One guy says avoid making mistakes, another says you’re too worried about making mistakes.
Is this conflicting advice or is there something deeper going on?
The two people I have learned a great deal about attracting women recently darted in my head from side to side. I was fixing some posts and reworking old pages at Attraction Transformation when it occurred to me how far apart their advice seemed, at least on the surface.
Read the quotes first and come to your own conclusions before I get a little deeper into it.
Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of “I don’t want to screw this up”.
In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.
They try to present themselves as “nice guys” who love mom,have a good job, and are stable.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner).
I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.
WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.
How To Act On A First Date – David DeAngelo
…you simply need to AVOID saying the wrong things most of the time and you’ll get the girl just as often.
You see, even knowing exactly the RIGHT thing to say (the right words) is usually not enough to create attraction. You need a confident attitude, the right body language, correct timing, and solid inner game.
However, this IS NOT true in reverse.
Saying the WRONG thing CAN and WILL ruin your approach with a woman and blow things up in your face. Most success with women is simply NOT screwing up the easy stuff.
When I read them within a few minutes it sounded like Carlos was telling me not to screw up the easy stuff and David was saying I was playing it too safe.
Isn’t “not screwing up the easy stuff” in a way is playing it safe?
Am I really about to knock my two biggest influences for conflicting advice?
Well not exactly.
And believe me you’ll be the first to hear about it when I find a chink in the armor of these two men’s advice.
I read the quotes over and over until I finally started to see the bigger picture.
I finally began to see how these two seemingly different approaches were so similar.
This is how men screw up the easy stuff:
- Doing the same thing over and over when something is not working.
- Not being aware of your body language and how it affects your interactions with women.
- Approaching women who are either not in an approachable mood or interrupting her.
- Being so afraid of saying the wrong thing you end up undermining your inner game.
- Trying to present yourself as something you think she wants you to be.
- Saying the wrong thing can mean the same old boring conversations.
The deeper issue I am talking about in the title is…
When you’re having trouble with women and it seems like everybody has conflicting advice.
When you’re getting confused over whose advice is better or who has advice which will work for you…
You’re treating the problem of learning how to attract women the same way in which you have tried to attract women.
You’re over analyzing the situation to death.
You’re making it more complicated that it really is.
You’re trying too hard.
You’re taking a part of you that instinctively knows how to attract women and turning it into a job or school assignment.
You’re taking a simple math problem and turning into a college calculus course.
I know it sounds harsh because I’ve done it myself.
I went out and read all the books.
I went out and tried all the cocky comedy I could think of.
I went out and squinted at every passing women.
I learned how to hold my eye contact longer than she did.
I remember even listening to cd after cd while on a stair stepper. I wrote down anything and everything I did that was working AND I wrote down every failure I had.
You name it. I did it.
And I know for a fact David and Carlos did it too.
I’m sure it seemed complicated to them at first.
We all have been caught saying how complicated women are. How women are from freaking Venus and Men are from Mars. How men can never really understand women.
But I’m also positive at some point during their research they realized how simple effective small changes can make a huge difference… if we allow ourselves to see things from a differently AND if we have the strength to stop doing what is not working for us.
The simple things us guys screw up and the nice guy in us who is playing it safe will attempt to make us feel understanding women is outside our reach. Or that women are much too complicated to learn about through any normal means.
These two seemingly simple conflicting quotes have once again taught me how my past, and yours too, can blind you and make you believe in something that is not true.
Because attracting women is meant to be simple – It’s meant to be natural.
Learning it should be approached from the same perspective and methods, techniques, or skills we use to attract effectively.
When it seems we’re getting conflicting advice it only takes a small shift in how we look at it to find the bigger picture.