All preferences aside, what turns you on?
Men: What gets you hard?
Women, what gets you the wettest?
I’m not talking about sexual fantasies, I’m talking about those instant reactions you feel when you see someone you are extremely attracted to.
I want your shallowest thoughts. Don’t hold back at all.
(pick your shallowest thought and leave it below in the comment area)
For me. It’s a woman butt. The shape of her body. The way she walks. Her lips. Her hair. Her attitude.
Honestly, I never thought this question would be so difficult but when I say it out loud,
“What do I find attractive?”
It became tough to separate the preference from the feelings. Is it my preference to prefer a nice ass, or is it what I find extremely attractive? (Something of which I have no control over.)
You may be asking why I am asking you this question…
Because I want you to really think about how these feelings control you – or how you control them.
While I was out the other night I noticed something not unusual. In fact it’s so typical it’s just a part of life.
It’s the way we act around a beautiful person.
- For some people it’s a gut reaction to over compliment or shower them with attention.
- Some stay in the background and talk among themselves with jealous words.
- Some will find themselves constantly glaring at the “beauty” from far away to not get noticed. They lust after it but never get it, or even bother trying.
- A few will attempt to manipulative the “beautiful people” by being rude and loud. Also known as a pleas for attention.
Each point I listed above describes the negative or a passive aggressive nature of a person whose attractive feelings are controlling them.
Here are the cases which represents a positive way where they are in control of their attraction.
- The indifferent, care free, take it or leave attitude.
- Acknowledgement of beauty but still challenging them to be more.
Both above represent someone who is control of their attraction mechanism.
(It’s important to note that it does not mean they are not attracted to someone, or they will not show them attention, or intention; it merely represents a personality either acquired or learned.)
One more question, and this is a big one…
Is what you find attractive actually making you less attractive?
Based on the reactions above or types above if you’re in the negative bunch it IS making you LESS attractive towards your subject of beauty.
What you find attractive can make you less attractive.
All that really means is that if you can not control how you act because you’re feeling attracted to someone you’re limiting your choices in dating because it’s making you less attractive to them.
Imagine two different recent experiences you have had with the opposite sex.
1st Experience: You meet someone you are highly attracted to and talk to them. What were you thinking about?
Were you fantasizing about having sex with them? Were you focused on those particular physical traits which were turning you on?
Were you constantly trying to steer the conversation towards a sexual nature? Did you give a compliment? Did you stare at their mouth more than their eyes? Did you go continually out the way to make yourself look better with your actions? Did you show off?
2nd Experience: You meet someone you don’t find attractive and have a conversation with them. What were you thinking about?
The conversation? What you will be doing later? Who thier cute friend was? Your meeting in the morning? Your not paid parking ticket? The conversation, again. 🙂 Your opinion? The other’s opinion and how you agree or disagree? The connection?
If you find someone who really does it for you physically or mentally or both AND you’re single and looking for potential dates…
Now how are you now going to act with the information I just gave you?
How will you get the date knowing if you don’t show interest or take the initiative, chance are nothing will ever become of it?
That is a dilemma of what you go through each day as a single person.
How much interest do you show?
When do you ask for a date?
What if they are always surrounded by people who can not control their own “reaction to attraction?”
How do you stay back and still meet them?
What is being indifferent really mean?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
You already know the answer to all these questions.
I know you can sense it in your gut what I am talking about. And it has everything to do with giving up control. And giving up the belief that you have control over your attraction towards another person.
The only way to control how you act around your greatest attraction is by becoming a person who is attractive first.
The other pieces fall into place easily after that.
Here a a few examples :
- If you’re the looker. The one that stands in the distance hoping and wishing or lusting from afar, get off your butt and go say hello. How else are you going to interact.
- If you over compliment and give way too much attention, stop, lean back and relax. Allow the situation to develop by being real and far from needy.
In each case the person gave up the control and steered far from playing it safe.
The first popped the bubble they live in and the second gave up or faced a fear of rejection.
Here is step by step way to stop letting what you find attractive control you and your actions:
- Acknowledge what you find attractive (which goes beyond our preferences). It will help you get it out by commenting it below.
- Take note on how you act differently around the people who possess the traits you find most attractive and the ones which do nothing for you. Think about exactly how you’re acting differently so you conscious mind clearly sees it.
- Figure your level of control and reverse the effect by acting and not reacting. Act on overcoming those fears instead of reacting by cowering in a corner or surrounding yourself with your friends.
- Enhance your actions around the people you feel the most attraction for by becoming more attractive yourself.