You know what the “friends zone” and guys being stuck in it says to me,
“I’m a guy who likes women so much I NEED to be her friend first.”
Almost as if we’re avoiding the one thing which will guarantee us being seen as a guy and not just any guy either…
A sexual “option” who challenges women indefinitely without fear.
Lots of us do it because we want to be DIFFERENT but I believe we’re fooling ourselves.
There’s ALWAYS something deeper going on.
I understand we all have our “specific” excuses and many of us will stick to them forever. After all change can be tough and appear so unrewarding at times which makes it extremely difficult to stay the course.
BUT as I’ve been shown, and what finally seeped into this brain of mine…
Staying OUT of the friends zone and becoming an almost instant challenge to women is determined within the first few minutes of the interaction.
Your first impression on a woman must leave her wanting more.
For her (to want more) there must exist the possibility or the actual “space” which allows a strong challenge to grow naturally.
From this we have two immediate choices:
- Become her instant friend by giving her every benefit of the doubt.
- Be our own man and challenge her with charm, wit, and a flirty sense of adventure.
The first choice means you’ll have to become difficult at some point and it won’t feel natural.
It won’t give us sexual respect and it certainly will have us chasing her with these thought firmly implanted in out minds,
“I know I’m just a friend but I hope you’ll eventually see or figure out how good we are together.”
The second option is more difficult (at first) but proves to be much more rewarding.
Whatever your reasons are, before you ever choose option one consider these points:
- When you assume she deserves your friendship because you’re attracted to her, you leave her with nothing to work for and… No work = no real value.
- What you would treasure more? Something you worked your ass off for or something which was just given to you for no apparent reason whatsoever?
- How many couples do you meet who were “friends forever” before romance stepped in? And how long did that take to happen?
- Are you willing to wait her out? What are you going to do in the meantime? How will you act?
Can you see the inherent problems associated with friends BEFORE lovers or casually dating?
Women WILL tell you they have to be friends first but before you use that argument, ask a hundred women to define an early friendship and do the same for guys too.
Notice the difference in the values and beliefs and how differently they both see it.
More men will agree to sleep with a friend they’re attracted to than girls who would sleep with her attractive male friend.
Notice how men see it as a stepping stone and women see it as a “relationship” killer.
How women define real friendship as something deep, meaningful, and cherished but men typically define it as someone they know, perhaps a mutual respect, hasn’t caused many problems, and they hung out with a few times.
Now tell me why women SAY they want to be friends first.
It doesn’t make sense, does it?
Actually it makes perfect sense if you choose option two…
While most “friends zone” guys are assuming an instant connection with a woman as being friends – she’s going to assume that’s all you want.
Over time, the more she trusts you the deeper you become a meaningful cherished friend which is almost impossible for any woman to want to give up.
Choosing option two, staying out of her “friends only zone” and engaging in a heated battle filled with chemistry, challenges, charm, wit, masculine strength, determination, etc… well she’s bound to assume the “friends first” option is up to you and is not even an option.
This makes you a sexual man who decides to either become her friend or her lover – leaving her to wonder – challenging her just enough – imprinting your actions and every word that comes out of your mind as something she can’t help but to think about.
When you “wire” in emotional reactions and anything which gets her heated up, like a little hope, a little doubt, a little wonderment, you have the makings of a woman becoming quite physically addicted to you.
All things considered that is.
Where does the space come into play? How does that work? What does “giving her space” really mean?
Well it’s the “space between” that allows the imagination to “do its thing.”
It’s the space created which, when filled with arousing thoughts that give you an aura of strength and fortitude.
For every moment you spend apart you appear more secure than her.
For every seemingly innocent question her mind brings up about you is (sort of) telling her she’s feeling less secure than you.
No matter what you’re even doing!
Now yes – it doesn’t have to be that way for her.
In fact you’ll find there’s a varied scale based on her own past, her security and her esteem. But honestly that’s not important for this (discussion…? )
What’s more important are three, call them “elements of attraction” which work together in such a way that trying to create them by using option 1 is just something as a guy, if you haven’t achieved a remarkable level of success with women is practically impossible to achieve.
And again it’s a ton of unnecessary work.
What is the solution or what’s the best way to stay on option two? How you do achieve all those “elements of attraction” with as little failure as possible?
First we must make a conscious choice to avoid the “friend zone traps” we’ve fallen in before and I understand that isn’t easy but it IS possible.
Then it comes down to being your own man and knowing how much that really means to attracting women.
This is not difficult to do but obviously harder to follow through with.
From there we can learn the best possible “attractive” way to present our challenge to women.
This can be done by showing we have options, desires, and how we don’t give in to certain sexual demands all too easily.
It works best if we’re clever and real about it too.
A little more difficult but again – totally achievable for any one willing to learn.
Next up is the chasing thing and admitting it rarely ever works and if it does attract, takes a hell of a long time and again is a ton of work.
This keeps us on the “chooser” side and hopefully her on the (sort-of) chasing end.
Doesn’t sound difficult but based on my experience is tougher than it sounds.
All that and a little more, naturally creates the space necessary to allow attraction to “do its thing.”
It also has the affect of having her believe we’re the most secure, independent, and strongest man she’s ever met.
When we then learn to attach certain emotional connections that ALL women need to experience (which is sometimes known as chemistry or even physical addiction) we can finally experience a reality so far from the friends zone we won’t even look back again.
If it’s all overwhelming don’t get discouraged.
Chances are you’re closer than you think and some of you will actually progress quickly through it all.
Experiencing it first hand will always help speed the process along depending on how quickly you pick yourself up from setback and failures and learn from the mistakes and most of all – by not letting ourselves get too hooked on one woman too quickly and letting us slide back to option 1.
A lot of the details are covered in my newsletter which you can sign up below for free and I’ve recently added my old journals so you can experience exactly what I did.
Not everything but definitely beyond the basics.
If you remember the beginning of this post I touched upon a simple fact about leaving an impression on a woman which leaves her wanting more.
How the space created, the sexual tension, her decision to not want to ever sleep with you, and your decision to just be her friend, all happen within the first interaction.
A few seconds in fact.
The truth is I don’t cover much of those seconds anywhere at DiaLteG TM but I do know someone who does and you’re more than welcome to listen to his ideas and concepts on what must happen in the first seven seconds that you meet a woman…
7 Second Seduction … Would You Like To Know How To Seduce Women In 7 Seconds Without The Fear of Rejection?