entire interactions with women, from something with little challenge to an attractive guy who is funny AND a real challenge.

You’ll definitely want to try it immediately. I was literally blown away from how quickly and easily it worked.

Yes, it’s a little tough to get the hang of AND it’s definitely easy to screw it up too so BE CAREFUL.

David found it so helpful and since every guy he taught was asking for more, he gave it to them. You can pick up the Cocky Comedy Course for yourself right here at a modest price. Sorry it’s not free. Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo© – Learn Secrets about Women and Dating Most Men Will Never Know.

Now please…

Keep in mind every situation has a different balance that works great.

The more high up she “claims” to be ( borderline stuck up if you know what I mean ) you’ll want to be more cocky and definitely extremely sarcastic.

If she’s down to earth then blend a little more lighthearted humor into it.

The more confident you are, the more skilled you are at flirting, the less cocky you need to throw in to your humor. Use it rarely but USE IT!

Remember, just being funny isn’t enough of a real challenge to women.

There needs to be that cockiness to attract her.

Common questions include what we do for a living, how old we are, if we’ve ever been married, do we have kids, what do we do for fun, and lots of yes or no questions.

Avoid boring answers. Make her wonder if you’re telling the truth or not. Play with your answers. Make them fun.

This also works great to begin linking a “fake” life with her in a flirtatious way.

We all must keep in mind women are very social and often highly conversational. With that in mind how we talk to her and what we talk about is the easiest way to challenge her in the beginning.

5. Show the right amount of interest so she has a reason to miss us even more but for the right reasons.

In many of my experiences and conversations with women they’ve told me how they get dejected or feel rejected after meeting a guy they might have liked more…

Because he didn’t seem too interested or she wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know more about her or not.

This can work and yes it does peak her curiosity a little but it may never be enough, the feelings are little different, and what we end up with a woman who’s more interested in finding out why she felt reject thus having a lowered self-esteem.

If we want to challenge her we MUST show some level of interest. Easy to do when we’re really “into” her so be careful not to lay it on too thick.

Here’s a great quote to help us out:

I balanced just enough mystery about what I was doing when Alicia wasn’t there, with just enough BEING THERE for her to get that girl to like me more than any other guy she knew.

The standard Pickup logic may not support this, but I’m here to tell you that if a person is exposed to your presence regularly enough (but not to extremes), they will start to miss you when you’re not around, and they will feel a burning attraction begin to build for you.

Again, this has to be done with the right method and in the right intensity, otherwise it will fizzle out into “friendship” territory.

How to Get a Girl to Like You – The 3 Laws of Attracting Women – by Carlos Xuma. Post located here at DiaLteG TM

This naturally leads to challenge number 6:

6. A Mystery challenges her mind to want to know more and will do more, and have more fun trying to get it.

The best women I’ve known and had the most fun with were sharp. They were quick witted and tough to “up one them”.

Challenging a woman to feel indisputable attraction towards us which engages “Want to know more” trigger means using our minds more so we can fully connect with her. On all levels.

A more recent post also suggests how deep and effective a mystery challenges her:

He IS the ultimate challenge. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

…Women are generally considered “nurturers.” and when you don’t ask to be nurtured or present an overly need to be “taken care of” you “trigger” her need to find a way to take care of you without damaging your modest “ego”.

This challenge to her becomes more than just a want – it becomes a desire to figure you out which often leads to her frustration and then leads her to a sexual emotion. These triggers, when lined up, stirs her attraction in such a way, many women can not resist but to get “trapped” in the emotional high created.

7 Reasons Why Women Like Quiet and Mysterious Men Plus How To Be It

Leave just enough room in the conversations to allow her to fill in her own blanks. Good or bad, who cares. We must not seek her approval over something she doesn’t like about us.

Challenge her to figure us out.

Mysteries tend to be bound to our thinking part of the brain. We also get emotional trying to solve them IF we’re interested in the answer.

Challenge five above (showing just enough of the right interest) is that much more important to creating mystery which like the rest, when everything used together, the challenge becomes that much more effective.

7. Tease her!

Whether it’s silly fun or creating sexual tension, teasing her gives most women an emotional challenge they love because most guys just don’t know how or when to do it effectively.

Timing is important and the level of the relationship is very relevant.

Teasing can be a game and as long as it’s fun and sometimes sexy creates natural anticipation of what is coming next.

It also in a way makes any woman of any age feel youthful and full of energy.

If you’ve ever done it right, even by just just our words we’ll notice her voice change, goosebumps, nervous chatter, and it’s something amazing and fun to be a part of. Espeically if we’re the ones causing it.

Rather than get too deep in this very large subject I’ll once again pass it on to a post which is more defined and helpful. –> Tease Her to Please Her 2 I stored the post at DiaLteG TM.

Next up…

 8. Trivial and sometime shallow competition bond us while at the same time is a natural challenge.


There’s nothing more exciting and attractive to many women than a fun physical challenge.

Any game which is lively and fun work extremely well because I’ve found lots of women love competition.

We challenge them to any game which is a little physical. Even Pool or Darts because at least we’re moving around.

Get her heart rate up a little and use the rest of the list above. Paired together makes us a challenge she may have never had the pleasure of meeting.

Quiet board games get boring and dumb little trivial questions must be spared. It’s not a battle to see who can remember something.

It’s a physical and fun challenge over a fairly meaningless competition.

We also must make sure we’re not sure bad losers or regretful betters. We can raise the stakes when we lose and not limit our winnings to just bragging rights. We can add sexual edge in the right circumstances.

Just a few competitive experiences like a snow ball fight will set up as a fun challenge.

If we can link this to a date seamlessly we’re going do good. I’ve got a ton of date suggestions which are cheap and lots of challenging fun too here –> 32 Great Date Places – Where To Go and Meet Up With Her

9. Being creative and Becoming Murhpy’s Law so we challenge ourselves too.

This  means to challenge her in a way lots of men can’t.

Scot McKay put it best in this quote:

When it comes to getting what you want when others want it also, the fact is that someone is going to get what he or she wants. Someone is going to – if even by default – act as the “enforcer” of Murphy’s Law while the others suffer under its iron fist. That someone may as well be you.

Here’s your challenge.  From now on, be Murphy’s Law.

When you see that great woman online, envision all the other guys out there puzzling over what to write her. You may even visualize all the other “Mr. Nice Guy” or “Mr. Creepy Guy” emails flooding her inbox.

Then, without hesitation, read that woman’s profile, find what catches your eye about it, challenge her with a creative first e-mail…and expect results. Be the guy who enthralls her enough to make her want to hide her profile for now–even as other guys are yet in mid-sentence typing to her.

How to Succeed With Women – BE Murphy’s Law – Scot McKay

If we take life as a fun challenge, and always strive for more, whether it’s new experiences or adventures, we become a natural challenge to others.

Our mood rubs off on others so why can’t we use this positive and energetic drive to stimulate the women we’re with.

Becoming a greater challenge is facing things with positive and a resourceful attitude.

When we find ourselves in a situation where it can naturally come out we’re going to trigger attraction.

10. Rejecting women the right way with the right touch boosts our value and confidence even if another woman doesn’t actually witness it.

We must not waste her time. We should not sit around with one woman hoping something better will come along.

The more women we fear rejecting nicely makes us less of a real challenge because it not only makes us weak and act out of fear but also lowers our standards.

High high standards of the women we date is very important to women.

When she sees our value and (somehow learns) we’re not afraid to nicely reject those we don’t want, we can be more valuable and thus propose a greater challenge her.

Men with more choices attract more women – and men who hold themselves up high enough not to bend to every woman’s advancement displays:

  • Solid decision making skills.
  • Clear goals and a desire to reach them.
  • Strength of character and of high moral value.
  • Empathy with regards to peoples feelings.

To a woman, when she meets a guy like that and feels even the smallest attraction ( because we’re doing everything on this list) combined with those four traits makes us a very rare sought-out and highly challenging man.

Some unfortunately spend decades looking for a guy like that.

Don’t let number 10, rejecting those we don’t want above and beyond the physical part, pass us by because it’s on this list for a very good reason.

Lots of items on this list tend to revolve around actually having more women in our lives. It may mean meeting more women so I’ve included this post too –> Get More Women in Your Life!

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: The Nice Guy Approach | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.

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38 comments… add one
  • Tony

    ok so we have seen eachother 3-4 4times since then , we went bowling, went to my place watched movies and went away for a day on a road trip.. she still thinks i have a wall up ,, cause i dont show too much affection or dont rell her how im feeling .. but weve fooled around now quite abit.. she reckons we have alot of chemistry.. mental and physicall,, no i didnt have 5ex with her lol .. she wont let me go that far.. which is good cause then id think she was like all the other girls i been with who give it up instantly.. but its weird we talked and talk yesterday and the “how many people have u had sex with’ question came up ,, he told me how many then i didnt want to tell her cause i been kinda bad .. anyway i told her briefly and she was like wooh.. but that didnt stop us from fooling around after.. i just find it strange that im still initiating contact sms .. calls but shes always up for it to see me .. i havnt like a girl like this for a while .. do u think she is trying to test me , do u think she just wants to have fun with me .. or she just wants me to be a man and show her how much i want her,, cause the last guy she was with was a total ass and they were frineds for 2 years and when they did make it official and startd being boyfriend and girlfriend he goes and cheats on her.. she has a big wall up and she even admitted it after she said that i did first,,… do u think she likes me for fun or like she wants to test me cause shes scared and wants me to show what i feel .. lol listen to myself.. i sound like a bitch i never been like this for years.. hahaha

    • Thanks for the update Tony.

      My instinct tells me she’s looking for a relationship or sees you as relationship material. She doesn’t want to ruin it by just jumping into sex with you. (Remember her last ‘relationship’ and how long it took her to commit. She’s probably scared about getting hurt again)

      Women will always test you even if you’re in a committed relationship. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just a instinctive skill they are born with to determine the real truth. Don’t concern yourself too much about determining what is a test and what is not. Just focus on doing what you’re doing because again, it’s working.

      Of course she wants to know if you really want her. She also wants to be certain you’re the real deal. She will wait until you decide where the relationship is going because let’s face it Tony, you’re the male, she’s the female. And in relationships like this the masculine man always must lead and if the woman accepts she will follow your lead.

      Also my guess is that she knows you’ll contact her so she won’t initiate it. I bet if you made her wait or did something unpredictable like waiting much longer than you ever had before you would drive her crazy. Too much would have her believing you’re only in it for a sexual encounter. When women are looking for long-term relationships they look for predictability in certain parts of your actions. Meaning the romance should feel spontaneous and unpredictable but congruence in the male leadership role and being predictable in them shows her you’re a reliable man and can prove to be a great partner in life.

      As for the fun thing…keep having it because of course she wants to have fun with you, but if that was the only thing she wanted from you she would not be testing you to see how good of a boyfriend or husband you would be. In fact she probably would not be testing you much at all.

      Now the big questions are….drum roll please…..hahah….are you sounding like a bitch?….haha!!! No seriously Tony the big questions are…

      Who is going to reveal their true feelings first? Will it cause one of you to back off after it is revealed? Has she already revealed her feelings for you? Have you already revealed your feelings towards?

      From what I know of your situation she already has revealed how she feels about you. When women mention chemistry. When women mention how they are scared because of a last relationship. When women always answer your calls or texts. When women always want to see you. When women still see a wall up or find it difficult to read your true feelings.


      She might not say the words exactly but that’s because it’s your job to make her comfortable enough to do so. She’s feels vulnerable in this area and she wants you to protect her heart from further pain.

      I would say you don’t have to go so far as telling her directly but if you want her to profess her love first you must make her feel safe enough to do so. This could take time.

      Hope that helps out Tony and again thanks for keeping me informed on what is going on with you and her. Let me know how she responds to what I told you to say about the reading thing. I bet she’s going to love it.

      Good luck Tony.

      • Fresh Seduction

        Hi Peter,

        Very impressed with you site. Great advice. It must be fun answering these questions for all the soft dudes who don’t want to have sex with women. My main intent with a women I’m dating is to be manly to have sex and make her feel like a real lady. Flirting, and physically escalating is what you should be doing with a women–not being her girlfriend. I do privet coaching and my focal points are masculinity and intamacy. It would be cool to connect with like minded people.

  • Tony

    by the way … i like ur response about the “ur hard to read.. very good .. im trying that next time she says that

  • Tony

    ok well ive been seeing her alot we gone on dinner dates.. spent the day together on a road trip.. gone bowling.. she even wants to go fishing.. anyway last night .. i took her to eat at this chocolate bar. and we talked ,, and she said “you dont say much Tony.. and she said she isnt sure what my intentions are… anyway after a little while i said ok well here goes.. my intentions arent bad cause i wouldnt spend so much time with u and also i havnt met a Girl like you before ” so yeh thats what i said and left it at that.. anyway then she said that she hadnt met a guy like me and i give her a different vibe to other guys.. and that her friends also think im hot and a nice guy cause i met them saturday night when i went out she came and visited me in a club.. .. browny points lol “im hot” hehe and yeh she knows i was a bad boy like i had my fair share of woman .. hmm hmm but she said thats my past and its fine.. cause im a man.. and then we talked and she said that the reason she has or had a wall up was because i was hard to read and she didnt know what my intentions were .. by the way she persisted on paying for the desert meal.. cause i usually don’t let her pay but yeh i liked the fact that she has pride and independance and persisted //
    then after that i took her near the harbour for a walk in the main city ..we walked , talked kissed she held me cause she was cold and asked me if i minded if she held me in public and i said yeh why not ..

    then we went near the beach and fooled around abit,, anyway its all good but i see these other guys on her facebook posyig shit and smiling at her on her facebook , writing all this shit on her pics.. mind u i never write or comment on anything on her page cause im not one to do so .. and i looked at her phone when she took it out of her bag and i saw a guys name on it he sent her some long ass message and i got pissed off, all want to do is confirm that she really wants me .. like we saw a shooting star and shes like ” make a wish” and then asked me what i wished and i wouldnt tell her cause then it wouldnt come true and she was looking at me funny when i asked her,, i still always initiate contact sms and call her.. i dont want to do this but im thinking should i not call or sms her for a few days just to see if she cares .. or do u think i shouldnt… but from what ive told u .. do u think she really likes me r do u think there is another guy or other guys she talks to or is into .. i just get the shits cause she said to me she went through a faze where she was adding all these random guys on facebook and they write shit on her wall and i feel like ground and pounding their head in ..i havnt liked a girl like this in soo long .. its weird.. lol

    what do u think Pete .. talk to me and thanx for all this advise

    • Classic stuff Tony and I appreciate you keeping us all informed. I bet there are a ton of guys learning from our comments.

      Just a quick note here. The next time a woman throws the “What are your intentions?” test your way I would rather you find a humorous way to turn the focus on her. You don’t have to avoid the question just have fun with it. This is a huge test women give men to guage their reaction. If you get defensive, she may think you’re up to something. If you won’t tell her she may believe you’re hiding something. If you give in too easily and try to demonstrate your intentions are only good she may feel like she can control you with tough questions like that. Which is usually not good for a lasting attraction.

      Most guys think they have to fight off the test but there’s a much better way of passing it and staying the challenge by answering,

      “I want the world and I want it now.”
      “I intend to enjoy life to the fullest.”

      Answering with a confident and funny statement about your intentions or what you want out of life is far more enjoyable to most women. Sure some of them get mad because you won’t answer her directly but it typically won’t destroy her attraction for you. In fact it actually can frustrate her just enough to literally turn her on.

      Let’s put this all in perspective because I feel you’re losing control of the situation on some ends. I just feel at this pace if you end up in a relationship she may feel she has to lead. Which might be good for some women but in general it leads to relationship problems.

      She got you to admit your feelings for her are relationship based.
      She saw some jealousy in you. Even if you did not comment about the guys I’m sure she realized or sensed your jealousy. Which may even be her way of seeing how you react to her guy-friends. If she sees jealousy she knows you like her.

      Here’s a huge thing men overlook when they’re dealing with an insecurity which causes jealousy…

      A guy who is confident, stable, an alpha male, assumes any woman that is worth his time must be one hell of a woman. Meaning if you think she’s awesome then I can guarantee there are other men out there who will always want her too. They have to because you do and you’re a selective man.

      So…always assume she’s dating other guys. Always assume she’s leaving her options open. But respect her integrity to her life as her own.

      With that said you’re a confident stable man who knows what you want out of life. Remember those intentions I mentioned above to share with her. Well make sure those are real because they depict a big piece of your self-worth. Your values. You self-confidence

      You have to trust your ability to meet, date, and keep a woman in demand. Which means to step up your qualification to a higher level than hers.

      Her tests are qualifying you but that also means she likes you. The bigger the test, the harder ones she gives, means the more she likes you. No one wants to make the wrong decision. No one wants to fail in a relationship. She want to feel safe entering a relationship with you and does not want to invest all of herself without first understanding you’re the real deal. So she consciously or unconsciously tests you or qualifies you.

      When she feels you’re qualifying her more and just as much she also has these feelings of,

      “Wow. This guy is more selective than I am. And I think he likes me. I am a great catch.”

      You see how you qualifying her more can actually boost the confidence she has in herself. When she’s confident and feeling strong she’s more likely to let down her guard and really open up to you.

      Just remember at that point she’s looking for you to take the lead. She looking for you to step up and make the relationship decision. This takes the burden off of her and allows her to feel better about what is going to happen. Because you’re in charge. Above I mentioned how she may feel like she’s gaining control of you. Well that is screaming to her she might have to take the lead. And she does not want to do that. She can do that with any of those guys who are writing on her facebook wall.

      She’s looking for the guy who is different. She’s looking for they guy that’s in control of himself and knows how to be a leader.

      I’m running out of breath over here. Hahaha!

      Screw those other guys your biggest competition will always be yourself. I learned that long ago.

      Keep Qualifying her and challenging her.

      Take the lead. Figure out what exactly what you want out of your life and do it. If she’s a part of it, step up.

      Don’t play games of waiting to call to try and see if she likes you.

      Assume you’re the best guy she has ever met and of course what women wouldn’t like you.

      Assume if she’s hot and you want her, other guys will too. It’s unavoidable.

      Trust your ability to be the alpha male and if you don’t feel that way, go to work on it immediately.

      Her friends validated your social status. Very cool.

      A woman who talks about having a wall up is more than likely telling you to take it down and make her feel comfortable. And guess what, most women have a wall up. That’s her persona you meet. When you’ve broken through the persona and she is still claiming to have a wall up, she saying, “Sweep me off my feet PLEASE!!!!!”

      I hope that helped out and you’re welcome Tony. Again please keep me informed on the progress. Good luck to you.

      P.s. ..and oh what’s her facebook handle? Hahaha! Just messing with you man.

  • Tony

    hey Peter

    i didnt message her today and she messaged me in Greek which is my second language saying she thinks im handsome ..lol

    anyway yeh i think she knows im an alpha male… even though i told her.. but ur right i will keep what u said in mind..

    i was going to fk around with her abit when she asked what my intentions are.. and say well i just want a fk buddy lol .. i kinda did say that and then she realised i was kidding..

    so do u think by me saying that i haven’t met a girly like her in a long time and i said what do my intentions seem like .. without saying that they were good i referred to the time i spend with her should show my intentions.. so far so good but .. hopefully i keep it going ..

    lol u want her facebook handle haha.. no fkn way .. with all ur smooth tricks u will cut my grass lol

  • sohlmn

    Hi Peter, I’ve been seeing this girl for a month now, at first, she was really attracted to me, never declined my invitations and made a couple of investments in our budding relationship. She always avoided my gaze because I realized it made her blush (she’s the shy type)..after the second date, we had a long passionate kiss, after which I acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t contact her for about 2 days, within which she showed signs of loosing control over me, like sending me txt msg that she misses me and giving missed calls of which she quickly made excuses that they were sent due to an error on her phone (her phone is in good condition…lol) so the next time we met, I made a mistake and asked her to be the number one girl in my life…she immediately freaked out saying that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and that it was a no (she just got out of a terrible relationship months back) she brought all kinds of objections especially about me not saying anything about the kiss and insinuating that all I wanted was to have her and dump her. but her body language was saying “pls I don’t want you to go” I acted cool as if it didn’t bother me and she texted me later that night asking if we were cool..a few days later, we were supposed to hang out but she came late with a guy (I learnt had been chasing her for 2 years and she had friendzoned) saying she came to pick some of her stuffs from my room and that she couldn’t stay for long. I immediately knew it was a scheme to make me jealous out of my skin..lol. At this point I knew I had messed up but as an alpha male, I made up my mind to correct the mess..so I didn’t contact her for a few days. I started focusing on my other options and she got to know through one of my blackberry update…so she pinged me asking if I was home that she wanted to hang out but I told her I was tired and needed to rest so she said it was okay. Ever since, our relationship has been akward even though she still shows signs that she’s attracted to me but she kinda has a wall up now and is not as open as she used to be. I need to bring down those walls as fast as possible and bed her before its too late….pls I need help. tnx

  • Jim


  • Tom

    Hi Pete,

    I have a girlfriend whom I love very much and she says she loves me too. We talk all the time and she even feels really bad when I’m not talking to her. I give her everything from clothing to food and shelter and based on what I know and how I feel is that she loves me because she confesses that to me.

    I love her so much and I just can’t imagine a life without her. Now, there is a problem. I realized that she has been so private with her phone for a couple of months now and I usually don’t touch it because I trust her.

    Just a few days ago, I went to her facebook account and she was chatting to this guy. The guy was telling her that she loves her and she was just play along. The guy was telling her that he loves her. She was saying the guy told her that he had a wife and that how will the guy love her and the wife. The Conversation ended with “do you still love me” and my girlfriend answered yes. When the guy asked if she was serious, she said she was serious.

    Do you think this is something that I should be worried about? Or is she too comfortable that she has started engaging in such like things? Or am I too nice that she’s taking advantage?

    She tells me she loves me so much and even when I don’t reply her texts she gets mad and she’s always jealous when other girls talk to me.

    I have decided to give her space but I don’t now if it’s the right thing to do

    Please advice.

    • Hi Tom,

      I would be worried because of what you wrote here, ” I give her everything from clothing to food and shelter”. Love and/or relationships must not be built this way. Obviously this could be a social custom thing but from my point of view, it’s not.

      You see, sure women like the guy to show his love but also women like to know they can tend to themselves without men. It gives them a sense of self and it’s not something which can be given to them. They must earn it for themselves because it boosts their self-esteem and confidence and makes them (men too) feel valuable. With you giving her everything she could look elsewhere for some guy who won’t don’t what you do but makes her feel loved and good about herself.

      You can’t trust the jealousy angle because in her position I’m sure she doesn’t want to give up what she already has and feels you’ll start giving to another woman and leave her with nothing.

      Giving her space is normally a good thing (mostly) BUT I would start getting her out of the habit of relying on you for everything accept love and emotional support (when needed). How that’s going to happen might be beyond me because I’m not a relationship expert. I merely tell it like I see it for better or worse.

      Aside from ALL of that and my suggestion to allow her to feel more valuable by attaining those things apart from you – IF you’re in a relationship with any woman and she’s telling a guy she loves him and he’s saying the same thing back AND she’s going along with it AND she’s doing that and more behind your back – then YES, there’s definitely something wrong.



  • Gio

    Hey peter!

    I’ve recently been talkig to this girl I found cute in college. I’ve tried the whol unpredictable approach and so far it’s been doing fine i guess.

    Recently though, I surprised her with food (although I only did so because her dorm was on the way and I knew she was hungry) and it ended up with us going around campus on some sort of date. She ended up sharing how she didnt like relationships and what not and how she wanted to finish her studies which I perceived as just slme walls she puts up. What really got to me was how she said another guy who she rejected actually did the exact same thing I did. The only difference I guess was he did it all the time and she probably got bored. Anways long story short, I took her stargazing at a cliff which she found amazing and I told her that it was weird she was comparing me to that guy since my only intention was to get to know her (though I was lying a bit). She found me really nice and yeah i brought her back. What should be my approach from here on out? I know this probably will take a long time but I just cant afford to not see this through. Thanks!

    • Hey Gio,

      Thanks for leaving a great question.

      Consider everything below and please feel free to write back.

      First – You “guess” it’s doing fine? 🙂 What are some clear indications that she feels attracted to you sexually? What have you been doing to create that immediately when you met her?

      Second – I’m not sure what type of “unpredictable approach” you’re using. Based on what you told me you just surprised her with some food and she accepted the “date” OR she was just hungry and felt like since you’re paying, she’d happily accept it.

      Third – I seen being “unpredictable” with women where it creates attraction is “Being different than most or all guys she has experienced before.” Which I believe is a profound difference. One works, the other doesn’t. If you want to be romantic and show her unpredictable romance, that’s cool but only AFTER you start dating her AND you’re absolutely clear she’s “beyond the physical” attracted to you.

      ANY guy can predict a woman is going to be hungry. They normally like to eat. It just doesn’t create the same feelings as understanding how to make a woman FEEL something and doing so by stepping into the guy she’s been searching for.

      Fourth – Stargazing on a cliff is cool. Of course depending how the interaction went during that time and you lead off as being a cool confident guy who is truly “different” that other guys like that guy she told you about.

      Fifth – Don’t lie to a woman… ever. As the old saying goes – women ALWAYS find out because…

      Six – You think you lied, she knows what is going on, she knows you like her, and now she doesn’t trust your real intentions. She either thinks you’re gaming her, just trying to get laid, or lastly want to date her and are willing to do ANYTHING to make it happen… which means she’s going to make you wait for it… IF it happens at all because…

      Seventh – You said it yourself, this could take a while.

      Eighth – I can not believe we made it to an 8th. Weird. Okay.. MOST women are ALWAYS looking for a relationship. ALWAYS. BUT until the right guy comes along she will not consider it and will willingly push guys away or allow them to chase them for as long as another guy doesn’t come along who makes her FEEL she wants a relationship with.

      In other words the ONE guy who she feels helpless but to feel a deep attraction for.

      Ninth – What to do next?

      Tough one because I don’t know how this all started and how much you understand women and attraction and how the interaction went from the very beginning.

      My guess is that your plan was to “wine and dine her” – “show her you’re a romantic guy” – “court her” much too early. You tried to show her you’d make a great provider or boyfriend first without considering or doing a second much more powerful approach which gives YOU the control.

      Perfect timing because this has been a current topic here and on my newsletter. So read this and get back to me when you get a chance and we’ll talk:


      Talk to you soon,

      • Gio

        Hey pete!

        Saw all your advice and I’ll take note of them and then some. I wasnt actually planning on courting her since our friendship is just about budding. I want to try and get close to her and be good friends first before anything. I dont really expect much let alone reciprocation although it would be nice if she eventually ends up woth me. Anyways I plan on also taking her out to unique activities and what not so that it wont be just the same old stuff she’s used to. Just wanted to ask once more how I can act more as a lover then a provider? Like what are slme examples? Your advice really hit me hard and I’m determined to follow them.

        Thanks for everything!

        • Hey Gio,

          The thing is “friends first” doesn’t normally work for women. There must be some attraction first. Sure some women fall for their friends but who is to say she wasn’t feeling it all along anyways.

          The “lover” role often avoids normal means of courting. You’re not taking her to dinner, buying her gifts, or “trying” to be her friend. Instead (to be seen as a lover) you’re doing things and inviting her to have fun with you AND there’s a sexual edge, pure chemistry, flirting, attraction, etc… In other words you’re NOT doing things to get her to like or approve of you. That’s what a provider does. He tries to prove he’d make a “better mate” and leaves everything up to her to decide rather than having her react from the attraction she’s feeling.

          To be considered a “lover” you must be composed. Patient. Exude pure real confidence. Be aware and not afraid to bring up sexual topics but also not having everything revolve around talking about it. You must have a real balance of topics.

          Exact examples are tough to give because it’s a very broad subject. Just avoid doing those things which are considered “provider” roles as listed above. Then focus on maintaining the “lover” role and she will have no choice but to see you as one. Where it goes from there then become dependent on other things but starts with where you would like them to go.

          I was always the provider. I tried to “romance” or “friend” women in to liking me. I acted all “lovey” to them. Tried to make them like me or feel something for me. I wanted to always be there for them even when they didn’t ask. I did things for them. Tried to surprise them with special gifts and such. I was always there for them at a moments notice. Which you can see, proves I’m a provider BUT misses the point of two people eventually hooking up… ATTRACTION.

          Focus on doing the right things which create it FIRST which is what a “lover” does. She’ll figure out if you can also be a provider too on her own AND coming to that conclusion on her own is what she NEEDS to be completely into you.

          The lover role is about you. Your confidence. Your body language. How you communicate to her in a way which different and exciting to her and sort of leaves her always wanting to more. It’s her growing emotional attachment to a guy which brings her to the next stage of a deep attraction.

          Figure out where you’re failing and work on them first and very quickly you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Start here for that list:


          All the best,


  • unique


  • Paul

    I keep seeing articles that say things like ‘there has to be immediate attraction’, and ‘a woman knows in 7 seconds if she’s attracted to a guy’. The fact is, no woman is ever even slightly sexually attracted to me no matter how long we’ve been talking. I have lots of female friends, but there is never anything there except platonic friendship. I’ve asked several of them what it is about me (or not about me) that makes me sexually invisible, but none of them seem to know. I’m 38 and I’ve never even had one date (not one woman has ever agreed to go out with me on a date in my life) – and I’ve basically given up.

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