There Are No Friends With Benefits, Real Men Don’t Sleep With Their Friends

Main stream Hollywood seems to get an idea in their heads (okay... pockets)  that they know relationships, people, and the friends with benefits thing.

And worst of all, that they know how to make a man believe he can have his cake and eat her too. Yes I meant "eat her" too.

But I don't think they really have a clue anymore what a movie is and pumping us full of their "Friends With Benefits" shit proves it.

More Hollywood trash catering to the needs of who?

Men - Yeah like they're going to pay to watch a movie about a just friends couple who decide to start doing it.

Women - Yet to meet a completely satisfied woman being a friend offering her benefits to some guy.

Dating couples - Okay. If there's a guy out there who decides to take his date to this movie. I'm sorry man. I am really, really sorry.

FWB - Is when two friends for one reason or another start doing it.

Usually it happens when they're too busy to give full attention to a relationship or when those same two people refuse to engage in one night stands or have no idea what casual sex is or how to get it.

Typically the women who is the "so-called" beneficial friend wants the man but the guy has found a loop-hole in her personality and manages to "get some" without having to commit.

It's often a muddled area and a powder keg of problems in the future.

The feelings I associate with this up and coming summer blockbuster  ( Haha! Couldn't say that with a straight face ) is disgust and disappointment.

It not only makes me lose even more respect for the failing "mainstream" movie making but makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the unfortunate men and women who rely on trash like this to offer them false hope.

I'm a firm believer we watch movies to entertain us, which is fine, but all too often we're looking for perspectives.

Entertainment or not, great movies make us think and the best movies have us walking away just a little different.

The disgust with Hollywood aside (because there are several writers and directors who are great story tellers and have marvelous insight into relationships and the human drama) - the BIG problem has more to do with a "nice guys" pipe dream and the "nice girls" hope to relieve sexual frustration OR to use her friendly benefits in the hopes that her "love" will eventually commit to her.

I have yet to meet one woman who in the long-term enjoys being the beneficial friend and I have yet to meet one nice guy who struggles with women that has not dreamed of turning his close girlfriend into a sexual relationship.

And it's movies like this that will undoubtedly de-motivate them into getting the necessary work done.

I can remember watching movies where the nice guy gets the girl in the end and they ride off into the sunset. As cheesy as they were at least they had something going for them.

They followed a format which worked:

Geeky boy decides he is fed up with being lonely.

A man, woman, or even a "Angel" as I recall in one instance, revamps his asexual look.

Next comes the de-neutering. This is where the boy is quickly taught how to act like a real Alpha Male.

In his next stage the geek boy "gets him some". 

It's usually not what he wanted and it goes straight to his head.

He ends up taking it to the extreme of the masculine spectrum and becomes the bad boy or jerk.

Which attracts the so-called easier women.

Except the woman he wanted ends up hating him and so the friendship falls apart.

Maybe he ends up sleeping with her friend.

Maybe he ends up hurting her by revealing a secret they promised not to tell.

Maybe he ends up dating another woman who just wants to control him.

It's all the same anyways.

The final stage is where the nerd realizes he does not like who he has become and ends up back to his old neutered ways.

Typically this leaves him more alone than he was in the first place.

It's at THAT point he realizes he never got what he really wanted.

He learns the hard way a major overhaul of his looks and personality adjustment came with a price his inner game could not afford.

He then mends his broken relationship for a somewhat happy ending.

The woman he set out to get starts to see him as more than a friend and in the case of one movie, rides off into the sunset on a lawnmower while "Can't Buy Me love" is played in the background as in the appropriately titled movie, "Can't Buy My Love".

Now that's motivation and not false hope.

Even the realism behind "The Last American Virgin" holds some merit and justifies to us all real relationships and not the bullshit of "Friend With Benefits."

That format works in movie making because of a defined character development.

The format works in real life because...

When our character development is not kept in check by solid decision-making and clear thinking, we become someone we don't like.

Forcing us to go back to square one.

This time our experience teaches us the often humbling reality women are not just friends waiting to give away their benefit.

They are not some object to admire from afar.

They are living breathing emotional people looking for the same happiness and comfort of a long-term relationship as the nerds in those movies represent.

I DO NOT believe in having  friends with benefits but I DO believe in casual sex.

Real men understand this.

Real women will agree.

When you add sex to a friendship without a clearly defined relationship the only one who benefits are the condom producers and in some cases, the sex therapists.

Casual sex or even some one night stands are relationships defined by sexual behavior.

The stronger the two  are the more clearly defined the line becomes.

Friends with Benefits are relationships with no definition. You're either friends or you're dating and enjoying sex.

There's not real middle ground there AND if it appears that way then someone is manipulating someone else - be it her or him.


Does friends-with-benefits ever turn into love?

"Are you the one in love? Or are you hoping HE will fall in love?"

I made an assumption there, sure.

But I knew where Anne's question was coming from.

She fired back this:

"Sigh. I wish I knew if he felt the same..."

It was at this point that I called Anne up and found out that she had made a "booty call" arrangement with a guy she had been out on a few dates with.

They had hit it off in the bedroom, but he still "wanted to see other people."

So Anne had gone along with this "friends with benefits" arrangement -
in the hopes that she could sneak in to a FULL relationship through the back
door of being a "FWB."

I told her that it can happen, but it's kind of like taking a game like Monopoly, and then changing the rules halfway through.

It's deceptive in a way.

Even if you're just trying to create a loving relationship...

A guy can feel "tricked" or manipulated if a woman takes an FWB situation
and tries to change it into a serious relationship.

Luckily, though, there IS a way to do it -

IF you know how men think about love...

You can trigger a man to feel like he's falling in love with you - if you know
how to make him FEEL in love.

He has to feel something very special

It's called "The Obsession Switch" - You Know That He's Right For You - And You're Right For Him, But He's Not Moving Things Forward.


Simply and brutally honestly...

He's found a loophole to sex without a commitment and without doing to real work involved in dating.

But that's reserved for the guys who can get it anyways.

For the rest of the "nice guys"... yeah FWB is so far off the place he wouldn't even consider sex with his friend WITHOUT the real benefit of her being his action girlfriend.

So much so - tons of Friend To Girlfriend Products like this are sold and everyday along with posts like mine about what the friends zone feels like and how to escape it.

I hate to imagine how another movie like this might actually lower the masculinity of a young man watching it privately.

Thinking there is a chance.

Thinking he should waste his time on another friend who just wants to be friends.

I hate to imagine the woman watching it thinking her guy friend might finally see her in a sexual role.

There are no false hopes in my lessons of natural attraction...

There are NO friends with benefits and once you decide to cross that line you're going to lose more than just a friend.

You're going to lose your defined role as a masculine man because...

Real Men do NOT sleep with their friends.

They have no need to because they have choices in their dating life.

Done right and even when following the clear steps of character development defined in "real movies" you'll experience for yourself the difference between casual sex and Friends With Benefits.

And you'll experience for a lifetime what it really means to be Alpha.

For the women reading this: Why Do Guys...? is where all the opinions, advice, tips, are ALL about guy. Give it a look if you're having trouble understanding guys - especially the ones who only want to be your friend with a sexual benefit.


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The article is posted in these Categories: Her Friends Zone – Getting In, Getting Out, and Staying Out

Leave a Comment

4 comments… add one
  • vivian

    Friends with benefits is real, you can see many people join Fwbdr (one popular FWB dating and NSA casual hook up community) to find FWB relationship.

    • Where does the “friendship” come into play? They’re called hook up sites – casual sexual encounters. They’re not there to make friends and then may screw later. They’re there for one reason – to get laid – that’s the benefit, not the friendship.

      These are not my definitions – they are what they are as I wrote in my article at why do guys,

      Friends – A Platonic relationship which may or may not develop into something more. You’re not sleeping with each other and you treat each other according to how you treat your friends.

      When more happens, it becomes…

      Dating – A Non-committal exploration to figure out compatibility on a deeper level.

      In the dating mode you’re not pressured or required to see each other that often. You’re exploring other options. You’re feeling each other out.

      In dating you;re also not opt to rely on the other person for full support on issues or problems.

      Intimacy is certainly a part of dating which can shared or explored deeper which includes everything and anything up to having sex and sleeping with each other.

      Girlfriend and Boyfriend – A committed relationship unless otherwise specified with a vocally agreed on open relationship, is meant to explore an even deeper level of compatibility.

      You see each other more often. You might commit to living together. You;re relying on your partner for more support. You’re there for each other and are in a relatively constant but healthy contact.

      Casual Sex – You’re sleeping with each other for sexual gratification with no strings attached. You’re NOT friends because you’re not really doing things that friends do. It’s just SEX.

      Once you start hanging out and doing things together you’re now casually dating each other and those rules apply.

      If you remove the sex or intimacy and you still do things together – you’re now just FRIENDS.

      If you sleep with each other occasionally for whatever reason you each give – you’re actually very loosely DATING without a commitment and that’s unfortunately where and when the miscommunication or lack of definition becomes a severe problem.

      It’s quite clear an FWB doesn’t exist anywhere in that list in a manageable relationship.”

      FWB – Does It Really Work? Don’t Relationships Need Clear Definitions?

  • Shoshannah

    Interesting. I wonder what you would say about affairs, lovers etc. When both sides are in committed relationships, but have their extra relationships. Often they are thought of as a kind of FWB. You like your lover, you might be friends with her or him and you have sex, but you don’t really consider committing, because of circumstances or because of thousands of other reasons. But what you wrote above is against the idea of FWB.

    So what would you say about lovers?

    • peter white

      I’m not privy to ALL circumstances especially outside the social values I live in and around BUT I don’t support cheating.

      IF you’re committed to someone and can not keep that commitment, then you’re not really in a relationship. You can call it whatever you want.