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What NOT To Do When A Woman Flakes Out On You

in Dating, Is She Playing, Real Alpha Man
Woman Phone Flake Saying Won’t Show Up For Date

Flaking out or having a woman flake out on you generally means she agrees to go out with you for a date but backs out within hours or continually does it to you –  leaving indefinitely “you on the hook”.

It can also mean getting her number and when you try to get in touch with her, she ignores it and doesn’t get back to you ever again.

It sucks, that I understand. Nothing can piss you off more than going through all the work of meeting a woman, capturing her interest, getting the number, and then asking for a date ONLY to be “blown off” and have her flake out – or in the worst case scenario – not answer her phone or text message when you try for the first time.

There are many different opinions on how to handle a woman when she acts this way which makes this problem somewhat EASY to deal with BUT it can also make it very confusing as to choosing which is the right one for you.

They are:

  • Get mad or angry and call her out on it. Asking why or make her feel bad for doing it. Basically being rude to let her know you’re pissed and you didn’t appreciate what she did to you.
  • Seek revenge or play a game with her. This is where when she finally agrees to meet up, you blow her off. Or you just keep leave her hanging on the rope. Telling her you’re busy but you’re trying to free up some time.
  • You can ignore it. Pretend as if you didn’t even realize she flaked out. You can act like you don’t even care or it’s not a big deal. It happens. You make another date and try again “hoping” she doesn’t do it again.

On top of HOW you choose to respond or react to her flake you can also assure it doesn’t happen in the first place. There are certain things you can do which will make it far less likely to happen.

The problem with trying to make sure it doesn’t happen to you is that the more you date, the more likely it’s going to come about AND women WILL flake. It’s kind of a guarantee of dating depending on how many dates with different women you go out with AND how you’re getting their information.

Here’s what you should NOT do when a woman flakes out on you:

Get angry with her and call her out on it. Sure it might feel good to get it off your chest but it won’t solve anything. Think about how you got her number. Think about all the reasons why she would flake out. Think about it from her point of view and just realize – it DOES and WILL happen.

I had a friend who would always choose this option. He was a cool guy with an angry streak inside. His eyes lit up when I let him in on a little secret because surprisingly enough, and if you knew the dude you’d understand this point – he actually listed to my opinion.

I asked him directly,

“What’s the real problem here? Women flaking out on you making you feel like you’re wasting time with those as you called ‘bitches’ OR that you’re getting all these dates that are leading nowhere because so many of them are flaking out on you? HOW exactly are you getting their numbers? How and where are you meeting them? What’s the one consistent thing that is happening during the information exchange leading to women flaking out on you?”

We discussed it a little and I pointed out that number one – getting angry is fine. Shit happens and you’re going to get pissed from time to time. However how you choose to channel that anger is more important. Instead of channeling his anger for good – he would just push it on someone else and he justified it by releasing it on the person who he felt deserved it. The flaky woman.

Number 2. I reminded him that we learned from the same book and asked why he didn’t take away the same advice as me.

Here’s the exact quote pointed below from David DeAngelo’s Advanced Dating Techniques program. This is what David would say to women while setting up a date:

Setting Up the Relationship Correctly

“‘Flaky-ness is a pet peeve of mine. On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to flake or call and change our plans?’  

If you hear anything but “I’ll be there for sure”, then cancel and say, “Let’s do it another time.”

Taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques on workbook page 58. Affiliated link to a highly acclaimed dating package and NOT the actual workbook. You can sign up for David’s highly recommended newsletter here – Double Your Dating for great advice or sign up first for some free stuff: Launch Your Love Life.

Notice what he says and the exact conditions he gives on how to respond,

If you hear anything but “I’ll be there for sure”, then cancel and say, “Let’s do it another time.”

He was shown exactly how to decrease the chance of it happening but chose not to do so because he felt more justified giving a woman a simple test of her character as noted in the next quote below.

He reasoned,

“This is MY test for her. If she cancels or flakes out then I know she’s not good for me. I’ll know without a doubt she’s not the type of woman I am looking for anyways.”

You must admit he had a point. Women test us all the time and why shouldn’t we test them back on their character.

BUT once again we come back to the real issues here.

He’s meeting lots of women and getting lots of dates and not many of them are working out. He’s wasting valuable time and calling out a woman for doing something which is really not that bad at all when and if you understand ALL the reasons why a women will flake on a guy.

He set up a pattern of negativity, disappointment, anger, revenge, and then hits the NEXT button; all amounting to him not getting to know lots of women better and wasting valuable time and effort just because he feels justified in testing women back.

Might I add in a way which is not a true test of character. Hey, if you’re going to do what women do to test guys – MAKE sure you’re just as good at them as doing it or else it will fail and only become a test of YOUR character, not hers.

Here’s the new quote on tests a woman will give you to see how much “Control of HIMSELF” a guy has:

How and Why Women Test Men
“How do women test for these things? (control of HIMSELF) By challenging, pushing men to wits end, changing plans at the last minute, playing hard to get, being demanding, and expecting special treatment.” — Also taken directly from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 58.

Notice how her test of character worked way better than his and in the end, he made the decision for her by acting out. He proved to lots of women he had absolutely no control of himself.

His first “go to” mode was to get angry and seek revenge.

You can see now what NOT to do when a woman flakes out… Get angry or seek revenge.

Neither tactic works in your favor and only proves to others you struggle handling your anger and justify its means by any way which suits your particular reasoning and limited belief system.

Next choice or option when it comes to a woman flaking out comes from a reader who offered his opinion with the added question of what I thought about it. This is what he did when a woman flaked out on him:

“If she is interested in you, but cancels the third date to test you, how would you handle it? I simply refuse to contact with her and when she sent a text massage, I ignored for four days to show her to stop her silly games. What do you think?”

 

He decided to play her back or seek revenge. Similar to the first case but without the anger. His tactic was to play with her a little so she’ll “get the hint’ and not do it again.

Here’s how that all plays out and also become something you should NOT do when a woman flakes out.

First of all, if she doesn’t know how you responded she won’t know WHY you’re doing it which makes your “punishment” fairly useless. Some women will get it but why trust she’ll make the connection when there’s better ways  in dealing with a “flaky” dating situation.

It’s like he’s punishing not unlike punishing a dog for peeing in the corner five hours later. Not saying women are like dogs but five hours later, or waiting days to respond, which one would ever know why they were being punished in the first place.

And secondly, seriously, PUNISHMENT to another adult you’re dating seems like a very childish thing to do.

Because he failed her flake test he proved to her several things:

  • He has a revenge tactic mentality.
  • He’s first response when bad things happen is to become passive aggressive. He chooses to disappear or avoid the problem at hand instead of dealing with it in a mature adult way.
  • He actually believes he has the right to punish another human being he’s dating. Almost like he NEEDS to be in control over another person, in this case a woman’s actions.

Add it all up and you get a passive aggressive man who hides his anger. Who feels the need to control a woman. Who feel justified in punishing someone else when he does not have that right.

AND that his first recourse under duress is a lack of real control of himself and a childish mentality to boot.

Proving to her without a doubt that since he can not manage his own emotions – he will NEVER be able to handle her emotions.

Which if we’re to agree on anything here is that women have a far greater range, complexity, and frequency of emotions than most men will ever experience.

Let’s take a little detour and talk about the very common third date flake test or test in general and what they actually do for women.

A woman’s test is often a subconscious act which is derived from her experiences and are designed to do several things.

One, to gauge your character, to see if you really are the person you claim to be.

Two, gather your response to an outside source which again shows her your true character and three, the lesser known one – to protect her from emotional and physical harm.

We can all assume the third date has an added pressure to it because it’s the most likely date where SEX is going to happen. That’s not based solely on a rule, just a more predictable thing to happen based on how many times a woman and a man meets each other.

Quick and deep connection you’ll get this test on possibly the first or second date. Light and short connections may take five or six dates before it happens.

Again it’s just a probability thing but it doesn’t take away from the fact that when you add more probable sex to a date – so to does the odds of a woman flaking out on it.

Remember the third reason why a test happens – to protect her from emotional and physical harm; then you must also understand why she’s more likely to avoid the third date thus explaining why the third date flake is the most common.

Her reasons are varied but with the added pressure of sex comes many problems giving a woman every reason to cancel or to claim, “Sorry, but something else suddenly came up.”

Things like how she looks.

How she feels about herself that day.

Does she feel attractive.

Is she bloated?

Are you worth having sex with?

Will you just sleep with her and never call again? And the list continues on and on causing her to question whether she should delay the date or cancel entirely.

By the way – I have a huge page on a woman’s test right here: Understanding A Woman’s Test and How To Pass Them. Please bookmark it read it later.

Understanding all that – now how reasonable is it to seek revenge or get angry with a woman just because she flaked out? Just something to think about before we move on.

Now that you understand what NOT to do when a woman flakes and a little of how to assure it’s less likely to happen, how her tests are designed or derive from, plus how you respond or react to her flakiness reveals just what type of person you are and what it CAN mean when you act negatively after it happens…

What IS your BEST option when a woman does flake out on you?

Her Not There Flaking Out

Truth be told, I had little experience with women flaking out on me for one sad reason – I just wasn’t getting enough dates. Once that all changed, suddenly I was faced head-on with this problem.

I went from being hurt to being angry to feeling like giving up altogether. I took it as a huge sign they were not the type of women I wanted in my life. So I put my nose high up in the air and thought “screw her then… bitch!” I did pretty much what those others guys did for a while and of course had my own reasoning or excuses to back up why I was acting that way to women.

But you know what? It just didn’t FEEL right? Something was missing and since it wasn’t working I needed a new plan of action.

So I reached out to a friend and here’s what he so eloquently and simply stated:

“Do nothing!

Act like it didn’t even happen. Don’t even shake your head at her in disgust.

If you have to, pretend you didn’t even notice she had flaked out. You can even bust her ass a little but mainly – as far as you’re concerned – “We were supposed to meet up? Ooops! My bad.”

That friend was the infamous Carlos Xuma. (My personal page filled with advice, tips, and products offered.)

Reluctantly it sounded a little too easy but since nothing else worked, I figured I’d give it a try.

Luckily (or unluckily) the first opportunity to try his advice came quickly on a new year’s eve party where I  was “supposed” to hook up with a girl… And she flaked out on me giving some lame excuse which was not even worth registering in my brain that evening.

However, she did come to me at a later date to offer a real apology and with Carlos in my head I said this,

“Hey…No problem. I ended up meeting a few friends that night and one thing led to another… I got home around four-thirty in the morning… we had a great time.”

Her response was simply amazing because it reminded me of something Manri Kinrys wrote:

“When a woman likes a man there is no way she would cancel plans on him for something else. AND if she does cancel she will make certain they have concrete plans in the future.”

Why Women Flake And Exactly What To Do

This girl began rattling off dates to hook up again. She began kissing my ass. She was acting borderline desperate to make it up to me.

You see to her, a guy who is not affected by her moods or whatever she is doing, was not even close to the type of guy she was used to dealing with before.

Since, as I found out later, she was quite the unreliable girl she had lots of experience with the guys she blew off. Some threw fits. Some got angry. Some even begged her not to flake out on again and how it pissed them off.

But not one of them acted or reacted in the way I was shown to do and it made a huge shift in our relationship.

Sure it didn’t work out. But that didn’t matter. Why it didn’t work had nothing to do with her flakiness or me just getting angry and vengeful.

However it did prove to me how by doing nothing, acting like it didn’t happen, understanding why it might happen, and how if it is a test, I can pass it like no other guy she might’ve met before… assured it’s far less likely to happen again.

I wasn’t hurt. I wasn’t angry. I didn’t get all hell bent doing something I’d regret later.

It came and went and it really felt like it left me better off than where I had started. I felt smarter and stronger and definitely more attractive to her and the next women who came my way – flakers or not.

That and much more came to me as a result of the combination of my experiences with women, their tests, flaky women, Carlos Xuma and David DeAngelo (the two guys I personally learned from) which led to me making a dating slash attraction rule for myself – and for the fact I guess I’m a pretty lazy dude…

Do as little as you can to attract a woman.

Being a dick is hard work. Too much drama and definitely way too much bullshit to deal with.

Playing a game is also a lot of work. Too much thinking, planning, etc… And it usually only leads to more game playing.

Again, a lot of freaking work.

The best option is to simply act from a real “Alpha Playbook” with “Mature Man” traits so develop and grow a calm cool collected attitude towards women.

Here is a short explanation of what being alpha really is: What The Alpha Male Is And Why It Helps You Attract Women. Written of course by Carlos Xuma.

No scheming. Less thinking. No freaking mind games.

For complete help on being a real mature may, I’d suggest you get this immediately: On Being A Man – designed by my other teacher, David DeAngelo. (That’s an affiliate link I’ve supplied so you know I get a kickback when you buy it.)

Building an attraction which can work with lots of women and last a lifetime because less work with women means more time to enjoy BEING with them.

That’s my attitude.

When a woman flakes out on us, of course we can learn from it. We can try to avoid it in the future. We can definitely learn what signs to look for so we can avoid the women who are more likely to flake if that’s our goal.

We can also give them more memorable first impressions with real phone numbers so when we do set up a date she’s going to make sure she doesn’t miss it. Which by far is the best option because we’re acting pro-active.

BUT…

HOW we respond must be simple.

Something she doesn’t expect or normally get from “other” guys.

I’ve found having or growing and building an Alpha Attitude takes care of all that for us so we become less concerned with knowing what to do in every situation with women and just becomes a part of who we are. That way again, we spend less time thinking about what to do and more time just enjoying our time.

Before you go and ever try to punish a wom an for flaking, or to play a game with her thinking that’ll solve your Ego or her flaky problem, consider everything you’ve read today on what to do what NOT to do and hopefully you’ll soon see how less work AND more attraction is by far the BEST choice you can make.

Let me know how it goes for you below. Thanks for stopping by and I do sincerely hope you’ve been shown something today you can use in the future and in all your interactions/dating/relationship with women.

About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please LIKE or SHARE my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Find and follow me on Twitter – Peter White.

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20 comments… add one
  • Liquid Snake

    All of this is pure non sense. Both parties should walk into any potential relationship with their best foot forward. This means not flaking. If you hit a dog with a stick and it bites you – you can’t say “Well, I don’t want this dog anymore – it bit me.” Your flaking actions provoked a harsh response, and this lets the woman off the hook for accountability.

    This subconscious mumbo jumbo is really just self sabotaging behavior for women. If women knew how to pick a decent guy, there wouldn’t be so many articles on it or lovelorn women out there. They insist on playing games, pushing all decent guys out, shacking up with whoevers left and being unsatisfied with the guy they got with. It’s a self inflicted cycle of perpetual angst.

    Furthermore, what guarantee do you have that if you play it cool, another date will happen. I’ve been strung along for months “playing it cool” When I should have just called the girl out on her bullshit and moved on. I’m okay now since that girl has a baby, and the guy left her – she didn’t flake on the wrong guy, she flaked on all the right ones.

    • The problem is, women flake for lots of reasons and it’s not always what you think.

      Sure they might flake on what you would called the “wrong guy” but chances are she bailed out because she wasn’t feeling attracted or the date was setup so badly she knew she wasn’t going to show up anyways. I wouldn’t call her a flake there. She was just agreeing to get the guy away from her.

      Playing it cool doesn’t guarantee another date BUT it does set up a strong position that our lives are not based on whether or not she is a flake.

      If you’ve been strung along for months “playing it cool” then how is that HER fault?

      Nowhere above does it say to let a woman walk all over you or to allow yourself to be strung along. I’d say if this is or was a consistent problem then you’re not creating attraction or given women a good enough reason to even show up on the first date anyways.

      I’ve known women to flake out for reasons which go beyond what most guys would consider… bad hair day, having a period, not feeling social, long day at work, doesn’t know what to wear, doesn’t trust herself to not have sex with a guy, etc… I believe you’re getting the picture here. Again, how are those problems deserving of a harsh response.

      If you want to hold women accountable for every action or treat them like “dogs” when they screw up, that’s your deal. If you want to pick up women who only appear to push out the decent guys, that’s your problem, not theirs.

      Yes. I agree there are lots of “damaged” women out there who make bad choices and continue to do the same thing over and over again BUT there are just as many men who are just as bad or worse because they blame their lack of success on somebody else.

      Women flake. It’s a fact. Women have trouble reading lots of guys. That’s a fact too.

      My advice is to not bully women and accept that shit happens and until you’re absolutely positive why it happened, getting all bent and angry over a woman who won’t bend over to your command, is a waste of time and energy.

      Listen… If she flakes because she can’t remember a simple date and you don’t want a woman like that… by all means drop her number and move on.

      BUT I would never place blame, categorize all women to be the same, or demean women just because you’ve had a bad go with it and want to take it out on them. You have to own up to your responsibility and take a closer look at how you’re getting numbers, how you’re getting dates, where you’re taking them, how you’re creating attraction, where you’re meeting these flakes, AND the type of women you’re interested in who apparently only string you along because you let them.

      Pete

      • Liquid Snake

        The length of your comment proves you know little to nothing about women in general. 1st you’re blaming men for not creating enough attraction, this is why she flakes – this is simply to sell whatever it is you’re pushing. You can have the best game in the world, and once she leaves your sight be distracted by something else.
        Since you’re a master at creating attraction that means no woman has ever flaked on you right??? I’m not going to introspect myself for anything that I do regarding a woman’s stupid behavior – it’s pointless. People see and hear what they want from other people. I’m good looking, speak 2 languages, 5’11, world traveled and college educated, with a nice car and job. If a bitch wants to flake – especially if she isn’t as good looking as me or as educated – then I don’t need to do any introspection. We can’t blame ourselves for everything, or keep constantly tweaking ourselves until we’re just right. Acknowledge your shortcomings, fix what you can and get over what you can’t. Women are as far from perfect as you can get regardless of how much make-up she puts on – once you get to know them. I also have a life so I can’t spend all day dwelling in neurosis about what I did or didn’t do right or wrong creating attraction in a capricious woman.

        2nd you’re letting flaking women off the hook for being disrespectful. You’re making a ton of excuses for why they flaked. Most flakes come down to “I don’t feel like it”.You have to look at it like a job, if someone doesn’t show up to the initial interview, would you hire them? It all goes back to positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. If ALL guys called women on their shit, instead of writing noodle spine articles making excuses for them then they wouldn’t flake so often.

        Flaking on a 1st date is not a big deal since it happens, nor should a person get bent out of shape about it, although I understand it can be disappointing. But after 2 or 3 dates and tentative plans are made, then last minute flaking is unacceptable. REMEMBER, the man has absolutely no power before you have sex with her, so you are completely at her whim. These date(s) are to get the ball rolling so you can eventually have sex. Flaked dates break forward momentum PERIOD.

        “Strung along” means I didn’t get upset or drop a bitch in HOPES of eventually getting a date. So when she called me again and again to make plans, I was up for it.
        She kept flaking on me, and I kept giving her a chance. Is that my fault??? No – I’m a red blooded virile American man, who wants to have sex. It’s her fault for not coming through.

        If you want to read the chapter about flaking in my book – let me know, I’ll send you the pages. It is “In-Lightning”

        I’m sure no one agreed with this article since I’m the only one who commented.

        • AV

          Can you send me the chapter for your book? This girl flaked out at the last minute, said she had to go to a friends party, as she doesn’t get to see him often cause’ he lives out of town. I guess its a sincere excuse, yet she came up with the excuse of being too tired cause she just went to the gym when we had agreed to go out the first time. I kinda flaked on her too after we rescheduled the second time for the first date, texted her the next day that my phone had died. She texted the night before saying”I know its late”. Meaning she had got back from the gym late. I forgot about her, then she texted me out of the blue a week ago and again I told her I could not meet that Friday night, and rescheduled for Saturday. So, we went out on a first date. Should I ignore her, or text her that “I went out anyway with friends, and had such a blast I stayed up all night”?

  • Rob

    1/5 dates flake… shit happens. Even the best PUA / masters get flaked, really the sooner you get over it and deal with it like a man, the better off you are. Set yourself a bloody limit, allow a 2nd flake but not a third. I wouldn’t close the deal on a first flake… go do something else, have fun, call a few friends and have a beer and/or play video games. Do work, something else. Also if you suspect flaking, you can save yourself the trip (and money + added annoyance) by texting her like 1h before letting her know you’ll be running late e.g. 10 minutes. If she wants to flake, offer a window of opportunity for her to jump through: it’ll at least mitigate the risk somewhat.

    • Well said Rob and I love the advice… “if you suspect flaking, you can save yourself the trip … by texting her like 1h before letting her know you’ll be running late e.g. 10 minutes. If she wants to flake, offer a window of opportunity for her to jump through: it’ll at least mitigate the risk.”

      Perfect and thanks for sharing it,

      Pete

  • Woman's Perspective

    Oddly enough I ended up reading this and the comments as I have been dealing with Men Flaking.. Or slow fading… Or ghosting… Or being the opposite of an Alpha Male/take charge.. Pursues you, get you then flake on you type of guy.

    And no I did not sleep with him after several dates. I find it interesting though that the same advice given to women for the flakey men is the same given to men for flakey women.

    I am not flakey, I truly believe there are arrogant people out there both men and women .. That have such self centred attitudes that this flakiness shows up and shows their true colours .. I don’t think either are being honest with themselves at all and it messes up the other party. All we can do is what for red flags, play it cool, not get sucked in by the drama and move on. If they (men & women) are worth it people will step up.

    As a women I don’t want to be smothered but I can
    Smell bullshit a mile away and it shows up pretty quickly when you are the normal one.

    “Sell crazy someplace else lady we are all stocked up here” ….. Jack Nicholson movie I can’t rmbr the name of lol
    ….. Next.
    Guys. Be real… Be nice to women.. Just don’t be a door mat. That goes for ladies too. We love strong nice men with good morales and good values :* at least that is just imho.

  • Vice Lifestyle

    From my own experience I agree 100% with Liquid Snake. I tell you, the guy that wrote this article doesn’t know shit. She flakes once, fine. Twice, ok still play it cool, things happen. But three? Four? The woman is either demonstrating that its not important to her or she has problems with herself. If someone wants to see you, they do it. What she is doing is a complete lack of respect on her part. Oh, I was too tired, something came up, sorry, blah blah blah. I can understand waiting a long time for a bitch with this happening. It sucks. I too speak two languages, own my own company, handsome, weightlifter, not tall but whatever, nice car and this happens. Yes I have made the mistake of blowing my top, but she provoked it on a bad day of mine and I really made the effort to see her. No normal man can wait forever for one bitch. My advice… she flakes continuously, just wait if she’s the only woman you got going for you hahaha. Otherwise to you F yourself like I did that time haha. It’s all about sex in the end my friends and that’s the truth.

    • It’s apparent neither one of you actually read, or understood the article. Whether I know shit or not is debatable because to each their own and yes, I have no way of guaranteeing “how” you interpret my words.

      Let me quote the actual advice written above unedited, unchanged from day one:

      “The real Alpha Male doesn’t let it affect him either way. He’s not driven by her actions. He’s not easily upset or feels like he must play a game to get his point across.”

      “Do as little as you can to attract a woman. Being a dick is hard work. Too much drama and definitely way too much bullshit to deal with. Playing a game is also a lot of work. Too much thinking, planning, etc… And it usually only leads to more game playing. Again, a lot of freaking work.
      The best option is to simply act from a real Alpha Playbook with a calm cool collected attitude towards women.”

      I also don’t recall telling any man to wait around forever or “ever” for a woman who is constantly flaking. I simply gave some valid real reasons why women flake.

      Sometimes it’s a test.

      Sometimes it’s her.

      Sometimes it’s because she wasn’t into us that much in the first place.

      I then offered a “broad pen” approach to either get past her early flakiness without getting upset which has worked for me extremely well. (In the past) I would let it get to me and it was because I was a loser with women. They flaked on me because they were not really interested in me anyways. So I changed that. 😉

      However, after doing the work I needed to do on myself still ran into a few flakes but then, they were flaking for different reasons. Some because they WERE flakes, and a few because it was a test they give to the countless men who were asking them out or all over their asses on a daily basis. It was their way of separating the guys she would date from the guys she wouldn’t. (Whether you believe her tests are a good thing or not is opinion.)

      It’s all good though because it’s this kind of debating which brings us to better conclusions and real applicable advice.

      What Rob wrote was great. What the woman’s comment was also good and it’s great to hear the “other” side because guys flake on woman too.

      I also love what Snake wrote above, “the man has absolutely no power before you have sex with her, so you are completely at her whim. ” Although I don’t agree that it’s all about sex. With some women, yes, it is. But others, to achieve some healthy happy balance, sex is a piece.

      Again, thanks to everyone for sharing.

      Pete

  • Sienna

    I agree with Pete and think that you were not taking the advice for what it was. When a guy or girl flakes, you just go on with your life and don’t make a big production of it like texting him or her/ calling him/ her out on it etc. Just go out live your life and continue dating others, hanging with friends, work, family but don’t put much stock in what he/she is doing.. If they are truly interested, they will come back around and if you still want to go out then just don’t freak out about it and be your normal awesome self. I’ve actually been in a situation exactly like this where a man I dated for around a month basically just stopped calling and I knew he was still into me, but had just recently separated and was going through a divorce.. I didn’t know what happened, didn’t text or call him and just went on with my life.. We would run into each other sometimes and both were always pleasant to one another and he would always mention how he wanted to see me again and I’d say sure, just give me a call. Well long story short he was just not emotionally ready to have a relationship at the time we met and he needed to work through the loss of his marriage, family, kids etc and yes he would be flaky and say he was going to call and didn’t but it wasn’t intentional or game playing he was just struggling and at the time he’d see me he meant what he said and wanted to see me, but life got in the way.. Once his life did calm down and he was ready, this man came back for good and is the most amazing man I’ve ever known.. Sometimes people are dealing with things and in the moment they do want to see you and have a relationship, but life and responsibilities can get in the middle of all of it and maybe you flake and it’s not meant as a test or a game, but just life..

    • Liquid Snake

      I don’t mean to come down harsh Sienna, but I believe breaking people down and exposing the gooey insides is the best way to get to the truth. I’m glad your relationship worked out, but a man can’t wait around for a woman to come to their senses (as you did with your beux). Time is the only true currency we all have. Women are to be pursued, and as such will have many men chasing after them….even if they are mildly attractive. They can accept a flake from a guy one day…..then go on another date with a different guy that wants them tomorrow. Men are pursuers, and a flake means waiting, or initiating another pursuit from scratch with a different woman…..which could be another flake

      I don’t think guys flaking on females holds the same weight as the opposite. Really all a woman has to do is show up, and decide if this is gonna work out or not. A guy has to plan, pay, and try to persuade her to give him more chances.
      Any guy that flakes on a female, may not be that interested….because best case scenario he could have sex with her. That’s why I never flake.

  • Sienna

    You definitely have a point Liquid Snake that it’s more difficult from a guy’s perspective with flaky girls as you are normally pursuers and the pressure is on for men. I also agree that in most cases men won’t flake at least not in the beginning as the goal is normally to have sex, so you would need to show up for that to happen. The flaking for men normally comes after the sex, as in most cases they need to decide if they want to continue because here is where a relationship might begin and if they are not ready for it, they start to pull away and become flaky. That was the case with my beau as well, he knew where it was leading and wasn’t ready .. If the chemistry and attractions is there, the main issue for most is timing when it comes to relationships which if not right will always bring out the flakiness in everyone. Well good luck to all and here’s hoping for less flakes in the world of dating ..

  • harry

    i dont understand… if a woman flakes, just get another one; there’s always a better looking, sexier, tighter girl down the street. forget about any woman being special, no girl is – concentrate on becoming a guy no girl can flake and then have your pick. in my early 20’s i’d chase a girl, even avarage ones, to the end to the world just for a date, let alone score… now, it’s become very industrial, i dont wait for women to test me, i test them instead with a few pointed seemingly harmless questions to know if she’s a ‘bundle of stress’ or a time waster.. if she is always whinning (50%), emotionally unstable (like 80% of them) or just interested in my money (90%), no amount of beauty or sexiness will spare her my swift axe – if my intention is to sleep with a girl and that does not happen within a week, she will wonder why i suddenly went mute. of course a few i choose as freinds but i limit those
    I worked very very very hard to turn my life around, i slept 8 hours friday while my pals went clubbing fridays and chase ‘club girls (who go to the club to be laid but play hard to get when approached) so i could work and plan my weeks on sartudays, i exercise alot, i have a great body, not very cute but doing financially well so dress very well, very well educated.. that’s 2/3 and it’s something 70% of women i meet cant resist… quete frankly i have never met a guy who dated, sorry slept with cuter chics as i did, no gloating, im very serious, i really had cute ones – yet in my early 20’s i couldnt get even the ugly ones!
    What i have learnt is this.. no girl is too good to keep you waiting as she makes up her mind (beleive me, it’s almost impossible to tell them apart with their clothes off) – it a girl is unsure about you, it’s a silent messege that you dont want to admit – you aint that cool man, number two, it’s never about the girls, it’s always about you.. if you are cool, they will flock, if they are not flocking well stop chasing start working on yourself; there are things like height, race, and to some extent your looks that you cant change, but there so many other things you can improve on and have you pick of girls

  • David

    For me it never mattered what the woman did. The only thing I have regretted is my reaction to what she does. If she flaked and I ripped back I always felt I let myself down. The only time I have felt good was when I accepted what she did and consider if the situation was worth trying again. If I sensed it was worth another try then I did. I have reacted both negative and positive when hit with a flake. The results were unpredictable. She offered to try again or not. So it didn’t matter what she did and I couldn’t control the next step. I did learn what it took to feel good about myself. I learned not to flake or react back at her. I learned from the poem Desiderata. “As far as possible without surrender
    be on good terms with all persons.” I do have a question to pose to the experienced daters. Do you honestly remember the girls that turned you down? Isn’t it funny how it isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things. I can tell you I don’t remember all the names of the ones that declined or had a change of heart. I do remember the ones that accepted the date. Best of luck to all. Be well.

  • Janik

    Time is not a woman’s friend.
    She flakes: next her and move on (generally speaking of course).
    As time goes on, she will get less & less opportunities to flake on and in the end, she’ll wonder where all the good men went but you’ll have moved on to younger, tighter and better pastures.
    Men age like wine, women age like milk, as simple as that.

    PS: Leykis 101 works.

  • Mike

    A friend of mine flaked on me so I cut her loose we still chat now n then after she tried to beg me to come over when I ignored her and told her she won’t hear from again and now she is constantly trying to get power over me she tells me she wants me all the time but then gets back with her ex! He cheats on her a lot.. so I cut contact and she panicked and texts me she wants me to go round etc but after the flake I friend zoned her and refused her now we are fading out as friends but every now and then she will try and get my attention so I give her a little attention but still refuse to see her lol what she hates is the fact I get attention of other women and I go see them and if any woman flakes just once who isn’t a friend I cut them loose straight away and delete their number etc and move on it’s the best policy why chase when you don’t need to there are plenty of women out there. My worst was 50 women in a row flaked in 2 month but hey who cares I was onto next and I still went out and got 1 night stands with strangers so it’s no problem!

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