In our modern world of GPS, ever connecting roads, and quick answers, why shouldn’t it be any different when it comes to dating and attraction.
So many are looking for signs we are liked before they gain the confidence to proceed.
But is it healthy? Is it really attractive? Will the signs we look to actually guide us to our destination?
Signs are put there to show us the most common and sometimes the easiest way to get to where we are going. But they do not actually do anything at all. Unless you’re on some magic mushroom trip they won’t take your hand and carry you. You still have to get there yourself.
Assume for a moment a sign is the most common way to get somewhere and you choose to stay on that path, what does that do to your perspective.
Now assume a sign is the easiest path to take, what does that do to your experience along the way.
When you seek out signs to guide you, or you look for approval and a pre-determined path to take, when you search for the easiest answers to your highly complex social questions the only thing you really learn is about how someone else sees the answer.
You give up a small piece of yourself which contains your natural ability to attract.
“Does she like me?”
THE SIGNS: She is having fun with you. She lightly touches you often. She wants to be around you. She needs to hear your voice often. She connects with you in front of other people.
Someone must have put up the sign that if she likes you she will be having fun with you. That’s how they saw it. You see one or more women liked them and they were having fun. The sign came from their original perspective and not yours.
And sure it’s a great sign but so is lightly touching you and the rest I mentioned.
In fact I can almost guarantee if you see all those signs, she likes you. (At least according to my perspective and experience in attraction.)
However I will show you the other side….
On this end you could easily mistake her signs of attraction:
(These could waste your time, have you following her lead, and missing the real keys of attraction.)
- She is having fun with you but she it’s because you’re a friend she feels comfortable around.
- She lightly touches you because she lightly touches everyone when she is being playful.
- She wants to be around you because she’s worried when you’re not around she will end up going home with someone. She’s using your friendship to protect her from doing something she’s trying to avoid.
- She needs to hear your voice often because she struggles listening to her own voice inside her head. She does not trust her own choices.
- She connects with you in front of other people because she’s afraid others will assume she is single and that makes her socially uncomfortable.
This “other side” I’ve shown you gives you a more than valid explanation based on ordinary and well documented signals that she likes you. But none of them included feeling attraction.
How about another equally true experience from the signs of her liking you.
- She is having fun with you because you’re both stuck at the same job and she wants to make the best of it. But outside work, you don’t have a chance.
- She lightly touches you often because she hasn’t had sex in ten months and just wants to feel something from someone.
- She wants to be around you because she’s worried you are trying to “play” her best friend into bed. So she’s playing the smart “cock-blocker.”
At this point you must admit the truth – We live in a highly complex social arena and all of us can come up with several unique experiences which will negate or disprove any of the signs listed above.
How we do stop looking for signs when we are looking for guidance or advice? Is that even possible? If I want to go from here to there then how I am supposed to do it? I can not randomly choose a path and hope for the best. That rarely if ever works.
Let’s say you need to visit a place you’ve never been. You pop it in your GPS and follow the directions. Some time later you arrive at your destination. It worked perfectly that way it’s supposed to.
The GPS guided you but the signs you saw along the way gave you confidence you were heading in the right direction.
Now let’s say you need to visit a place you’ve never been but that place you are seeking is inside you.
In this case it’s attracting more women or generally being more attractive. Your GPS unit is a coach or an e-book to follow. The methods you’re being shown has worked for others so you assume it’s reliable and will help you arrive at your attractive destination safely.
So what happens when you look for the signs to give you the confidence or reassurance you are headed in the right direction? Such as her feeling attracted. You knows this stuff works but you just want to make sure.
You cross a fine line over to approval seeking. You begin looking for someone else for the confidence which only can come from inside you.
This attempt to reassure your “need to know” by looking for signs is generated from their experience and not yours. Which is why those valid experiences of her not liking you can be just as true.
I believe without a doubt we can use another’s knowledge to learn something new. We can use a coach or an e-book as a guide. We can seek advice which is solid and proven through trial and error.
But we must always understand our experiences, our confidence, our personal needs are contained within us and so must be formed around our own unique self.
In order to become a more attractive person it’s important at some point to stop looking for signs because they only lead to approval seeking and to fill a very emotional “need to know.”
If you feel a desperate need to know if what you are doing is working then I will tell you this upfront and honestly…
You’re not there yet. But it’s okay. We’ve all been there.
If you find yourself constantly looking for signs…
You may find some reassurance but you’ll also eventually find yourself on someone’s else road they’ve already taken. Which in the end is not part of my nice guys approach to attraction.
Signs can be good when taken in the right context. They can act as guides. But they are just that… Guidance.
Our social world is far too complex and each one of us can make our own roads or forge our own journey to attractiveness.
Stick to your path. Use the tools others give you to construct your own roads.
Use your own intuition and heart as your GPS.
And stop seeking out others to validate your experience.
Start approving of yourself because that is where you’ll always find your most attractive self.