In Graham Masterton’s book How to Drive Your Woman Wild in Bed (Signet)¹ he did a survey asking what traits woman look for in a man which would make it more likely that he would be a good lover.
The book dispels a ton of myths about sex and our body parts. It also offers some exercises and helpful hints to make us last longer, the old fashioned way.
Graham finds wants us understand how sex is a two-way deal and can alleviate some stress with fantasies, fetishes, and our basic male desires.
Why this book, or at least a book like it was not offered in my “Sex Ed” class is not beyond me but it does not excuse its absence. The way the female body is represented and shown to be one of natures greatest achievements could’ve helped of ton of guys who grew up to be the classic pumpers and bummers in bed.
But that is not why I’ve included his list…
Attraction (for us nice guys) can make us feel like it’s all about looks. We see an attractive woman, we feel it and this makes us want to have sex with her. We can contemplate the love and marriage aspect of it but we must admit – under most circumstances we will see her first, and she will see us first.
There’s no going around it. First sight or our first impression we make on a woman means a lot. For us guys when we see beauty and it makes us “grrrr” why wouldn’t we believe she’s doing the same thing.
Most of what we notice is built in to help us predict a better mate. This means her subconscious desires are different than ours but it also means we can easily misunderstand those differences because as guys, we’re reacting to our desires as men.
It’s my belief a list like Graham’s can help us in two ways:
Show us what women perceive to be attractive. Help us understand her first reactions to certain traits.
Give us an exercise to break down her attraction into something more than what we’re born to do. ( our visual stimulus ) AND understand how we can set up our lives to naturally attract more lovers. (This is my way of saying – the way we choose to live our lives externally naturally leads to attracting women. So… for the extreme… Choose to sit on your ass all day with no exercise, an unhealthy diet, and a complacent mindset and you’re bound to only “first sight” attract women who are looking to be in charge and only want her man to provide.)
We can ourselves why an item is on the list, dig a little deeper into it, and then decide a path to take which could naturally lead to this.
By doing this I feel we can begin to attract more women instantly and we can do this without “playing” into a few mating games we’re ALL guilty of trying and some doing.
Hopefully my first example will explain it more…
1. Attractive and interesting looking eyes.
The first thing a woman notices on us which helps her to predict whether or not we’d be a good lover.
Our eyes can convey mystery, excitement, they illicit certain fantasies, AND during sex most couples will (at some point) stare deeply into each other eyes.
We also stare into her eyes just before they close and our lips touch.
That is the tip of #1 – why.
The exercise would be to work on our eye contact more to conveys the right message of strength and confidence. To notice when to use that mysterious smirk which often accompanies flirting and gain control over any extravagant often misguided eye movements.
Slow, steady, smooth, determined, inviting, mysterious, energizing, and even invigorating.
Sounds very similar to great sex to me and just one reason attractive and interested looking eyes is number one this list.
Setting our lives up for this to happen naturally is tough, isn’t it? But it’s not impossible. Just embrace life more. Gain a desire to learn about things. Be curious as to the details of nature and the mystery behind it.
Gather confidence. Make determined decisions. Move in YOUR time.
Be passionate about things you do no matter how small or big they are. Energize others with that same passion.
Invigorate yourself. Exercise with purpose beyond health.
Everything we do, hold back from saying or blatantly put our there will, without even trying, come out through our eyes.
If she sees a blank stare, she sees nothing and we blend into the background.
If she can feel our eyes (without a creepy or sketchy stare ) showing how we live by our time passionately, she will be attracted to this energy even across a crowded street with minimal eye contact.
The eyes are so important it ha been recently “put out there” a seven second window when this eye contact takes place as far as “Seducing a woman”.
David Wygant writes this.
Women make the ‘Sex’ or ‘Boyfriend’ decision in under 7 seconds. How are you doing in the first 7 seconds… do you know how to recognize a woman’s subliminal signals that she’s into you? This video EXPLAINS exactly why women quickly – even INSTANTLY—feel attraction or rejection with certain me –> Seven Second Seduction
2. A good-looking appearance. Clean and un-scuffed shoes.
Details on how we take care of ourselves tells her how much value we give to our self.
She’s to assume (in the least) if we pay enough attention to ourselves we certainly have the ability to pay close attention to her and her needs.
Having value during sex is of major importance to a woman. In most ways she does not want to be objectified. She wants to know if you’re able to sleep with her you’re capable and mature enough for the experience.
We’re less likely to throw something away easily of value which includes us and will also include her during or after sex. This makes us feel special. Important. Meaningful.
Head to toe (or shoes) the “clean look” generally represents purity and not many women want to know or believe or hear you’ve been down and dirty with a ton of women before her.
So yes, we value our dicks. We place clean strokes on our shoes.
We do the best with what we’ve got. A good-looking appearance doesn’t mean we have to be physically handsome, it just means we care enough about ourselves to pay attention.
What if we care little, does this also mean jagged nails, over growing and scratchy hair, dry rugged skin, and a smelly backside?
To BE good lovers those are just some of the things which matter during the act itself making number 2 very important.
I’ve written a substantial list which can help us better our appearance –> Great First Impressions – Details On How You Look and Your Appearance
Read it to get ALL the details women look for from our heads to our un-scuffed shoes.
3. Warm affectionate personality.
This is kind of speaks for itself, doesn’t it?
Warm and affectionate is definitely something we all enjoy in bed.
But there’s more, if it comes out in our personality she may feel more comfortable opening up to us.
Good lovers have an ability to open up their partners which normally can lead to more openness in bed too.
Whether it’s fantasy sharing or just being more open to talk after, warm affectionate personalities can have a woman easily assume the sometimes awkward transition to sex is easily achieved without being forced.
The opposite makes this even more realistic. If we’re cold, uncaring and not very affectionate at all – well then it becomes obvious the “good lover” in us won’t be showing its face any time soon. And really, who wants cold sex with no touching at all.
4. Tenderness and courtesy.
Like number 3 on this list it’s easy to see where being tender and courtesy comes in handy during sex.
She’ll feel more loved. More “taken” care of. It leads to easy respect and of course respecting her at all points during intercourse.
It does NOT mean bending at her every command or being so courteous we forget our own desires but it does mean she’ll be more open because of the respect she’s receiving.
Sex can require a lot of giving and taking and definitely requires an ultimate trust.
5. The ability to kiss excitedly.
Women are attracted to a man that can kiss excitedly because good sex starts with number 6, arousing foreplay.
The lips are extremely sensitive and hence can create amazing sexual moments.
Believe it or not I talk to women constantly about the horror stories of how their ex partner just didn’t know how to kiss. So learning how to kiss and excite a woman through passionate kisses and she just may push you into a great lovemaking experience.
You can read all about kissing in the wonderful post I wrote called, How I kiss With Passion.
6. The ability to make arousing foreplay.
The anticipation of great sex is enough to “Drive Women Wild in Bed”.
Good sex never, yes NEVER starts with just sticking it in her.
Some argue that the occasional quick fuck is satisfying, and I do believe this. But one important fact to always keep in mind that foreplay can sometimes include exciting conversations that turn her on enough for that quick “slam”.
No woman will ever just accept it if she has any self respect.
Foreplay is a broad term which includes everything from playful banter, flirty touches, teasing conversations, and anything that can creates the anticipation of a mind blowing orgasm!
7. A good-looking rounded backside.
8. Plenty of Stamina.
9. Good afterplay.
Now you try it yourself with the rest of them.
Notice where the physical attributes come into play – At the bottom of the list.