If you’re not dating the women you are attracted to then you may be suffering from what is commonly known as “a victim mentality.”
An easy first step in becoming more attractive ( without losing sight of who you are ) is to add attractive traits to your personality.
It’s great advice because it does work.
After all, if everything about you doesn’t “do it” for women it will certainly help to get yourself the skills or education on what you could be doing.
And for that matter…
Doing something different is better than doing nothing at all.
But sometimes that first step only masks the root of the real problem and you become destined to make the same mistakes or you just wind up with a whole new set of them.
Self deceiving role, since you can get so lost in the mask and belief of your helplessness that you no longer take control over your own life and hand over this power to others in your life.
It goes like this.
If you’re trying too hard to not make mistakes you’ve only masked the problem.
I have a better and much simpler way to solve this whole attraction problem.
First is to remove those problems of being or feeling like a victim.
Or to eliminate as much of your “victim mentality” as you can to allow your true attractive self to come through.
Some common signs to recognize if you’re “suffering” from it are:
- You don’t feel good enough to have what you want.
- You’re always thinking you can do better.
- You blame others for your problems.
You find yourself always saying:
- Why does this always happen to me?
- How can I be so unlucky?
- Why does it seem so easy for them?
You don’t feel good enough in too many areas of your life:
If I was only…
- Better looking
- Had more money.
- Drove a better car.
- In better shape.
In other words you have too many excuses and they seen to center around a feeling that you have no control over anything.
There is this guy I know. He’s tall dark, and good-looking. You would think he wouldn’t have any fears in attraction but he does.
He’s the type of guy who is seemingly good-hearted and has your best interest in mind but deep down he’s angry and volatile.
I have no idea what childhood experiences caused him to act this way but I do know one thing, he is overly protective with all of his girlfriends.
He will fight and fend off any potential guy from what he sees as stealing his girl and often this results in minor fights.
He does not want to lose his girlfriends and he fears she will cheat on him. His need to keep something which he can not control, (another person) along with his want to fight off the aggressors, sends his thoughts racing about infidelity, and then he acts on them.
The Victim Mentality is a state of mind in which the person suffering becomes a victim to the world around them. The victim mentality is a lack of empowerment. It’s a feeling that you can not affect the world around you and you are constantly being affected by those around you.
Does that sound eerily familiar with that man above?
And he’s not just the typical image of a good-looking man, he’s very good with them in all ways – so why is he afraid of losing any woman?
This takes a little more explanation.
Victims are not attractive for two major reasons:
- You can not feel empathy and attraction at the same time.
- Victims require their needs to be fulfilled dependent on what type of victim they are.
Some victims, the ones who suffer real physical harm need to be healed by a competent group of people.
Other victims, the ones we turn ourselves into while suffering from “non physical” harms such as bad luck, relationship break ups, approach failure, putting our self in the friends zone, often find their needs go unfulfilled therefore stay in a “victim mindset” looking for anyone to heal them.
When in fact the healing, although may be mediated by an outside source, such as myself, is an internal struggle when we suffer with our:
- Wants Needs and Desires
- A Co-dependent Mindset
- Low Self Esteem – Low Self Worth – Low Confidence
Granted there are levels of empathy but the emotion and our leading to act on those emotions are basically the same.
This means – If you feel attracted to someone and you want them to feel the same for you, having a “Victim Mentality” will inevitably lead to a feeling of empathy towards you – because you’re a victim.
Even if you get lucky enough to find yourself in several long-term relationships, those relationship breakups were probably caused because one of you stopped being attractive and started becoming more of a victim instead.
Destroying the relationship along the way.
After the initial courtship, the thrill of sexual attraction can start to abate, at which time the unrecognized emotional issues start to bring pain and suffering to both parties in the relationship.
When Sexual Desire Covers Up Self-Sabotage
It’s not a tough or unique idea that most everyone at some time in their lives has encountered a “self-fulfilled prophecy.”
Because this wanting to control another person actually pushes women away. Eventually they tire of the insecurities and cheat, as many predict, or becomes so frustrated with him she walks out the door exiting forever.
You can now see how by just first choosing to think differently (changing our mindsets and perspectives) and then to heal ourselves (overcoming the victim mentality) attraction has a clearer path to take.
If women are mainly choosing you as a friend they will always feel more empathy than attraction.
I know this sounds bad but how many of your close friends have ever wished something bad on you? Probably none, at least I would hope.
But how many women have you heard wish something bad about their boyfriends? I can name more than just a few from my experiences.
You see we can feel angry and attracted at the same time, but we can not feel empathy and attraction at the same time.
If you’re constantly settling for women because you believe you can not do any better you will never feel completely happy.
Her attraction will eventually turn toward empathy for your struggles in being happy. She will then attempt to heal your pain by always trying to make you happy.
You will become a victim to her and eventually she will feel more empathy than attraction.
By eliminating how and why others are inclined to feel “sorry” for you or by not giving them any reasons to believe you’re a “victim,” they will have no choice but to feel attracted. Of course through correct actions of courtship and escalation.
It’s one of the most simple, elegant and yet profound statements you’re ever going to hear about attracting better halves into your lives.
By NOT giving others a reason to feel sorry for you, they’re left with only attraction
Which, when done properly can be enhanced and developed through escalation and courtship.
Keep in mind how others feel this attraction, or how they act on it, can depend entirely on their current mind-set.
Such as where they are in their life and every other variable they encounter.
But also understand part of overcoming the victim mindset is taking the “other” person out of YOUR equation.
It’s a well-known women are not CHOOSING to NOT feel attracted to you.
They are not feeling attracted to you because somewhere in the core of who they are, at that instinctive level, you are unknowingly validating their own levels of self-esteem, confidence, fears, and insecurities.
It’s complicated. I understand.
Imagine it his way.
If you make her feel “better” than you she will naturally feel you’re not good enough for her. You can do that by over-complimenting on her beauty or giving her way too much attention early on.
On the other side making her “feel” below you or not good enough for you will only validate how she feels about herself.
If she’s strong you’re now a jerk.
If she lacks self-esteem you trigger her instinctive urge to have her feelings about herself validated.
You can call THAT attraction if you want but I call it “cruel and unusual punishment.”
In either case you wind up with a big list of helpless emotions.
Like you have no control over anything.
Like no matter what you do or say it never changes a thing.
The victim mentality is a lack of empowerment. It’s a feeling that you can not affect the world around you and you are constantly being affected by those around you.
A huge problem arises because in any constant attempt to change something you ultimately feel no control over becomes an addictive habit. And so the signs, responses, reactions become close to someone suffering from any kind of codependency.
My solution and more details are to come…just stick around, sign up, bookmark this, share it with your friends and talk about it, just keep it fresh in your mind…
For now please accept this:
By overcoming even the smallest hint of suffering from a victim mindset removes her instinctive urge to see and/or treat you like a victim.
Attempt to remove what blocks the attraction.
Take the control issue with them out of your problem you will, in a way, allow their attraction to build in a very natural way.
They way you were born to do.
Please take a look at parts 2 and 3 of this series:
- For Smart Men Who Like to Think – Critical Information On Attraction – If you’re a smarter man who loves to think about attraction and how it works, this is for you. How patterns of codependency block natural attraction.
- Being Naturally Attractive and Getting Those Moments Right – Avoidance, compliance, and control and how they block your natural ability to be an attractive person. Stop being a victim and get those moments right.