A friend of mine texted me explaining how she had been baking in the sun all day. Probably several different ways too if you know what I mean.
She was stuck in the middle of nowhere because a truck broke down. She also didn’t fail to mention how great of a person she is… yeah she’s a bit cocky to say the least.
Now normally she’s talking herself up because she “thinks” she’s so cool but this time it was for a different reason. She wanted a pat on the back because she told me happily how she hasn’t bitched at all the entire day.
She then explains to me it was because she really likes this guy and doesn’t care whether the truck gets fixed or not. Thie break down is allowing them to spend all day together and how she can’t get enough of this “real man”.
What was it about this “real man” she liked so much?
First let me explain how I thought I could “get a girl” by doing everything in my power to never piss them off. How inside I’d actually get embarrassed if something went wrong. Like it would ruin my chances with her.
Everything I did or said centered around trying to say the right thing. Always trying to do the right thing. It became MY job to make sure nothing would upset her in any way.
When we were out I was there to defend her honor because I believed it would set me apart from the guy I thought she needed to be sheltered from. You know the guy who randomly shows up busting her ass or being downright rude to women.
Without fail my defensive actions were always followed by a mild depression because the same women I thought I needed to defend somehow ended actually dating and sleeping with the very same guys I was trying to defend them against.
And it sucked because I was very clear – I WAS the nice guy, not him!
It never occurred to me that being nice (in that way) meant not being real. It meant treating her like she was the inferior sex who needed defending. How my actions only showed her that I thought she wasn’t strong enough to handle guys like that or life in general.
The big kicker of it all was that I was attempting to spare her something so important to attraction that without it, I was destined to be alone.
Women want or need (call it whatever you like) to FEEL something. Sometimes even anything. Emotions must be stirred and it must be directed towards the guy.
Good or bad, women live by their feelings. They also thrive on explaining those feelings to other people.
Whether or not they do it just to get it off their chest or are looking for validation doesn’t really matter. It often solidifies it in their mind. They remember it clearly and then they remember the feelings associated with it.
You can be nice to women. You can defend her against harm and make her feel safe in your arms. You can treat her with absolute respect without fear of losing her to some other guy…
But you must be real and genuine if you want it to work. There can be no hidden agenda of being nice.
This is so important that women have developed some serious tests just to see how real you are and they will use them without fail. And they will always question your sincerity or intentions if you try to hide your realness especially in the are of sexual advancement.
If you’re found out early to be playing a role by not being real with her she will rule you out as being anything close to “boyfriend” material.
Being overly nice or defending her from trivial events in which she should know how to handle herself and wants to handle on her own actually destroys any feelings of attraction. Take from a guy who did it so well. We end up blending into the background noise of every nice guy who kissed her ass just to get something from her.
You want women to question your interest. This is a good challenge but you don’t want them to question your sincerity or your realness as a man.
The friend who texted me fell hard for this guy and when things went seriously wrong he could’ve easily ended up kissing her ass and making her comfortable and assuming she couldn’t handle baking in the sun all day… but he didn’t and that made her fall for him even more.
It was even enough to stop her from bitching to him about not having reliable transportation. And trust me if you know her – this “not bitching” thing means a lot. 🙂
He went with it. He made light of the situation. He handled it without worrying she was never going to see him again just because of some random bad luck.
Being real with women in the attractive sense is about having the balls to be yourself if that self is not always about getting something from her.
Being genuinely attractive always comes from allowing women to make their own decisions, make their own mistakes, allowing her to stand on her own during trivial events which are generally harmless.
If you feel like you’re a guy who is always trying to please women and it’s getting you nowhere I can guarantee you it’s not going to change by itself. You must do something about it. You must add a little edge to your life in how you deal with women personally.
You must be willing be this real genuine guy women fall for all the time.
Trying to please women gets you nowhere because that’s not what they want.
They want a man who “pleases” women because of who they are. Their character. Their masculinity. How they lead their lives and how they live it too. That alone pleases women without having to try.