Today’s lesson will show you why it can be a complicated issue (sometimes not so easily solved) and a few great tips to encourage her in a way which makes her READY for that relationship with you.
Some things you’re going to like – and some you’re not but it’s always the best in these circumstances to know and understand the truth.
No holding back.
Let’s get the bad news out of the way quickly so you’re not wasting any more of your valuable time on her.
You managed to attract her. You’re getting close to her and then you “pop” the question because you want to make her your girlfriend.
Except you made a huge mistake in dating…
…But first – do you know which of these personality types you would fall under.
Which one are you, a LOVER or a PROVIDER?
This is important to know because if you’re looking to get in a relationship with woman and she’s says she’s not ready – knowing your “type” can make all the difference in the world.
When you are strictly looking to get into a relationship you might be acting in a certain way which is not always the best to make it happen.
You start pursuing her by eliminating all your other options or possibilities in the hope she realize she is the only one you want.
This is cool and all if everything is going great BUT what if she’s not ready for a relationship PLUS she is completely aware of your feelings and your commitment to her.
When you’re searching for a girlfriend AND you’re acting like a provider (maybe because you think that’s what women are looking for) you court her more, pursue her a lot, and in turn downplay your “lover” instincts all again – just to prove to her you’re unlike those “other” guys.
“Lovers are pursued.
Providers do the pursuing.
If she sees you as a provider, a woman will withhold sex, play hard to get, and test you to see how good of a provider you’ll be.
If she sees you as a lover and gets physically involved with you very quickly, then YOU will be in control, and you can choose where the relationship is going.”
Women WANT YOU to lead in (dating, attraction, and relationships) and move from lover to provider in a natural way.
So that’s the BAD NEWS.
If you’re too much of a provider first and not a lover – she will hold out as long as possible.
The big mistake was not being a “lover” first so you are in control of what happens next and not the other way around.
Step back immediately. Give her more space than before. Figure out HOW to be her LOVER and STOP acting like the provider she says she’s not ready for.
How confident are you that what she is saying is the absolute truth?
Consider for a second that she IS ready for a relationship and it’s just not with you.
You’ll hear the same excuses or reasons:
“I just got out of a long relationship.” or
“I want to focus on my career or school first and don’t have time for one.” or the biggest one of all,
“I’ve been hurt way too many times and don’t want to get hurt again. I just want to be sure this time.”
From an attraction stand point – we call them excuses or she’s letting you down nicely because she’s not feeling it enough for you. Maybe a little to go out with you just not feeling you’re much of a “lover” to continue seeing more.
This has happened to me several times – and she was all too convincing until we broke up and within a few short weeks she’s committed to some guy who was acting more like a lover than a provider.
She was READY – just not with me.
What happens in these cases is that as soon as you get closer to her – you change. You become a little needy.
You feel like you’ve just found a great woman and now you want to do everything in your power so you don’t lose her to some other guy.
You push it too much.
You become guarded with her and other men.
You become all too easily jealous, overbearing, and quite possibly make her feel like you’re trying to control her.
Step back. Give her lots and lots of space. (Noticing a pattern here which is close to the previous solution?)
You can not force her into a relationship.
You can not MAKE her feel something more without it feeling like you’re just trying to control her.
You must continue to drive a deeper attraction.
She must feel like she’s going to lose YOU and not the other way around.
If you keep pushing – she’ll keep pulling back.
When she takes a step back – you step back just a little farther than her and BE okay with it.
You’re now in a position where you need to eliminate those feelings of neediness or actual desperation she felt from you which caused her to lose the attraction for way.
And that’s not an easy task my friend.
Get out immediately. Work on some things. And then, and only then, should you contact her again carrying your new lover mindset AND a strong conviction to not make the same mistake again.
You must be willing to LOSE her before you can HAVE her.
Okay – so far you have two things which may or may not have happened to cause her to tell you she’s not ready:
You were too much of a provider and not enough of a lover.
The attraction was destroyed or diminished because of the way you acted towards her causing her to pull back.
Why A Woman Will Tell You She’s Not Ready For A Relationship
These will help you figure out what happened so you can find a workable solution to this problem.
They may not ultimately lead to her falling madly in your arms and demanding a relationship happen now but we’re dealing with people – so if you’ve made any of these mistakes – just stop doing then and try something different.
#1. You moved too quickly.
Relationships need to progress naturally and can’t be forced.
She must feel safe enough to invest more of her time without the threat of being hurt.
She needs a progression which is moving forward at a reasonable pace.
You just can not rush into it and expect her not to have second doubts.
If things were all hot and heavy in the beginning (lots of chemistry and sex), any reasonable person should be expected to back away a little. (Even you would if a woman pushed it too quickly on you. You’d certainly have some doubt.)
If it feels like you’re moving too quickly for her she will question it all AND your actual resolve towards a commitment.
Remember – most guys take forever to commit. They’re hesitant. There are more women trying to get a guy to commit to them than their are of men trying to “convince” a woman to become their partner.
Simple- SLOW DOWN.
Sexual chemistry is great and all but it alone NEVER leads to a great relationship. There must be something more going on first.
Once again – the pattern emerges.
Step back. Give her some space to let it all sink in.
Allow her to seriously consider where things are going with you and where SHE wants them to go.
Remember – she said she’s NOT ready for a relationship and moving forward is NOT the solution.
#2. You’ve assumed a relationship was already there and acted like it too.
You might be one of those guys called “the instant relationship” type.
When you first start dating a woman you ACT like you’re already in a relationship with her.
You do relationship things which makes her feel like she’s already in one when she hasn’t even decided she want to be there with you.
AND it speaks to a woman’s mind directly telling her, “Something is just not right!” – and in turn causes her to pull back.
This happens when you call or text too often – more than a few times a week.
Asking her to do “couple” things like meeting your family and friends BEFORE you’ve gotten to know each other better first.
Telling her you love her BEFORE she says it.
Keep in mind those ARE essential in forming a relationship BUT assuming she wants it without giving her the option and going right into relationship mode can easily scare some if not most women away.
Especially if she’s been recently hurt or just went through a bad break up.
Imagine for a second what couples do and how they act when in a relationship – IF you see you’ve been doing those then YOU are in relationship mode and she is not IF of course she’s now telling you she’s not ready.
STOP acting like you’re in a relationship with her because you’re NOT.
See her less. Text her less. Don’t call so much or set up so many dates.
Opt for connection and getting to know each other moments BEFORE you tell her you love her and have her meeting your family & friends.
The whole idea is kind of strange or counter intuitive BUT it’s much easier to get a woman to feel like she’s ready for a relationship when you stay in “casual dating” mode for just a little bit longer than she might like.
THAT makes her want it more.
Going right into relationship mode gives her doubt. Make her feel like she didn’t have a choice. It scares her. AND causes her to pull back telling you,
“I’m just not ready for one.”
#3. You haven’t shown or led her to believe you’re “boyfriend” material.
Simply put – if you’re acting too much like a single guy who has very little goals for the future BUT you still want a relationship with her…
You’re not giving her the impression that you would make a great boyfriend.
You haven’t really connected with her emotionally.
She doesn’t feel like you “understand” her.
You haven’t tried to look deeper inside her.
You haven’t challenged her enough.
She doesn’t see you as a guy who is in charge of your life enough to take care of her in a way which makes her feel safe, loved, and cared for.
For as long as she sees you as LESS than BOYFRIEND material she will give you any excuse to not commit to you AND you will NOT ever make her feel READY for one with you.
The key word here: GIRLFRIEND.
Like I always say… it takes something TOTALLY DIFFERENT to get a GIRLFRIEND (especially the kind of in-demand, smart attractive woman I call a “Total 10”) than it does to just “get dates” with one.
If you want that ONE SPECIAL, SUPER-ATTRACTIVE GIRL in your bed not just tonight but every night… it takes totally DIFFERENT SKILLS.
Totally different STRATEGIES and TECHNIQUES.
In other words — it takes totally different KNOWLEDGE to become the kind of man that a high- quality woman wants to have a RELATIONSHIP with.
Key word: RELATIONSHIP.
As noted above – getting a girlfriend requires DIFFERENT skills than just attracting her.
If you’re attracting woman BUT they don’t want to get in a relationship for whatever reason they’re telling you, then it’s because you’re not using the right skills to SHOW her you’d make a great boyfriend.
You’ll find some great tips to prove to ANY WOMAN you’re the RIGHT guy for her & in turn eliminate the feelings she might have of not being ready for one with you in this post:
You’ll probably noticing a discrepancy here and are very confused about the whole lover/provider deal.
It’s totally understandable.
The key difference here – to put it all together for you is:
IF you act like or if you’re just not at the stage of life where you’re seen as boyfriend material AND you’re chasing her – then she will not feel ready – because as mentioned above:
Lovers are pursued.
Providers do the pursuing.
She needs to feel you’re nurturing, capable of handling her emotions and yours too, you can connect with her emotionally, you see deep inside her, to feel like you understand her, and that you’re in charge of your life and are set out on a path which can and WILL cross hers at this point in time.
Make her feel that way without chasing her and doing all the typical courtship things most guys do and YOU become her LOVER and not her provider – hence making you a REAL and highly sought out VALUABLE BOYFRIEND.
If you don’t have any long-term goals…
If you’re not doing something about your future in a way she can be a part of in some way…
If you’re only proving to her you’re too unpredictable and still living like you’re never willing to settle down…
BUT you’re telling her you do OR you’re waiting for a commitment BEFORE you decide to get your shit together…
You’ll hear lots of excuses of her not being ready because she doesn’t think YOU are ready.
Here’s the formula for showing a woman you ARE her MISTER RIGHT thus making it more likely she’ll see you as boyfriend material:
- PROTECTIVE AND IN-CONTROL. The kind of man who’s emotionally prepared and knows exactly what to say and do in a given situation.
- EXCITING (IN THE RIGHT WAY). In other words, thrilling yet safe… passionate yet mature… unpredictable yet trustworthy.
- CAPABLE OF SUCCEEDING IN LIFE AND LOVE…while also capable of tolerating and dealing with challenges, loss, and adversity.
In conclusion… wrapping it all up.
There are many reasons why a woman will not feel ready for a relationship for you and sometimes it’s just an excuse because something has unfortunately gone wrong in the dating process.
A lot of them were covered above. Here they plus a lot more since getting to everyone is impossible today:
- Acting like too much of provider and not enough of a lover.
- You moved too quickly and went straight from fun and chemistry to something more.
- You’ve already acted like you’re in a relationship with her and missed the critical steps to forming a natural relationship.
- You haven’t shown her your boyfriend material and all that goes alone with it.
- She’s lost the attraction for you and is using an excuse to back out.
- Some women will NEVER be ready because of their past no matter how you make her feel. She might severe trust issues.
WHAT to do when she says she’s not ready normally equates to the same solution:
Don’t push it.
Step back and give her space.
Go back to what attracted her in the first place.
Begin to do things in your life which WILL make you her “mister right” or a guy who is boyfriend material.
Stop chasing her so much. BE her lover first and provider second if at all.
Start leading YOUR life in the directions of having long-term goals which can intersect with her goals and her life.
Beyond that – it’s hurts but sometimes it’s just best to walk away for a while until your lives once again intersect at a time when you’re BOTH clearly ready and shown to be capable of the long-term investment a relationship NEEDS to survive.
Winning her back IS possible and there are some clever ways to do it along with some other “not so right” ways.
If you feel that is you only choice or is something you want to do…
Here you go but use it your own risk: Respark the Romance.
Remember this though:
You must be willing to LOSE her before you can HAVE her which means space, time, and toning it down a little with her.
Relationships or getting in one SHOULD be EASY and if it’s too much work, then something is wrong.
You know you can not force it on someone.
BUT you can avoid all the mistakes that make them less likely to happen AND you can certainly learn the right skills so ANY woman will see you as her mister right or boyfriend material.
While you’re giving her all the space and time she needs (which is so very important in these matters) go through this and whether you get her to commit to you and make her ready for the relationship might still matter but you’ll be fully equipped for when it happens:
“No matter how hopeless you feel about finding love right now, one thing is CERTAIN:
At some point, the woman who’s just right for YOU will come into your life… also known as YOUR own “most amazing woman in the world.”
And when it happens to you (maybe it already has) the only question that will matter is this:
Will YOU Know How To Make Her Fall For You? Or Will You Do Something Wrong And Totally BLOW It?
When YOUR “most amazing woman” finally comes into your life (or if she already has) you must know exactly WHAT TO SAY AND DO NEXT, or you’ll just destroy the single greatest opportunity you ever had to find happiness.”
Thank you so much for stopping by today and I do hope you found the answer you were looking for plus more.
Relationship advice can be a tough thing to talk about or take especially when you’ve met a woman you really want to commit to be she’s not ready for it.
Hopefully you’ve learned some new things and can finally get this problem taken care of and are now headed in a better direction.
Go ahead and sign up below because DiaLteG TM which is fully run by me, Peter White, and getting you the right information about how to become an attractive man plus some real relationship skills is the type of emails you’ll receive… so see you there.
If you have anything you’d like to add… maybe some experiences, things maybe missed in today’s post, comments, questions, or remarks to help a fellow guy out when you have gone through the same thing – throw it in below before you leave.