Why You’re Not Relationship or Boyfriend Material & How To Be That Guy

"Failing with Women Reason #11: You Have Way Too Many Bad Habits and Undesirable Traits Which Make You Not Relationship or Boyfriend Material – I Guess You’re Just Not That Type Of Guy."

Let's get real here: On one end, we ALL know women who (way too often) get into a relationship with the WRONG guy.

They go by chemistry and connection and it burns up quickly because they were clearly not meant to be together.

They're trying to fill some hole in their life and believe a relationship is the answer.

They believe a relationship will solve the many problems they have with themselves because logic predicts, IF I'm good enough for him, then I must be worth something.


They're looking to "change" or "fix" the guy.

However, on the other end:

Lots of women have VERY specific guidelines when it comes to letting a guy into their life long-term and they will NEVER end up with a guy who is bad for them or anyone.

They scrutinize men fiercely, they have a check-list and their emotions are NOT allowed to make the first or last call for them. Although, inevitably,  their hearts DO decide their relationship FATE.

The reality is:

You DO want the latter, that is...

The woman who doesn't so easily date and commit to the wrong guys, for the wrong reasons.

Thinking along those terms, let's assume in this post we're ONLY talking about the women who choose "wisely" and not the other.

This now means...

Women DO like you. You're failing for the reasons listed in the beginning:

They're not committing because you have too many bad habits and/or undesirable relationship traits which makes you not a boyfriend/husband type of guy.

When you interact with a woman long enough for her to get a realistic read on you, she'll begin to only see you as one of these types of guys:

  • A Lover - You're great at fulfilling their sexual desires but lack the traits or skills necessary to move forward to a relationship. When done right, she'll let you decide where things go and when done even better, some women will chase you. Casual sex is an option.
  • A Provider - You're the commitment type. She'll expect you to pursue and romance her. She may withhold sex for a while. She'll look for stability and support from you. Casual sex is rarely an option. There also may be very little attraction and chemistry.
  • A Friend or acquaintance - She's not interested or attracted at all. There's nothing sexual going on and chances are, there will never be anything more to come from it.
  • Just Some Dude she sees once in a while who may or may not make their way into her life, if he actually does something about it. She's on the fence, undecided. This type is on the list because women fantasize about men who are "on their radar" but have yet to reveal anything more. (Basically here for guys who overthink too much.)

I learned the first two from David DeAngelo which was revealed his Advanced Dating Series:

“Lovers are pursued.

Providers do the pursuing.

If she sees you as a provider, a woman will withhold sex, play hard to get, and test you to see how good of a provider you’ll be.

If she sees you as a lover and gets physically involved with you very quickly, then YOU will be in control, and you can choose where the relationship is going.”

Taken directly From Advanced Dating Techniques workbook on page 38.

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Simple Steps To Create Chemistry And Attraction

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In reality, ALL women want a little of everything listed above from a guy and yes, that even includes the last one as they eagerly look forward to the now-probably forgotten phrase, "meet cute".

They want to be swept off their feet, loved unconditionally of course , enjoy great sex, and feel stable being with you... and they also want a friend too.

All other things aside, the best advice for guys who are looking for it all too...

You want women to see you as a LOVER first!

Except you must be very careful because the skills you use to BE that guy  are different than the ones you'll use to lead her into a committed relationship with her.

More on that later...

Why Women Don't See You As A Relationship Type Of Guy - Why You're Not Considered Husband or Boyfriend Material.

You're too unreliable.

With the right skill-set, getting laid may not be a problem, but to be seen as "relationship-material", RELIABILITY is very important.

Relationships require BOTH partners to rely on each other for support, intimacy, chores, etc... and there's no way around this one.

She wants to know she can count on you for many things and if your habits or traits are proving to her you're unreliable, she just won't risk getting in a relationship with you.

You're too unpredictable.

Generally speaking, attraction comes from something I coined as "Un-predictable predictive actions" which I cover in-depth here:

"When you know something or someone is a mystery, the actions may not be predictable, but the person, in a strange way is totally predictable.

She knows he's going to be a challenge.

She can predict that therefore this engages or triggers her to want and need to know or get more from him.

What she can not predict is how, when, or what she can get out of him. That's the mysterious part."

7 Reasons Why Women Like A Quiet and Mysterious Man Plus How To Be Him

All that is good for attraction but it can get confused or messed up when transferred over to a relationship therefore...

You must be predictable in many "relationship related" ways because women want to know what they can expect from you as your girlfriend or wife.

You're a little too dangerous.

Women do fall for guys who live on edge, mentally and physically, however women (the type you want), will always hesitate or think twice before they'll get deeply involved with a guy whose livelihood is threatened constantly.

The future Father of her children and the entire family will depend on you and if you're living an overly dangerous lifestyle, you may not be around long enough to raise the family.

This unfortunately can include career choices such as police officer, military, and firefighters.

You appear or actually are uncaring towards others. You're lacking empathy.

Having many emphatic traits are always a good that someone can perform well as a partner.

It shows you can care for her and the children too above and beyond just being there because it incudes nurturing.

If women are turning you down or overlooking any sort of commitment from you, definitely look into the area of empathy because it could be hurting your chances.

Having little or no real long-term goals in life.

The way in which you communicate your goals and passions in life to women can create enormous amounts of instant attraction, this also applies to being seen someone she'd like to settle down with now or later.

If you're lacking a plan, you will fail more than succeed with women for long-term consideration.

They don't have to be overly big... they just have to be there.

Show women you think about these things and are least "trying" to put a future in place and that you plan on reaching your goals one day.

Not knowing or caring about what you’re looking for in a woman.

Ambiguity doesn't work long-term. A woman wants to know what you're looking and that she could be that woman.

She also wants to feel special to you and unique to herself and to you too.

If you're vague or unclear yourself, it become extremely difficult to transition to a relationship with because she'll feel unimportant.

She'll also might think you're settling for her.

BE specific, figure it all out, and convey to her you're a man who doesn't settle easily and when she gets that from you, this problem goes away.

Now knowing what you’re looking to get out of life.

Long-term goals are one thing but they typically are perceived as substances like money, career, and family.

This one is more spiritual and emotional and shows women you're a great candidate for a relationship because together, your lives can become a journey always moving towards happiness and enlightenment.

Explore your inner self, emotionally and spiritually. Let her know about it attractively so lacking this won't stop her from committing to you.

Lacking a passion and desire to help those around you.

Your reasons here can mean everything in this one so be careful. Giving to others for your own selfish gain or just to prove yourself to others is not as accepted and can will hurt your chances.

Not being someone who at least tries to help others in any way you can, can and will stop lots of women from wanting to get involved with you.

So - do it because you have a gift, some time, and you have a desire to give back what you receive and a general feeling that since you are a part of a society, everyone must contribute to the betterment of it.

Having very little security or stability in your life.

This one is not so big if you just want to sleep around but matters heavily because it is a sign of someone who is ready, willing, and capable of succeeding in a long-term relationship.

Security or stability doesn't always have to mean money or career. There are many ways to achieve this one so don't think just because you're not well-off or rich, you're not relationship material.

It can mean family life and a strong supporting social circle and nothing more.

Refusing to do what’s necessary to get the job done.

If women are not all too happy to commit to you, it could easily mean YOU are not doing what is necessary to prove your leadership or to actually lead her in the right direction towards a relationship.

If you're refusing to learn leadership skills then you're missing something BIG.

Women are far more likely to enter a relationship when the man takes charge, doesn't always have an excuse, and LEADS her where he thinks BOTH of you can make a better life together.

You can read more about that here:

The Reality Behind A Woman's Attraction To You

Moving on...

That just about covers the list for today.

I'm sure I missed a few so if you want the entire list, a list than not only can get you seen as relationship material but also makes you more attractive and sexy to woman, go through this:

26 Traits Women Find Sexy – How To Become A Sexual Guy Despite Your Looks

Many of the traits which make you sexy also makes you the type of guy women love to get together with for a long-term relationship.

How you convey or communicate those traits, as a LOVER, PROVIDER, or FRIEND will lead you in the direction of a relationship.

This is yet another reason you should opt for being seen as a lover first as noted above.

If it's not obvious by now, if you find yourself on the list above a little too much, CHANGE needs to happen as quickly as possible or a great woman may not ever see you a candidate for a relationship with her.

You must also learn how to step through and lead her to that relationship.

The Final Step Of Getting A Girlfriend – Forming Natural Relationships

The conclusion...

You might not be "that" type of guy BUT since you're looking for a woman who doesn't just get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with all the wrong guys, then this problem is totally FIXABLE.

Keep in mind what was written above:

ALL women want a little of all three traits from a guy.

They want to be swept off their feet and everything that goes along with it.

They definitely want a LOVER too so don't ignore that part and focus too much of being seen as a provider.

The want to know they can be loved unconditionally.

They want a guy who is reliable, predictable in the right ways, and a guy who has goals and an optimistic long-term plan.

They also want a good friend too. Someone they can feel close enough to spend their entire lives together along with a reasonable and fun social life friends often share together.

They're also looking for a man who is just as capable of giving as he is receiving.


They want a guy who can COMMUNICATE the right relationship skills from the very beginning and has the ability to do it in an attractive way.

Which means - getting laid, one-night-stands, occasional short-term girlfriends, requires one set of skills which are not always transferable over to the conveyance of relationships skills.

You CAN have them all. You CAN learn them all.

You CAN eliminate this problem and any failures you have with women.

Start today by reading through everything I gave you and you'll be propelled forward.

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You’re not investing in some lame-ass phone or a huge television that needs to be changed or replaced every few years.

This is YOUR LIFE!

Do with it what you can and take full advantage of every opportunity when it comes your way because the guy who does that...

Is exactly the type guy a woman wants to be in a relationship with women know just how hard to find and rare he is... you're certain to stand out above all other men.

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About the Expert: Peter White – Dating and Attraction Expert. Creator of DiaLteG™. (dial – teg) Thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to teach you a little something about women.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Mistakes – Knowing What They Are & Finding Out How To Fix Them Easily, What Women Want From Men, Types, Preferences, Traits, & Sexual Desires

Leave a Comment

5 comments… add one
  • Arthur

    Hi Pete – let me ask you a couple of questions: what actually happens to guys who literally never approach women or ask them out? Are they doomed to be alone forever?

    • Hi Arthur – Based on my experience, approaching women in most ways is not necessary. There are so many ways to meet women (minus the internet approach) without ever having to suck in your gut and cold approach a woman AND you can still succeed.

      With enough effort you can actually get them to come to you but of course, this requires a lifestyle change most men will never do it or want to do it ; no blame there, it’s just a little more work and can easily force something not naturally to most. As in bouncer, bartender, musician, actor, you tube personality, etc… you get the picture.

      However, asking them out (directly or indirectly) is part of the deal. Not entirely necessary to be direct, you can make sure you’re in the same place at the same time but eventually, you must lead her somewhere to get to know each other more – which is typically a private place.

      So… asking them out is not mandatory but LEADING is – the difference is one asks for traditional dates and such and the others require more imagination, techniques, and conversational skills to achieve – which is the way I went in my life.. NO dates, no approach, no asking, just LEADING, and the rest took care of itself as far as meeting up comes into play.

      Therefore… NOPE – a Man is not doomed to be alone forever. It’s not required to go on “real” dates, to approach women, to ask them out, to be successful at all IF and ONLY IF you learn how to lead and MAKE things happen OR you set up your life where women come to you.

      Great question Arthur!!!

      Loved answering it.

      Thank you,

      • Arthur

        What does ‘leading’ mean in this case?

        • Leading here simply means two things, ONE – escalating towards being physical at the right time, and creating moments where something is more likely to happen naturally. TWO – leading your life and INVITING a woman to join you in that life, whatever that may be, but typically it’s doing fun stuff and the thing you enjoy doing.

        • Arthur

          I have #2 down – I do lots of fun stuff and invite women to join me (and sometimes they do) – but don’t escalate because I see no point. No woman could want me sexually when she has other guys to pick from.