The first two parts of my online dating series covered some basics to increase your success and help you develop a clever headline.
The third part is here to help you write a profile women will WANT to read.
You’re going to learn:
- What your profile should say.
- How you should say it.
- What to avoid when writing it or the common mistakes too many guys make.
The first rule to follow is…
Do not try so hard!
One of the many things I learned from David DeAngelo’s Meeting Women Online was to study lots of other men’s profiles and the one consistent thing I noticed is was how desperate so many of them sounded.
I couldn’t understand how I could see it and so assumed women could too, but the guy writing it didn’t seem to have a clue… That is until I thought back at my old failing profiles and realized I did the same thing.
This is because we were trying way too hard to be liked and to say all the right things. We wanted to avoid our past failed relationships and start something wonderful and this only appeared desperate and needy
So please remember this hard rule:
Don’t try so hard!
I’m not telling you to put absolutely no effort into it. I’m saying when you force something it becomes less appealing.
Now if you’re asking “How do you NOT try so hard?” the answer is quite simple and elegant…
Focus on taking a small part of the most exciting thing about you and put it into a very simple story in as few active words as you can.
When you focus on trying to write something for a woman you don’t even know, you’re going to try much too hard to get her to like you.
Your profile must be about you.
Again as covered in the first part, it must talk TO women and not WITH them.
If you’re worried about looking arrogant and self-centered I’m going to tell you something you’re not going to hear often. Normally being self-centered or having an arrogant attitude is not usually attractive, it will always be more attractive than desperation and neediness.
Do not go taking that statement for more than it’s worth because all I’m saying it’s better to be a little self-centered than it is to be needy.
Let’s put all this into a simple list you can follow easily.
1. Your profile must be about you in the present and a little about what your plans are for the future.
Avoid talking about what you’ve done or your past relationships. An example to avoid would be,
BAD: “I’ve traveled the world and now I’m looking to finally settle down.”
GOOD: “The world is such a cool place to live in. There’s always something new and exciting to explore. Suggest a place you want to go and just maybe I’ll tell you a little about it.”
2. Keep what you’re looking for in a woman as short as possible and be a little vague about it.
The problem is women will tend to rule themselves out as a possible love-interest in your life.
There’s nothing wrong with making sure you are not getting messages from women you would never date BUT if you’re too specific you’ll find women will have trouble fitting themselves into your life.
You can see the difference in Carlos Xuma’s short article: Writing an Online Personal Ad. You’ll find some amazing clever tricks there too.
3. Engage her just enough to want to know more. Do NOT give away too much personal information.
Inject your personality into your profile and avoid useless facts which allow her to paint the perfect picture of you.
You’ll want her to “fill in the blanks” herself. She’ll be more likely to feel attracted to you IF she’s allowed to “dream” about you.
4. Make sure it’s about something which excites you. Show some passion.
Put it into a simple story by using active words.
Active words describes actions and not facts.
A good example would be, “I own a bicycle.” Which is a factual statement and wrong.
BETTER: “On Fridays I ride my bike to work because the ride home energizes me for the upcoming weekend.” That is an active sentence.
The formula is simple. Write down as many factual statements about yourself and turn them into active sentences. It’s just good old effective writing techniques.
5. Opt for a little too short rather than long.
If it runs on and on not only are you more likely to make it boring, it’s highly doubtful anyone is going to read the entire thing.
People tend to scan for the good parts.
If it’s short enough the woman reading it won’t have to scan and it be appear that much more effective.
6. Avoid run on sentences which might be filled with useless facts about you.
You’ll want to stay away from things like, “I like to do this and that and… Blah blah blah….”
Remember short active sentences work best.
BAD: “On the weekends I like to hang out with my family and friends and sometimes we go to the movies or play some golf or check out a concert if a decent group is in town.”
GOOD: “Friends and family are the real spice of life!
7. Avoid asking for a date or talking about the date. Women like to be qualified first.
It’s not, “I like to take my dates to dinner so we can get to know each other. If you decide to go out with me I’ll make sure we’ll have a good time.”
Qualify her first and see if there’s a real connection. This means ask the right questions so she’ll be happy to show you how perfect you might be for each other.
Then you exchange numbers… Then you set up a quick date.
There’s just no need to talk about that stuff in your profile AND it normally makes you look like you’ll date anyone who would have you.
8. Don’t talk about how you’re frustrated looking for a good woman or make excuses as to why you’re looking for a date online.
The truth is you ARE looking for a date online. You’re not looking for a best buddy.
You’re expanding your options.
There’s no need to even bring up the reasons why you’re online. If she has half a brain she’ll know why and she’s there for the same reasons.
9. Avoid talking about how perfect you think you would be for a woman or how you’d make a great boyfriend.
Overly nice guys do that all too often and it’s a big turn off.
No woman wants to hear how you think you’re better than any guy she’s dated and they definitely don’t want to hear about your negative opinions on others guys.
10. On the other side, do not put yourself down or fill it with things you don’t like about yourself.
It’s cool to be humble and to realize you’re not perfect but any kind of negativity will assure she’s going to hit the “next” button.
This may go without saying but avoid any whining, bitching, or complaining about yourself.
I saw it way too much. Maybe they didn’t know they doing it and if that’s the case, step back and look objectively at what you wrote.
Avoid talking about what you should avoid talking about on date unless it’s truly necessary.
This list includes Religion, Money, Politics, ex-wives or ex-girlfriends.
I would even say don’t talk about your job or career. Talking about your goals are much more effective.
No excuses. No complaining. No apologizing.
If it feels like you’re limited to what you can say then that’s a good thing because it’s true AND it will help to shorten the profile.
11. Use good writing skills to perfect your style.
Use the techniques I alluded to above and do this in order:
- Open a text file and just write.
- Show your passion.
- Turn facts abut yourself into active sentences.
- Keep it short and avoid giving away too much information.
- Sparingly add what you’re looking for. Be a little mysterious.
- Save it.
- Take a day off and come back to it.
- Narrow it down.
- Rewrite some of it.
- Proofread it and fix the errors.
- If you have a few narrowed down then publish one and see how it goes.
- Always re-write and change your profile because that’s keeps it fresh and up to date.
Follow the profile writing advice above, avoid as many common mistakes as you can and I do believe you’ll have the framework for success.
Remember to always message women first.
Expect if she likes the message she’ll glance at your pictures, read your headline ( so make it catchy ) and then it’s up to your profile to entice her enough to want to reply to your message.
So make sure it’s all consistent and congruent with who you are.
Writing your profile is probably the toughest part of online dating. Don’t get discouraged and just throw anything up. Practice it and eventually you’ll have a few powerful paragraphs to work with.
Make sure you read the entire online series to completely eliminate your frustration and give you a much better experience.
- Are You Frustrated With Your Online Dating Experience? No Messages – Part 1.
- How To Write A Headline That Gets Women Interested In Reading Your Profile – Part 2.
- Writing Messages to Women to Get Responses On Many Online Dating Sites – Part 4.
- How My Short Internet Story Can Change Your Dating Life Online – Plus A Lesson in Flirting – Part 5.