A lot of you coming here have learned (either from the newsletter or the posts) how to create attraction and quite a few of you are now dating some pretty hot girls. With that in mind let’s consider a NEW problem and a solution for it too.
You’re hooking up with this “hot” girl.
Everything seems great.
There’s sexual chemistry and you’re having amazing conversations with her. You know the ones where you’re not just nodding and agreeing with whatever she says.
You fight a little and she gives it back just as good but after these heated “nice” arguments the sexual tension doesn’t disappear, it actually becomes a little “hotter.”
Out of nowhere it starts to happen.
She starts to rarely returns your phone calls.
She grudgingly answers the texts you send her.
She acts interested when you are together and even “rewards” you with some kissing and maybe something a little more,
She teases you just enough to keep you interested but then disappears again.
It’s almost like you have to start over each time you are together.
Whether she knows it or not, or is doing it on purpose, she’s creating your addiction to her and you’re finding it more and more difficult to resist her tempting ways.
And the pattern continues…
She rewards you occasionally. Teases you to keep you interested. AND Then she freaking disappears AGAIN!
It’s like she’s dangling a tasty sugary sweet masked as her beauty and Wit.
You feel like all she wants is for you to be constantly chasing her and feeding her Ego, but you feel smart enough and you think if you’re patient enough she’ll one day opt for an exclusive relationship.
This is what it’s coming down to you AND YOU KNOW IT…
Hot or not, do you have the balls to blow her off? Should you and if so, how must it be done?
It’s time to take a serious look at what’s going on between you and her.
It’s time to ask some VERY important questions.
- Is she playing a game? Is she manipulating you?
- Is it just part of her personality? Perhaps she’s a little flaky or just care free and unable to settle down.
- Is she so attracted and into you that you are actually intimidating her? Maybe you make her nervous. Is she afraid to commit to you because she feels you’re so good for you and she’s afraid of screwing it all up?
- Is she just that busy but enjoys your time together and doesn’t have the time to focus on a relationship right now?
- Does she want to commit or dedicate more time for you but she is not in a place in her life to do so? Maybe she thinks… “It’s complicated!”
- Is she dating other guys and you just happen to be number whatever on her list of go to guys?
Take a look at each one below to help you decide what action needs to be taken – if there is one.
#1. Is she playing a game? Is she manipulating you?
If your answer is yes, then of course it’s time to blow her off. Literally just hit delete and ERASE her number and any contact information you have of her.
She will do nothing for you except waste your time and probably hurt you in the end which will set your “being a more attractive man climb” way back.
Whether or not you decide to tell her why is up to you BUT it won’t make you a better man by telling her what you think is wrong with her.
That’s not for you to decide.
Just tell her you don’t think it’s going to work out between you and her and be done with it.
EXCEPT – how do you know if she’s manipulating you? How can you tell if she’s just playing you?
Since you’re not actually IN a relationship with her, you’re just dating her, it might make figuring this one out a little tough.
Sometimes it comes down to a simple matter of ruling other things out.
AND sometimes you just have to rely on your intuition – what is your brain telling you about her?
If at first it seems like you were in control and now you’ve lost it – chances are she’s not playing you – she’s just not feeling that attracted to you any more.
Have you become needy and desperate for her attention and THEN this started happening OR did these things start happening before you started to want her more.
Take an objective look at the core of her character to help you out. How she acts around me and women too.
Are you overlooking things you saw in the beginning just because she was so hot?
People, women included, will often give you every clue you need to know and not many can hide it. It’s just most people tend to overlook it or put up with it for a while.
How does it feel to you?
IF you feel like you’re being manipulated then you probably are – if you feel like she’s just been playing you all along – then she most definitely is and will continue to do so for as long as YOU will put up with it.
Lastly for number 1 – The EASIEST most EFFECTIVE way to determine if you’re being manipulated or played is simply this:
IF she is getting something from you consistently (whether she’s asking or not) then you ARE being manipulated. It could be money, dinner, emotional support, or anything which is one-sided – meaning you keep giving and you’re not getting anything real is consistent in return.
“What if a woman has flaked out on you for the third time in two weeks-and you put up with it (again) despite the fact that you would NEVER, EVER flake on someone yourself…at all?”
#2. Is it just part of her personality? Perhaps she’s a little flaky or just care free and unable to settle down.
This is a tricky one.
How flaky is she and how much are you willing to put up with it?
If you understand she is kind of forgetful and caught up a little too much in her own head but you are still willing to deal with it, blowing her off may not be for you.
If you choose this route you must NOT not let it get to you.
You can joke about with her and bust her balls a little but you must understand it is YOUR choice to continually see her.
So deal with it!
If you feel you can not tolerate flakiness then yes, it’s time to “blow her off.”
Again telling her what is wrong with her is not recommended and it won’t make you a better man.
What WILL make you a better man is to be honest and tell her it’s just not going to work because her lifestyle and yours, don’t match up.
End it there.
If she’s just care free and doesn’t seem to want to settle down, then you’re okay… because you’re dating other girls and you don’t enter a relationships with women who are not ready when you are.
Here’s something I wrote on how to handle to a truly flaky woman:
“Too many guys make the wrong choice for the wrong reasons when a woman flakes out on him. If you’re dating, just getting dates, and you’re having a problem with women flaking out, you must read this first before you do anything. Women can and will test you. Here are the test and how to pass them the Alpha way.”
#3. Is she so attracted and into you that you are actually intimidating her? Maybe you make her nervous. Is she afraid to commit to you because she feels you’re so good for you and she’s afraid of screwing it all up?
Ask yourself how strong of a woman you want in your life.
If your typical everyday presence causes her to be too anxious around you, do NOT tune yourself down for her.
She is reacting ( or acting ) the way she is because it is who she is.
Unfortunately these women tend to have low self-esteem and become extremely needy once she settles down and becomes comfortable around you.
She may be hot and a fun to be around but her issues will cause problems in the end and those are HER issues not yours.
Allow her all the space she needs to grow herself into the what she expects from herself and not you. ( It’s my apparent most popular nice guy tip: Give The Women You Are Attracted to… Space. )
I know this sounds appealing, a hot woman being so anxious around you and showering you with attention when you’re together, but when she begins to disappear often or blows you off because she’s worried about YOU not liking HER you must stand up and be willing and capable to not continue seeing her.
If you want a strong woman in your life and she’s giving you every sign she’s not that person, you have every right to walk away but also you have no right to burn the bridge or treat her unfairly because of it.
Again, date other women and if over time you’re not finding the one, she could overcome her fears and use that bridge to start something new and even more exciting.
#4. Is she just that busy but enjoys your time together and doesn’t have the time to focus on a relationship right now?
She’s a busy girl.
Nothing wrong with that at all.
If she is turning out to be relationship material yet her lifestyle is just so confusing to you, or her unpredictable actions leave you wondering why, or how if she really does like you she will make time for you… then it might be time to let her go.
You see when you begin to question her motives you already lost.
If you find yourself always wanting her attention and she does not have the time to give it to you then you’ve stumbled on the problem of becoming needy and might even find yourself eventually begging her for her time.
Which of course will destroy the attraction she had for you very quickly.
My suggestion is to look more closely at why you feel you need more attention from her an to do this you need to be objective by letting her go.
If you’re actively seeking a long-term relationship, SHE is not the one so be prepared to let her go and focus more on “relationship ready” women.
However, if neither one of those are an issue for you, then why would you let her go.
Have fun with it.
Stop looking at the time you’re separated as a negative thing and focus on enjoying the time you have while you’re together.
Don’t go screwing up a good thing because you might feel frustrated once in a while.
#5. Does she want to commit or dedicate more time for you but she is not in a place in her life to do so? Maybe she thinks… “It’s complicated!”
She’s just not ready for you or a relationship.
If you understand this and allow yourself to date other women at the same time, then you’re on the right track.
Her lifestyle is complex and if you know she’s not doing it on purpose, then deal with it in a masculine adult way and do NOT just blow her off out of spite.
But again, as above, you begin to wonder what her motives really are, or you do want a woman who is more stable and her life is managed better, then it’s time to say goodbye.
The rule above also goes:
If you’re actively seeking a long-term relationship, SHE is not the one so be prepared to let her go and focus more on “relationship ready” women.
The key here is: IF she’s not moving in the same direction you are or want to go with a woman – no matter how hot she is – it’s time to find a woman who is moving in the same general direction as you.
#6. Is she dating other guys and you just happen to be number whatever on her list of go to guys?
Some guys don’t mind this, some guys do.
Some guys will never believe a woman will see other men and some guys just assume it’s happening.
There are a few guy who won’t dare to consider this option and get jealous all too easy when she is found out or admits she has other guys in her life.
The reality of all this actually comes down to you and not her.
Can you deal with it? Are you seeing other women too?
If it’s not a big deal then continue with her BUT don’t get all pissed of when she starts to see you less. Remember in the beginning she seemed more into you and is now slowly pulling back.
Well that’s either a sign she’s overextended herself OR there’s another guy or guys she prefers to see – which is why you’re seeing her less.
Keep in mind this COULD work out. You still could end up together AND of course in the meantime you’re free to explore YOUR options BUT…
IF you don’t like it, can not deal with it, get jealous, or anything which is ruining your experience then you MUST remove her from your life and search for a woman who doesn’t date several guys at once.
Have you yet decided what you’re going to do… stay or leave?
If you have decided it’s no big deal for you, then this experience can actually make you a more attractive guy for her or the next one when she comes along.
With regards to what is happening you can only ACT from two places or mindsets: Scarcity or Abundance.
- Putting too much emphasis on this one girl and allowing her affect your life negatively.
- You act like you need her to like you. Constantly pushing the issue about how she acts and wanting her to change.
- You chase her because she’s hot and being with her makes you feel or look better in front of others.
Anytime you act from a mindset of SCARCITY you WILL appear LESS attractive and more controlling.
You will also be more likely to settle for her before it’s the right time or whether you’re a good match or not.
If you’re not sure if you’re settling, read this article Scot McKay let me reprint to help you figure that out for yourself:
“Too many guys often settle with the wrong woman. Before you get into a relationship with the woman or women you’re dating, ask these 7 questions first. This is the easiest way to know if you’ll be happy with her and if she’s the right one for you. If you’re already in one with her, test your relationship in these 7 ways.”
- You have no time to deal with her rude downright manipulative behavior if that IS the case.
- You DO have the balls to blow her off despite her looks and what you’re feeling in your pants.
- You understand it is who she is and are not willing or desperate to change her.
Anytime you act from a place of ABUNDANCE you WILL appear MORE attractive.
Attractive men who act from abundance can also become even more attractive by maturely dealing with the situation one way or another.
Again, if you’re going to quit seeing her, do NOT string her along or don’t give in to telling her what you think might be wrong with her.
I’m sure she’ll ask and just honestly tell her the truth and nothing else,
“This, us, we, it’s just not working.” seems to say it all because it’s honest…
It’s not working, right?
Make your decision based on the mindset of abundance and only abundance and it will be okay.
This obviously isn’t simply a matter of having the balls to blow her off.
Where you go from now requires you to ASK the right questions like you were shown today.
To see what is really happening.
To be aware and capable of seeing the truth of this matter and being honest enough with yourself to see if you’re being manipulated or not.
The choice is yours to make and it’s a good assumption having a choice like this is not as bad as not having a any choice at all.
Since you’re becoming a more attractive you’ll find new problems or obstacles appear which are very different than anything you’ve experienced before…
But that doesn’t mean you should stray from solving them like an attractive man would – going backwards is NOT an option.
The same manner in which you’re found a way to attracting women deserves the same way you tackle any and all new problems which appear because of your new life and self.
So… maybe you’ve figured out she’s not playing you and you want to continue seeing her…
Here are some quick tips to send you off with, hope they help you out.
Okay so she rarely answer you emails or texts:
Then maybe you’re sending too many.
Cut them in half and if she doesn’t answer you back, do NOT send another message.
Set your life up so many women are emailing and texting you so it won’t matter anymore.
Maybe she rarely answers the phone and find yourself leaving too many voice mails:
Again… stop calling her as often or at all.
If she’s not going to get back to you, then it’s time to move on despite how you feel or if you want to continue seeing her.
Remember if you’re constantly texting her without a response, or calling her voice mail hoping she’ll answer or call you back, you’re acting out of scarcity.
If this isn’t a simple matter of leaving her then pretend just for today that “blowing her off” simple means…
Acting from the mindset of abundance.
Allowing her the space she obviously needs which might bring her closer.
Exploring other women and opportunities while at the same time casually dating her in the event you both end up on the same page one day…
Because that’s how real longer lasting relationships start and have a better chance of succeeding.
Thanks for stopping by today and if this is a new problem of yours, the it’s a good thing, right. Better than “other” woman issues you might have had before.
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