Flaking out or having a woman flake out on you generally means she agrees to go out with you but backs out.
This usually happens within hours of the actual date or continually happens over a period of time.
There are so many different opinions on how to handle a woman when she acts this way. They range from calling her out on it, playing a game with her (as the reader’s question below states), ignoring it and/or just getting on with it in a mature adult way.
In other words – you can get mad, seek revenge, ignore it, or put up with it.
Those options don’t seem to be the answer most guys are looking for BUT there’s something you CAN do about it which will stop it from happening most of the time. Actually done right can stop if from happening entirely.
The last option was given to me from my first teacher of attraction and dating and I’m going to share it with you.
Setting Up the Relationship Correctly
” ‘Flaky-ness is a pet peeve of mine. On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to flake or call and change our plans?’ If you hear anything but “I’ll be there for sure”, then cancel and say, “Let’s do it another time.” — taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 58.
David also sees a woman as a test or a character trait of a woman. His way of dealing with it is to stop it from happening in the first place. He respects his time and expects her to do the same. Notice how he also doesn’t get angry or hurt or look for revenge. He handles it maturely in the initial meeting with a woman.
How and Why Women Test Men
“How do women test for these things? (control of HIMSELF) By challenging, pushing men to wits end, changing plans at the last minute, playing hard to get, being demanding, and expecting special treatment.” — Also taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 58.
No matter what the reason is for a woman flaking out on a test, (things you’re going to read about below), how you handle it and stop it from happening is clearly an inner game matter which starts with YOU.
A reader sent me a question wondering how to handle a woman who flakes…
If she is interested in you, but cancels the third date to test you, how would you handle it? I simply refuse to contact with her and when she sent a text massage, I ignored for four days to show her to stop her silly games. What do you think?
Playing a game with a woman because you believe she is playing one against you means you’ve already failed her “flake” test.
First of all, if she doesn’t know how you responded she won’t know WHY you’re doing it which makes your “punishment” fairly useless.
Some women will get it but why trust she’ll make the connection when there’s other options in dealing with a “flaky” dating situation.
I’d say “punishing her” fails her test ( if it actually was one ) because she’ll only learn this from it…
You can’t handle her every changing emotions and when things happen which are beyond her control, your first move is to disappear.
Remember: We normally fail her “test” when we respond in a way she was expecting.
let’s go a little deeper to figure this all out.
NUMBER ONE: A woman’s REAL tests are subconscious.
She does not always know they’re happening and they can manifest themselves in many ways.
Missing a third date could be a self-defeating action which manifests as a test to assure the guy she’s dealing with is a step above the rest BUT is going to stick around.
From that standpoint – something ALWAYS happens around the third or perhaps fourth date depending the nature of the relationship.
Quick and deep connection you’ll get this test on possibly the first or second date.
Light and short connections may take five or six dates before it happens.
Like maybe she’s not satisfied with her clothing options. She reached out to a friend and wouldn’t you know it, that friend needed help that night.
She suddenly feels bloated and is thinking about sex, and now doesn’t want that to happen so she flakes out.
I could go on because woman have a ton of “oops” excuses to explain backing out on a date and sometimes they are self-sabotaging moves which look like a test.
Sometimes of course it works its way out to actually be one too so…
Subconscious = TEST.
A conscious move to elicit some kind of response, mostly negative = GAME.
That’s how I see it.
If she’s doing it on purpose AND it’s usually negative or overly dramatic then it’s a game.
NUMBER 2: Women use these TESTS because it’s her best way to get to know the real us.
It’s a simple and efficient way to get past the bullshit and break through our persona or the persona we’re trying to represent to a woman we’re attracted to.
Most of the time they work extremely well and blend in seamlessly in the relationships.
The early tests are done so we inadvertently disqualify ourselves saving her time and energy with a dead end date.
On the other hand as we slowly reveal ourselves to her and knowingly or not, pass them, they shift deeper and more elaborate until they reach a breaking point.
I’ve found after that they get so subtle and blend in to the relationship quite well. But don’t quote me on that just yet.
Now that we’ve cleared up the difference between game playing and actually testing and how they might cause a woman to flake out on us, let’s clear up one more misconception on how to respond to a “flaker ” – the Alpha way.
Most assume the “Alpha” responds with brute force tactics – or in this case “ignoring” her as a punishment.
Like they have to stand up and put her in her place or else she’ll walk all over you.
But in reality…
The real Alpha Male doesn’t let it affect him either way. He’s not driven by her actions. He’s not easily upset or feels like he must play a game to get his point across.
A real alpha male never feels the need to prove himself especially to a woman who may or not be flaking out on her.
If you’re still not sure what being a real Alpha Male is then read one of the best description I’ve found. What The Alpha Man Is.
So to pass her flake test…
We’re not allowed to have it affect our manhood or our masculinity.
We’re not allowed to demand a reason or feel we’re owed an excuse.
Tough response I know and until I started dating more women I wasn’t running into any flake tests.
A long time passed before I was tested on this.
My first time I thought a lot, perhaps too much about it.
I went from being hurt to being angry to feeling like giving up on her altogether. I took it as a huge sign she was not a woman I wanted in my life. You know, put my nose up in the air and thought “screw her then… bitch!”
But since I knew it felt wrong I went and talked to someone who has been through it a lot.
He offered this advice…
Act like it didn’t even happen. Don’t even shake your head at her in disgust.
If you have to, pretend you didn’t even notice she had flaked out. You can even bust her ass a little but mainly – as far as you’re concerned – “We were supposed to meet up? Ooops! My bad.”
The whole “flaking” thing then took off.
Tons of guys were asking what to do, how to do it, and wanted to know the exact reasons why women flake out.
His advice made sense and I trusted it would work so I tried it…
When she came to me apologizing for her flakiness I simply stated,
“Hey…No problem. I ended up meeting a few friends that night and one thing led to another… I got home around four-thirty in the morning… we had a great time.”
Her response was simply amazing because it reminded me of something Manri Kinrys wrote about it in her guest post at DiaLTeG TM –> Why Women Flake And Exactly What To Do
You see, when a woman likes a man there is no way she would cancel plans on him for something else AND if she does cancel she will make certain they have concrete plans in the future.
This girl I’m talking about began rattling off dates to hook up again.
She began kissing my ass.
She was acting quite desperate to make her flaking up to me.
You see to her, a guy who is not affected by her moods or whatever she is doing, is not the type of guy she was used to dealing with.
Some threw fits. Some got angry. Some even begged her not to flake out on again and how it pissed them off.
And yes, every one of them failed her tests.
“Some PUA’s advise the man to ignore the shit test (by changing the subject) – and that’s good advice if you only want to get into her pants. But if you actually want to date her, you should step up and use the shit test as an opportunity to prove that you can handle her… How Women Use Shit Tests and Why It’s A Good Thing for You.
She suddenly saw me as a guy she wants to keep around.
It became in HER best interest to try harder and not flake out on me the next time even though I didn’t respond harshly or with a game.
Pretty cool stuff because who would’ve known such an easy response would have worked so well.
Which brings me back to what I mentioned above:
If we respond to her test in a way she was expecting than we have just failed.
I have a rule of attraction because I’m a lazy guy and like to avoid doing more work than necessary. It has worked for me.
Do as little as you can to attract a woman.
Being a dick is hard work.
Too much drama and definitely way too much bullshit to deal with.
Playing a game is also a lot of work.
Too much thinking, planning, etc…
And it usually only leads to more game playing.
Again, a lot of freaking work.
The best option is to simply act from a real Alpha Playbook with a calm cool collected attitude towards women.
“If we refer to our specific set of rules we make then every time we begin to question what to do or how to do it then the answers will ( mostly ) come. How And Why A Set Of Man Rules Can Help You Attract Women.
Building an attraction which can work with lots of women and lasts a lifetime because less work with women means more time to enjoy BEING with them.
That’s my attitude.
When a woman flakes out on us, of course we can learn from it.
We can try to avoid it in the future.
Learn what signs to look for so we can avoid the women who are more likely to flake.
We can also give them more memorable first impressions with real phone numbers so when we do set up a date she going to make sure she doesn’t miss it.
HOW we respond must be simple.
Something she doesn’t expect or normally get.
And I’ve found having or growing an Alpha Attitude takes care of that for us, this is when and if we know what being Alpha really is.