A member of The Real Truth About Men which has moved to “Why Do Guys…?” asked me this question and I wanted to share it with everyone.
If he says, “I’ve just never really seen her that way,” is there hope he will change his mind? should I take that as there is something about me that turns him off or isn’t good enough? He’s super desperate to date though, which makes me think, why will.he seemingly give anyone a chance but me?
As you know, this is the Real Truth About Men from a Guy.
This means when a woman asks me a question they get to hear my gut answer.
This gives women the ability to see or the insight into how a man will be thinking in the same situation.
Sure. I do understand women better than the average guy does. I will do my best to not let my expertise in attraction get in the way of letting you hear my first reaction.
In other words – You come to me with your questions because you want to understand what a man might be thinking so you can better assess your situation.
We tend to make better choices when we’re informed truthfully especially about attraction.
So let’s get to my answer already…
“I’ve just never seen her that way.”
The truth is – I’ve only said that to a woman when I did not feel physically attracted to her enough to engage more.
I don’t see her that way to me translates to,
“I’m not feeling more than just a friendship.”
Now before you go thinking it’s always going to be that simple I’m going to step into the mind of the man I used to be. Before I understood myself and women…
I’m doing this because you mentioned this man is desperate to date. I’m also getting a suspicion his self-esteem might not be all too high.
Here is what went on inside my mind when I found myself telling another person how I just didn’t see her that way…
- “I’m hooked on someone else. Stuck in her friends zone. I’m blinded to only seeing ONE woman.”
- “I feel like I don’t have a chance so I blow it off. It doesn’t make me feel better but at least I won’t look rejected in front of my peers.”
- “I feel attracted to her but again, because of a lack of confidence, and based on my past, If I open up to her, she will only reject me anyways. If I play it cool, there’s a chance she’ll make a move on me.”
There you have several scenarios where a man might tell someone you he doesn’t see you “that way.”
All of which I’m sure might be confusing you a little more so I will elaborate in the only way I know how…
“Should I take that as there is something about me that turns him off or isn’t good enough?”
First of all never take attraction too personal.
Once you begin to think you’re not good enough, you will in fact find a way to make sure you are not good enough.
Making less you attractive in his mind.
Secondly, “good enough” implies he’s better than you. And this is a guy who is obviously struggling to find a date.
Please don’t do that to yourself.
When it comes to dating we ALL start out as equals, until we do something to change our status.
Next you asked,
“Is there hope he will change his mind?”
When it comes to attracting anyone you just stumbled on a few very important elements.
Hope and Doubt.
If you can get someone to hope something is going to happen, and leave a little doubt in how you feel, this person you’re looking to attract might become addicted to you.
(I did not come up with this Hope and Doubt concept on my own. I must credit Carlos Xuma for this.)
What I believe you’re really describing to me is that you’re becoming more and more attracted to this man because you’re looking for me to tell you there’s hope, and you are doubting how he might feel about you.
So let’s turn this around on him by first understanding in the world of attraction, we can never change someone’s mind. This will only lead you to feel more attracted to him and not the other way around.
What you want to do is to heighten his hope by introducing yourself into his “desperate” situation.
Use your woman’s intuition to flirt more but very subtly.
If he shows signs he’s beginning to see you in a new light – you will eliminate your doubt about how he sees you. Because you will know for sure.
After which he has to begin to question that your “sexiness” is not something he can casually blow off. If he’s quiet and shy, you may have to be more clear about it. Let’s face it. Too many men miss the clues you give them.
Based on my gut reaction earlier this is what I’ve come up with. These come from me stepping back into my old self to better assess what your man is thinking.
“I’m blinded to only seeing ONE woman.” – Ask him about her and have him compare her to other women. Or what makes her so cool. (In a nice way of course.) Then turn it around the focus on you. Excuse yourself for being too much like her or how you believe “All women are so alike.”
“I feel like I don’t have a chance…” – Question his intentions in a fun and flirty way. Use more innuendos and accuse him of trying to seduce you. This will allow him to feel there’s hope you are attracted to him. By being funny he’ll doubt whether you want to be seduced by him. And you want to leave a little mystery.
“I feel attracted to her but again, because of a lack of confidence, and based on my past, If I open up to her, she will only reject me anyways. If I play it cool, there’s a chance she’ll make a move on me.” –
He needs to man up.
Put him in a situation where something must happen.
This could be siting close to him more often.
Leaving something of yours always within his reach.
Let him always play it cool and never ask or demand that he open up to you.
You must let him believe he never has to show his feelings unless he wants to. (And he will be more likely to open up to you.)
If you push it, you will only push him away.
Now that I’ve given you a few clear examples of what might be going on inside his head, and I’ve given you a few examples of how to get him to see you as a dating option…you’ll have to decide which one best fits your situation.
Real men, or more appropriately a single man with options, normally don’t say this unless they did not feel an almost instant physical attraction towards a woman.
However a man without choices, who feels little hope for his dating life, might very well be hiding his true feelings because of a fear of rejection.
It happens to guys all the time.
I hope I helped you out and feel free to fill us all in on what happens. We would be happy to hear about it.
If any guy wants to let us know what he would be thinking…you know what to do.
Leave your opinion below and tell us what’s on YOUR mind.
Thanks again and don’t forget to visit Why Do Guys for lots of answer about men.