The entire subject of who should call first and all these related questions are some of the worst questions a single man or woman can ask about dating…
“Should I call him first?”
“How long should I wait before I call her?”
“What if he doesn’t call within a week?”
“Did I call her too soon?”
“Who calls first online?”
“Who pays for dinner?”
“When should we kiss?”
“How long do I wait to ask for second date?”
When I am asked many of those questions and if you look closely at my face when I respond, you’ll notice the disappointment in my eyes.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy answering dating questions or helping people out. It’s because I know it represents a deeper issue.
Those seemingly harmless questions reminds me of a magicians tool of misdirection and I’m sure we’ve all been fooled by an illusionist.
He directs our mind and eyes one way while he is performing the trick. You never notice it consciously and if the magician is really good at it, we get fooled EVERY time.
I see those questions as “misdirections” which is no different from the tricks the illusionist uses.
Except in these case the magician is your conscious mind and the one being fooled is your subconscious.
As a strange twist of reality, your subconscious is also fooling your conscious mind.
And round and round it goes in a never-ending dating loop.
Consciously you believe it’s a great question.
If you call too early you might push them away or appear needy. If you call too late you could miss out or give them the impression you don’t want them.
Subconsciously it’s a fear. A fear of screwing things up. A fear of making too many mistakes.
Think about these two people.
An attractive confident busy man is dating a confident attractive busy woman.
They rarely ever talk on the phone except for maybe a late night discussion and flirt session. If he’s busy, and he’s dating other women, and he is confident, and he understands women in general, there’s little chance he’s wondering if he called her too soon or too late.
He’s even willing to let her go because he was too busy and she decided to stop answering her phone.
She smiles when he calls.
She has even called him a few times. She has a career, a few close friends, a family which lives close by, perhaps she even babysits for her sister.
Do you think she has time to wonder or even care what it’s going to look like if she decides to call him?
The man and woman I mentioned above are not concerned with the so-called rules of when to call, how often to call, or even who should call first.
If you’re a single person and dating why do you feel you need to know the answers and why do you feel the man or woman above do not?
What’s the real difference between you and them?
This is how I see it.
They are more concerned in enjoying the moments together and living in the present.
They are both enjoying the feelings of attraction they have towards each other but they are NOT letting it control their lives.
Attraction is merely an enhancement of the present state they are living in.
Any man or woman who is constantly looking for what rules to follow in dating, whether it’s when to call or when to ask for a date is wasting their valuable time in that dating loop I alluded to earlier.
Worst of all…and this is a biggie…
When you are more concerned with the rules of dating and not how attraction works or how to create and amplify attraction, you will only attract those who are also concerned with the rules.
And what happens when two people end up in a relationship based on trying to follow rules that no longer apply in a relationship, they never really understand each other or how it all works.
They may even actually believe following the rules got them there.
Either way they both have missed the real thing that brought them together…
As it said to me once,
“Attraction has a way of hijacking your mind and using it for its own purpose. Attraction was designed in all of us to keep the species alive by passing on our genes. Attraction does not care who you are or what you do.”
In a way attraction is selfish, borderline manipulative, and it does not follow the rules our social lives have created.
Attraction will also use whatever means possible to get the job done.
It will even expose our weakness and it will thrive on the loops we find ourselves in.
If it, in a way, knows we are more concerned with the rules it will use it against us.
It knows how easy it is to create the feelings attraction in someone who is stuck on the rules.
I know what you’re thinking. What’s wrong with that? Shouldn’t we want to attract more people easily.
Yes, and no.
Yes. More choices are good. We do want to attract more people.
If we all agree attraction is working for itself regardless of who we are and its goals are to attract another person, it finds the easiest path to follow.
It also has no control over someone outside of you. What this means is it’s going to use your mechanism. The one inside you.
The worst questions a single man or woman can ask about dating in a way is attraction controlling you.
It wants you to feel as much attraction as possible because that is its only job. Regardless of you because you’re just the body it is using.
Now you can’t control how you feel this attraction but you can bring its ass out into the open. Tease it and tell it you know what it’s doing and how you find it kind of cute.
Treat it in the same flirty way you would treat anyone else.
Let it know you want to understand it better or get to know it some more. Just like you would with any person you are interested in.
What this all means is to stop asking questions about the rules and start learning about attraction.
When you understand how attraction works and you’re able to create it easily, the rules won’t matter much at all.
You’ll break the cycle.
Attraction will find less weaknesses to use against you and then you can start enjoying those feelings more.