T here is no doubt in my mind that women CAN find themselves loving a man secretly… But can she secretly love a guy she put in the friend’s zone? That answer will bring up a few more issues which must be dealt with first.
The friends zone is a place which is quite different when in dating, attraction, and love because it typically implies the guy is in love with the girl, and the girl has no romantic or sexual feelings for him.
So in order to answer this question fully, you, as a guy, must understand that if you feel a woman loves you secretly and that’s why she put you in the friends zone, OR if you trying to figure out if she’s hiding her attraction for you, then chances are…
She’s NOT secretly in love with you. Otherwise you’d be someplace else which is not the friends zone.
However – there are plenty of circumstances or situations where a woman will hide her love for her a guy and we’re going to explore them below. It’s rare but some women will put a love interest in the friend’s zone for reasons which go beyond the, “I have no sexual feelings for him at all.”
Keeping it a secret is something different though and we’ll get into that part of it after.
She may not be ready for a relationship.
Women who put their career ahead of everything else in their life often put men in the friend’s zone because they don’t have time for a relationship. (Although they might re-think it all when the right guy comes along.)
She puts men in the friend’s zone that are strictly relationship material while enjoying casual sex with partners who are not. She’ll hook up with guys just because she assumes they’re not going to get clingy, needy, or they’re commitment phones.
They might good enough in bed (to satisfy her sexual needs) but are NOT marriage or relationship material. Sometimes this is conscious. Sometimes it’s not.
She may not love herself enough.
This type of woman often ends up in short-term destructive relationships. She doesn’t love herself enough to feel someone else could love her back. She always questioning herself and why someone else might like her so much.
She ends up opening up to men who will prove this to her. She will then put men who show her the most real affection into the friend’s zone and avoid looking deeper into it.
She may even think, “If he loves me – then what’s wrong with him.”
Her self-esteem and past experiences with men will play a big role in her dating and relationship life causing her to friend guys when she doesn’t feel good enough for them.
She’s not in touch with her feelings or better yet, how to act on them AND she claims she struggles reading men.
This type of woman often misreads many clues or hints a man gives that he wants for more than just a friendship.
She unknowingly puts him on the friend’s zone because she actually believes he doesn’t like her that way.
When we wait too long without advancing or showing we’re even remotely interested in more she’ll do it to possibly spare the heartache or assume we don’t like her back.
Waiting too long and entering the friendship can easily lead us to become such good friends with her – she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship you’ve created.
Often at this point though, she’s feeling little or no attraction at all making it even easier on her to choose “just friends”.
Is every woman mentioned above keeping a secret?
Of course not…
But to a guy who doesn’t understand women and attraction it just feels like she’s keeping a secret.
- Case 1 – She’s not attracted to you but since you’ve made a connection with her you think she’s hiding it and is secretly in love with you – but she’s not.
- Case 2 – She won’t allow herself to date a guy who is only relationship material. No secret there. She just refuses to hook up with guys who would be a good boyfriend.
- Case 3 – She’s not allowing better men in her life and that’s not really secret. Her self-destructive relationship habits are causing it.
- Case 4 – She missed the signs, we didn’t act on time, so the attraction went away and was replaced by strict comfort. It wasn’t a secret to her in the beginning but since the guy didn’t do anything, she threw him in the friends zone when the attraction for him went away. Anyone from the outside could see it happen so it wasn’t really a secret love.
Now for the secret stuff… when a woman will friend a guy and keep her love a real secret.
Keeping in mind this is normally not friends zone stuff. She might just happen to be friends with him through another or by chance. However she might keep her friend close (deeming it the friends zone), probably too close… just in case and because she’s actually in love with him.
The #1 reason a WOMAN will do this:
He’s married or in a committed relationship with another woman, possibly even her girlfriend.
She loves him without any doubt in her mind. He’s all she can think about. She may never reveal her secret to anyone, anywhere, or at any time but it’s there.
What makes it deeper and harder for her to get over is her secret is never revealed. The relationship is never played out and the mystery of what if remains strong causing her to fall even more deeply in love with him.
Add over-thinking and what if’s and you create a borderline obsession over her married or committed friend. I’ve seen it happen many times.
She’ll even wonder – if he’s doing this because of me. Is he happy with her? What if they break up? Why is he…..?
If you’re asking this question – Can She Secretly Be In Love With Me? AND you’re seeing someone, married, possibly a live-in girlfriend and all the signs are there, then there’s more than a great chance she has feelings for you.
The last reason is only for the younger crowd…
Lots of younger girls will find themselves falling for a friend and keeping it a secret. Normally because they’re not sure if he likes her back. They’re not experienced enough yet to do something about it.
They may hide the secret for a while until it goes away.
Granted, it’s rare but it happens.
When you include “younger” people, high-schoolers, even first or second year college students, you’ll find these things happen more often than they will for an older crowd because of the lack of experience OR because she hasn’t fully grown into herself and may not have fully developed a high self-esteem.
And since… boys will be boys… they might be clueless that their friend of a friend or some chic’s been checking him out all along.
Let’s end this with a piece of real advice because I’m worried guys are coming to this post thinking their friend is secretly hiding a crush or love for them. And knowing what I know and experienced about being in the friends zone – bad news here…
That girl you think is secretly in love with you is more than likely not feeling anything for you at all.
Yeah, I know that sucks to hear but it’s good to know because it needs to be handled immediately before you get trapped into the same old shit which took way too many years off my dating life.
Ask yourself and try to answer objectively by looking for all the clues you’ll find written here –> How to Tell If A Woman Is Interested In You. It’s one of the best I’ve found and so posted it up for us.
Make sure you also go through this one: Is She Interested in You? Is She Attracted You? How Can You Tell? to help us out. It will explore this attraction or secrecy problem from many points of view and is intended for “habitual” friend zoned guys.
If you need to know why girls put guys in the friends zone (when it’s not a secret love thing as mentioned in the article) then that’s a good thing because knowing will help you avoid it next time.
Got you covered:
- Reasons Why Women Put You In The Friends Zone (1-12)
- Reasons Why Women Put You In The Friends Zone (13-28)
- Reasons Why Women Put You In The Friends Zone (29-32)
- Reasons Why Women Put You In The Friends Zone (33-36)
- 5 Signs You’re In The Friend’s Zone
- Does She Really Like Us? Signs That She Has Put Us In Her Friends Zone