Hey Pete, thanks for the article. I can tell you read up on some of David DeAngelo’s stuff which proves that David isn’t all talk and has actually experienced every possible mistake a guy makes with women.
I’m no expert, but I would like to ask:
How do you feel about sending a woman that you never got to meet a birthday wish by text?
You know those JPG or GIF files you can send?
I read your article about a girl that you got involved with that lived too far for you to actually meet and it reminded me of my situation.
She lives a little over 4 hours away. I even got the sexual tension going with her and had her wet on the phone.
Anyways, even though I have given her space, I thought about sending her a birthday wish (not one of those mushy ones) even though she made an excuse and told me that her heart wasn’t over someone else.
So I called her on her BS (in a funny way) because, obviously, if she wasn’t over someone else, why is she on a dating site and talking to me?
I advised her that she needed to quit playing childish games and act more like an adult.
Regardless, I think I scared her off as she gave me the speech about her last two relationships that were long distance and how it ended up breaking her heart.
Then, after saying what I had to say, she ended up making an excuse about her not being over someone else. See where I’m going with this?
Thanks again for the article.
You're right. Great memory Destry about my long-distance ex-girlfriend.
Yeah, I couldn't be with her for the birthday so I sent her a special text. It was, if I recall, about 12 lines which were sent one at a time every hours or two. She had to wait for it all to come so she would be wished a happy birthday all day long.
I DO believe in romance.
It does have its place.
Nothing feels better than melting a woman's heart IF intimacy has already been established, the motives are genuine and it comes from the heart...
AND it is NEVER done thinking it has much to do with creating attraction.
Romance enhances, strengthens, deepens attraction but does very little if anything to create it.
Sending a woman a heart-felt wish or gift who feels nothing back won't change how she feels and often repels women.
It also makes them feel guilty for not feelings something for someone who is making a kind gesture. Guilty often relates to empathy which is far from attraction.
There are always exceptions but they are not necessary to explain at this moment.
Here's a great post to learn about sending gifts you can read later... What Kind of Gifts Do You Give Women? No Exception Of Return to help you decided the when, where, and what.
In your position - you've already been intimate or both of you would agree you've crossed that line, just nothing physical.
You have also established a certain connection BUT going from sexual tension to a little phone sex to a romantic gesture appears to be missing a step.
Let's assume you're the type of guy who wishes everybody a birthday. It's who you are. Then by all means you...
Tell her to have an amazing birthday and if she's doesn't find a way to enjoy it then she has to answer to you.
I would NOT send her a cute and funny picture that someone else already came up with.
That's what her Facebook friends do, maybe even her mother or brother or sister or someone who wants to bust her ass for getting old.
Don't let that be you so avoid doing something which is overdone - copyrighted in a way - or cliché'.
At your stage with her - be genuine, real, and honest based on who you are.
If who you are is the type of guy who does send these pre-formatted pictures or funny quotes you find on some birthday card - this time - be different with her and don't go there.
Absolutely yes. David DeAngelo's stuff IS the real thing and I did more than just read some of his works.
His material changed my entire perspective on dating and attraction from the very first time I bought his works and read it.
He became the first person who explained how it all worked with women to me that actually made sense.
As if I knew all along what was going on but for some reason refused to believe it.
Plus he wasn't offering tricks or hypnosis or silly mind games which went against my ethical beliefs.
He studied men who were naturally gifted with women.
He DID his homework.
Which is fine and great for us all to do BUT he was able to communicate that me in such a way that I knew without a doubt, if I put in practice what he was teaching in my own way that it would work.
And it DID.
Creating attraction was no longer a mystery.
It was way too easy to do.
AND it was fun to do.
Trust me - creating attraction IS the easy part.
The harder parts come later.
In fact part of my problem was that I always going right for the harder parts, skipping steps, forming relationships which were not there or connections which only existed in my mind and skipping the easiest most natural part which is naturally built inside us - creating attraction.
Keeping it alive - and becoming a generally more attractive person who not only succeeded in relationships, but at becoming a complete person is generally where the maintaining the balance to stay happy is where the difficulty tends to arise.
The weird part about it all was that the mistakes you said David had with women, I still made them.
I still remember making them from my early teens and on.
Except now I could SEE why they didn't work, how to stop them from happening too often or again, and how those mistakes were so obviously blatant that I missed it all before made it easy to never look back again.
Enough of about David for now... there's plenty of him here at DiaLteG TM if to read... David DeAngelo – Intelligent, Dedicated, and Truthful
Alright - so you are talking with this girl who maybe assumed your birthday wish was your way of saying you wanted something more out of this.
She's just gone through 2 long-distance relationships and now she is avoiding going on a third BUT is still on a dating site which will likely lead to a third long-distance relationship.
She tells you her hearts someplace else - probably still hooked on her previous relationship.
First - telling her to stop playing childish games and act like an adult is NOT the best way to handle it.
Even if you think it's done in a humorous game.
What you're really saying to her is that...
"I really like you - you act like a child - yet I want an adult."
As strange as that sounds - I believe when you pass judgement on someone who you are in part courting or being somewhat intimate with THEY see it as a reason you're attracted to them.
If you were in fact truly attracted to her (in her mind) you're telling her it's the immaturity that you're attracted to because if you "wanted an adult" and she's not grown up enough for you, then why are you bothering?
Calling a woman on her bullshit is ONE thing but judging her is something entirely different.
When you call her on it you must be willing to walk away almost immediately because THAT shows her you're really not interested in those kind of games or you're not interested in dating someone that acts that way.
Judging her is simply making a statement that you feel she's less than you (in some way this way being mature) and doesn't require you to back it up.
This causes people to become defensive, insulted, and will search for a reason why you have no right to judge them.
I'm not entirely sure the order in which all this happened for you so you'll have to excuse my assumptions if they're off base a little.
I'll try to explain what I believe happened and why she pulled back...
Let's say I started chatting and things got a little heavy with a woman - whether she's here there or anywhere in between is not important.
I grow attached to her and wanted to do something nice for her birthday so I send something she misreads as liking her a little too much.
She tells me she's not ready for a long distant relationship and how she got hurt before.
That's her way of telling me - I'm NOT feeling the same way you are - you are ahead of me!
That's her way of saying - Sure you turn me on a little and it's great what we have - but I'm just NOT feeling it enough... yet.
When you CALLED her out on that response you basically told her, she SHOULD feel the same way about you - she's fooling yourself.
How it's not the long-distant thing.
How she's not telling you the truth.
She's playing a game.
She's STILL on a dating site and talking to you!
And the response she THEN gave you was clear:
"I like someone else better and THAT's the real problem or you felt a little too much, too quickly, and it scares me."
It wasn't an excuse.
She was being nice.
She was trying to spare your feelings.
She was avoiding rejecting you fully because for reasons I don't have privy to ( your actual interactions with her) she was in a different place than you and she related a simple birthday wish as meaning something.
Your intentions are not important.
Sure, they mean something to you which is great and all, but HOW they are taken often is something entirely different based on what she's read from you.
Chances are you got intimate too quickly and pushed it with her or things just happened - either way it doesn't matter - but that meant to you as a signal to move ahead too early and with the wrong move.
If you get the sexual tension thing going and get a woman hot and heavy early on she will ALWAYS have objections.
She will almost always feel like things are moving too quickly.
For that reason then... THAT is the time to back off BEFORE she puts her hand up because if you make the next step - which whether you intended it or not - like anything that says "relationship" before she's comfortable enough - too soon or too early you'll give her every reason to back away.
Imagine this scenario - You're kissing a woman and things are getting really heated up and she pulls back and says,
"Wow - this is all moving way too quick for me."
You can tell her it's okay and how she's strong enough to handle it.
You can assure her everything's going to be alright.
You then pull back a little and tease her on how flustered she is.
You can do those three things and I bet - she's going to love it and possibly want more.
BUT - if you plead with her - offer a consolation prize such as a relationship or the next step, or give her something to prove to her why it's okay - that's when you give her the reason to step back and reconsider everything and that's when she walks away.
If you TRY TO LOGICALLY deduce her reasons as being not being logical and therefore not correct, you're missing an important part of every female who walks the earth.
As David and many others have always stated...
Women are NOT logical and trying to use logic on them does not work:
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION - NEWS JUST IN: Women don’t feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
The lesson of all this is... early on - focus on building attraction and very little on romantic or friendly gestures which appear to be too friendly or a relationship thing.
Sometimes, very rarely, it does work but if she's not in the same place you are - or assumes it's a prelude to something else and she's not feeling it too, it will backfire.
Stating your opinion is one thing - calling her out is one thing too - as long as you're willing to walk away but you can NOT tell a woman what's wrong with her and expect her to want to stick around.
Even if it was in a funny way.
David taught me when you make a mistake - step back or go back to square one - create a memorable attraction.
That's the ONLY thing you can do.
It doesn't guarantee success but the other way usually guarantees failure.
Don't plead with her or assume you know what she's thinking or why she's acting a certain way or how she's fooling herself.
The only thing that should concern you - is making her FEEL something.
Let's face it - you WERE doing that and so next time...
Continue to do what's working because lots of women, especially the ones that are perfect for you - will give you every available sign and every available opportunity to take that next step when they're ready.
Thanks for writing in and I do hope you've taken what I jotted down "quickly" as a means to truly dive into David's material for even better results than you expected.