What To Do If You’re Not Getting Signals From Women & You’re Unattractive

"People say that in order to attract a woman, a man must be confident. Many sources say that women often (usually?) initiate contact with men by sending signals to guys they find attractive and would like to approach them.

Conversely, women don’t send signals to men who are unattractive.

Given this, I’m a realist – since I have never received an approach invitation from any woman, it’s clear that I’m unattractive to women.

As such, I never approach any woman, no matter how attracted to her I am.

With all the other guys she could choose from – and sends approach invitations to – there is zero chance she would want me."

Absolutely Doug - Confidence, actually REAL confidence is certainly one of the most attractive traits a guy can have and you can't fake it successfully for very long.

Make it a point to read my page on confidence so you know how to get it and keep it for good:

Why Confidence Is So Attractive to Women, What It Is, & How To Get It Quickly

However - I don't fully subscribe to the concept that women send out signals to (attractive) guys to approach them.

Women tend to live in the same world you live in with regards to all that approaching stuff. Meaning they're unsure, filled with anxiety, and actually don't know what they want until they've been through the interaction with a guy.

As my mentor David DeAngelo recently stated,

"Attraction can be a lot like random shopping for a woman - they don't know what they want, but when they see it (or in cases like this INTERACT with it) they'll know they want it... now!"

(See credits below for source.)

Paraphrased of course.

Which leaves the approaching women in the minority as far as getting into relationships and such.

Meaning it's NOT necessary to approach women to get laid, find a date, or get into an awesome relationship with the woman of your dreams.

That is NOT how it happens most of the time.

But that stuff aside - I can guarantee if you're waiting around for ANY woman to give you a signal (attractive or not) you WILL be waiting around along time because it doesn't work that way.

If you must know or be told or whatever - how attractive you are means practically NOTHING to most women.

Honestly, they just don't give a shit about those things. Take a look around and you'll see it.


Guys are inherently unattractive.

And I'm not saying that because I'm straight.

I'm saying it because...

Men and women are hooking up everyday regardless of physical beauty therefore it's obvious something deeper going on and you just have to open your mind to see it OR forever feel like shit thinking your looks are the reason why it's not happening for you.


This myth is like a disease. I wish I could wipe it out with a vaccine or something.

The real FACT is this:

Although most guys may focus on superficial traits like a woman's looks...

WOMEN tend to focus more on "intangible" qualities.

Qualities like personality.



Especially when it comes to intelligent, interesting, attractive women, the "intangible" traits of CONFIDENCE and CONTROL are far more rare and valuable than just looking like Brad Pitt.

Are These Myths About Women Standing Between You And Dating Success?

This is all GREAT news for you...

IF you don't sit on the fence waiting for a SIGN from a woman to approach her.

First of all - if that's a REAL problem for you... then screw the approach.

I'm very fluent in the area of attracting women and have yet to approach any real number of them. Mostly when I did it, it was for the experience, to prove something to myself, and more importantly to fully realize it's absolutely an unnecessary part of the human mating process - especially in our modern world.

There are many ways to meet women - really cool high quality women too - where you don't ever have to do a cold approach.

You have online which I would NOT suggest to you just yet, because you're hung up on your looks and putting your picture out there for women to gawk at wouldn't help you at all. In fact - online dating is definitely (for lots of women) a sausage factory.

I'm not saying you couldn't get past it - I'm merely saying WAY too many women waste their time online because they see a picture and it fogs their mind.

So don't go there just yet UNLESS it's for practice, learning, and you want to entirely expand your opportunities to meet women.

However - you wanting to do it or if you should or not  take away from the fact it's an alternative to approaching women.

PLEASE - if you plan on going online to meet women - LEARN how to do it right with what I actually used myself:

Click HERE for More Info on: Meeting Women Online!

It's a little outdated but you'll find the advice still holds true - you just have to work in the social media aspect of it more - which by the way, when I used social media wasn't as huge as it is now but I found some little sites to practice which were eerily similar to Twitter and Facebook.

Here's a starter post for you I wrote:

Want to Get More Dates Online? 5 Secrets & 7 Tips for the Nice Guy

(I've been VERY slowly working on a page dedicated to meeting women online but I'm bored with it so I might not ever finish it so don't wait for it.)

If you want to meet more women without having to approach them:

Find a job or set up a career where women have to come to you like bouncer, bartender, waiter, flight attendant, etc...

Come up with some of your own ideas. You're smart enough to do that.

Create a social life that is abundant and filled with friends.

When you have lots of cool acquaintances they will naturally introduce you to other people and some (half hopefully) will be women.

Here's my page to help you out there:

Develop A Social Life, Get Involved, Give Something Back Women Do Want.

Whatever you decide please REMEMBER what is sometimes referred to as the COLD approach is NOT a necessary process of finding and attracting your ideal dream woman.

I did not marry my beautiful approaching her in some bar or event.

Life doesn't work that way... if you want to SERIOUSLY match up with your "dream" woman then follow these instructions:




3 Critical Steps To Finding Your “Dream Woman”

The idea is simply to set up your life so you naturally and easily meet the woman of your dreams.

Now let's back it up a little...

It's absolutely unfounded that women send "approach me" signals to just attractive men OR send any signals at all.

Some women appear approachable because of who they are, some don't appear that way because of who they are.

Sure - they can "encourage" certain men or put up a green light so to speak but that's all highly circumstantial and mostly reserved for bars, clubs, etc... which just happen to be the EXACT places you want to avoid IF you want a relationship anyways.

You might find some "primitive" information out there on body language skills and mating habits from long ago (not outdated but from our ancestors) but you must understand men are TERRIBLE at reading body language cues from women. Females are far more superior at it therefore using those signals on men has proven to be a total waste of time.

As far as your thinking to be physically attractive to women...

Again - whereas your trigger may be primarily physical based, that is NOT how it works for women.

What triggers it for them is how you communicate yourself, your personality, your confidence, and your esteem because those are the REAL qualities women look for in a guy.

IF you still feel your looks are holding you back I will say they can:

  • IF you only believe it's what women are looking for.
  • Two, you're not doing the best with what you've got.
  • Three - you're not presenting some sort of real value or belief in yourself.

Here's my page so you can learn to do the ABSOLUTE best with what you've got:

How To Make A Great Impression On Her – 12 Things Women Look For In A Guy

All in all - you must STOP disqualifying yourself to women BEFORE you even meet them.

10 Easy Ways You Can Stop Disqualifying Yourself to Women & Attract Her

Your attitude and limited beliefs are what is holding you back and not your physical appearance.

If you're still not convinced or ready to believe what I've shared with you today - go through a few more of my more inspiring articles I've linked up below and sooner or later... you'll get it.

You really will and when that "AHA!" moment hits you - run with it and don't look back again.

Here are those links I promised:


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About the Expert: Peter White – Dating and Attraction Expert. Creator of DiaLteG™. (dial – teg) Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you a little something about women.

Discuss & develop your skills in dating and attracting women:

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4 comments… add one
  • Doug

    Hi Pete – thanks for this. Tbh, I already have a high paying career which does not involve interacting with people in general, but which takes up literally all my time. It’s not feasible for me to change careers and to suddenly develop a social life of any dimension. I’ve never had a social circle or any sort of social life. As such – according to what I understand your message to be here – I do need to do could approaches. Unfortunately I see no point in risking a harassment accusation by approaching any woman – there is no evidence that I would get anything other than rejected or worse every time.

    • You’re welcome Doug.

      I understand time is an issue, it’s an issue for lots of people but finding a balance and one that works is ESSENTIAL for your happiness which is essential to having lots of “decent” women become attracted to you.

      IF you can manage a high paying career – you can figure out the time issue. Trust me on that.

      This might help you manage it better:


      That’s an obvious affiliate link to Eben Pagan’s time management webinar.

      Aside from the time issue, it does seem like your BEST option is doing the online thing. I’ve known lots of busy men and women who met their partners online. It’s a little work at first until you get the handle on it BUT once you get it rolling, it works on autopilot.

      Best of luck Doug.

      • Doug

        Hi Pete – others have told me about online dating, but since I do not (and will not) post photos of myself anywhere online, people have told me it’s not worth creating a profile because realistically, women won’t even look at it. What – if any – are the other options?

        • Online dating has turned into a “sight based first menu” for men and women, so yes, if you’re not going to put up a picture,or a few, don’t bother. You’ll only attract women who are, let’s just say, probably not even in your country and looking to take advantage of you. Realistically, you could work something out without a picture but the odds are against you. Sorry. It’s just the way it is AND if you look at it from a woman’s point of view, yeah – bit creepy and potentially dangerous to meet up with a guy who won’t post a picture. (Although – done right, you “could” send one privately if it gets that far – but that’s just my weird way of thinking, I see all options, and tend to look at things positively, in other words – CAN NOT is not in my everyday vocabulary.)

          You have lots of other options, IF you’re willing to try. The absolute best way is to become very socially active. Meet friends of friends, etc… Private parties, book signings and readings, museum tours, even if you will – comic-con events and anything like it.

          Aside from those – building a robust and positive social life with those who actually DO things, rather than sit around with three buddies playing games, is your BEST option for success to meet lots of available women.