Why You’re Not Relationship or Boyfriend Material & How To Be That Guy

"Failing with Women Reason #11: You Showed Too Many Bad Habits Which Made You Not Relationship or Boyfriend Material – You’re just Not THAT Type Of Guy."

Let's get REAL here: On one end – we ALL know women much too often get into relationships with the WRONG guy.

They go by chemistry and connection only, OR they’re looking for fill a hole in their life and think a relationship will solve their problems with themselves, OR - they WANT to believe he can be changed, fixed, etc...

However, on the other end:

Lots of women have VERY specific guidelines when it comes to letting a guy into their life long-term, and they will NEVER end up with a guy who is bad for them or anyone.

They scrutinize men fiercely, they have a check-list and their emotions are NOT allowed to make the first or last call for them. Although, inevitably - their hearts DO decide their relationship FATE.

The reality is:

You DO want the latter, that is, a woman who isn't so easily bent on the WRONG guys.

Thinking along those terms, let's assume from this letter or words onward, we're talking about the latter and not the other, because if you DO want a woman like that, one who always ends up with a bad guy - trust, it's not that difficult at all and you know it!

It's a very safe bet that women, now or later, IF they're not committing to you, it's because you're NOT being deemed as a boyfriend/husband type, or as they would say relationship material.

Let's start with something you might not know...

When a woman meets you and you interact with her long enough, she’ll see you as one of a few types:

  • A Lover - Intimacy first, maybe relationship after.
  • A Provider - Commitment type, maybe sex later.
  • A Friend or acquaintance - no sex, not attracted or interested in you.
  • Just some dude she sees once in a while who may or may not make their way into her life, IF he actually does something about it.

That's a little something I learned from the immortal words of David DeAngelo in his absolutely amazing Advanced Dating Series:

“Lovers are pursued.

Providers do the pursuing.

If she sees you as a provider, a woman will withhold sex, play hard to get, and test you to see how good of a provider you’ll be.

If she sees you as a lover and gets physically involved with you very quickly, then YOU will be in control, and you can choose where the relationship is going.”

Taken or borrowed or stolen DIRECTLY from Advanced Dating Techniques workbook page 38. Affiliated link.

You're either great at fulfilling their sexual desires but lack the traits or skills necessary to move to a relationship, they see you as a commitment type but there's not much more to it like attraction and chemistry so it never goes anywhere, OR you're just a non-sexual friend who is not ever going to get anywhere with her.

In reality ALL women want a little of all three traits from a guy. They want to be swept off their feet, loved unconditionally, feel stability with you, and they also want a friend too.

Which means it's best to be seen as a lover first, then while you become closer and more friendly, your traits of being a provider will be seen.

EXCEPT - you have to be VERY careful with the lover part because the same skills that can get her in bed or attract her are not always the same used to get in a relationship with her.

Here are some of the things that make you NON-RELATIONSHIP or BOYFRIEND MATERIAL to women and how they may or may not relate to being a lover:

Being too unreliable.

With the right skill-set, getting laid may not be a problem, but to be seen as "relationship-material" - RELIABILITY is very important.

Relationships require BOTH partners to rely on each other for support, intimacy, chores, etc... and there's no way around this one.

Being way too unpredictable.

Generally, attraction comes from something that is known as "Un-predictable predictive actions" which I cover in-depth here: 7 Reasons Why Women Like A Quiet and Mysterious Man Plus How To Be Him ... but when it comes to a woman wanting to get into a relationship with a guy - you MUST be a little predictable to show her what she can expect from you as your girlfriend or wife.

Being a little too dangerous.

Women do fall for guys who live on edge, mentally and physically, however women (the type you want) will always hesitate or think more BEFORE they'll get deeply involved with a guy whose livelihood is threatened constantly.

Appearing or actually being uncaring towards others.

Emphatic traits from a man do relate to being a great candidate for a relationship. They may not matter to much if she just wants to get laid (somewhat) BUT - if you're borderline narcissistic or always showing you don't think about others in your life - she may NEVER want to commit to you.

Having little or no REAL long-term GOALS in life.

The way in which you communicate your goals and passions in life to women can create enormous amounts of instant attraction, this also applies to being seen someone she'd like to settle down with now or later.

If you're lacking a PLAN, you will fail more than succeed in both area: Sex and commitment.

Not knowing or caring about what you’re looking for in a woman.

Ambiguity doesn't work long-term. A woman wants to know and feel special to you. If you're vague or unclear yourself, it become extremely difficult to transition to a relationship with because she'll feel unimportant. She'll also think you're settling for her.

BE specific, figure it all out, and convey to her you're a man who doesn't settle and has choices, and when she gets that from you - THIS problem goes away because she'll know without a doubt you want HER.

Now knowing what you’re looking to get out of life.

Long-term goals are one thing but they typically are perceived as substances like money, career, and family. This one is more spiritual and emotional and shows women you're a great candidate for a relationship because together, your lives can become a journey always moving towards happiness and enlightenment.

Explore your inner self, emotionally and spiritually. Let her know about it attractively so lacking this won't stop her from committing to you.

Lacking a passion and desire to help those around you.

Reasons mean everything in this one - giving to others for selfish gain or just to prove yourself to others is not as accepted and can hurt your chances, BUT not being someone who at least tries to help others in any way you can, can and will stop lots of women from wanting to get involved with you.

So - do it because you have a gift, some time, and you have a desire to give back what you receive and a general feeling that since you are a part of a society, everyone must contribute to the betterment of it.

Having very little security or stability in your life.

This one is not so big if you just want to sleep around BUT matters heavily because it IS a sign of someone who is ready, willing, and capable of succeeding in a long-term relationship.

Security or stability doesn't always have to mean money or career. There are many ways to achieve this one so don't think just because you're not well-off or rich, you're not relationship material.

It can mean family life and a strong supporting social circle and nothing more.

Refusing to do what’s necessary to get the JOB done.

If women are not all too happy to commit to you, it could easily mean YOU are not doing what is necessary to prove your leadership or to actually lead her in the right direction towards a relationship.

If you're refusing to learn leadership skills then you're missing something BIG. Women are far more likely to enter a relationship when the man takes charge, doesn't always have an excuse, and LEADS her where he thinks BOTH of you can make a better life together.

Moving on...

I'm sure I missed a few so if you want the entire list, a list than not only can get you seen as relationship material BUT also makes you more attractive and sexy to woman, go through my getting a hot girlfriend step 6:

26 Traits Women Find Sexy – How To Become A Sexual Guy Despite Your Looks

Many of the traits which make you sexy to women also assure you're the type of guy she's love get together with you, long term.

Then - how you convey or communicate them, as a LOVER, PROVIDER, or FRIEND will lead you in the direction of a relationship or whatever you want from her.

If it's not obvious - if you find yourself portraying or being on the list above, CHANGE needs to happen as quickly as possible.

THEN - you must learn how to step through and LEAD her to that relationship with you, which (surprise surprise!) in covered in the last step of my getting a girlfriend book:

The Final Step Of Getting A Girlfriend – Forming Natural Relationships

The conclusion...

You might not be "that" type of guy BUT since you're looking for a woman who doesn't just get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, with all the wrong guys, then this problem is totally FIXABLE.

AND you must admit that you're having attraction problems, meaning you're already well on your way to becoming boyfriend or even husband material.

Keep in mind what was written above:

ALL women want a little of all three traits from a guy. They want to be swept off their feet with sexual chemistry and everything that goes along with it - they want a LOVER.

The want to know they can be loved unconditionally - they want a guy who is reliable, predictable in the right ways, and a guy who has goals and an optimistic plan long-term.... they want a genuinely real PROVIDER.

They also want a friend too - someone they can feel close enough to spend their entire lives together, AND has a social life that can prove reliable, trustworthy friendships with other, and a desire to give back and is capable of receiving too.

MOST of all - they want a guy who can COMMUNICATE the right relationship skills from the beginning and has the ability to do it in an attractive way.

Which means - getting laid, one-night-stands, occasional short-term girlfriends, requires one set of skills which are not always transferable over to the conveyance of relationships skills.

You CAN have them all. You CAN learn them all.

You CAN eliminate this problem and any failures you have with women.

Start today by reading through everything I gave, follow the links, go to work, and you'll be propelled forward.

IF you're looking for the WHOLE package, kind of like those high-quality awesome women are looking for from a guy, from your DREAM WOMAN, to find her, attract her, and enjoy an amazing relationship...

Then it's time you give this MORE than just a quick peek:

Click Here For Every Technique You Need To Find (And Keep) The Relationship Of Your Dreams With the Perfect Women For You - Love The Final Chapter

Yes – it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a process. Yes, it's my personal affiliate link.

But ask yourself is it worth your time and money?


You’re not investing in some phone or television that needs to be changed every few years OR into something will break if you drop it.

This is YOUR LIFE – do with it what you can and take full advantage of every opportunity when it comes your way, because the guy that does that - is exactly THE guy who gets the girl... always!

As the saying goes, "It's a gift to yourself that will keep giving for the rest of your life."

Enjoy your success!

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Stop wasting time with women who only will EVER want to be your friend!


Dave here (…) I never put it use in my social life probably because I was raised to believe only “sluts” want sex and who wants a slut, right? Right now she is looking pretty good. LOL (…)  making me feel better about many things I just wanted to say I am glad I accidentally ran across your site and to say Thank You and keep up the good work. 

Thank You again your awesome and your teachings are also, Dave Allen

About the author: Peter White – I know a few things about life, dating, attraction, & relationships. It feels great to share & also helps pay some bills. Get in touch, become a member, and hope you get something useful out of it all.

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The article is posted in these Categories: Mistakes – Knowing What They Are & Finding Out How To Fix Them Easily, What Women Want From Men, Types, Preferences, Traits, & Sexual Desires

Leave a Comment

5 comments… add one
  • Arthur

    Hi Pete – let me ask you a couple of questions: what actually happens to guys who literally never approach women or ask them out? Are they doomed to be alone forever?

    • Hi Arthur – Based on my experience, approaching women in most ways is not necessary. There are so many ways to meet women (minus the internet approach) without ever having to suck in your gut and cold approach a woman AND you can still succeed.

      With enough effort you can actually get them to come to you but of course, this requires a lifestyle change most men will never do it or want to do it ; no blame there, it’s just a little more work and can easily force something not naturally to most. As in bouncer, bartender, musician, actor, you tube personality, etc… you get the picture.

      However, asking them out (directly or indirectly) is part of the deal. Not entirely necessary to be direct, you can make sure you’re in the same place at the same time but eventually, you must lead her somewhere to get to know each other more – which is typically a private place.

      So… asking them out is not mandatory but LEADING is – the difference is one asks for traditional dates and such and the others require more imagination, techniques, and conversational skills to achieve – which is the way I went in my life.. NO dates, no approach, no asking, just LEADING, and the rest took care of itself as far as meeting up comes into play.

      Therefore… NOPE – a Man is not doomed to be alone forever. It’s not required to go on “real” dates, to approach women, to ask them out, to be successful at all IF and ONLY IF you learn how to lead and MAKE things happen OR you set up your life where women come to you.

      Great question Arthur!!!

      Loved answering it.

      Thank you,

      • Arthur

        What does ‘leading’ mean in this case?

        • Leading here simply means two things, ONE – escalating towards being physical at the right time, and creating moments where something is more likely to happen naturally. TWO – leading your life and INVITING a woman to join you in that life, whatever that may be, but typically it’s doing fun stuff and the thing you enjoy doing.

        • Arthur

          I have #2 down – I do lots of fun stuff and invite women to join me (and sometimes they do) – but don’t escalate because I see no point. No woman could want me sexually when she has other guys to pick from.